• Published 6th Jun 2012
  • 2,555 Views, 132 Comments

Her Life, In a Pan - ThatGirl2147



Transsexualism is not easy in this universe, and it's no easier in Equestria. Just ask Pan Sear.

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Chapter 10

Pan began to stir in his hospital bed as he woke up. His vision blurred as he tried to look about the room, but all he saw were shadows. He then began to focus on himself; he was sore all over and he felt different, namely smaller. “Ugh, what happened?” said he, covering his mouth with a hoof as he heard his own voice. “My.. my voice!” His voice was lighter, higher, and all around more feminine than he remembered.

“That’s not the least of it,” informed Doctor Stitch, relief in his baritone voice. His eyes clearly showed a lack of sleep. He then drew a sigh as he added, “we’re just glad you’re alive.” The other two doctors voiced their agreement at the statement.

“We are, too,” said Midnight Blue as she approached her friend. She put a hoof on Pan’s shoulder as she sincerely stated, “and, congratulations, Pan.”

Pan raised a brow at the congratulation. “Congratulations? Why?”

“Post-Operative Amnesia,” informed one of the doctors. “We expected that much. Just give her time; it’ll come to her.”

Midnight nodded. “Take your time, Sweetie,” said she as she stepped back to Berry Punch and Daisy Dreamer’s sides.

Pan slowly began to slide out of the bed and onto his hooves. He looked to his three friends, and a small makeup kit encased in a royal blue glow floated over to him. “Thanks.” Looking through the mirror, Pan saw his own face. However, his face was different; not only more feminine, but entirely female.

“Now do you understand the congrats, Pan?” asked the cyan mare, smugness in her tone.

Pan gasped. “I.. I.. I,” stuttered she, “I’m a mare?!” When everypony in the room nodded with smiles, the new mare fell to her haunches, tears welling in her eyes. She glanced downwards, and then returned her view to everypony else. “I.. I really am a mare.”

The six ponies trotted to Pan, and Berry Punch spoke. “A beautiful one, at that,” said she tenderly, embracing her friend tightly.

“Ow!” exclaimed Pan as she softly pushed Berry away. She felt a pain in her chest from the hug, and a quick glance at her chest revealed three grotesque, raised scars. She poked at them with her hoof, and they were painful to touch. “What are these?”

“Those are the scars from where you were previously stabbed,” informed Doctor Stitch, defeat in his tone as he added, “we did what we could, but when your body shrank slightly, the scars didn’t. We’re terribly sorry.”

Pan shrugged, wiping a couple tears from her face. “It’s okay,” assured she. “I can’t be too picky now, can I?”

Midnight sat down beside the green mare. “You know,” mused she, “I don’t think it’s all that bad; it makes you look tough, like me.” She then flexed her foreleg to punctuate her statement.

With a light giggle, Pan replied, “you’re right, Blue; scars are cool, anyway.”

“That’s the spirit, Pan!” said Daisy Dreamer as she entered the conversation. “And do you know what the perfect inauguration for a mare would be?” When Pan shrugged and bade the lavender unicorn continue, she answered, “being a bridesmaid!” She then produced an envelope from her saddlebag and gave it to Pan. “Midnight and Berry already got theirs.”

Pan nodded happily. “I’d love to, Daisy,” said she as she gave her lavender friend a hug, taking care not to cause herself pain. She then felt her stomach churn from hunger. “Say, said she to her friends, “what say you that we go get something to eat; I’m famished.”

The three doctors looked to each other to silently exchange thoughts, and Doctor Stitch gave a shrug as he answered, “if you’re good enough to walk, then you should be more than ready to have a quick bite. We honestly thought you’d be a lot weaker physically upon waking up.”

With the doctors’ permission, the four mares exited the room and headed for a restaurant to have lunch. “You know,” mused Pan, “I’ve been thinking; what about my name?”

“I don’t know,” replied Berry with a shrug, “what about your name?”

“Well,” answered the green mare, “I’ve been considering changing it.” When her three friends asked why, she clarified, “well, you see, a pony is permitted to change their name when they earn their Cutie Mark, and it doesn’t match their name.”

The mares nodded. “So, what does that have to do with you?”

“I’m getting to that,” said Pan with a wave of her hoof. “Well, if something as big as this changes about a pony, don’t you think they’d be entitled to a name change?”

“I think that’s a capital idea, My Little Pony,” answered Princess Celestia’s voice from behind the mares. They stopped in their tracks and turned to see the Princess herself, standing right with them. When they bowed, she rolled her eyes and said playfully, “why does everypony do that? I came here to check up on Pan, not issue a decree.”

“Terribly sorry, Your Majesty,” apologised Daisy as the ponies rose to their hooves.

The Princess shrugged. “Forgiven,” said she nonchalantly. “Anyway, what is it you’d like your name changed to, Pan?”

Pan leaned against a wall as she thought. “Well, I’m a cook; I sear fish and other foods for a living.” She visualised her work environment: the aroma of the kitchen, the sizzling sound of the grill, and how she cooked. “I’ve sautéed everything from albacore to zucchini.” She hissed as she pronounced the words, “Sauté Sizzle” repeatedly. “Yeah, I like Sauté Sizzle.”

Unanimously, the green mare’s friends agreed that they were fond of the chosen name. “Right, then,” answered the Princess, “I will see to it that everypony refers to you by your new name, Miss Sauté Sizzle.”

“You will?” questioned the green mare, cocking her head. “Really?”

The Princess smiled smugly and nodded her head. “Indeed, I will,” said she. “I do have a little bit of pull in the government; I think I could get the records changed.” With a wink, the Princess went on her way.

A week passed, and Pan, having legally changed her name to Sauté Sizzle, entered her apartment for the first time in weeks. Berry Punch had since returned to her home in Ponyville, so the green mare was by herself. “Oh, finally!” shouted she in triumph, “I didn’t think I’d miss this place so much!” She fell back on her sofa joyously and drew a heavy sigh of relief. She fell asleep on her sofa, and slept through the rest of the day and night.

When Sauté woke up, she took a survey of her surroundings, and herself. “Yep,” said she to herself, “it wasn’t a dream.” She stretched as she stood on her hooves. She then trotted to her record player and looked over her collection. “I wonder,” thought she aloud as she grabbed a record sleeve from the stack, placed it on her player, and dropped the needle.

Before the first track of the older, heavy metal record ended, Sauté began to sing along joyously and shamelessly. “I’ve been living on the edge of a broken heart! I don’t want to fall; I don’t want to crawl!” She pulled her hooves to her scarred chest as she matched the long, final note of the song to the best of her ability. She nearly jumped, however, when she heard applause from behind her.

“Bravo, Sweetie,” commended Daisy Dreamer as she slowly walked into her friend’s apartment. “You’ve got exceptional pipes.”

Sauté dug at the floor with her hoof, a heavy blush on her green face. “Oh, you heard that?” questioned she, certain of the answer. “Sorry.”

The lavender mare held up a hoof. “Don’t be sorry, Sizzly,” insisted she, “you sing wonderfully.”

“Thanks,” said Sauté sincerely as she shut off her record player. “What can I help you with, anyway, Daisy?”

With a shrug, Daisy replied, “not much; just thought I’d check on you before I head to work. By the way, Captain Salt will be expecting you at work at the normal time tomorrow.”

Sauté nodded. “I’ll be there. Have a nice day, Daisy.”

As the lavender unicorn departed, the green mare started to feel her stomach show signs of hunger. In response, she decided to cook herself breakfast. As she prepared her meal, a knock at the door interrupted her focus. “Who can it be now?” wondered she as she answered the knock. Her magenta eyes went wide as she saw her guest.

Over Cast’s red eyes were just as wide as Sauté’s when she looked over the mare before her. “P.. Pan?” stuttered she, aghast at the sight.

“Hello, Mom,” greeted Sauté, her tone somber.

Cast started to feel her eyes well with tears. “I.. I heard the rumours,” stammered she, stepping to her new daughter and wrapping her in a loving embrace. “But, I never thought I’d ever have such a beautiful daughter!”

The green mare couldn’t contain herself any longer; she sobbed with joy at her mother’s innate kindness. “Thanks, Mom,” thanked she sincerely. “That means more than you could imagine.”

When the pair ended the embrace, silence ensued for a few seconds, until Sauté nervously asked her mother. “So, is Dad on his way here?”

Over Cast shook her head. “He doesn’t even know I’m here. It’s for the best.” Both mares nodded in agreement. “Well, I guess I should get going.”

Sauté held up a hoof. “I wouldn’t dare send my own mother away without at least offering her a bite for breakfast.”

“No, thanks,” declined the faded blue pegasus humbly. “You enjoy your day, Pan.”

Sauté nodded. “You too, Mom,” replied she. As an afterthought, she told her mother, “by the way, I changed my name; It’s now Sauté Sizzle.”

As Over Cast exited the apartment, she smiled warmly and commented, “that’s a beautiful name for my beautiful daughter, Sauté.” With that, she left.

The next day, at a couple hours past midday, Sauté and Daisy Dreamer sat in the latter’s living space. “So,” began the lavender unicorn, “the wedding’s only a week away; have you got a dress for the occasion?”

The green mare nodded. “I stopped by a store in Canterlot and picked up some slippers to match my dress.”

“And,” nervously began Daisy, “is said dress right for a wedding? You are a bridesmaid, after all.”

“Yeah; it’s pretty basic, but formal. As long as you don’t care if it’s blue.”

Daisy shrugged. “What kind of blue, exactly?”

Sauté pointed a hoof to her long, cyan mane. “This kind.”

The lavender mare’s eyes brightened as she beamed a large grin. “That’s perfect!” She then gave her friend a hug and informed her, “you should be fine, then. I’ll see you, Berry, and Midnight then, Sweetie!”

“Indeed,” agreed Sauté. “I have to get to work now. I’ll see you then.”

As the green mare entered her workplace, she was greeted by Captain Salt. “Pan ho!” shouted he across the restaurant. He trotted over to his employee and gave her a hug. “Oi, it’s good to see you, Pan! You’re looking great!”

“Thank you, Captain,” replied the chef. “By the way, the name’s Sauté Sizzle now; I had it legally changed.”

The grey stallion nodded. “Aye, I’ll change the paperwork, then. In the meantime, turn to, Chef Sizzle!” When he gave the order, he retired to his office, and Sauté went to ready up in the locker room.

The green mare’s apron covered most of her scars, and so she confidently trotted into her kitchen to meet her crew.

Cutting Board, Fish Fry, and Stove Top stared at the mare in varying levels of awe. Cutting Board was the first to break the silence. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, but her eyes were still wide as she viewed Sauté. “Pan,” said she in astonishment, “you’re a mare? You’re really, for real a mare?”

When Sauté nodded to confirm, Stove Top also spoke. “That’s amazing!” remarked he. “I mean, it’s awesome; congratulations, Pan.” With that, the two cooks began to applaud.

Fish Fry rolled his eyes and interrupted the congratulations. “That’s it,” barked he, “I’m through with this. Everypony in this restaurant is crazy!” He then removed his apron and tossed it at the mare. “Find a new cook, Pan; I’m out of here!”

As the stallion angrily walked out of the kitchen, and subsequently the diner, Stove Top gave a nonchalant shrug. “I didn’t like him anyway,” remarked he.

“Nor did I,” agreed Cutting Board. “But, will we last this Dinner Rush without him?”

Sauté looked to the other two cooks, a brow raised. “You tell me. It’s only one day; plus, I can take his place for today.” She then gave a rallying shout. “Can we beat the Dinner Rush?!”

“Yeah! Let’s do it!” shouted Stove Top and Cutting Board. Almost on cue, the Dinner Rush began. The trio successfully worked through the rush, though they were all exhausted by the time it had subsided.

Another week passed, and Sauté Sizzle stood with Berry Punch and Midnight Blue, among two other bridesmaids in Fillydelphia Central Park for Daisy Dreamer’s and Citrus Sweet’s wedding.

Citrus stood, in formal military dress, to one side of an altar, looking towards the crowd. Several other ponies, including Captain Salt, stood in the crowd in their military dress uniforms, as well as six stallions in similar dress to Sweet’s, holding sabres to their sides.

After a few seconds, Daisy Dreamer slowly trotted down the aisle towards the altar, escorted by her father, a rugged-faced Unicorn Stallion in contrastingly formal dress. When her father took his place in the crowd, Daisy trotted to her groom’s side.

The aged stallion before the pair wore an exceptionally decorated military uniform, and three stars adorned either shoulder. “Dear family and friends,” announced he in a monotone that couldn’t be ignored, “we are gathered here today in the sight of Princesses Celestia and Luna, and the Department of the Equestrian Army, to witness this exchange of vows, and see the love that these two dedicated, loving ponies have for one another.” He went through the procedure as he had many times before, and just as flawlessly as the many times before.

The pair took the vows, and, at announcement from the General, Daisy Dreamer and Corporal Citrus Sweet were married. They trotted happily through the arch of sabres created by the six soldiers lining the aisle, and the reception began shortly after.

After the cutting of the cake, a few minutes of dancing, and an orchestral performance of the Equestrian army March, the five bridesmaids were gathered in a small group before the carriage that was going to ferry the newly wedded couple away.

Sauté Sizzle stood next to Midnight Blue, who wore a similar dress to that of the green mare. “There’s no way I’m catching that thing,” marked the blue unicorn, looking at Daisy, who held a ceremonial bouquet.

“I second that,” agreed Sauté. The two mares shared a laugh and proceeded to bump their forehooves together.

As the pair’s hooves connected, the bouquet came between them, and was held in place by their hooves. Midnight Blue’s eyes widened as she barely noticed a faint blue glow dissipate from around the small bunch of flowers.

Sauté shared her friend’s awestruck look. They shared a glance, and retracted their forelegs as their faces shifted to a deep scarlet. The bouquet fell to the ground, and both mares nervously glanced about, not saying a word.

Comments ( 38 )

Tricky unicorns.

What I would do for that type of magical modification to be available in the human world, though unlike Sauté, I would prefer to keep my frame, mostly.

This was a nice, light hearted chapter and I enjoyed reading it.

life seemed to move a bit fast this chapter.

Yay for her! :heart: I can't even imagine how happy Pan must be. :rainbowkiss:

1060093 and 1060252
I see. Indeed.
1060544 and 1061561
Thank you, Friends
1061160
I see. Well, I figured this would be the wrap up; as in, the quick overview of how things went after the biggest events of the story unfolded. If, of course, that makes sense.

Just found this. Twas a nice read, even more so because it was about a topic rarely breached here. Good job, though i wish i had found it before tonight, i enjoy waiting for stories to update.

1062848

Leaving what happens in the course of Sauté's life afterwards to the imagination (hey, every story has to finish at some point so this was as good a place as any).

1065093

There aren't very many more stories out there on this topic at all. I've found a total of 5 others besides this one on FiMfiction of varying qualities (still enjoyed reading them all, though):
Dash's Secret
Strange Reflections
Fluttershy's Secret
Stallions Don't Cry
Rarity's Jewel

1068159

Oh that last one is the only one I haven't read, Thanks!

1068642

I did a pretty extensive search of this site once the new search ability came into place (despite that, I did find the first three on the list before that because I found the third one, which led me to the first one and I found out about the 2nd one on Autostraddle) and found this story and the last two. There are a few other stories that had a brief mention of it but were not about it. The was a story long ago I found on EQD that is in google docs that had a brief mention of a transpony, and a gay trans stallion at that.

The pronouns made a message for me of "pre-ops aren't real women" :fluttercry:

1076765
I wrote the narrations with an objective view. However, I wrote the quotes the way each character would say them. In fact, if, say, Midnight Blue were the narrator, as soon as she learned, she'd reference Pan as "she" and "her" in the narration. I, however, wanted to avoid both confusion and the giving away of plot details. I'm terribly sorry if that offended you, Mate.

1080617
No worries; I liked the story :)

But... that's kinda what I meant. It feels like third-person objective omniscient, but that basically says that it's Word Of God that pre-ops (or possibly pre-transitions) are he's and aren't she's. I guess it could be third-person objective limited where it's limited to the view of an imaginary fly-on-the-wall typical-pony... but that's a bit of a stretch.

1108230
It's a technical standpoint; as in, a pre-transition transmare is still technically a stallion, despite how many others would say otherwise. Once again, if it were up to me, I'd use the feminine pronouns to refer to Pan/Sauté; but, a biased narrator for a third-pony story is always a terrible read.

1109571
"Man" ("stallion") is a descriptor of gender. Not appearance. Ditto for "he". So no, they're not technically a man. Gender is a brain thing, and they're whatever gender their brain is.

"They" makes a pretty good third-person singular pronoun, or you could just go with third-person objective limited and pick a character or something.

1110233
"Man" may not be a descriptor of appearance, but "stallion" is; in fact, I've seen several papers for horses listing their sex as either "mare" or "stallion." Those two terms are more equivalent to physical sex than anything.

1110774
...this is Equestria, not Earth. "Stallion" means something different. It's confusing, I know.

Besides, this is about he and she, not man or woman or stallion or mare.

1111028
Oh, just as well; I still resist changing it, though. If it matters, then I'll let you know that I myself am transsexual, and that's the very reason I wrote this story.

My words fail me. This has got to be one of the absolute best stories ever! As soon as i read the description it was insta faved and got a thumbs up. I just found it today and I couldn't stop reading it, is there any hope of maybe getting a sequel? Also personally i think this should be in the feature box, I laughed, I cried, I loved it! great job!

1184521
While I thank you sincerely for the positive words, I don't plan on writing a sequel to this story.

1198221
If I'm honest, I had to read that chapter again to see what you were talking about.
I'd say they had a reasonably shocked reaction, Mate; also, Pan tells them not to worry about the bruise. Have you ever had a friend who insists that there's nothing to worry about, despite injuries, diseases, or any kind of trauma? That's who Pan is in the first few chapters.
Also, not everyone's perfect; people make mistakes, and so do ponies.

great story, this is a concept thats neer and deer to my heart, im a transgendered male atm and havent told no one, and i sympathise with feminine charters, as i soo desperatly wish that i was a female

i say im a trans male due to the fact theres fuck all i can do about my wish to become a girl so im just a dude who is a tranny. in the head.

Great story. My only issues were -

it seemed to run at the speed of a cheetah

You seemed to allude to something with Midnight and Berry (although you could have been alluding to Pan and Midnight But it felt more like the latter) and then did nothing really with it.

It felt as though the characters were all a bit too blunt or careless with their words in some places.

But like I said this was still a good story.

1944982
How would you rate it in Shattered Skulls? (One being terrible, and Five being perfect.)

1945010

That...is a style of rating I am not familiar with. However I will rate regardless.

The Idea: Caught my attention. I really liked it and made me want to read - 5/5

Speed: It really seemed to rush at times and sometimes it seemed as though something that would take a week was done in a day. (Time got confusing at times. - 3/5

Characters: They were interesting however not fully engaging at times. They seemed to have thicker skin than a dragon at times (while this could be good in most cases I mean that they somehow seemed to be able to shrug off almost anything. However you handled the hospital scene after the whole Switch Blade fiasco well) - 3.5/5

Overall thoughts: It was a good story that got a little confusing at times (due to the aformentioned time thing) with characters whom, while being pretty good had more than a few moments that made me think of them more as character than ponies (The way they acted seemed odd (for lack of a better term) at times) and thusly. - 4/5

1945081
I see. As for the time thing, I can see what you're talking about. I suppose I skip from exciting point to exciting point, and rarely dwell on the more minute details. Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons? In that game, five days of travel takes five minutes, and five minutes of combat takes five hours. I hate to give excuses, but I think that's how I did this story; I didn't want to drag it out and run it into the ground.

1945286

D&D? oh yeah.

But aside from that whatever the case may be I said my piece and respect your explanation.

1945297
Well, I thank you for that, Good Sir. I can't really give any more explanation than that. However, my method is that when at least three people bring up the same issue, I will consider revising it; otherwise, it shall stay as it is. I thank you again for your words, Sir.

1945324

You are very welcome. I wish you a good life.

Good night.

2085836
With all due respect friend, I already gave reasoning for writing what I wrote, although not in great detail. People aren't perfect, and neither are ponies; if everypony were absolutely perfect and made no mistakes, any and all stories would be boring beyond comprehension.


It's such a shame that this story was posted so long ago, and I heard not a thing about it until this morning. Thankfully, I joined a wonderful group that had this story as one of its selections, and my curiosity piqued, I had to download it and read it for myself.

ThatGirl2147, you have written a lovely story. I felt for Pan Sear as she struggled to reconcile who she was with how everypony else perceived her. Fortunately for her, she had some amazing friends who were willing to step up and stand by her side when the chips were down. While I do not identify as such myself, I am aware of how many in the transgender community are treated by those on the outside who simply can't understand, or are unwilling to understand, why someone could possibly feel that way. As a result, there is violence, wrought through ignorance, brought against the transgender community, and it is a sad story, though quite real.

I hope you continue to write such stories, and maybe a sequel to "Her Life, In a Pan" <hint> <hint>, and I will gladly read them.

~Lotus Tea Dragon

P.S. - I love the name you gave her toward the end of the story. I found it very fitting. :twilightsmile:

3178333
While I value your opinion and the time you put into your thoughts, I resist to change this story. It was written, I think, a couple years ago, and I'm done messing with this story. If you want to take this story and rewrite it in your vision, take it; I don't really want to mess with stories anymore.

I read the story to the end now and as a whole I liked it. It certainly deserves praise. I faved it and marked it as liked.
However there are certain comments and critics I do have.
Always writing "said he" or the like instead of "he said" seemed strange. I do hope it was an intentional choice to give some characteristic to your style.
While the story flowed well for the most part and especially in the first half, the story went too fast and too easy in the end.
At some point Daisy described the emotional tourmoils she heard Pan go through, and that part felt very right and authentic, but it never came from Pan herself enough. Even though the actual story in how her parents reacted and a bit overly so as he was stabbed were dramatic felt right, it lacked direct emotions, confusion and self-doubt (i feel almost no transgender is so stereotypically sure of who they are, especially when they start out).
I would have gone into more realism on the transformation itself and what it emotionally meant for Pan, including really slipping into the female role, romatic feelings and possible issues on intimacy (we never clearly found out if she liked mares or stallions, or how he felt about each, it was just hints).
The story was good, but had potential for much more. Indeed, a sequel including flash-backs on the story would make sense.
I'd like to know your thoughts on why you wrote the story the way you did, ThatGirl2147 so I can better understand and accept.
Thanx!

3743152
"Said X" writing style is intentional.
I have no idea how to write emotional turmoil. I may ask a friend or two to assist in refurbishing the story, but I don't plan on any sequels.
Romantic things are only implied for the sole purpose of letting the reader decide for Xself.
Time does a number on one's memory; while I can remember why I wrote the story, I don't exactly recall what my thought processes were.
I sincerely thank you for your criticism, and we can discuss this further if you wish, be it in these comments or in private; it doesn't matter to me.

A nice happy ending. :heart:

4734364 Really ? Wow, well, reality is sometime stranger than fanfiction See what I did.

awesome story vut it has the potential for a sequel maybe have Sautee start a relationship with midnight blue

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