The Breakup

by Sleepy Panda

I'm breaking up with you

King Sombra was relaxing on his throne in Tartarus when he sensed a creature approaching him. Wondering who would ever venture into this part of Tartarus, he called out, "Halt! Who goes there?"

Rather than heeding his words and halting, the creature began coming towards him faster than it previously had. "I said halt!" he shouted, standing up from his throne. This hurt his back a considerable amount, as he hadn't stood up from his throne in a couple years, but he wasn't about to show any weakness. Instead, he just grimaced and called out, louder this time, "Show yourself!"

The creature finally came into view. It was a pony with- wait no, was it a pony? No, it wasn't. It looked to be a cross between an alicorn and a bug. It was the size and shape of an alicorn, with wings and a horn, but that's where the resemblances ended. The creature standing before him catching its breath was a shiny, black, thing with papery translucent wings and a jagged horn. Each legs had holes in them for reasons Sombra could not fathom. It had fangs, no fur, and downright creepy eyes.

Sombra was terrified, and he let out a little shriek as the thing charged at him and embraced him.

"Oh sweetie, you don't know how much I've missed you! I shouldn't be hugging you, because well, let me explain." Sombra shoved the overjoyed creature off of him, disgusted.

"Yeah, you better explain. What the hell are you and why are you here?" he demanded.

"You don't remember?" asked the bug-pony thing. "No matter, everypony forgets things at one time or another. I'm a changeling. A changeling queen, in fact. I don't know how you could possibly forget something as important as that, but no matter."

"I can easily forget, seeing as I am a king," Sombra said dryly.

"Since when have you been a king? Oh never mind. I've come here to have a talk with you," she said.

"Then talk," Sombra said, eyeing her suspiciously as he settled down in his throne.

"That's what I was going to do," said the changeling queen, sounding rather annoyed. "It seems that you’re having memory problems lately, so first I'm going to remind you of a few things. My name is Chrysalis, and you and I are madly in love." Sombra raised an eyebrow at this, but chose not to comment, instead opting to stroke his imaginary beard with his hoof. Chrysalis continued on. "At least, we were madly in love.

"As a changeling who regularly feeds on love, I have the ability to detect emotions. When we first started dating, the love between us was so powerful I almost blacked out from just being around you. But over time, that love started diminishing. And now, standing before you, I feel no love in the air.

"I feel that our relationship has crumbled apart. I don't want to end up heartbroken, so..." Chrysalis paused to wipe a tear from her eye. "So... I..." She looked down at her hooves and began pawing at the dirt.

"Are you trying to break up with me?" Sombra asked.

"Y-yeah, I guess I am," Chrysalis mumbled, avoiding Sombra's gaze. Sombra snorted.

"What is this, some elaborate prank?" he asked, starting to get angry. He didn't have time for this nonsense. Well, technically he did, seeing as he was sentenced to eternity in Tartarus, but whatever.

"What? No! Why would you think that?" Chrysalis cried, clearly distraught.

"Maybe because we were never dating? Look, Queen Crystal Ice, it was a valiant effort, but I'm not fooled by your pathetic little excuse for a prank," he said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to-"

"But Turpy, don't you remember me at all?" sobbed Chrysalis. "I thought we-"

"Wait, hold up a second. What did you just call me?" inquired Sombra.

"Turpy. It was my old nickname for you."

"And what is my name?" asked Sombra. He was pretty sure he just figured out this whole mess, but he wanted to be sure.

"Why are you even asking this? Don't you remember your own name?" asked Chrysalis, confused. Sombra sighed.

"Just answer the question."

"But why-"

"Answer. The. Question."

"I don't-"

"Do I have to blast you to Tartarus to get you to answer me?"

"We're already in Tartarus..."

"Whatever, just answer me already!"

"Your name is Turpitude, but I don't see why you need-"

"Ah, it is as I thought," said Sombra. "Turpitude is my younger brother. My name is King Sombra, and I ruled over the Crystal Empire for some time. Turpitude wasn't as successful. A couple years ago, he decided to attempt to take over Canterlot," he explained.

"What? Oh, I guess that makes sense. You do look a bit older than I remember him being," Chrysalis admitted. "We both wanted to take over Canterlot; that's actually how we met in the first place?" Sombra smirked.

"Oh, after declaring that he would be the ruler of the world, he took one step out of our house and was eaten by a timberwolf." Considering that she was 'madly in love' with Turpitude, Chrysalis didn't even look even a little bit devastated at hearing that her beloved had died.

"Oh. Hey Sombra, I'm single now. Want to go out sometime?" she suggested. Sombra shrugged.

"Sure, why not? Let's escape from here and take over Equestria," he said with a grin.

"Sounds good to me!" Chrysalis said happily. "I can't wait to defeat that sun-loving pony who calls herself Princess!"

"After that, can we take control of the Crystal Empire again?"

"Isn't that a part of Equestria?"

"Oh yeah, I guess it is," Sombra said, facehooving. "So how about we get out of here?"

"Erm, about that..." Chrysalis said nervously, "I... Don't know how."

"What," Sombra said in disbelief.

"Yeah, I was kind of banished here after I tried to take over Canterlot and all of Equestria." Sombra groaned and slumped down in his throne. "Hey, look on the bright side. We're alone down here in the dark and..." What Sombra heard next made him feel sick to his stomach.

Then he threw up, realizing that he would be stuck with her for all eternity.

Comments

[horizon]

I've gotta admit, I clicked this because I saw the character tags and I was curious as to whether there was a cheese grater involved.

The idea of Sombra having a twin brother is cute, and it sets up a nice reaction from Chrysalis on learning of his death. I got a good smile out of that one. Sombra's memory seems to be driven by the demands of the plot, which is less good, but there's definitely some imagination on display here.

Best,

H

[Sleepy Panda]

5419098

Sombra's memory seems to be driven by the demands of the plot,

Yeah, I'll admit that that's one of my bad habits as a writer. To make the plot work, I'll manipulate the characters, even write them OOC, and invent plot devices. Sweetie Belle needs to run away? No problem, just make her really sensitive. Spike needs to not be chasing after her? No problem, he trips and falls into a deep hole in the ground, which just happens to be filled with gems.

[CasperSantiq]

Pleas kill us again with such hillarity!

[StormLuna]

Absolutely hilarious! Great story.

[CookieDo]

W-w-w-w-w-what did I just read... And why did I like it?...........................................................................................................................................DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT..........................................

[VitalSpark]

Not your greatest story, but a solid effort considering how young you were at the time.

That was the cringiest thing I've ever read.

—Sleepy Panda, 2016

[Sleepy Panda]

7761415
I've downvoted this story now.

[VitalSpark]

7761423
I'll have to upvote it to compensate.

[Sleepy Panda]

7761426
How rude.

[VitalSpark]

7761435
I've never been called rude for upvoting a story before.