Hello! I'm /Mc/Proky and I live in Czech Republic.
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Discord agreed to help Fluttershy clean her cottage. When he shrinks himself to clean hard-to-get place, he can't make himself big again. Will Discord get Fluttershy's attention, or will she accidentally turn him into paste under her hooves?
Have fun reading it. Critiques always appreciated ^^
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Hmm. Not a bad story. I didn't notice too many errors, and it was pretty entertaining. Though, it may have helped if you had more scenes where Discord attempted to use the enviroment to his advantage.
All in all, 7.5/10.
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Thanks. Appreciate it ^^
What errors were there? :-)
This was a pretty nice story, but there are a lot of errors you may want to edit. The most recurring one being a lack of punctuation marks at the end of Fluttershy's dialogue. I'll list those along with the others.
You should delete that comma.
That should be "couldn't".
I would delete that "to" and that comma.
This happens twice, but there should be a "the" before "Everfree".
I suggest adding "had" before "already" and deleting the comma.
Those should be "proved" and "successful".
I think it would be better if it were "at high speed".
First, that should be "Luckily", and this is an error that gets repeated later. And second, I suggest adding an "a" before "rug".
That should be "to" and I suggest adding "through"after the second "move" and replacing "fast" with quickly.
I recommend changing that to "Meanwhile, Fluttershy was in the shower, cleaning herself. Discord knew he had to get her attention."
That should be "through" and I think you should add "several" before "long".
I recommend changing that to "He could barely dodge them at first, but then a few of them hit him, leaving him dazed for a few moments."
I would replace the first "and" with a comma, add a "the" before "cloth", and replace "and" and run" with "before" and "ran".
That should be "decided".
I would replace "the" with "he", "on which she was sleeping" with "that she was sleeping on", and add "on a" before "blanket".
I suggest changing that to "After the climb, he was close to her ear. He then started shouting her name with all his might, but it was useless."
That should be "any".
I suggest changing both instances of "will" to "would".
"Hellou" should be "Hello", I strongly recommend add a "the" before "Ladybug" and replacing was with "stayed".
You should delete the repeated "from" and change "him" to "his".
I would delete that comma.
That should be "than".
I suggest changing that to "She then raised her hooves and walked around the room, with Discord trying to dodge them."
That should be "held", and you should add an "an" before "imperfection".
Considering what's happening there, that should probably be "be pulled towards".
I think that should be "trapped".
I think there are some words missing. I think that should be "but if you feel mad about what just happened, I'm sorry, and it's okay if you think I'm weird."
I suggest deleting those.
That should be "strand".
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Thank you very much for it. I didn't expect it so detailed :D
It's not my kind of story and I'm not going to read it but It seems good enough so have a like