• Member Since 24th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

ReFro


You are your own darkness, and your own light. You have to pick which one you give power to.

T
Source

Everything in Chloe's life was going seemingly perfect, she had wonderful friends, a loving family and she was just accepted into Roosevelt University in Chicago where she would continue with her lifelong dream of becoming the world's most renowned cellist.

But fate, sometimes, doesn't always deal you the hand you want...

Rated: Teen for Language, Alcohol, and other fun stuff!

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 485 )

Seems like an interesting story:twilightsmile:
I'll make sure to read it when I'm in ze mood for eet:coolphoto:
:twilightsmile:

Interesting so far, just don't make the mistake of making the protagonist the center of the universe or something like that. Slice of Life fics tend to degenerate into adventures where the protagonist gets all action-hero-y and has some sort of big destiny when the author starts to get bored, or think that it's getting boring.

She seems pretty normal so far, and given her freak out at the begin I doubt she's going to suddenly turn into some cool-as-a-cucumber femme fatale. The next part is pretty much the defining moment of HiE fics, where the protagonist turns into a pony, which is to say; this is where you're going to be showing just how conflicted she is going to be with this new world, learning how to use a different body, and interacting with a new species that may have entirely different and alien social dynamics and norms. Too little conflict and she becomes boring, because she got past all that way too easily. But ultimately it all depends on what the focus of your story is; is it mostly going to be her acclimating to this world, or her focusing on still becoming a Cellist in this world, or a balance of both? Or something I didn't think about, there's that too, I can only think of so many scenarios. I always get excited when someone new shows up attempting this type of fic!

Unfortunately despite the fact that these are done poorly most of the time, this type of fic is still dime a dozen, so it'll be hard to drum up a sizable amount of viewers. But please don't let that discourage you, I wish you best of luck! :twilightsmile:

2666276
Thank you for the comment and follow!

I have no plans on making Chloe a hero or a bad-ass of any kind, that is just not in her nature.
I am mostly going to focus her adjusting and growing up in the new world/body and if she will be able to find her place among her fellow ponies. Or she might just go insane, who knows? :scootangel:

I give you points for ingenuity with the whole tongue debacle.

Now that's interesting. I've only seen a few fics that go through the trouble of detailing the agonizing process of learning to walk again. But I don't think I've ever read one that brings up the prospect of having to learn how to speak again. Interesting challenge that you picked there. :eeyup:

her lifelong dream of becoming the world's most renown cellist.

renowed

I'll give this fic a look sometime tomorrow.

2701806 whoops, thanks for that catch.

2701519>>2701547 If you are going to have a character switching bodies and talking about the changes affecting them, you might as well go all out. :raritywink:

2702435 I understand, but your fic is the first one I've read that requires adjusting to the tongue, and as a result I give you goggle points.:coolphoto:

I think this is the first time I've a read a story where Octavia and Vinyl.... That's actually them right? Anyway it's been a long while since I've read a girl in Equestria story. At first I was thinking the Tragedy will be that Chloe will finally be given a chance to go home and to Michael but she chooses to stay, now I wonder how this story is going to end sadly.

It's like I'm reading First Pony View again which is great. I hope Chloe finds a way out of this forest soon providing she didn't drown first. Oddly though the beginning is very reminiscent of the beginning of each Pokémon Mystery Dungeon.

2702855 I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far and I'll have to read 'First Pony View' sometime to see how much my story matches up to it. :twilightsmile:

I have never played Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, do you fall in a sinkhole or something to enter the dungeon? :derpyderp1:

Y'okay, so I'm not going to finish reading this, but I have to say:
For a first story? This ain' bad.

I'm also pleased to see a female protagonist. Far too many bronies and gruff guys for my liking in this genre.

I have a couple issues...

Bland. I'm sure the characters have a lot of potential, but the storytelling is a little too cut'n'dry. I can't really get into it.
Octavia. Your character turns into Octavia, and I have no real desire to see 'human turns into established pony' fics at all.

So my advice to you is to keep writing. Learn what works, what doesn't work. Refine your technique. Become better. I'm going to add you to my watch list - not because I think you're good, but because I think you have potential. Come to me if you need ideas or want someone to proofread your work, ReFro.

2704088
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and give an honest review, I really do appreciate it.

I know I have a long way to go if I want to become a decent author but I will keep writing and trying out different styles to find what suits me best.

You seem quite sure that Chloe turns into Octavia; are you a betting man? :pinkiehappy:

But anyways, I might take you up on your offer to proofread, that is, if you are serious about it.

2703920
Though I better hope you're ready for a long read then, it details each step of the character's actions very slowly like how to walk and he has a tendency to have long drawn out thoughts in each of the chapters. That's pretty much my warning to this story. But I like your style at the moment.

In the beginning of each game, after answering questions to determine which Pokémon you're going to become, you'll wake up in your new form and then your partner Pokémon shows up and points out that you're one too. Here's a [pony] parody image of what happens in the beginning of the game.
d.facdn.net/art/lulu/1370271280.lulu_pony_007.jpg

Ah, that tongue can't support English! Only compatible with Equestrian I see.

2793089 Yup and poor Chloe is going to have to learn how to read/write and speak (amongst a bunch of other things) all over again.

Hopefully she doesn't go insane in the meantime. :twilightsheepish:

Finally got the chance to start reading this and well,I love it! :pinkiehappy: I'm not seeing anything wrong,so I can't wait for the next chapter :ajsmug::ajsmug:

Hmm... I do believe she is Octavia :heart:

2852990 I'm glad you like it! :twilightsmile:
The next chapter should be out by this weekend. (if I can get myself to write some more, but your post helped my motivation quite a bit!) :pinkiehappy:

2855398

I look forward to it :twilightsmile: and I'm glad! :pinkiehappy:

This child needs treatment immediately, her lung is about to collapse!”

Wait, child? I thought that you were just using the term "filly" incorrectly; I didn't think that you were using it accurately, huh...interesting. :trixieshiftleft:

Also, kilotrots, that's pretty clever. I don't think I've ever read a fic that's given a more sensible name to Equestrian units of measurement, but what you chose makes lots of sense.

2871153
Yes, Chloe has been turned into a actual filly ontop of all the other things she has to go though, she will have to grow up all over again. :rainbowderp:
For the kilotrot thing, I thought it worked out pretty well. :raritywink:

2871199
Is that a good 'wow' or a bad 'wow'? :unsuresweetie:

I would immagine waking up levitating would be enough to frighten the shite out of almost anyone.

2872541 Yea, I don't imagine that it would be a very pleasant experience. :fluttershyouch:

After hearing this, Gennie scoffed and said that classical music was only for old people and that digitally made music was far superior than any ‘old dusty scrolls or whatever they wrote their music on’. Chloe and Gennie started arguing and yelling at each other right then and there, in the middle of class as their classmates had the look of pure sock on their faces. Mr. Franklin just sat back and listened to the two passionate students argued over what form of music was ‘better’. But after Chloe and Gennie got nose to nose, he decided to break it up before things got physical.

Shock.

2876025
Fixed.
Thanks for that catch! I lol'ed at that typo. :rainbowlaugh:
2876130
Fixed.

Granita smiled at the site of Ponyville, picking up her pace now that they were out of the forest and on a dirt path that lead directly into town.

Sight.

Yes, HIE fic that seems realistic... yes. MOAR! :flutterrage:

The only thing that troubles me so far is her mouth, is something wrong with it? I would be trying to talk a million miles a minute around them even if my mouth felt foreign.

i love realistic it a weakness i will never stop loving. :heart: looking forward to more of your hard work and careful plan story to enjoy~!
i hope in the future she doesn't ever go for a pony name i like her name just the way it is no need for a name change please?

2936826
There is nothing wrong with her mouth, per say. She just knows she can't understand them and that she can't form English words properly with an equine mouth. (Not that the ponies would be able to understand English anyway...) :unsuresweetie:

She will be talking (well, trying anyway) in the next coming chapters since she is starting to understand her situation more and will finally start to accept that the ponies are actual sentient beings that she can communicate with. :twilightsmile:

But I do see your point about trying to talk all the time, but the best rebuttal I can give you why she hasn't really tried to yet, is that Chloe is scared and very shy right now. :fluttershyouch:

Thanks for reading and commenting!

That works for now heh. I'd try writing too once she gets the hang of either grasping things or using stuff with her mouth. 2936934

2936873
I'm glad you have enjoyed the story so far! :pinkiehappy:
I can't divulge if her name is going to change or not later on but rest assured, Chloe will be her name for quite sometime (maybe even forever) :moustache:

Thanks for reading and commenting!

2936954
I might have to try writing with a pencil in my mouth just to see how hard it actually is. (My wife might freak out a bit is she saw me try though) :rainbowlaugh:

But yes, Chloe will definitely try her hoof (or mouth) at writing in a while. I might even have her try drawing some and I'll post in on my DA :twilightblush:

2936964 Glad to be your epic source of entertainment for a few minutes today! :scootangel:

2936956 sorry i just like her name it the name her loving parent gave her and i hate stories were they give up there real names to just appear more pony "normal" it sad how they have to lie like that ya know?...:fluttercry: sorry if it sound stupid...

2937140
It's not stupid at all! I feel the same way about names, I know I wouldn't give up my name for anything, I like my name!
Why should one have to change their name to 'just fit in'? :facehoof:

This is something that will come up in the story. You will just have to wait and see what Chloe desires; to change her name to fit in more or to hold on to the only thing she really has left of her old life.

Also, I love comments like these! It makes me think more in-depth about my story
and the characters. Keep them coming :raritywink:

this story is quite enjoyable, bravo

Heh, acting so adorable and like a child isn't helping her case at all~ :derpytongue2:

Yay she is getting better at talking.

2966111 Your speech skill has improved to 2! (+1)

She REALLY needs to learn to use her hooves.

i just thought of what would she do when it came to stairs i bet it would be dangerous for her going up try to not trip up then the down part dangerous.... hey are ponies paranoid? i can understand with the timber wolf, evil snake chickens, changelings, diamond dogs and a whole lot of dangerous things in equastria from creature and magic cant say i blame them o by the way check the new comic series i found online i just got to share my find with you! :pinkiehappy: i think you like it~! :twilightsmile:

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