Discord brings a human to Equestria, to bring comfort to his dear friend Fluttershy.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A lot has been added to this one. I hope you enjoy the last four chapters, especially.
5924885
Thanks for the helpful comment. I agree I was a little fast to get straight to the clop. I'll keep that in mind for a possible future revision.
5924885
I went ahead and made a few very small, but hopefully satisfying improvements to the first chapters.
for a
its pretty good, hoping to see the rest of you planned serie soon.
5924997
The first of them has been in the approval queue for about five hours, so it should be up soon. It's focused on Cup Cake, and I think it's far better and more descriptive (at least with the clop parts) than what's here. It's also got more dialogue (specifically, dirty talk). I haven't started any others. I've got some idea of what to do with each of the mane 6, but I'm struggling with trying to decide which to take on next--Rarity, Applejack, or Rainbow Dash. The more I think about it, the more I'm leaning toward Applejack.
As I expected, the feel carried on for the duration. It feels like the story is rushing through and missing a lot of detail that would do much to enhance this. It's not bad, but it is something I would consider a rough draft with much left to do.
5925029 ah.. that would explain the 2 Stories button when its only 1 showing for reading.
and i wonder what was Derpy's thought on seeing Fluttershy & Jack going at it in chapter 10 (maybe she wants some to? )
5925044
Thanks for reading. Right now I want to go on writing new stuff, but maybe I'll come back to this someday and improve it even more.
Hopefully you'll like my next story better. It's definitely written better. Not sure if it's good yet, but better.
5925086
Believe me, I plan to do a Jack x Derpy story at some point. I'm just not sure how to handle it well. I'm not really familiar with Derpy as a character, other than a ditzy clutz. I'm guessing she's not retarded or whatever the proper word is for that.
5925094 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strabismus
5925087 I'd encourage you to compare your writing to that of authors you enjoy. Personally, I recommend looking at stories like Stardust and The Chase. Both are superbly written and full of valuable examples of how to write with depth.
And don't forget to practice. Having been working on my own story for over a year now, it is easy to see a tremendous difference. Keep at it and it will come with time. You can always go back and revise when you're ready.
5925377
I'm approaching this the same way I approached my clop art. Just keep at it. You can see that over at https://www.derpiboo.ru/tags/artist-colon-bigmacintosh2000. I'm sure if you go back to the first ones, and then look at the new ones, you'll see a HUGE improvement.
Also, I've never read erotic fiction or fanfiction before I wrote the first four chapters of this story. After I wrote those, I started reading a few here. Compared to all the clopfics on here, this is probably low-tier, but I think considering my lack of experience with erotic fiction, this is probably exceptional work.
5932573
?
...whoa...
6199953
That's reality.
I love this story but one question is fluttershy anthro or a regular pony in this story?
This was a good story, fast with short chapters but good.hope to see of this in your others stories you come up with