41. Commitment?
I arrived at the fancy condominium building late and let myself into Crystal’s place. With so many ponies out, I was right back in my old position of staying long past my normal hours. If officers even had normal hours.
Crystal looked up from the couch and said in an even tone, “Your dinner is cold.”
I nodded. “I’m not surprised. I hope you didn’t wait.”
“I did for a little while and then went ahead. Long day?”
As I removed my armor, I nodded. “Yeah. Finally found a new sergeant, most of the unit is still sick, and other things like that. I’m also planning a trip for Princess Luna, so that has me busy. How’re you?”
The mare stood and went to the kitchen to start heating up whatever it was she had made. “I’m fine.”
My ears flicked. “Fine, huh?”
“Yes, fine,” she repeated before setting a plate heavily on the counter.
I knew enough about mares to know that ‘fine’ meant ‘not fine,’ but I didn’t know enough to know what to do about it. Ignoring it seemed bad, though, so I lingered by the kitchen and said, “You seem angry.”
“No, I’m not angry. You’re late again. I just thought that was over.”
“It was, for the other things. I’m not sure it will ever be over though. That is part of my job.” She was angry. There was no doubt about that.
Crystal dumped the food from the skillet onto a plate. Zucchini and broccoli. She’d made one of my favorites. Had I missed something important again?
“I understand,” she said before levitating the plate over to me.
I took it and set it on the table. “Do you, honey?”
“What?” she asked, looking over at me.
“Do you understand?”
“What sort of question is that?” She huffed. “Of course, I understand! You are an important pony, you don’t control your schedule, and you had to work late again. That’s life.”
Did she, though? I wasn’t convinced of that. It was time to have the talk I’d been dreading. Putting it off any longer would just make it worse. “Right.”
“Right! Of course it’s right,” she half-snapped back.
“Crystal, I’m sorry about being late and putting you through this repeatedly. I think it’s time we had an honest conversation.”
Crystal froze where she stood and slowly turned towards me. Her jaw was set, the frustration written on her face. This was the moment. This was the point where I had to show her the reality of our situation.
“Alright. What do you want to talk about?” she replied in a strained tone.
That was far more of a loaded question that she knew. “This, everything. Me being late. My job. All of it.” I gestured widely with a hoof.
“What about it?”
“How long are you going to be fine with me coming home late? We’ve only been together a little while and I’m already missing dinner, skipping important events, and other things for my job. And you’re already upset.”
“I’m not upset!” Crystal said, her voice louder than normal. It then lowered as she added, “I would just like to know where my stallion is.”
“Look, I know it is frustrating… and it will only get worse. Stratus was never around when we needed him and, when he was, I’m not sure that was much better.”
Crystal waved a hoof at me. “You’re not your father. You’re not going to strike our foals in some strange warrior tradition to make them tough.”
With a soft sigh, I shook my head. “I’m not sure you’re listening, Crystal. I’m saying, if you’re frustrated now, imagine how you’ll feel later. Maybe… maybe you’d like to reconsider your answer.”
The unicorn’s eyes widened and she gasped. “How dare you!”
“I’m just trying to look out for you.”
“Look out for me? How dare you!” she repeated.
“Crystal, my job is always going to be a big part of who I am. That means leaving on short notice, long hours, and maybe even being killed. I’m not sure that is the kind of life for a pony like you.”
The mare crossed the condo to glare at me up close. “A pony like me? How dare you!”
For a moment, I was concerned I’d broken her. She just kept saying the same thing over and over. I opened my mouth and she stuffed a hoof over it.
“Don’t you dare! I’m sorry if I’ve been a little upset about you being gone so much, but you have been gone a lot lately! More than I think you ever have, and before you decide for me what kind of pony I am, maybe you should ask me!”
I tried to respond but her hoof held firm. “When you were in that hospital, I was so scared! I didn’t know how your mom could be so calm. You were dying, Silent Knight! You were dying and yes, I thought about running away, but I didn’t.
“No, I decided right then and there I would be tough. That it was worth loving you, all of you, regardless of the risks. So how dare you come into my home and suggest I’d be better off without you!”
My ears folded back and she finally moved her hoof. I said meekly, “I could die.”
“Yes. Yes, you could. Don’t imagine me to be some weak little mare, though. I’m prepared for that.”
“Are you really?” I asked, skepticism bleeding into my tone.
Her eyes filled with tears again and she bit out, “Of course not! Nopony could be! But I am prepared to be prepared to try, and I want the chance. Don’t you walk away from me thinking it will be for the best. I’ve worked too hard for this and love you too much.”
“I think you’re making a mistake,” I replied softly.
“Then it is mine to make! Do you really want to walk away from me?”
I shook my head. “Of course not, but I want what’s best for you.”
“You’re what is best for me! Do you know how much effort I’ve put in becoming a good officer’s wife? Do you realize how many horrible events I’ve had to endure for you? Do you really think I’d go through all of that if I wasn’t sure? If I didn’t love you?”
I blinked and then said plainly, “I never asked you to do any of that.”
Crystal sputtered, and her mouth opened. It worked a few times before she finally managed, “I… but… you…”
This was ridiculous. Was she serious? “I, what? Couldn’t care less about social appearances outside of my professional career?”
She blinked several times. “But a proper wife!”
“According to who?”
Her cheeks flushed red and she looked away after a moment of thought. “Okay, fine, point taken. It doesn’t change the facts, though! Do not change the subject! I’m not giving up on you… and you… well, you’ll just have to be as careful as you can be.”
“If I have to give it all up to do my job, I’m going to, Crystal. You have to understand that.”
She softly set her hoof over my heart and nodded. “I’m not sure I can understand, but I can accept it. Just… don’t put yourself in undue risk, okay? You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to go out there and look for some sort of glorious death.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t have to.”
She nodded. “Then don’t. Just do what you have to and think about coming home to me. Okay?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes! Quit asking. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know. Not the other way around.”
This was not the way I’d thought the conversation would go. She wanted to stick by me and even though I knew it was a mistake, I wanted her to stay. The thought of losing her hurt.
I stared at her in awe. Crystal was petite, but there was a fire in her spirit. It raged behind her beautiful eyes. Our life together had not been easy, but she never gave up. She always moved forwards.
She also had weird ideas sometimes. I shifted the topic back a bit and asked, “Why did you think I’d want you to go to all of those events? I’d have much rather had you around.”
Crystal sighed and just shook her head. “I was assuming things… who knows. I’ll stop going. That will make your schedule easier. It will give me more time to write, too.”
“Yeah. And once ponies are well, I’ll try to keep some regular hours.”
“Okay,” she whispered, setting her head against mine. “I just want to get married and live happily ever after.”
I chuckled softly and set a hoof over hers. “I think all the work starts after you get married.”
“Probably… but we have to get that far at least.”
I nodded and then my ear twitched. “So set a date. If you’re determined to marry me, then let’s just get married.”
Crystal blinked and looked up at me. “Seriously?”
“Of course. Pick a date and start planning.”
The mare stood in silence for a moment before she nodded resolutely. “Well, okay, then. I’ll start planning.”
“Good. Let me know how it goes,” I said teasingly.
“Let you know? Where are you going to be?”
“Well… unfortunately, Haven. We can talk about that later, though. Tell me about your dream wedding.”
There was a moment of trepidation before Crystal giggled. “I want it to happen in a rose garden.”
☾
Mindful Soul’s office was very different from Crossroads’s. It had the bookcases, sure, but they made up the outside border. The center area was wide open with a few pillows and a couple of balls to sit on. She also had more windows, but they were high up, so there was no need to shade them.
There were a few plush pony dolls, too. Maybe that’s why Azurite liked Mindful Soul so much. She could come, get therapy, and play with dolls. Azurite struck me as the type of ponies to like dolls.
“Silent Knight?” Mindful Soul asked in a soft but even tone.
“Hmm?”
“Do you like the stuffed animals?”
“Oh, they’re nice. I was thinking about my… I think she’s my niece? Or something. My sister’s marefriend’s little sister. She’d like these. Especially that green one.”
Mindful Soul chuckled and nodded. “Well, I see fillies and colts, too. The stuffed animals help ease their anxiety, but they are not exclusively for little ponies. Mares and stallions are welcome to hold them, and many do. They are my assistants.”
I picked up the green one. “Fair enough.”
“My colleague’s notes say you were most insistent about seeing me. Why?”
I looked Mindful Soul over. She wasn’t exactly what I’d expected, honestly. She was a very thin unicorn, so delicate that I imagined a stiff wind could blow her away. Her coat had a sheen to it and was a rich purple color. By contrast, her mane was almost white and was cut so that it hung no lower than her jaw.
“You came highly recommended,” I replied.
“He does, too. Why me?”
“You treat Azurite and she seems like she’s doing pretty well. If you can help a sweet mare like that deal with killing a pony, I should be easy. Although, in hindsight, I imagine Azurite likes the dolls, which may be why she likes you.”
Mindful Soul kept an even expression, betraying nothing. She’d have been an excellent guard. “It doesn’t exactly work that way, Lieutenant Knight… or, if you prefer, Silent Knight.”
“Silent Knight.”
“I see. So that we can be less formal?”
“You’re not a guard. There’s no sense in it. Unless you want me to call you Doctor Soul.”
“I don’t. Formality has its place in the Guard, but not here. Now, speaking about you being here. I see you are having grief over losing ponies. Maybe some anger issues, too?”
I flinched. “That’s what Orchid says, yes.”
Mindful Soul’s brow arched. “And you disagree?”
“No, not really. It does seem weird to me that somepony can just say I have issues so casually.” I waggled the pony doll in my hooves. “Oh, it is just this and that. Like… oh, the sky is blue and grass is green.”
“I see. And you feel like it isn’t that simple. You’re unique.”
I looked up at her. “Shouldn’t I feel that way?”
“Of course. Just because you have common symptoms doesn’t mean you have to be treated in a generalized way. I treat all of my patients uniquely.”
“Fair enough.”
“You don’t like therapy, do you?” she asked rather pointedly.
I shook my head. “Not really. My family is private and prideful. I didn’t like Orchid and Princess Luna arranging this without consulting me. I feel… betrayed by them.”
“Would you have come on your own?”
My ear flicked. “Unlikely.”
“Well, there you go. The betrayal, as you say, was necessary in their minds. So, why don’t you like therapy?”
I shrugged as I shifted the doll from one hoof to the other. “Therapy seems unnatural. I come here and talk about my problems while some other pony sits there, takes notes, and judges me.”
Mindful Soul crackled a small smile. “I’m not going to sit here and judge you. I’m going to help you get better, just like any other doctor, assuming you let me. If you fight me the whole way, it is going to take a lot longer, if at all.”
“I’m not trying to be combative. It just keeps coming out,” I said with a sigh. “You seem very nice.”
“Thank you. Why don’t we take it slow? I’ve read through your file. You’ve had an incredibly fast and impressive career. That is a lot of stress for a young pony.”
“My father trained me from a very young age for this career.” I tried not to frown. “I can deal with the stress.”
“Well… you say that, but as I mentioned before, you’re still grieving over the loss of your subordinates. You’re also struggling with sudden bouts of anger. We need to teach you to deal with those issues better so you can do your job and keep building out this impressive file.”
“Right. Well, just tell me how to do that and I’ll be on my way, then.”
Mindful Soul softly chuckled. “Silent Knight, I can’t just give you a magic pill or spell. It takes work. Now tell me, why has it taken you so long before these problems were noticed by your associates? You’ve managed to keep it hidden for a year without consequence. Then suddenly your behavior became erratic enough to be noticed? No… something set you off. What was it?”
Well, perhaps there was something to her after all. I looked her in the eye. “You’re very good.”
She shrugged. “Don’t stall.”
“Sure, sure.” I set the doll on my hoof and tried to get its floppy limbs to settle into a proper sit. “I ended up in another battle. Some of my ponies were injured, and I killed several enemy soldiers.”
Mindful Soul took a moment to flip through my folder. “Forgive me, but I don’t see anything like that in here. Nor am I aware of enemy soldiers presently in our kingdom.”
“You wouldn’t. It was off the books. A classified operation.”
“I see… and the House Guard typically conducts clandestine operations that result in combat?”
I shook my head. “Not usually, no.”
“Why an exception here, then?”
“I orchestrated an operation with an Equestrian Intelligence Service agent to locate the gryphon that attacked Princess Luna. We found him and his soldiers, tricked them into coming to Equestria, and then ambushed them. I killed him myself with my own sword.”
Not just my own sword, but the sword Runic had given me. My chest tightened at that thought. Such a special gift, now stained with blood.
“Interesting. You and this agent must be really good to do that.”
I shrugged. “She’s really good at her job, I guess. I’m pretty good at mine, too. My plan was excellent. They never saw us coming.”
Mindful Soul took a few more notes and looked off towards one of the windows for a moment. “Command ordered this?”
“No.”
“Ah. You could lose your career for this depending on if that agent was running this officially. Are you sure that isn’t what set you off?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Honestly, that is the least of my worries. Some young ponies got hurt because I took them with us. One of them saved my life, but she had to kill a gryphon to do it. She didn’t take that well.”
“Guilt, then. Or should I say, more guilt?”
“Yeah… the first time, I lost three ponies that were directly under my command. Seven others as well who had no business being there. Palace guards…”
Her ear flicked. “You weren’t in command.”
My grip tightened on the doll and I felt its stuffing shift against my hoof. One of its limbs puffed up from the increase in volume. “They were my ponies. I was the section NCO. I don’t want to argue semantics. You can’t convince me that just because I wasn’t the officer responsible that I am somehow absolved. This has always been my unit. They were my guards.”
Mindful Soul steepled her hooves. “Oh, don’t underestimate me… but I understand. So, you believe this is all about you losing ponies and ponies getting hurt. It has nothing to do with you being hurt or having to kill.”
“Yes?” I avoided looking at her to instead try to get the doll’s limb back to its normal size, squeezing so the extra stuffing returned to its proper place. It wasn’t the doll’s fault, after all.
“Killing him had nothing to do with the fact that he hurt you?”
“Of course it did. That isn’t the only reason I did it, though.”
She asked pointedly, “Isn’t it?”
“No. You can believe what you like, but that wasn’t the sole reason. This wasn’t a revenge killing.”
“I don’t believe anything. Tell me why. Elaborate how this wasn’t revenge.”
“He killed ponies, and I didn’t trust the gryphons to punish him. He attacked Princess Luna, and there is no forgiving that. While he was alive, he was a threat to her and a threat to others. He had to be put down.”
“I shall root out and remove all threats to her security and ensure her wellbeing for the good of all ponies,” Mindful Soul quoted as she took a few notes.
“Yes. I removed the threat.”
Mindful Soul nodded and then motioned. “Why did it have to be you? You and your EIS agent could have turned it over to the proper authorities to execute the plan. Why you?”
“That is because… I guess. I mean…”
“Yes?”
I relented with a sigh. She had me there. “I guess that part was revenge. I thought if I killed him myself it would…”
She looked over at me. “It would what?”
I shook my head. I could feel the anger starting to catch fire, a spark against a flimsy piece of paper that was my self-control lately.
“It would what, Silent Knight? Why did it have to be you?”
The paper went up in flames. “I thought I’d be free of him! I always felt him looming over me. If I did it myself, I’d overcome it and be free. No more weakness, no more feeling sorry for myself. I beat him. It wasn’t even a contest. For a year, I’d prepared. It was all over so quick. I won the battle!”
“And?” she pressed.
My hoof clenched tight around the doll and started trembling. “And it didn’t matter! Things only got worse. I got more ponies hurt and my ponies are still dead. I failed them as a leader. What do I have to do to make it right for them? How do I do my job if I can’t even get over ponies being injured?”
Mindful Soul set her notes aside and stood. She approached me, set the squished doll aside, and took my hooves in hers. “You did not fail before. If it wasn’t for you, more ponies would have died. Maybe even the princess. Your judgment was impaired, but you did not fail. You removed a perceived threat.”
“Blood doesn’t wash off, and there is a lot of my ponies’ blood on these hooves. I’m just at the start of my career. How many more will I have on me before it’s over?”
The unicorn lifted them up and looked them over. “Emotional wounds can’t be fixed, Silent Knight. They can, however, be mitigated and sometimes made into strengths. If you really think you have too much blood on these hooves, why bother carrying on as a guard?”
I stared at her. “What else would I do? I don’t know how to do anything else. I’m a warrior. I should be strong enough to be a warrior that can get past these things. You can’t have weak ponies in my line of work. Those are the ponies that don’t make it.”
She squeezed my hooves. “I don’t think you’re a weak pony because you have feelings. You shouldn’t, either.”
I snorted. “Alright, I’ll try. What do I do?”
“To start, you come and see me. Often, for now. You went pretty extreme with your reaction to your grief and injury.” There was a hint of a smile on her muzzle. “You don’t do anything halfway, do you?”
“My father always taught me to finish a mission.”
Mindful Soul let my hooves go and stood. Lightly, she patted my head. “Well, the mission just started, soldier. We’re in this for the long haul. See you in two days.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied.
☾
The large red doors that separated the Unicorn Temple grounds from Canterlot loomed in front of me. Nopony was waiting for me this time. Perhaps, for once, the exemplar hadn’t known I was coming. To be fair, I hadn’t been sure I was going to, either.
I knocked three times and waited. It wasn’t long before the door opened, and to my surprise, Tranquil Dusk peered out at me. “Hello, Silent Knight.”
The sight of her sent a shiver along my spine and, for a moment, I couldn’t speak. When I found my composure, the words that fell out of my mouth were, “Please tell me you’re not having visions now, too.”
She shook her head. “Oh, no. The exemplar said you might benefit from seeing me, though.”
“Well…” I shifted. “I did come to see you. May I come in?”
She stepped back and replied, “Of course. You are always welcome in this place.”
I sighed and walked through the door. “You’re starting to sound like her.”
“True, I am. If you spend as much time with her as I do, it sort of happens, I think. Why have you come?”
The garden was peaceful and quiet. I hadn’t been inside the grounds in a while. Slowly, I started to trot down my usual path, and Tranquil fell in beside me. I wasn’t eager to talk yet, but hiding from it wouldn’t be right.
“You didn’t respond to my notes,” I said finally. “And I should have checked on you sooner.”
“You put me in good hooves, and I did not want to see or hear from you.”
“I’m supposed to be your guardian.”
She softly laughed. “A young pony watching two young ponies he barely knows. Willful young ponies, I should add. I’m not sure that was fair. Still, I appreciate that you take your promises so seriously.”
“I do. I let my own… whatever it is get in the way of my best judgment, and now you and Crimson are hurt. I’m sorry.”
Tranquil nodded. “I accept your apologies and forgive you.”
I blinked and looked over at her. “What? Just like that?”
“Yes, for you, just like that. You tried to warn us. You tried to turn us off. You may not have outright refused, but it isn’t like you lied or encouraged us. You gave in. You gave in and made sure we’d survive it. Perfect? No… but we survived it. Now I’m studying under a scion and she has shown me that you are not to blame for my pain.
“I should also be honest and say that I do, now and then, blame you still. The idea of you stands my coat on end. The exemplar sent me to fetch you as part of my recovery. To see the actual pony and not the idea of him.”
So Ferrel had seen me coming after all. Great. At least she was helping Tranquil, whose tone had been even, almost light, even though the last few words were clipped and strained.
“Does the idea match the pony?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
She shook her head. “No. I thought you would, but no. When the exemplar and I speak and revisit my memories, I realize it isn’t fair to hold you solely responsible. I approached you first. I followed you after you asked me not to. I felt compelled in my own way, just as you did. Crimson and I held you up as something more than a pony, but in the end, you’re just an imperfect pony like us. What we did wasn’t fair.”
Exemplar Ferrel seemed to have made far more progress with Tranquil than Mindful Soul had made with me. I could still sense her anger, but she was keeping herself relatively calm. Perhaps the nox pony was more receptive to healing than me.
I cleared my throat, discomfort filling my chest with a heavy weight. I guided the conversation away. “You study with a scion now, but didn’t you before? Moonlit Star is a scion, I thought.”
Tranquil waved a hoof dismissively. “Yes, but she’s my grandmother first. We disagreed about things, and I was too foolish to listen to her. She was also too concerned with me as her granddaughter to be a good teacher.”
“I see.” I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I’m glad that you find yourself suited to the exemplar’s teaching.”
She nodded. “I am. There is much for me to do still to return to my footing. I’m still struggling to find my place in our world again. I know I don’t ever want to take another life. That isn’t right…” She paused and then waved a hoof. “I mean, not for me. It isn’t right for me. It is your job if it has to be.”
Right for me. Of course. That was what Silent Knight did: he was a killer when he had to be. I tried to push the nausea and anger down and said, “We’re going back to Haven. Your brother didn’t want to go. Would you like to?”
Tranquil shook her head. “No. I will not leave the grounds. Not yet. As I said, I don’t know my place in the world beyond.”
“I understand, but what should I tell Moonlit Star?”
“That my brother and I are both in good hooves? That we are safe? I do not know any better than you do. Tell her whatever is necessary.”
We approached the small bridge that was built over the stream that ran along the temple grounds. Exemplar Ferrel was standing on it, already looking our way.
Tranquil slowed and eventually came to a stop. She nodded at me and said, “I’ll see you when you get back.”
I stopped, too, and looked between the exemplar and nox pony. “You’re not staying?”
Tranquil shook her head. “No. I think the things we were meant to do together are done for now. Life is going to take us down different paths. You are a reminder, and until I see you as a friend again, I think it is best we part company. Just know that I don’t blame you.
“And, though it truly pains me to say it, I think you have a long path ahead, Silent Knight. I won’t follow this time. The blinder of youthful foolishness is gone. Where you go next, you go alone.”
With as much dignity as I could, I kept my form straight. Whether she blamed me or not, this was goodbye. A severing of our associations. All of them.
She was a smart pony.
My hoof found her shoulder and I nodded. “That is for the best. You’re a smart pony, and I wish you well. I’ll give your grandmother your love.”
“Thank you,” she replied, her eyes turning to the mare standing on the bridge. “I know you think ill of her, but she is waiting for you. Go to her, Silent Knight.”
There was not a lot of desire to take myself forwards. The mere visage of Ferrel exhausted me. Where I had once sought comfort and knowledge from her, I now dreaded what she might know about me and what was to come.
Quitting, however, was never the hallmark of my family. We were the ponies that did the horrible jobs and kept going. We were the ones that stood halfway in the shadow to make sure there was enough light for the regular ponies. The remaining distance to the bridge seemed immense but I left Tranquil Dusk’s side and crossed it. It was what I had to do.
“Good afternoon, Silent Knight,” the exemplar said to me as she peered down into the water.
“Good afternoon, Exemplar.”
“You’ve finally returned.”
I nodded. “I have.”
“You look better, though I can sense a great deal of dread and trepidation.”
I peered at her, trying to not glare. “Is that another special power you have?”
“What?” She looked over and shook her head. “No. I’m reading your body language.”
“Of course.” Several small fish went on down the stream going about their day. I looked down at them. “My path isn’t over?”
“Far from it.”
“More violence?” I asked.
“Unfortunately, so.”
My stomach felt like it was turning inside-out. “More death?”
“Much.”
“Why me?” It was a simple enough question. If it was to be me. I had a right to know.
The exemplar shrugged. “It doesn’t have to be. I’m certain if not you, some other pony would step into the role. Though, perhaps not. You do not seem as if you’ll back down.”
I blinked at that and shook my head. “But why me? That didn’t answer my question.”
“Did it not? As I said, you do not seem as if you’ll back down. You stepped forwards. You chose to be her protector. You chose to be her agent. You chose to be her knight. And, when the time comes, you will choose to step into the line of fire. Why you? Ask yourself that.”
How was it possible to hate a pony without hating her? I knew it wasn’t Ferrel’s fault. I hated her anyway. And I didn’t hate her at all.
“You’re saying it isn’t fate or destiny?” I asked. “It’s all of my choosing?”
“It could be some of both, but fate or destiny cannot force us to do anything. It merely calls to ponies it thinks might be right. Those ponies must choose to answer or not. You have chosen to answer the call just, as your first opponent did.”
My brow furrowed. “What?”
“Your opponent answered the call of the darkness, just as you answer the call of the alicorns. Was that not evident? He was a wicked being that followed a path of greed. Money, power, and fame were what he sought, and the darkness was all too willing to provide it. He accepted its offer, and it enhanced what evil was already there.”
Something in my blood went cold. Was Alastair more than a pawn of his kingdom, but an unwilling participant, too? Had his actions truly not been his own after all?
She looked at me, or maybe through me, and then shook her head. “No, Silent Knight. Neither the darkness nor the alicorns can control us. They call us, guide us, whisper to us. But in the end, it is we who must choose.”
“And you think the alicorns wanted me to kill him?”
The exemplar fell silent as her eyes lost focus, and I knew she was gone.
I set my hooves on the wooden railing of the bridge and watched the fish go by as I tried to process everything. Hadn’t I seen dark smoke when Alastair died? Was that the darkness Ferrel spoke of?
Was that darkness the same as what Princess Celestia had shown me? I remembered her saying that dark magic had a will of its own.
Then Exemplar Ferrel blinked and looked over at me. “Silent Knight. Hello again.”
“Hello, Exemplar.”
“Lovely day today. Plenty of sunshine.”
“Yes…” I blinked.
After a moment of awkward silence, she tilted her head. “When the alicorns call, you’ll know. It will be your choice to answer. Are you ready?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
She sat a hoof on my shoulder and squeezed it, smiling. “That is fine. You have time.”
“I do?”
“You do.” Her hoof slipped away. “You should visit more often. I do miss our walks. Good day, Silent Knight. Safe trip back.”
A part of me wanted to stay and demand answers, but she turned back to the stream. I was dismissed. Perhaps that was for the best.
I bowed my head. “Good day, Exemplar.”
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Gotta love a Ferrel scene.
Always nice to see the exemplar. *Gestures to ward off evil*
The talk with Crystal was a bit underwhelming considering the cliffhanger, but Silient was very good with the distracting shinies to avoid the full on conversation now.
You know, I think it's my goal in life to walk up to someone like the Exemplar and have them instantly start vomiting uncontrollably and shouting "YOU SHOULD NOT BE!!!"
This chapter doesn't open up a can of worms, but a barrel of them.
Silent Knight is going to have some tough choices ahead of him. Princess Luna is confirmed as evil/ harboring seeds of evil, however he is sworn to her. Will he be able to strike her down or will he stand as her champion against the forces of light?
This must be why Princess Luna gave Velvet the creeps early on.
6569830
Evil isn't something inherent to a person, you have to make the choice to be evil. Nightmare Moon was evil, and while Princess Luna was evil enough to embrace darkness at the time, I don't believe she is so now.
Woop, more ferrel. Havent seen her in a while. I liked the explanation of destiny
As soon as I read the first sentences I was like 'OH BOY! Battle stations everyone!'
:sips the wine still:
Oh, this is not over, I can tell it.
I have to commend you on the scene with Ferrel. The realization about fate and destiny. As long as we do not consider that we always have a choice, as long as we hide behind scriptures, duty, tradition, we are but observers of our own existences.
I hope that Silent Knight soon realizes that he needs to take control of his life properly.
6569830
I'm not sure such a thing — if accurate — would be so simple. Even if Luna does have that darkness inside her, it is still her choice. Silent Knight need not choose between aiding or opposing her.
He need only show her that it is her choice. A knight does more that face down threats and represent his Princess. He is an advisor, too, and a friend.
ooo boy. this is one of them hinge chapters. But, I think it swung silent in the right direction. The fight with Crystal has galvanized them I think, made them stronger. It was needed long time coming, Crystal showed him shes in for the long hall and I think he needed that, a sort of bed rock besides Luna if you will.
Silent Knight. Manly enough to hold stuffed animals without shame. Then again who don't love a plushy sometimes. Anyway The therapist seems to know more then she lets on, but its interesting on how she shows him how badly hurt he really is, and that his father may not have been right about holding all those emotions in.
YAY FERREL! Ive missed the time viewing pony, its good to see that she is helping tranquil. I think she has given him the best advice, Fate and destiny are guidelines, they can provide you a path, but you cant be forced to walk down it. I think he does need to see her more too. Atleast she is giving him a warning saying hey look out, be prepared.
I think though, all in all, Silent needs to have a heart to heart with Luna. He has a lot of unresolved issues with her, that I believe she is able to help him a lot more than anyone else though. All in all a great chapter, I love the series and the Quill and Blade universe.
6569758 Agreed. She laid down a lot of information!
6569762 Not every cliffhanger will resolve in an explosion ;) They're just designed to create tension. If they always ended up with something huge then future cliffhangers would, by definition, give things away!
6569774 I'm not sure Ferrel would do that ;)
6569830 I don't think confirmed as evil works here. Seeds of evil, absolutely but I also believe that everyone has evil inside them. Not in some religious sense. Just in the fact that we're not perfect. We all have cross or wrong thoughts now and then. Most of us don't act on them. Some people do. Alastair and Luna can't be compared apples to apples though.
Did Luna have a lot or a little? Did Alastair have a lot or a little? We don't know yet. Luna turned away from the Darkness. Alastair didn't seem to.
6569861 A very fair point.
6569866 She has a certain viewpoint that I enjoy!
6569874 Haha yeah... these sorts of conversations are never fun.
6569879 Ferrel certainly complicates/simplifies a lot of things for Silent Knight.
6569926 It is certainly never that simple when it comes to me ;D
6569941 There isn't any shame in holding a plush during therapy! Silent Knight is a stallionly stallion! ;D Usually anyway.
6569960 Then it wouldn't have been a cliffhanger! I do so love cliffhangers to add tension. Even if they don't always end in explosions.
And yes, there were a ton of implications from Ferrel. So many!
She only uses that name at karaoke bars.
6570018
Oh come now, haven't you ever wanted to give someone a poke in the third eye?
6570115 Meh :D
6570166 I subscribe to the Adam West Batman version of cliffhangers. It is actually influential on how I pace the story :) As far as pay off being greater, I guess that is a personal opinion. It was clear SK was trying to break off the relationship but Crystal let it be known she was committed for the long hall. For me that is a pretty big deal. Obviously not everyone agrees :)
6570188
I swear friend, sometimes I think you don't have a rebellious bone in your body...
6570219 Hahaha. Well... I'm old... so maybe I'm "the man" now.
6570018
You're about as straightforward as a u-turn.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Ferrel again <3 I too miss her walks with Silent.
Aaand I'm catching up with your universe again. Onto Azurite
Thank goodness for Crystal sticking by him and not letting Silent ruin his own life out of guilt.
Are Ferrel's phase out moments getting worse?
Tranquil is really maturing too. She seems so much more "zen" since being in the temple.
6570386
They way she spoke, i think Ferrel is rubbing off on her.
Great chapter. I think it deserves a video.
Damn... dat argument. At least Silent will always have Crystal now!
And Ferrel, Knight and Tranquil's interactions were nice to see. Can't wait until the next chapter. 
Hopefully he begins to get better, but Ferrel's words.... that's rather foreboding.... I almost feel sorry for Silent and the path he's going to be walking....
I certainly hope Silent Knight will continue going to the therapy sessions. As much as he hates it, he does need help. It seems, for now, that he holds the therapy in a slightly more positive light.
So that shadowy substance that emitted from Alistair was something relative to the darkness that Sombra had correct? If that is the case, SK needs to be careful, he is treading near something far more dangerous than he realizes. If he ventures too far, there may be no coming back.
i.ebayimg.com/images/i/201167844506-0-1/s-l1000.jpg
First, I am very glad to see Silent Knight getting therapy. He really needs the help and Mindful Soul seems like she will be good for him so I am definitely looking forwards to seeing more of their meetings in future chapters.
Second, it is great to see Ferrel come back. I really like her character and she has some very interesting ways of framing important insights like her talk about good, evil, and destiny here. I am definitely looking forwards to more of her in the future now that Silent is done avoiding her.
Surprisingly, I don't have too much to say this time. :P The talk between SK and Crystal did need to happen to make their bond stronger. SK did have to know that it won't be easy to get rid of Crystal, Likewise, Crystal needed to hear from SK himself that he really will make the ultimate sacrifice if need be and that she doesn't need to waste time in the social circles (in your face Upper Crust
). Although, I do agree with the others that it was a bit underwhelming coming off a cliffhanger. Sorry 
Should be choose, not chose.
(sighs with relief) Thank goodness that Silent and Crystal shall remain together.
That was way too close for comfort.
Wow, Silent. Maybe you should take up reading in your spare time. You could learn so much about relationship discussions by reading some romance novels.
It's amazing how much that conversation subtly tells about his character. He's still a very private and somewhat self-possessed pony despite all the steps he's taken. I don't think he'll ever lose that, but it will be interesting to see what progress he makes and how.
I also expect one hell of a conversation between Crystal and one of her closest confidants after this. Sunbeam maybe.
6569861
That's why a meteor striking the Earth is very bad, but it's not evil; there was no conscious choice.
6570386
I don't think so. I think Silent just triggered her that time.
Ferrel intervention became more and more weird x)
Okay, when did Silent turn pirate? Is this some sort of epic foreshadowing to when Princess Celestial sends him off to terminate potential threats to her kid sister and he goes undercover?
6573724 Silent knight's always been a pirate, cause he be stealing all the booty
6575687 >_<
6573724 I'm going to say he is a pirate deep down vs that just being a typo.
6572989 She's a weird mare for sure! Probably my favorite weird mare.
6572029 SK most certainly keeps everything very guarded. It has only been the last year or so that even he and Winterspear are opening up. Plus Wallflower too. Emotions have always been repressed! Of course he is starting to see what good that did.
6571977 Their relationship is a pillar of the story so I think it is safe to say that will happen.
6571663 He's just lucky that Crystal is so committed to him! A lesser mare might have let him go.
6571290 Agreed. She let him know the truth about her plans.
6571232 Eh it's okay. I'm not going to please everyone all the time and ultimately if every cliffhanger turned out to be followed by something insane I couldn't use them :)
6571196 Bringing Mindful Soul in was really important. Azurite has been hinting to him about her for a while. Plus yes, Ferrel being back on the inside is awesome. She's a pony I have to use sparingly though given her gift!
6571137 Well, in Q&B We've never seen Sombra so we can't say for certain the two are related ;D
6571031 Yeah... unfortunately it seems he has more work to do. If he chooses to do so!
6570623 Thank you ^_^
6570602 A little bit for sure!
6570386 It is really hard to say with Ferrel. We know that she's had more since SK came into her life. Of course prior to that she hid in the temple all of the time to avoid it.
6570320 Amen! A good mare is needed to keep stallions in line.
6570277 A little Ferrel never hurt anyone ;) Glad you're catching up!
6570258 More next week for sure!
6570242 Hey now, let's not turn this into commentary about my sexual orientation.
6579845
Not really sure such a commentary is necessary, or was even implied; I think all of us assumed your orientation was towards either Crystal Wishes, or spanakopita, and I'm pretty sure that second one is an unfounded rumor started by the spinach industry to boost sales.
6579845 Well, someone's been busy replying to comments.
Definitely. Now to see where it goes.
Honestly, you could really get a lot more out of her than you do. Yes her gift is potentially destructive, but she said she was not getting a lot of visions around Silent earlier and a lot of their talks have focused more on his life than major events. You could easily shift her more into his circle of normal friends by talking her into leaving the temple at some point (maybe with Tranquil when she is feeling up to it) and coming to meet Crystal and some of his other friends. By keeping things mostly social you would avoid most of the problems associated with her gift, and you could even have some fun with it by having her team up with Silent for a board game. I think it would be very interesting to get some insight on how her visions work, and a game would be a good safe way to do that while also exploring what her false leads actually look like. It would also be interesting to get her impression of his knight stuff because some of it like the bits about negotiating with dragons seem like things she would be interested in while other parts go against her beliefs. After all, she is an interesting pony with a very unique perspective on life and it would be a shame to waste that because you are afraid of the power of her gift.
*fist-pump* Hell yeah, Crystal, you tell him!
Heh, so Silent never even knew the why of all those events. I suppose that isn't a surprise.
Amen.
That was a long awaited conversation, and I'm really glad it didn't send our favorite ship into the rocks. And would you look at that, communication works!
And apparently results in wedding plans.
Gotta love a good therapy session scene. Mindful Soul is a sharp one.
It's really good to see that Tranquil is by all appearances doing much better.
Oh my, a conversation with Ferrel. Those can be...illuminating.
Ooooo, confirmation.
Well. This should be very exciting, after a while at least. That exchange does make me wonder if events with Alistair needed to play out the way they did as preparation for the upcoming crisis.
I can never trust therapists. The few that I've ever seen always start off with, "let's just talk" then you end up spilling your whole life story out to them it always freaks me out. I can relate to SK there.
6579845 That just cries for a picture where Runic and Silent are hijacking an airship, with Silent yelling "Har har, me mateys!"
I read this chapter and went "YESSSSS! GO CRYSTAL!!!" Woohoo!
It infuriates me how Silent endangers everyone who participated in that raid, again. This isn’t like when he spilt the beans to his sister: the therapist might be legally obligated to keep her lips shut but there’s no rapport there, no history, and no known vested interest in his welfare beyond that of the doctor–patient dynamic, let alone the welfare of any of the other participants. The only thing, apart from ethical guidelines, preventing the therapist from snitching would be her assuming that Silent is not only being honest when he said he did the right thing™ but that his assessment was accurate. Depending on her ideals and how much of the bigger picture she has it’s entirely possible she’ll come to the conclusion that it wasn’t and that something this important warrants breaking doctor–patient confidentiality. And if she does decide to snitch then it’s not just their livelihoods that he has endangered, but their lives and potentially Equestria itself as there’s no guarantee that Alistair’s patron won’t hear about the inevitable investigation.
Ahhh. That scene was perhaps even more satisfying from Silent's perspective.
Good. Therapy. As much as he doesn't want it, Silent clearly needs it. And Mindful Soul deffinitly seems to be a good person for the task.
Ahhhh Ferrel. I shall never tire of you.
I think you want it IS we who must choose.
Unless she's secretly Yoda or something.
6677293 I don't think this scene was in any other stories... are you telling me there's one from Ferrel's perspective?
Tiny typo:
end it we who must choose.”==> end it is we who must choose
I think Ferrel may be my favorite character besides azurite.
wow now this is a chapter that packs a truck load of power.
and at the same time in the first story I chose a song to be Silent Knight them song and this chapter confirmed it totally.
this is the path he has chosen to walk.
6733142
Insightful, you are. Almost missed it, I did.
7606945 Commander Twilight Sparkled called and demanded her anthem back.
7984896 Unfortunately that is dedicated the the United States Armed forces Crossing over from the barrier, and it isn't property of this so called "Commander Twilight Sparkle."