- Member Since 2nd Mar, 2015
- offline last seen Jun 8th, 2016
bigmacintosh2000
Just an anonymous clop artist who's trying his hand at clopfic. Most of the clopfic stories around here are all build-up, and only a little sex. My focus is different. Not romance. Hardcore sex.
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bigmacintosh2000 · 6.8k words · 150 25 · 5.6k views
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meh, that's about all your going to get, meh, could be better
Thanks for the comments.
I haven't written any fanfic before, for anything, and haven't written any story at all in a long time. I've also never read a fanfic, although I might start if one interests me. "Meh" is pretty good, considering. I figured as long as I was fantasizing, I'd get it down on the Internet and maybe somebody else can enjoy it.
Pft- bwahahaha extra-curricular indeed!
Just completely terrible.
This story......... made Me throw up :(
You nastay.
No offense taken, but honestly, if all you have to say is that you don't like it, a thumbs-down will do. If you have any more to say, I'd like to hear it.
Id say that the build up chapters, preceding the clop, definitely needed to be longer. They werent nearly as immersive as they shouldve been, and then the part with clop needed more. (At least, in my opinion, its never complete without the human character, whether its first, second, or third person, having vaginal sex. Its even better if they cum inside lol)
But that's just me.
A lot has been added to this one. I hope you enjoy the last four chapters, especially.
Hmm...just finished this first chapter and I have to say it is suffering a great deal for a lack of information and trying to go too fast. I am quite happy to see your are grammtically capable.
Taking this as an example of the rest to come, you could stand to double the length of things by giving more descriptive statements and perhaps a little more time with both the two of them meeting and how this bringing him to Equestria took place.
5924885
Thanks for the helpful comment. I agree I was a little fast to get straight to the clop. I'll keep that in mind for a possible future revision.
5924885
I went ahead and made a few very small, but hopefully satisfying improvements to the first chapters.
for a
its pretty good, hoping to see the rest of you planned serie soon.
5924997
The first of them has been in the approval queue for about five hours, so it should be up soon. It's focused on Cup Cake, and I think it's far better and more descriptive (at least with the clop parts) than what's here. It's also got more dialogue (specifically, dirty talk). I haven't started any others. I've got some idea of what to do with each of the mane 6, but I'm struggling with trying to decide which to take on next--Rarity, Applejack, or Rainbow Dash. The more I think about it, the more I'm leaning toward Applejack.
As I expected, the feel carried on for the duration. It feels like the story is rushing through and missing a lot of detail that would do much to enhance this. It's not bad, but it is something I would consider a rough draft with much left to do.
5925029 ah.. that would explain the 2 Stories button when its only 1 showing for reading.
)
and i wonder what was Derpy's thought on seeing Fluttershy & Jack going at it in chapter 10 (maybe she wants some to?
5925044
Thanks for reading. Right now I want to go on writing new stuff, but maybe I'll come back to this someday and improve it even more.
Hopefully you'll like my next story better. It's definitely written better. Not sure if it's good yet, but better.
5925086
Believe me, I plan to do a Jack x Derpy story at some point. I'm just not sure how to handle it well. I'm not really familiar with Derpy as a character, other than a ditzy clutz. I'm guessing she's not retarded or whatever the proper word is for that.
5925094 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strabismus
5925087 I'd encourage you to compare your writing to that of authors you enjoy. Personally, I recommend looking at stories like Stardust and The Chase. Both are superbly written and full of valuable examples of how to write with depth.
And don't forget to practice. Having been working on my own story for over a year now, it is easy to see a tremendous difference. Keep at it and it will come with time. You can always go back and revise when you're ready.
5925377
I'm approaching this the same way I approached my clop art. Just keep at it. You can see that over at https://www.derpiboo.ru/tags/artist-colon-bigmacintosh2000. I'm sure if you go back to the first ones, and then look at the new ones, you'll see a HUGE improvement.
Also, I've never read erotic fiction or fanfiction before I wrote the first four chapters of this story. After I wrote those, I started reading a few here. Compared to all the clopfics on here, this is probably low-tier, but I think considering my lack of experience with erotic fiction, this is probably exceptional work.
5932573
?
...whoa...
I know your trying to leave jack fairly blank but that doesn't seem to work here. I'm not saying give jack a 20000 word long back story but some basics would be nice how they found mlp who their favorite character was. (seems to be fluttershy) and maybe what jack thinks of animals
Also I would suggest using a thesaurus
Instead of repeating the word finger maybe turn a few into 'digits' to add depth to the scene
Good luck!
This chapter probably could of been added to the next one
That's all I got for this one
6199953
That's reality.
~reads
~
~pfft...
~
~BWAHAHAHA
~
I don't think "waifu" is in my dictionary...
Ah beg pardon?
Darling... what in equestria is a..."waifu"?
Your waffle?
OH! OH! I HAVE A WAFFLE! It's in my hair! Want one?
I am so confused right now...Can you... um... repeat that again... if you don't mind?
5817701
Then why did you decide to read it in the first place? Why would you read all the way up to here if you didn't even like or the first few chapters? hmm?
5755668
The gamma or the genre? If so with genre then why would you read it? If grammar, then it makes sense. But at least say why so the author could fix it or something.
NUNCA ENCONTRARE UN FIC DONDE EL PUTO HUMANO ODIE EQUESTRIA (MEXICAN DETECTED)
I predict: R A P E
What the shit-fuck did I just read? My prediction was correct. R A P E
I love this story but one question is fluttershy anthro or a regular pony in this story?
This was a good story, fast with short chapters but good.hope to see of this in your others stories you come up with