Yay! Some more Futalight goodness!

s2.quickmeme.com/img/45/4522337cca37c3769f5cfdc1bf313f19bde87b1158e716b1149722b705663e8d.jpg

This appeals to my fetish side, but I am too tired to attempt a read. To the secret 'personal favorites' list with you!

Pretty good, overall. I mean, it's a clopfic, and it was pretty damn hot, so ya dun good in my book. My only complaint is that it probably could have been split into sub-chapters. I skimmed by a few paragraphs cuz damn, that was long.

Pretty good, overall. I mean, it's a clopfic, and it was pretty damn hot, so ya dun good in my book. My only complaint is that it probably could have been split into sub-chapters. I skimmed by a few paragraphs cuz damn, that was long.

- ClopperNumber42

I agree with Clopper: This was overall good, and was fairly well written, but...

1.) It needs to be split into separate chapters or at least sections ( a simple ~ or - separated by a couple of spaces can be used to indicate a section or perspective change. I also suggest double-spacing instead of indenting - digital media has infinite space, so use it!)

2.) It got SO REPETITIVE with your wording choices and lack of naming. "The willing mare", "the endowed mare", "the gooey mare", "the gelatinous mare" - these are all not really personally (poni-ally?) identifying, not to mention really repetitive and (to me at least) rather annoying.

It's suggested that you use a character's ACTUAL NAME as often as possible in a story without making it sound repetitious, substituting a pronoun (he, she, it, they, etc.) to avoid that. In short, you should be using a name at least every couple sentences as to not confuse the reader, as well as to make the scene more clear and concise. If there are more then one individual involved, you should use their name every time they speak or a character does something after another (IE: X dropped a pencil, so Y picked it up and gave it to him. NOT: He dropped a pencil , and she gave it to him.)

"Applejack picked up the shiny red apple, wiping her hoof over it before carefully placing it into the basket carried by Apple Bloom, her young sister. Applejack loves to work on the Apple family farm, now looking proudly over the acres of apple trees with their bounty ripe for the taking."

for example, sounds way better then

"The orange mare Applejack picked up the shiny red apple, wiping her orange hoof over the rosy apple before placing it into the brown wicker basket held by the yellow mare. The sweaty, hard-working mare loves to work on the Apple family farm, the glistening mare now looking proudly over the acres of apple trees with their bounty ripe for the taking."

As you can see, there is such a thing as being too descriptive and non-specific as a result.

As a lesser note, you also had a few grammatically awkward areas and a typo or two throughout, so maybe a spell-check wouldn't be a bad idea before submitting next time.

On a positive note: your description of the scene and actions, and attention to detail is absolutely great. I wish more people knew how to add detail to their stories and build a mental picture as few authors can.So major kudos for that.

Overall, I'll happily give this a 7/10 - it was definitely above average for this site, both for story and execution - if kinda lacking in proper labeling and structure.

Great job, and best of luck on your next story.

~Legion

5724875
Thanks for the input. Most of the time, I find the same name repeated a little dull. I understand the opposite can be the same for others, though. Yes, there probably were a few mistakes that slipped by me the few times I looked it over.

As for dividing it up? I prefer not to if it's just some simple clop material. I do have a multi-chapter story coming soon, though. Glad you enjoyed it!

5724949 No problem. If i see a story that's just slightly lacking in my opinion, I always try to help the author out with some tips for future endeavors or edits to that story.

I shall watch you and see what this multi-chapter story is about, for it has piqued my interest. I like your creativity.

~Legion

i hardly ever read stories a second time (because i have so many others i really want to get to in my read-later-folder).

that said, i read this one again. thanks for writing this sweet little story :)

5724949

My only "complaint" would be that you missed some opportunities with the entire "goo pone" kink. Like, Twilight's cock could have slid into Rose's body when she was being tit fucked, you know? Or had Rose stick a goo tentacle inside Twilight, or even changed her shape to conform to Twi's body.

It was a damn good fic. Well-written, detailed enough, and it made me unf quite a lot, but you could have done more with the premise.

5725920
Oh, don't worry, I know of a few other things I can add to another encounter of this. Might do them soon.

5725928

weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1387750179541744302.jpg

You just got a follower.

Some tense issues, beware.

"Hoof-tipped fingers"?

6017316
Check my blog post for a visual~

Its been awhile since I've read a story so enticing like this

That was a great read! Do you plan on writing more of this with Goo Rose?

6031677
I might. There's a lot more I could do with it. Just have to work on a few other things to free up time for doing so. Thanks for the kind words!

Would love to see more Goo Rose. Would love to see her exploring the possibilities of her new body.

My only issue was the "Hoof-tipped fingers" That gave a REALLY weird image to me. LIke yeah...really really weird

Well.....that's a new ship.