Follow the tale of Skyler guardian, a pegasus of unknown origins who has lost his memory, as well as his cutie mark, and stumbles upon ponyville trying to find something, anything to trigger his memories. During his time at ponyville he will need to befriend the mane six as well as others in his quest to remember everything.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ooooooh, amnesia! I forget where I've read about that before.
Just so you know why I added this to the Bin and I can justify it. Here's all the errors I found in one paragraph.
-This should be in italics.
-A comma should be after it too.
-All should be capitalized.
-This should be in italics.
-A comma should be after it too.
-The should be capitalized.
-It should b capitalized.
-There should be a quote in the middle of it and the -s.
-After should be capitalized.
-It should be capitalized.
-Homely is only a word in your imagination.
-This should be in italics.
-It should be capitalized.
-As should be capitalized.
And those are just the easy errors in the paragraph. There's plot and formatting problems and other, more finite, errors in the story.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdm1agxFHI1r4dgde.png
The criteria for successfully passing moderation should really be more strict.
6101619
Thank you for pointing that out, lol I completely missed that. Going back to fix it now
6101676
I believe it should be known I'm comepletly open to constructive criticism. If you have ideas or advice I'll listen to it
I take it you're new here?
Sounds like he stumbled into Ourtown first. The only pony we can confirm has the ability to remove cutie marks is Starlight Glimmer.
I'm guessing you didn't THINK of a cutie mark for your OC before you started writing about him, and the plot is built to excuse that. That's paradoxically putting a lot of effort into being lazy.
6102664
Yes and actually I was about to address that issue. I'm scrapping this in exchange for a more thought out story. I didn't like the amnesia from the start and like it even less now.
Dude. Stop.
6102662
Yes what gave it away? Total inexperience in writing a story? :) if you have good writing advice to give I'm all ears
6102716
Well, lemme see here. . . .
This is a "Self-insert" (a story where the author inserts himself into the story), if your avatar and cover image is any clue. Around these parts, those are generally frowned upon.
--Don't space out that first quotation mark here.
--Capitalize the first word in a quotation.
--Don't neglect punctuation at the end of a quotation.
--New speaker, new paragraph. No exceptions.
Therefore, that should read:
Actually, now that I mention it, you seriously need to spend some more time with the shift key. Take it on a date someplace-- like the movies, for instance, or a long walk on the beach (assuming you live near one). Take this paragraph, for instance:
With just the capitalization corrected, this should read:
With everything else as well:
Notice that, even though Fluttershy doesn't say anything, I treat her actions as though they were dialogue.
Also, the general rule-of-thumb of paragraphing is: One idea per paragraph. This is to keep a so-called "wall of text" (a large paragraph that looks overwhelming and thus discourages readers) from appearing. Here is an example of a wall of text. (I will note that you've been doing a good job at avoiding that. Well done, in that area at least.)
This is just two paragraphs I've referenced. See if you can apply it elsewhere throughout the story.
I wish you the best of luck.
--Chicago Ted
Oh, and before I go:
makeameme.org/media/created/welcome-to-fimfiction-cg87nm.jpg
Oh, this isn't a trollfic?
But, in all seriousness, it's a good idea to rethink this. Amnesia is a cliché that doesn't have much depth. If your Gary Stu remembered what his life was like, moving to Ponyville and making something of himself would be extremely satisfying or super depressing.
Also, why does your OC have Griffon wings?
6102778
Ah yes about that. The lowercase errors r mostly due to my glitchy phone which is about all if got to write with. And I looked over all ur suggestions. I they they will really come in handy for my next story. Especially the paragraphing bit. I was unsure if character action required paragraphing too. Thanks for all the help
6102790
Not at all, comrade!
6102792
One last bit I'm conflicted about. Which would be better third person or first person?
6102811
That's entirely your decision. If you want to emphasize the amnesia, first-person would be best.
6102783
Sadly no trollfic. This was a genuine attempt, albeit a lazy one
6102820
I'm doing away with the amnesia. He's moving to ponyville from Manehattan instead. Memory intact
6102827
Nonetheless, who the narrator is is entirely up to you. You can even change the narrator between chapters!
On another note: I'm impressed how maturely you can handle criticism (unlike that one wanker). That's good. People here are bound to say their minds-- it's up to you not to react immaturely, and thus far, you've kept your cool.
I'm looking forward to seeing what you'll come up next!
6102783
Oh and about the Griffin wings, well since I lack any artistic ability and don't know anyone who can draw, I had to use a pony creator app. These wings were the only wings that were extended and even close to being like pegasus wings. Also great choice of video lol. Miss that show
6102902
Then click here!