• Member Since 24th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Friday

zalla661


Trixie Senpai FOREVER!!! Ship Trixie with anyone and you'll make your fic 500% cooler/awesome! Also remember to give the golden mares some love! Mayor Mare, Cherry Jubilee, and Harshwhinny!

T

After helping to stop the Storm King, Tempest Shadow decides to return home under the suggestion of Princess Twilight Sparkle. She returns home to try and make amends with her family and friends, but years of contempt and anger will block her from a flawless transition.

With a little faith, and a little support from an unlikely friend, Tempest will try her best to make up for the lost time.

“Have faith in family and friendship.” Twilight Sparkle

Edited by: Solitare and Spooky YuGiOh Brony! Thanks guys!:scootangel:

Made Popular Story List: 10/19/17! Thanks everyone!

Possible Spoilers for the MLP Movie!

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 207 )

This story is good, but it definitely needs a editor.

It's a good story, needs some editing here and there, but I like it, looking forward to more

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8480913
First off glad you all are liking the story thus far. I got the idea when I learned Tempest Shadow’s real name. Plus, the color of her mane and fur opened up huge possibilities on their own. :raritywink:

I don’t suppose you know any editors that AREN’T from the Proofreaders Group, or any group like them. I’ve been looking for an editor for years in those groups and no one will help or they’ve been inactive for years or months. Got any suggestions?:pinkiehappy:

8480623
What art thou pondering Little_Draco? Cool name BTW.:rainbowdetermined2:

8481442
unfortunately I'm not really in the know when it comes to editors, but for what its worth, it didnt effect my enjoyment of the story, I like how the story is going

8481552
Awww, well that’s okay. I’m like that too. I’m no editor and I can usually enjoy reading things that are unrefined, I guess is a nice way of putting it?:rainbowhuh: I’m just surprised no one hated me for adding Berry to this. I’m just glad you and the others are enjoying it. Even if it is unpolished.

8481570
Well I was surprised, but I'm intrigued, and I like it. I really want to see where this story goes. Especially with Tempests friends. I'm sure Tempest still has a lot of pent up emotions about them abandoning her

hello friend , i heard that you need a editor , and , i can help you . tell you what , send me the next chapter that you want to publish to this email : casaga905@gmial.com . i will viewed , start to work my magic and then send it to you , to see if you like it , deal?

good thing I looked, I knew I probably would miss it again otherwise for some reason. I think I talked with you about this story somewhere, does it have romance to or not at the moment?

She no longer served the Storm King, but years of mistrust and paranoia had taken its toll on Tempest’s psyche, so she kept it.

It just felt like you said the magic word "psyche", i'm so interessted to read something like that.

Taking a glance around to see that nopony was looking Tempest tugged one grape off the vine like a thief would pickpocket their quarry. She wiped some of the excess water off the surface of the grape and popped it in her mouth. Slowly she chewed the soft fruit and a bitter flavor filled her tastebuds sending a shiver down her spine, A good shiver unlike the shiver she had from the storm outside.

Nice one.

snookered

can you explain it to me?
One translation mentioned them probably being something like "stoned" if you would smoke
The second translation I found was or sounded like she had a lot of one night stands.
I don't want a poor translation to ruin it for me, so I just ask.
Now I found it, it is more or less being drunk.

“Hello Auntie Berry Punch,” Tempest replied coldly to the mare.

oh at the same time interessting and I feel something bad is going to happen. Berry punch was the one from ponyville wasn't it?

“Ugh, I can go to bed myself aunty,” Tempest grumbled.

I like it that you actually make her getting used to it and that she doesn't seems to change suddenly, even if this is the aunt she never really seems to have liked.

“Stop it.”

Berry sighed, but kept a weak smile on her face.

“Goodnight, my little grapevine,” Berry said softly.

aawwww Tempest made Berry feel good. I really hope that if one of her parents should have a problem with her, that she maybe get's Twilight or someone else that is there to give a small explanation on what happened, that is if her help should be needed. I'm not sure if I would like that to happen to soon now that I think about it.

While I'm used to you showing good and bad sides of life, I hope you maybe can try it without the examples like "Trixies father in that one story or the incest Villains". I saw it is teen anyway, so it probably won't be a border.
This just goes into a direction where I would hate it to get interrupted by something like that.

She then walked briskly back over and plopped the unicorn plushie next to the hedgehog and puth the plastic piece of cake in the hedgehog's hand. Seeing the unicorn plush next to the hedgehog with its little piece of cake made her feel better.

Oh please let her akwardly play with her toys and her familly walking in on her, after the first shock and some talking I hope they use it to embrass her a little bit.
To be honest I hope not her aunt get's to use that to her advantage, I can be as sturborn or proud as I image her to be and I can image how it would be if the person "that I slightly dislike" would use that against me.

She looked at them and realized the hedgehog was now leaning against the unicorn plush for support. Tempest blushed feeling her heart race at the sight.

It is so cute that she doesn'T really knows herself and another possible option to me would now be instead of an heartfelt moment at the start, her mother would be the one scolding her while the others trying to stop her, giving a irritated Tempest a serve grounding. I like that kind of comedy where stuff happens that no one would expect.

he rolled over once more and faced the plush toys. Slowly she reached out taking the toy hedgehog and pulled it to her. She held it in both her hooves and stared into its button eyes. She couldn’t help but feel awful now. With one last heavy sigh she took one hoof and booped the toy in the nose making it squeak. Tempest giggled and put the toy back with its cake and unicorn companion, and rolled on her back to fall asleep.

Thought’s of her family, her aunt, even Grubber filler her mind. Wonderful thoughts that turned into dreams and Tempest felt her heart swell at the positive feelings coming over her in her deep slumber.

“Stupid Glutton.” She chuckled as she started succumbing to her sleep.

oh god:heart:
I now finally understand what reaction the others apparently get when reading something about the Crussaiders that are apparently supposed to be the cutest thing ever in some eyes.

edit : To many Tempests in the comment section, I would hardly reconise my own avatar and comments if I wouldn't have just written it.:yay:

8486143

good thing I looked, I knew I probably would miss it again otherwise for some reason. I think I talked with you about this story somewhere, does it have romance to or not at the moment?

Not at the moment. I don’t plan on this being a romance story. GASP! I know, lord forbid I break away from my own theme. Right? :rainbowlaugh: LoL, those would indeed be funny.

Yeah, I think I mentioned it a while ago. I waited to see the movie before I made it though. Honestly it’s not to different from an OCI once made. Just make the pony a mare and the story would have been the same.

PS. I see you also jumped on the bandwagon for the Tempest is best avatars. :trollestia:

Snookered has a few meanings. In the context of this story and its theme it means, “To be drunk off ones ass.” What that means essentially is to get so drunk you’ll passout and never remeber what you did the previous night. It can also mean stoned, as in being high of a drug, but in this case it means to be very drunk. very, very, VERY, VERY, drunk. :pinkiecrazy: Come on its got Berry Punch! The MLP shows iconic drinker! :rainbowlaugh: It should go without saying. :twilightsmile: (Glad you were able to find it. Many words can have many meanings with the same word.)

You like the word psyche? Huh, I would have thought you’d hate it from what I remember in our conversations. Guess I misunderstood that one. :facehoof:

8486995
aww it is okay, I kind of expected this focusing on Tempest and how she tries to live her live. I really hope she has a old of "soldier" moments, where she is acting like she is in a fight if something suprise her.
8487002
Hhhhmm not sure where I have said that, I like psychological stuff, I probably disliked something that had to do with one of your Villains or something, or one difficult point was when I hoped Spitfire wouldn't start to love Vector to much and forget Trixie.

Well while I hope the soldier thing I mentioned isn't exactly overdone, I would really like to see how she copes with it or how her parents might take control if Grubber (Mampfer) should visit her and she acts like she doesn't like to see him, but her mother would demand she acts friendly.
Yes I admit I totally want to have a crazy mother that is trying to get back all those years Tempest way gone. I like that kind of comedy where something just starts to burn for no reason or her mother would treat her like a filly and maybe freak out about her being a soldier in this dangorous world.

I see you also jumped on the bandwagon for the Tempest is best avatars.

v yep this was kind of one of my favourite moments of her, maybe because I hardly got to see any characters like that in the show that got to keep their personality and the one from Queen Novo, I really liked how she acted.:derpytongue2:

You've got my interest. I like the Berry family angle, and I always appreciate a story where Berry Punch has her life together to some degree.

Nice seeing Berry at least snap at Tempest about the alcohol thing, because Tempest is being a complete jerk. You'd think after being forgiven for helping the Storm King, she could at least consider that other ponies are also capable of improving their lives.

8487358
I do like changing the status quo every once in a while. I never used Berry Punch before, so it was a nice was to change the pace for myself. I like to think of her as rehabilitated, I think would be a god word? I’m trying hard to keep this a close to an E rating as possible for once.

I got the idea for the story from Tempest Shadow’s real name. The color of her fur and mane were what made me think of it initially though.

Nice seeing Berry at least snap at Tempest about the alcohol thing, because Tempest is being a complete jerk.

Heh, he, you noticed huh? Tempest is going through that military proud archetype. I know it’s over used but given how she was in the show I could conceivably see her being this way to start. She’ll have to learn to be less ill tempered. She is Commander Tempest after all. That will be a meme for this story by the end of it I promise you. :facehoof: I have no shame.

Holy shot I love this

8491024
Ah I’m glad you liked it. :twilightsmile: I’m curious what do you like most about it?

8491029
Well first off I love the fact that Berry Punch and Fizzlepop are related. Also it feels natural. Ever since Tempest started showing up on FimFic since the movie I been looking for a story that goes into her family. While I do love me a good old lesbian poni shipfic, there's so much more to see.

I can't wait to see how the parents react and if Grubber ever comes back. ((Maybe some special princess comes by for romance? Heheh I'm a shiper at heart.))

8491034

((Maybe some special princess comes by for romance? Heheh I'm a shiper at heart.))

LOL, I’m a shipper too. Ironically this is the ONE STORY I’m trying not to ship. :rainbowlaugh: It’s so hard not too, but I promised my fans I wouldn’t do it this time!! :fluttercry: Why did I do that?! :raritydespair: Plus, everyone else has the lesbian Twilight, Rainbow, Celestia X Tempest shipping down for me. :raritywink: (Curse them all):trollestia:

Yeah, the way Tempest looked in the trailer I immediately wrote down a note to make a story with Berry Punch as part of her family. The colors match well enough. Berry Pinch was a last minute addition. I’m glad at the positive reception Berry Punch has had for the story. The wine theme was actually based off her cutie mark, so thank you background ponies!

8491046
Ship....you must ship my friend.. :rainbowwild:

“We don’t boardercross reach in this house either, Fizzlepop,” Berry Punch warned her niece.

I like this, but my proud side kind of demands that Tempest doesn't let Berry Punch put her completely under her in the hous ranking.

(I now what I want to say, but I forgot how, so I hope you understood what I meant there.)

Taking the hint Tempest closed her mouth slightly and took a petite bite of the sandwich. This seemed to please Berry Punch who nodded approvingly.

oh come on, at the beginning it is still funny, but I so hope she kind of get's to do her own thing.

athlete's hoof

ati first I thought why not, but then I noticed I heard something similar in english and I believe this is meant as an illness here right?

She had her pride after all.

and I hope she get's to keep some, Pinch can start to love her without making fun of her aunt or how it usually would end.

I like it, that is like Berry is trying in her own way to get back some of that happyness or from the time she didn'T had with Tempest, I nearly believe she kind of does this for herself, maybe she is actually sorry for being drunk the years she was there.

I think it was alright how she handled Berry Pinch, it could have been so much worse. I just don't like to see as if Tempest would suddenly have lost all or her original personality, suddenly being a wimp like some humans that get to Equestria or something.

you do a good job so far, I hope you do something special with her parents, maybe something I suggested even?

I suddenly image Tempest using her military skills to safe her familly, but instead of making them happy it would maybe make her mother cry over the fact that her daughter was "having such a bad time" in her eye, which lead to her current skills.

I kind of like to think that you are planning to let her keep a big part of her personality, but just adjust it in a way that makes it able to her to have fun with her family and that you make the others accepting her instead of trying to change her personality. I'm not really believing you would do that, but I always like to mention it because i know how many people do that.

I mean you have someone like Tempest and in some stories she would suddenly start acting like Rarity, because "harmony".

edit: I saw someone talking about Grubber, as weird as it would be (and I don'T really want them to be together), it would be still funny if her mother would even think that Grubber is her Coltfriend or something.

I like it, but you have a tendency to repeat the same word a few too many times. The use of rashguard is a good example of this.

8495358
Yeah, I know. :facehoof: I try. I’m trying to break that habit.

8495387
I wish you luck with it. Habits can be a cruel yoke to throw off.

8495396
Thanks! :scootangel: I’ll do my best not to be repetitive.

Ah man I can't wait for the next chapter.

God I love this story, I need more

8491159
Funny you should mention pride, I’m trying to keep away form my typical edgy charcters while still being stubborn and proud. If that makes sense. Tempest Shadow is a proud pony with years of mistrust and distaste for others. It’ll be interesting for me as a writer to see where I’m planning on taking this.

oh come on, at the beginning it is still funny, but I so hope she kind of get's to do her own thing.

Don’t worry Tempest will get her back. Eventually. Maybe. :scootangel:

I like it, that is like Berry is trying in her own way to get back some of that happyness or from the time she didn'T had with Tempest, I nearly believe she kind of does this for herself, maybe she is actually sorry for being drunk the years she was there.

That was actually very challenging for me to decide on how to tell this story. On the one hand Tempest shouldn’t be kind to people prying into her life and where she grew up isn’t what we would cal kid friendly. Now, on the other hand she’s back in Equestria trying to become a NORMAL pony like everyone else. So, as a writer its hard to find where the middle ground is. By that I mean to balance her personality. She should be Commander Tempest former Commander to the Storm Kings Armies, but I also have to balance the fact she’s trying to learn to not be that at a reasonable rate. As I’m sure you know from my writing, I don’t like changing personalities unless it suits the story, and within reason. In most cases anyway. The worst offender I have to date was Applejack in Trixie Secretary Extraordinaire. THAT was a big mess on my part, but I wrote it like that for the story. Though many people didn’t like it. Tempest seems easier since I have more experience with this style now.

It also helps that I have two great editors. :scootangel:

Berry Punch gave her niece an unamused stare for a moment before turning back to her daughter.

1. I nearly read amused stare and 2. I so hope this isn'T like Berry Punch always having the upperhand and not taking Tempest serious at all.

“Great! Now, let’s go back home and get everything ready,” Berry Punch said, placing the filly on her back. “Fizz-I mean Tempest?”

aaawwww thank you, I guess kind of because of old personal experience I like them to take certain characters serious.

“You can come out now, Fizzlepop. I knew you were there the entire time.”

Hhhhhmmm I kind of expected that, maybe she hear the door or something, afterall I like to think that a comander could try to be unnoticed if she would have planned this sooner.

With Bery Punchs given past, it is hard for me to image her in that role you might plan to give her, I know she said she stopped being drunk all the time, but I'm not happy with her continue to act like she would know it better and stuff like that.

I hope for a scene where she is either clearly impressing her aunt or having some sort of small victory, a scene where Berry might get really sad and admits that she was just happy to see her, trying to fit into the role of the caring aunt or her parents telling Tempest something about Berry that would explain it.

Needless to say Berry punch was ecstatic that her little grapevine was opening up to her. However slightly it might be, it was progress. Though her lungs were burning from a lack of air, Berry Punch managed to hug her niece back.

Yep I totally like that, but I can't help myself to feel like she get's a better image than she kind of deserves. That or I just want my main just not to show only weakness again. (Not saying you do that, only that it is my usual reaction).

Sometimes I think I'm as proud as Tempest, well a little bit and I can understand that it might be frustrating if every cahracter ignores that and force their own ideas on that character.

She rounded a corner to the main loft her head lowered and her horn sparking with powerful raw magic as two ponies stared in complete shock at the angry armored mare before them.

Yes Yes Yes, please milk it for what it's worth and maybe prevent Berry Punch from treating her like a little child or something, giving Tempest parents and Tempest herself time to make up with each other.

I don'T want it to be interrupted from what I would call the wrong behavior and I kind of hope that while I like Berry Pinc and the characters so far, that they not all live in that big house. I'm intessted to see Tempest living with her parents and Berry visiting sometimes if you need her.

I kind of believe they were just house sitting, or how you call it.

edit: I probably shouldn'T forget that this is still the healing process for Tempest and maybe even for Berry, but even if they find some common ground I would like Tempest to score too, if you know what I mean.

8499352
Maybe you should let Tempest get a therapist if you know how to write them.
(you know like them listening most of the time and not really telling them how they are supposed to live their life and they can help, but I think they never should speak of something as the one truth and instead show them how they "could" react to it.)

I mean if she is trying to become a normal pony, at some time she should get to know, that she probably can't just change completely and will keep some of her old self.

The worst offender I have to date was Applejack in Trixie Secretary Extraordinaire.

personally I would probably talk about your Villains, but I think we are talking about a changed personality right? However that wasn'T really a personality change, since you gave her that personality from the beginning I think.

8499377

Yes Yes Yes, please milk it for what it's worth and maybe prevent Berry Punch from treating her like a little child or something, giving Tempest parents and Tempest herself time to make up with each other.

Well, I will say this much, it’ll be interesting depending on how I write the next chapter, or it could be very boring and generic. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with it yet. I can promise there will be feels and possibly a lot of yelling. But you should know that by now. :trollestia: My stories have the DRAMA tag for a reason after all. :raritywink:

Now, on the other stuff, I never said Berry was a complete drunk. She just had a problem. :ajsmug:

edit: I probably shouldn'T forget that this is still the healing process for Tempest and maybe even for Berry, but even if they find some common ground I would like Tempest to score too, if you know what I mean.

I’m glad you know me so well. I may surprise you and not do it just because. :trollestia:

8499275
Glad you love the story. :scootangel: It’s so nice that everyone’s enjoying it so far.

I need more

Bad joke ahead.

Hmmm. . . Looks and canceled tab. . .


8499247
Sorry, I know you like it, but gotta wait. The changeling under my bed has the day off. :twilightblush: He writes my stuff.

Now this is a very good redemption story thus far. Can't wait to read more

Yeeeeeessss, blank flank Tempest is one of my headcannons, I'm glad you subscribe to that too. Another great chapter leaving me looking forward to the next!

fold down. Sh eluted completely disheartened

She looked?

Also, that ending realization and boop was adorable :rainbowkiss:

rubedb

rubbed

spit the grape

bit the grape

setting hte tone

the

Also hnnnng, Pinch getting Tempest Tummy Tickles (tm) and the boopening were super adorable. Stoppit, I'm getting close to Type 11 diabetes over here! :derpytongue2:

Tempest glared down at the offending mud puddle which had now filled her boot with mud and dirty water.

Some simple waterproof enchantment would be good.
I don't think Tempest is that kind of character that would become angry over a pudle.
One thing that doesn't make sense is why she came so early. No one likes to be woken up at midnight and Tempest isn't stupid. Best time would be before noon when people are full of energy and don't feel tired and their mind is clear.
Pitty that you used the headcanon, that Berry Punch is a drunkard even though there was no indication in the show that she drinks.

Berry punch was in Canterlot during the attack, so it's very probable she knows, Storm led the attack on Canterlot. We can see her at least in one scene. Also during the attack there is a mare running from the invaders with Berry Punch cutiemark but with different color of mane.

Berry Punch's eyes widen with joy hearing this.

Pinch

Tempest tried to hold back a chuckle at the family's excitement.

Shouldn't there be filly's excitement?

Never had she heard somepony hold a vineyard with such excitement.

English isn't my language, but this sentence is strange. I get the meaning, but i don't understand it.

Comment posted by jaroslav deleted Oct 27th, 2017

Maybe her cutiemark is the same color as her fur. :D

8513697
That’s the unfortunate thing about the movie. So, I’m going with Berry wasn’t there for the sake of the story. :twilightsmile:

8513493
Thanks for showing me those errors. The spitting was correct though. :scootangel: unripe grapes taste sour. I would know. :pinkiesick: I always spit them out.

Also hnnnng, Pinch getting Tempest Tummy Tickles (tm) and the boopening were super adorable. Stoppit, I'm getting close to Type 11 diabetes over here! :derpytongue2:

I would have suggested to stop reading after the fist chapter, but too late. You fell for my trap!:rainbowlaugh:

8513714
Yes, you are correct. :scootangel: Thanks for finding these. Even my editor can miss a few tings here and there. I even found a few things we all missed. I spelled grape as graph on accident while going over it. :scootangel:

Never had she heard somepony hold a vineyard with such excitement.

English isn't my language, but this sentence is strange. I get the meaning, but i don't understand it.

That’s a hard one to explain. It a kind of expression in a way. Basically what it means is Tempest never saw a filly get excited over something so common. Kind of like when a kid first learns about something and adult already knows and you think how odd it is they don’t know kind of thing. That was horribly explained I know, but I tried.

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