Granny Smith and the Holy Grail

There was a little thrift shop in the middle of Ponyville where Granny Smith frequented whenever she wanted to get out of the house for fresh air. It opened for business several months back after the hardware store moved across the street. Granny walked in on a Sunday afternoon, one of the thrift shop’s slower business days. The tiny bell on top of the door chimed as she pushed it open. Granny expected to be greeted by Cherry Blossom, the regular store clerk, but today a young mare with a dark mane was standing behind the counter. She was reading a magazine while chewing bubblegum, unaware of Granny’s presence.

“Excuse me,” Granny said, “but where is Cherry Blossom?”

The young mare popped her gum, then said, “Cherry Blossom’s sick, so it’s just me today. So, I guess, if you need help with, like, anything just let me know, or something.”

Granny shrugged, then went on with her business. She approached rows of used clothes supported by hangers. The sign on top of the bars indicated that the clothes were only fit for fillies, possibly those of Apple Bloom’s age. She saw a nice pair of overalls she thought her youngest grandchild would like.

After passing through through the rows of clothes she entered the section of the store where they kept old household items. She found an antique record player, the kind that used to be around when she was a filly, at the price of thirty bits. Next to it was a shelf that held records of musicians of singers from her time. She could purchase four for three bits. The record player and the music seemed to be in very good condition, but she decided not to make a purchase.

As she wandered around the shop Granny came across a red carpet with a gold diamond at the center, at the price of sixty bits. She imagined what it would like on the living room floor. Granny liked the idea of owning the carpet, but just as the record player before, she passed on the opportunity.

Granny Smith explored many aisles of the thrift shop, coming across many interesting things at various prices. She found a seven-part book series for five bits, and a glass teapot set for only twelve bits. However, she had no intention of buying any of them. She checked her watch, and decided to spend fifteen more minutes before returning home.

She then entered the back on the store, which wasn’t as bright as the front. The display shelves were mostly empty, save for things like a water globe and a box of jewelry, but she wasn’t interested in those. Granny turned around, but did a double-take, catching something from the corner of her eye.

At the edge of the shop there was a wooden stool. But the stool wasn’t what caught her attention. On it was a tall cup covered in gold that brought light to the dark area of the shop. Granny moved closer to get a better look at it. The cup had strange carvings on it that she didn’t understand, but she didn’t care. The cup looked as though it had never been used in a long time. There were no dust or hoofprints to be found. Her eyes never blinked, and her jaw hung open. It was unlike anything she had ever seen in her life.

Granny had to buy it.

Unfortunately, there was no price tag. She swiped the golden cup from the stool and trotted to the front end of the thrift shop. The young mare was still behind the counter, reading her magazine and chewing the same piece of bubblegum. Granny placed the golden cup on the counter, getting the young mare’s attention.

“Excuse me, but how much is this?”

The mare with the dark mane leaned her head close to the cup, squinting her eyes. “Um, I don’t know. I don’t remember seeing that in the store, it must be new. I don’t know, maybe, like… ten bits?”

Granny reached into her saddlebag and laid ten bits on the counter. The purchase was made, and she snatched the cup and was on her way out of the shop. “Ma’am, don’t you want, like, a bag or something?” the young mare asked, but Granny was already out of the shop.

Once she was inside her house, Granny went into her living room to let out the cup from her saddlebag. She held it in her hoof, mesmerized by the beauty of it. It was the greatest thing her eyes had laid eyes on. It was such a miracle to her that nopony had noticed the golden cup just sitting around the thrift shop, discarded and forgotten. She used her other hoof to twist the cup. The strange carvings and markings decorated it. It seemed to look like an ancient language of some kind. Granny shrugged her shoulders again, then placed the golden cup on top of the fireplace. She was never going to drink out of it. She thought it would be a nice piece of decoration for the house.

While Granny was busy admiring the golden cup, Apple Bloom entered the living room. “Hey Granny,” she said. She took noticed of the newest edition to the top ledge of the fireplace. Apple Bloom couldn’t take her eyes off the glowing cup. “Wow! What is that?”

“The best purchase of my life,” Granny said.

****

Granny Smith rose bright and early the next morning. She descended into the living room after washing up. The golden cup was still there, shining, shimmering and splendid as the day she bought it from the thrift shop. No matter how many times she had stopped to gaze it, each time felt like the very first time. The golden cup made everything else in the living room dull and insignificant.

She finally remembered why she came downstairs. Granny Smith walked into the kitchen to eat breakfast with her grandchildren. Apple Bloom talked about how boring school was going to be today, while Applejack and Macintosh mentioned they were going to help with a barn raising, which meant Granny would be left alone throughout most of the day. After breakfast the Apple siblings waved goodbye and went their separate ways.

The house was empty and silent, so Granny retreated to her rocking chair in the living room and turned on the radio to her favorite country station. She closed her eyes to take a little nap, until a rapping at the door interrupted her.

Granny climbed out of her chair, dragging herself to the front door while mumbling about the sudden intrusion. Whoever was behind the door continued to knock, causing Granny to yell, “Hold your horses, I’m coming!” She grabbed the door knob and twisted it, swinging the door open. To this day she will never forget the strange creature who paid her a visit on a Monday morning.

This weird monster was tall, stood on two legs, and had long light-brown hair that reached to his neck. He had fair skin, with a narrow head and pointy chin. His arms and legs were clad in silver armor, and his midsection was draped in a white cloth with a large red cross on it, with a shield tied on his back.

“... May I help you?” Granny asked.

The giant went down on his knee and bowed his head. “Many greetings, horse woman,” he said, “For I am Sir Galahad of the Round Table, and I have journeyed from a far on a quest to retrieve the Holy Grail!”

“The Holy what?”

“Yes, the Holy Grail! The heavenly spirit of Elaine of Corbenic had led me to this village, and told me the Holy Grail would be here, in this very spot! Tell me, dost thou knoweth of its whereabouts?”

Granny was entirely sure that this was just a ridiculous dream, and soon she will wake up in her rocking chair. She slowly turned her head, and the Grail stood on top of her fireplace, shining like a glorious beacon. Granny turned back to Sir Galahad, who was waiting for her answer.

“... Nope, there’s no Holy Grail here, I can tell ya that.”

“But the heavenly spirit of Elaine of Corbenic told me the Grail would be here.”

“Well, I guess that Elaine of your’s told ya wrong. You go and skidaddle now,” Granny said, but Sir Galahad was persistent. Before she could close the door he blocked it with his foot. “Wait, horse woman. Might I offer you a gift in exchange for the Grail?” He reached inside the white cloth and produced a brown sack of goodies. “I bring to thee gold from Camelot. It will maketh thou the richest horse woman in this entire village. Wilt thou not take it?”

“I appreciate the offer,” Granny said, “but I have everything I need right here. Now you run along now.” She closed the door, and figured the monster named Sir Galahad had given up. Granny returned to her rocking chair and kept close eye on her precious grail.

****

The next day was the same as usual. Granny joined her grandchildren at breakfast, Apple Bloom complained about school and the fillies named Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and Applejack and Macintosh were going to town yet again to buy supplies they need for the barn, as well as helping their friend Pinkie Pie bake apple pies. Once again, Granny Smith was alone in the house with nothing but her radio and the Holy Grail to keep her company.

She sat on her rocking chair and listening to her country station. Granny thought about the strange monster that stopped by her front door the other day, and how he wanted the Grail. She wondered if he would try to get her to give up the Grail a second time.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Granny turned off the radio, climbed out of her rocking chair, and reached for the door knob. Her assumptions were correct when she answered it. Sir Galahad went down on one knee, put his right fist over his heart and bowed his head.

“Dearest horse woman,” he said, “I, Sir Galahad of Camelot, have return in the hopes of retrieving the Holy Grail from thee.”

“Sure you have.”

“I may not return to Camelot until the Grail is in possession of my hands. I come bearing a gift in exchange for the Grail.”

He untied something that was hanging from his right thigh. It was long and it was wrapped neatly in a brown cloth. He held it with both hands, extended them to Granny, and bowed once more. “I present to thee my sword, my most prized possession. It has slain many a foe in battle, and I giveth it to thee.”

Granny took a long look at the sword, and the knight holding it. Sir Galahad gazed at her, hoping she would accept his gift, and his reward of the Holy Grail. “Well, it’s a nice gesture,” she said, “but I really don’t think I’ll need a sword in the house, especially with Apple Bloom and her little friends running around the place.”

“But I pulled this sword from a stone to prove my worth to King Arthur,” Galahad said.

“That’s very nice and all, but that there sword will poke somepony’s eye out. I can’t accept it.”

Granny closed the door on Sir Galahad, but his gloved hand caught the door. “M’Lady, please. What will it take to for thou to dispense the Cup of Christ from thine… hooves?”

Granny put her hoof under her chin, and squinted her eyes at Sir Galahad. She turned her head to face the Grail, being drawn to its magnificent light. She rubbed her chin for a few seconds, then her eyes returned to Galahad. “Let’s see… I have a little chore for you to do. If you get this right, maybe I’ll give you the Grail.”

“Anything, horse woman.”

She motioned for the knight to bring his face close to her’s. “I want you to go to the farthest part of the Everfree forest to find an old tree with purple leaves. Hanging from that tree is a large golden apple,” she whispered. “It’s probably twice as big as your… hoof. This golden apple is said to have special powers, and any food will taste delicious if you mix it with anything; apple pies, apple fritters, apple brown betty, applesauce… you name it.”

“This seems like a daunting task,” Sir Galahad said, “surely there will be dangers lurking beneath the wood of this… Everfree forest. No matter, I will gladly take it!” The knight stood on his feet, inserted his sword in his holster, and was off on his way. “Do not worry horse woman, I shall find this mystical golden apple and return it to thee!” he yelled. “Even if it takes me days!”

Granny closed the door and went back to her rocking chair, laughing about how she led Sir Galahad into a wild goose chase. With the knight gone, she gladly gazed at the Holy Grail with relief. She turned the country station back on, and her favorite song was playing just in time.

****

It has been several days since Sir Galahad went off on his new quest. The only ponies that came knocking on Granny’s door was the mail carrier, the milk deliverer, and the paper colt when he realized the house was too far away from him to throw the paper. The Holy Grail remained at the top of her fireplace, undisturbed. As the days turned into weeks she began to miss the young knight. He seemed like a nice enough fellow, and Granny found it admirable that Galahad was loyal to his king, to the point where he was willing to embark on a fake quest. Nonetheless, she still wouldn’t give up the Grail.

Three weeks had passed with no sign of Sir Galahad. Granny thought he might have given up, or the Everfree forest had overpowered him. She figured Galahad return to wherever he came from. At least, that was what she hoped.

Granny Smith joined her grandchildren at dinner one evening to take her mind off things. She listened to Apple Bloom talk about the field trip her class was going to take, while Applejack made a list of things she and her brother Macintosh had accomplished throughout the weeks with pride. Just as they finished their plates rapid knocks on the door vibrated through the house.

“Who could that be at this hour?” Macintosh asked.

He left the dinner table to answer the door. When he swung it opened his eyes popped and widen, his pupils shrunk. Macintosh was frozen in place like a deer caught in the headlights. Standing before him was Sir Galahad, slouching instead of standing upright as before. His white cloth ripped in a few places, bits of his armor was missing. He was battered and bruised, and when he raised his head there was a scar on his left cheek. However, he slowly began to smile.

“It took me weeks,” he said, slightly out of breath, “but I have found it.” He lifted his arms, and in his hands was a large apple that shined brighter than Princess Celestia’s mane. It happened so suddenly that Macintosh had a difficult time trying to comprehend what was going on. Sir Galahad raised the apple over his head and proclaimed, “I have found the golden apple of the Everfree forest!” He felt weak in the knees, and after savoring his victory he fell face down on the floor, the golden apple tumbling toward Granny Smith’s hooves.

After the rest of the Apples witnessed the most surreal event in their lives, they helped the injured knight into a recliner in the living room. Macintosh wrapped bandages on him while Applejack and Apple Bloom rubbed ointment on the scars. The Apple family sat around the fire, waiting for Sir Galahad to regain consciousness.

Galahad began to shift in his seat. He groaned as he tried to lift himself up. He rubbed the top of his head once he was aware he was in a room with strangers, only to panic when he realized his hands were empty. “The golden apple, where is it?”

“I have it right here,” Granny Smith said. Galahad was relieved when he saw that the apple was sitting in a basket on a night stand. He climbed out of the recliner and knelt before her. “Madame Apple horse, I have completed the task thou hast sent me, and brought to thee the golden apple. Thou art pleased?”

“... Who are you?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Why, little one, My name is Sir Galahad of Camelot. I have come from a far to retrieve the Holy Grail.”

He recounted the events that lead to this moment to the Apple siblings, from the beginning when the spirit of Elaine of Corbenic revealed to him the location of the Grail, how he tried to persuade Granny Smith with gifts and offerings, and finally to his journey in the Everfree forest. Just as he mentioned during his and Granny’s last conversation, there were dangers abound. He was attacked by timberwolves, ambushed by a manticore, a flamboyant sea monster annoyed him, and was almost turned into stone by a cockatrice, not to mention being nearly eaten alive by a rabbit. His eyes were filled with stars when he arrived at the part of the old tree with purple leaves.

“... And there it was. The golden apple, on the old tree with purple leaves, just as your grandmother said it would be. Before I could pick it from its branches, a troll appeared from behind its bark!”

“And then what happened?” Apple Bloom asked.

“He asked for my name, what my quest was, and for some reason my favorite color. He let me take the apple.”

“... That was anticlimactic,” Macintosh said.

“Indeed it was.”

When Sir Galahad finished the tale of his adventure in the Everfree forest, Granny Smith approached him with the Holy Grail in her hooves. They gazed at each other in silence, then she smiled. “Here ya go. You won it fair and square.”

Galahad reached for the Grail, then paused. “Really? The Grail is mine?”

“You almost got yourself killed trying to get that apple for me. I believe you deserve the Grail more than I do.”

Sir Galahad slowly wrapped his fingers around the neck of the Grail, then released it from Granny’s hooves. It felt warm and pleasant in his palms, the light emanating from the Grail flowing through him. Even though his body was in moderate pain, he rose to his feet and held the Grail over his head.

“Huzzah! The Holy Grail is finally mine!” Sir Galahad proclaimed. “Tis a great victory for the Round Table of Camelot!” The Apples awkwardly watch him celebrating his achievement. He turned back to Granny Smith, and bowed to her once more. “Madame Apple, I thank thee for your generosity. I will tell all the inhabitants of the world of your kindness.”

“Don’t mention it, sonny.”

The Holy Grail was found, and it was time for Sir Galahad to begin his return journey to Camelot. Before he departed from the Apples, Granny Smith gave him several slices of her homemade apple pie, in case he ever got hungry on the way. Galahad bid farewell to the Apples, and disappeared into the night.

“He seemed like a nice guy,” Applejack said, “A little weird, but nice.”

“Are you gonna miss that golden cup, Granny?” Apple Bloom asked.

“After all that’s happened, I didn’t need it anyway,” she said. “Besides, I got something better from the trade.” Granny pointed to the large golden apple sitting in the basket that glowed in the dark, shining, shimmering, and splendid.

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RazDelacroix

RazDelacroix #1 · Dec 9th, 2014 · 3 · ·

Thankfully, no inquisition was had and the animators did not suddenly die of a heart attack Thusly did our most gallant knight make merry his way when suddenly he realized that he was a fleshed out three-dimensional knight walking upon a land of well-animated equines. Then suddenly, the credits!

nioniosbbbb

nioniosbbbb #2 · Dec 9th, 2014 · · ·

I like the way Granny Smith is like "Uh-huh... you need the grail huh? Important huh? Welps I don't care now shoo!" :P The lulz of this and the Monty Python references.

Seether00

Seether00 #3 · Dec 10th, 2014 · 1 · 1 ·

Umm... okay, I guess I'll look past that this was basically "inspired" by Chivilary penned by Neil Gaiman in his book of short stories: Smoke and Mirrors

In that, the apple is the apple of eternal youth, and the old woman is named Mrs Whittaker.

Gleaming

Gleaming #4 · Dec 10th, 2014 · · ·

The Holy Grail, this story was holy in its own right. Let's hope that Granny Smith doesn't plan on doing anything fishy with that golden apple.

Philosophysics

Philosophysics #5 · Dec 11th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Umm.............

I have absolutely no idea how to respond to this, so I'll make a song.

Once upon a time, a mare got a cup
A man in a suit wanted it for Round, Round Table.
He came around one time offering gold.
The Mare came round and pushed him away.
So he came around a second time offering his sword.
The event cam around again with no luck again.
The man came and the Mare gave him a quest!
To find a Golden Apple in the Everfree Forest!
But twas was a lie or so she thought for after weeks of waiting.
The man came around, dizzy and faint, with a golden apple.
Told his story to all her relatives about how he fought monsters and bunnies as he searched for the apple.
Came to the tree with the purple leaves! And Lo Behold A Troll came out!
And asked him three things.
Anticlimatic it was as he was asked his name, quest, and favorite color.
But the Mare kept her promise and took down the cup and gave it to the man.
He left.
But the Mare placed the Golden Apple in a basket with plans to plant it on the next full moon so that it may grow.