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Rarity tells the story of how she went on an adventure, made new friends and enemies, and ultimately became a hero that would go down in history.
I got sick of not having a cover image, so I just stuck the blank map in there until I can sort some real art out.
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This is possibly not noice.
6140297 Your vote of confidence is always encouraging
ah awesome, I was just reading CH 5
Wow, I'm surprised this hasn't garnered more attention, it's an interesting premise.
A very in media res story, you don't really explain what's different between canon and your universe until it effects the story. I ended up surprised a few times that things were so different, but not badly so. I love post-war scenarios with complicated politics (I'm running an alternate history wild west RPG with some friends) so i love the idea here.
I've always been a bit iffy about pony swords, they just don't work for quadrupeds other than unicorns, dogs and griffins. Besides, that means you can change things up by adding wing-blades, hoof mauls, weaponized shoes and other cool weapons. I can see halberds, spears and lances working in a 'strapped to barding' and used in charges way, but losing mobility in a fight just seems crazy to me.
I would say the Liberators are unrealistic, but there are quiet a few real groups on Earth with similar plans. The fracturing of the Rebellion and the lack of direction by leadership are spot on ideas. Surprising that the leader of the Rebels (the Reds in French and Russian uprisings, they really need a name beyond the action they are known for) is in the capital of group that wants him out of the way, but perhaps that is going to be explained next chapter. Maverick needs better mid level leaders to do recruitment of spies, provocateurs and malcontents like Rarity looks to be becoming.
Also, Clotheshorse took to bloodletting like... she did to fashion. I wonder if her mark has ties to fighting, maybe she lucked out with a more abstract concept that can apply to multiple things. Getting into two skirmishes, outnumbered by more experienced fighters both times and not having any wounds not treatable by a day of rest is spectacular. That said, when I imagine her fighting, it's with dual rapiers or a single with a second to entrap incoming blades.
Can't wait to see where this goes, have a favorite.
6345058 Well thank you for taking an interest, I totally understand your criticism regarding the use of certain weapons, and unfortunately I can't provide any realistic explanation for it. As for Rarity managing to pull through fights with hardly a scratch, don't expect her to stay that lucky forever, this story isn't afraid to beat down its protagonists from time to time. I hope you like what all's to come and it answers some of your questions
Oh yeah, as for the Rebellion not having a name beyond 'the Rebellion', it was a running joke in the RPG that this was based off of that they had the most unimaginative faction name of all, I kept it the same as a callback
6345932
Ah, well now that the lack of a name's been lampshaded I can smirk about it in the future, and Rarity won't be happy to get any future scars I'm sure.
As for her success in combat, having an untrained opponent can mean that they move and act outside of what you expect, I can remember a knife defense course I was in where the instructor changing to a casual stance would throw the other students out of their defensive mindset. Rarity's body language flip-flopping between desperate reactions and habitual poise could very well have thrown more traditional fighters off. She doesn't look like somepony that would sneak a dagger behind them or rush an armored opponent and that worked for her.
Sorry if I'm digging to far, I like stories that I can think about and make me think.
6346541 No worries, I'm not here to tell you how you should like stories, I just write them, but if you like over thinking stuff you might like my story Bullet Point, very popular for warranting that kind of thing
Just found this story of yours' and Damn am I hooked! I do so love a well written rarity adventure story, pity you can't find much of them...
The story has a good pace to it and with the new chapter expanding into the intrigue, I can't wait to see what happens next!
Hey, me again. Just thought to ask what era exactly are you placing the story's weapons and technology at? I mean I read about the cannons on the the warship and I believe the medieval style armor? I just thought it a bit puzzling.
Also I came across your posting about mortal coils possible sequel (jeez, the story isn't even over and i'm already thinking about sequels) and I sincerely hope that you might consider doing it. Mortal coil is the first story of yours that I've read and really enjoyed it. I don't really write comments or reviews to stories I read since I'm not really sure that I have anything of note to say that the you or other commenters have not already picked up on or mentioned. However permit me to say this, that the frustration of an author whose work hasn't received their well earned dues is quite understandable but I hope it doesn't deter them from making more such works in the future as I think we would be poorer off without them.
So, thank you for the stories. I know that I at least will be hoping for more.
6354293 Well thank you very much for the encouragement, and we'll see if anybody actually wants to see a sequel when this story comes to an end, which wont be for some time unless I increase the number of weekly updates.
As for your question regarding weaponry, it is mostly old school stuff, but the next few chapters have content that might give you a firmer idea of where they are technology wise. I hope you continue to read and that future chapters continue to garner your interests
Finally, got around to reading the updates. So a dreadnought, gliders with assault rifles, bombs and general mayhem with explosions...Yep, I like this chapter! So the technology is kinda medievalish-steam punk
, I can definitely get behind that!
Its gonna be fun reading this story play out! Till next time.
As for Feather Duster,I'm starting to see what his agenda might be, let's see if I got it right.
So this was a nice action packed chapter, which does raise questions like who the heck is supplying these guys, does maverick have any other agenda, how are the other factions going to play into this, are any of the other mane six going to show up, what's that place the old mare spoke about and many more. Along with how much suggested you may have written, blowing up a dreadnought was just the start
A new mission requiring Rarity the honey trap? The only way she might get this information is if she makes herself either intellectually part of Arcana's life or emotionally so, and I'm not sure she can insert herself into the government there so easily. Seduction could turn ugly, is Clotheshorse OK with this kind of long term emotional manipulation and eventual betrayal? From the sound of it Arcana couldn't have been nicer until the other tribes come up in conversation. But I suppose we'll see.
Wonder if Trenderhoof is is going to turn up?
"Good morning Arclight, have you taken your Joy today?"
I'm going to guess Rarity shouldn't ask Lyra what she thinks about the race that built the Tower for fear of a hyumahns rant. But we'll see.
Hearing about Arcana being a vain egotist should make Rarities plan a little easier, as with a little flatter and questioning he may try to impress her with his knowledge. But would he share his mysterious benifactors?
Seduction and sex are a big part of source operations, whether state or corporate. Not that Rares wanted to go that way if she had any other option. I don't think she had a plan for assassination.
So options are: tell the truth, hope they believe her and don't dig (Which they will). Bluff past the guard (he knows why she was there, leaving now is not going to fly without Arcana). Or follow the assassin and rely on surprise and yelling about killing him before she got the data to confuse... her? Pinky? Make friends and hope the area experts know the answer.
I hope she doesn't go with the last option, running and screaming.
Well, bad omens come in threes... like most things.
I feel like I should be more worried about the first one, but the disappearing nurse is actually a bit more unsettling to me.
Rarity destroys superweapons like a boss...
Pinkie Assassination Pie is very thorough.
So, we have Rarity as an Arcane Swordsman, Applejack fighter, Pinkie Pie the Assassin, and Twilight (predictably) as a Mage. I'm guessing we'll see Flutters as a druid/ranger, and Rainbow Dash... maybe Barbarian?
Well she escaped, though exactly how that potion worked is a mystery. That it disables anyone trying to read her thoughts would have been nice to know.
Also, Pinky! I was right, but I am suspicious of what she was after.
So are they going back to Sweet Apple Acres, or does the pink one have a plan to learn about her mysterious ex-benifactors?
"My name is Pinkie Pie! (Surprise!)
And I am here to say (Sayonara!)
I'm gonna stick a knife in you,
Then laugh and run awa-a-a-ay!"
It's going to be good for Rarity to have some friends in her corner... especially one who can match Stranglethorn in combat prowess. I can't wait for backstop on Pinkie... and am preparing myself to cry since I'm betting it's tragic. How else does a party pony end up working a day job as a contract killer?
'Peaceful trip to Pivot', because of course that's gonna happen Rarity. Gonna be fun to see how it all goes bonkers though.
So, Pinkie joins the quest! It's enjoyable watching how the story's threads are unfolding and coming together.With four of the mane six down and with how Pinkie was brought in, how the remaining two enter will be INTERESTING.
Oh, the mind fog potion trip thingy, Rarity's description of the stuff she supposedly saw is rather curious, wondering if there is more to it...
Well then, till next time!
Well...that was an unexpectedly horrifying turn of events. Damn...
We certainly got a hint of such bigoted actions in Arclight but this was a pretty dark display to just what extent these particular ponies would go to. It was rather surprising, story-wise, the harshness.
Poor Lockpick...
Things seem to be getting more serious and grim. What will Rarity and her friends do, I wonder?
Till next time.
PS.Just one mistake ,'Grass Snake and Caramel sad their final farewells'.
And this scene is proof that Rarity is still far too trusting...
So...so...soooo...
Twilight is introduced again, Rarity mutters the name of the leader of the rebellion in front of some pony(to be fair, she could have been referring to somepony else? Maybe?), Twilight is an agent of Equestria and also apparently sucks as a spy while Rarity is a natural of sorts(as proven in trouncing Spoonbender recently and various previous other incidents((even if she did take Mavericks' name in front of somepony...)), there is an equestrian version of the Liberators (because of course there hasn't been enough factions introduced already), this story is sprouting more twists with each chapter and we have yet to meet up with the remaining elements or be introduced to the rest of the factions aannnd we STILL don't know what's with the crows and mystical land stories.....
(Takes a deep breath)
MWHAHAHHAAA
LOVE IT!!!!
No typos detected in this chapter as of yet. I love the twists that you keep adding to the story without making it go completely overboard.
That weird fluff monster in Pivot, wonder if that might be another faction or just the Land being angry? Curious...
And zebras, will you be introducing other races and expanding the world/lore more to explain the world politics (that statement about ' Equestria losing its global power and influence'?)
Eagerly anticipating the next chapter. See you later.
6490926 Thanks for the comment, I heard you like factions
But in all seriousness you should probably watch what you type, or at least use the spoiler tags for particular bits, please and thank you in advance.
As for stuff to do with other races/species and other nations, they aren't touched very heavily in this story, I had always intended to do a sidestory that would go into greater depth in those details, but as I've already said, the sequel and sidestories will not be written unfortunately.
Damn, I'm sorry. Got too caught up the story and forgot to watch my mouth. It won't happen again.
Nope, nope, nope. Rarity don't do it. Convincing the Liberators to work with Equestria will be tough enough without having the agent who is responsible for wounding Typhoon doing the talking. That's the opposite of diplomacy, that's baiting them to attack.
This reminds me of a Hunter game I was in, I played an ex-gang member in Detroit with extensive underworld contacts. The rest of the cell decided to send me to negotiate for info from another gang. But neglected to tell my black character that they were neo-Nazis. After struggling to succeed in getting any info, i walked out only to take a baseball bat to the head for critical damage, nearly killing me and leaving me crippled. He was not happy with the critical thinking of the cells leaders that day.
Is negotiate a synonym for assassinate in this country? Because if it is, they need Pinkie Pie, not Rarity.
I'm also not sure Maverick is the one Twilight should be dealing with. I know the situation right now is "pick your devil", but she could probably afford to shop around a bit more first before picking the first one that doesn't bite...
...well ok, insight into his personality helped a bit. Maybe she will get out of this ok.
::keeps reading::
Or maybe not.
Apparently Rarity failed her will saving throw. That's always annoying.
Good thing Twilight passed her arcana check, or Rarity might be in huge trouble!
Ooookay after the way the last chapter ended, I did Not expect this.Nice,that answers one suspicious action taken by a pony and soon the others shall follow.
Unless we get hit by another curveball.
Which Reeve loves to do.
Rarity can't seem to outrun narrative causality, can she?
6522645 She's pretty much a magnet for contrivances
Oh, Fluttershy. Looks like the Crusaders are a pretty nice group with somepony like her in-
Danger! The Fluttershy is a lie!
Well she might not be bad here. Not getting neutral healers involved in a side of a messy civil war is hardly bad. No sign of equalists being a thing yet. So I will hold out the dove of peace to her to see if she zaps it with the staff of sameness. Like a canary in a coal mine.
As an aside, for a group calling itself the Crusaders, they don't seem to be doing any crusading. Lets see some Knight Hospitallers and Paladins taking the field. Joking.
6530133 The Crusaders aren't a group on their own, they're just a subdivision of the Celestial Sisterhood as a whole, and ultimately follow the High Priestess's orders
Aw... look at that. It looks like Rarity might have finally found a local without guile or subter-
NOPE!
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!
SO MUCH FOR THAT IDEA, THE CULT LEADER FROM CHARLES MANSON'S NIGHTMARES SHOWED UP.
DANGER RARITY, DANGER! LEAVE BEFORE SHE BREAKS OUT THE BRAINWASHING ROOM!
Irkdkakx8j few p A P (@*alSLKV ML APA I CJ SQ LS0V
Hehem. Sorry about that. Starlight Glimmer creeps me out.
The web keeps on spinning and spinning. And its just that one web. Sigh I do love political conspiracies.
Rarity is certainly getting the hang of her part-time job.
Till next time.
You got me with the first part with the mare guardponies. Could feel the urgency in the chapter, one of my favorite.(Along with every other chapter...what? they're GOOD!)
Things are beginning to come together properly, maybe? Can never tell with you and your love for, things that come (mostly) out of nowhere.
Looking forward to the next part.Till next time!
Is AJ deaf? Isn't she on the beach just outside the city? An explosion that big would be heard miles away. When I was in Kandahar city someone chucked a gallon jug full of explosives over the wall of someones compound a few blocks from my base and that was loud enough to knock ceiling panels loose. Something big enough to destroy a castle would be audible for dozens of miles. Ponies the next village over would hear it.
Sorry if I'm rude, I don't have tact in the morning. Continuing to read.
6572866 I genuinely hadn't considered that, and now I feel kind of silly for making such an obvious oversight
6572958
It's ok, my experience is very different than most. You had to idea what an explosion like that would entail, while I had to do post-blast briefs to my boss in Iraq and would get woken up in Afghanistan to bombs going off miles away from my base. Like most people don't realize that guns are loud enough to deafen you after a few shots, and physical painful if you use them indoors where the sound bounces back at you. I had to explain that to my group during a more realistic WoD rp game I was having, people just don't have the experiences.
Back to the story, I'm struck that Clotheshorse didn't ask what that thing Twilight gave her was. Seems like she'd ask now why she felt the need to give her a gem (if I remember correctly). Also, who wants to bet Dash is going to make an appearance. Of course, with Twilight gone the 6 are still incomplete.
Ah, kinda reminds me of my first dip into the writing pool. It actually holds remarkable similarities, such as the in media res storytelling to a kind of oracle figure. Brings me back.
Interesting, will we see more such 'wildlife' introduced? Sure hope so.
And I know this is an adventure story but will we be seeing more development with rarity and the others bonds? I like how rarity's relation with the apple family has come along. Just curious, it feels a bit rushed with the others. Their entries were really good but will we know more about their backgrounds?
Thanks for the chapter, see you soon!
6586078 The story is only half over, there's plenty more time for relationship development, and backgrounds will definitely be revealed along the way
Things are getting creepier.....Yesssss
More meaty chapter today, nice!
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
That is exactly how you deal with stupid puzzle doors. Or at least how I wish you could deal with stupid puzzle doors.
I love how a the martial meritocracy here quickly bastardized its own beliefs and became whoever had the most followers can do what they want. That this Lt used his position to gang up and overpower others he might not be able to rather than keep to the values of personal skill and strength speaks at length at how big of a mess this city is.
Fortunately rainbowhorse is here, but it looks like it could be a bit until we have the full party of 6 with bookhorse back in Equestria and partyhorse being a ninja.
Cheery guys them...
Soooo, I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one hoping that Rarity gets to fight the big guy
Till next time.
I question the wisdom of sending two young, attractive mares into a place where the strong take what they want from the weak.
Wow, dumb move Iron Sights, she's just a messenger (as far as you know). Even if you kill her Maverick (again, as far as you know) already knows whatever it is you think she's talking about.
That it actually would keep it a secret is only luck on his part that Rarity is taking liberties with her mission. Still ignoring the situation out of spite is not the hallmark of a good leader. Might doesn’t make you a good leader in peace. Or even in war.