• Member Since 11th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Frozen Quill


I'm just here to take in tales of grand adventure, love and romance. Then perhaps spin a few of my own.

T
Source

A few months after the Royal Canterlot Wedding, Queen chrysalis went into hiding within the most south-eastern reaches of Equestria. Ryota, a changeling posing as a Pegasus Royal Guard at Canterlot quickly made his escape shortly before Cadance and Shining Armour released a spell sending Queen chrysalis, his brothers and sisters all over Equestria. Ryota finds himself walking alone in the Everfree forest when he meets a couple of morons who might just change his life, not necessarily for the better...

Cover artwork by Xenatalhaoui

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 1 )

Ok, here we go.

Characters: they really need more personality development, I mean, principal characters are exactly the same that any other changeling of the hive. For example, Ryota is second at mand, but he don't have any resalting atribute. Bigger wings? That's all?

Plot: what is it? I don't understand, first seems you want speak about relationship between Ryota and Chrysalis, but then two strange ponies appear with a profecy. What is the story purpose? Romance or adventure? Both? In any case, you need development. A lot of development.

Opinion 5/10 That story has potential, but you need to work more on it.

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