• Member Since 10th May, 2012
  • offline last seen August 30th

Matthew Penn

I write imaginary stories about cartoon horses.


Princess Celestia was going to enjoy her favorite snack, a dandelion and cheese sandwich, but arrived at a detour. What is the problem? She can't open her jar of pickles. With no other options left, she assembles the strongest ponies in the world to pick up where she failed. Who will accept the challenge?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 32 )

Tis a delightfull, light story, written with wits and a good portion of humor.
This cat approves.=^-^=b

I like how you managed to turn this into a fable rather than just a simple slice-of-life joke.

Dan #3 · May 4th, 2014 · · 1 ·

Where the hell was Maud Pie?

Eh. Celestia could have just used her magic.

Still, not bad.

Let's not use magic!
Nonetheless, good little story.


:pinkiegasp: Celestia: A pickle-less sandwich?! :twilightangry2: This is madness!

:flutterrage: Luna: MADNESS?! THIS. IS. A KITCHEN!!

Amazingly hilarious fic by the way :derpytongue2:

I rate it... OVER 9000! Moustache Spikes out of ten :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: INSERT MORE HERE

We're they trying to pry it off instead of twisting?

I would have just broken the glass into a pot of water. Pickles float, glass sinks, problem solved.

The P-Team (Pony Team)
Ten days ago, they were grounded for a crime they did not commit. The escaped and put those responsible in time out. Now they live as fugitives of their parents. If you have a problem. If you have a lack of wisdom. And if you can find them. Then you can hire... The P-TEAM. *gunshots shooting through logo*

Featherweight: What the hell? Why would you shoot our logo!? That could have hit us!

Derpy: Sorry. I'm not really a good shot.

Celestia, I used to have the same problem as you. One day I was visited by a man, a glorious hero named Francis York Morgan. He showed me the way of "The Pickles." My life changed forever.i41.tinypic.com/16abm2x.jpg

A world without pickles and chutneys is not one I would want to live in. :derpytongue2:

A story which puts me in mind of Pimms, light and fruity, with lots of lovely alcoholic zest in the background. :raritystarry:

I laughed hard enough to nearly choke on my breath. For this, I curse and applaud you. Well done. :pinkiehappy:

Pickles are needed. On burge-

Don`t you fucking say it!

Celestia? What are you doing here?

To stop you from saying burger.

You just said it!

Shit! The Justin Timberlakes are already on the way!

What do we do?!

We must use the Kool Aid jugs of muscular awesomeness!

What are those?

They can destroy them. *Puts on Sunglasses.*

*Gasp* Oh Mah Gerd!

And then they destroyed the evil, cum dripping Justin Timberlakes with the Kool Aid Jugs of Muscular Awesomeness...

Then They Fucked!


4339971 I like Justin Timberlake. :fluttershysad:

Why not shatter the jar?

4340378 I like a challenge. :trollestia:

Dammit! Now I'm hungry.

*Grabs a jar of pickles*


:trollestia: : So, what have we learned today Twilight?

:twilightoops: :Um...be nice?

:trollestia: : WRONG! We learned that I always get my pickles! ALWAYS!

Really expected a Gordian Knot solution for this. This was a fun fic. :twilightsmile:

Why didn't they use magic? I know, filthy magic users don't deserve to live, but seriously, magic is op!

And that's the story of the castle's seventh pickle-themed stained glass window. :pinkiesmile:

Nice, funny story, and you have earned a well needed like.

On that day... pickle kind received a grim reminder. They lived in fear of the princess and of the humiliation of being forced to live in these cages called jars.

Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!

When I first saw the name of this, I thought of 'One man one jar'

I thought for minute the punchline was going to be that they had all been twisting it the wrong way.

*Featherweight Twists cap left* POP! TA DAH!

4343018 It took me a week to realize that was an Attack on Titan reference. :twilightblush:

I'm slow...

This suddenly made me think of the Mayor from the Powerpuff Girls.

:ajbemused::derpyderp2::derpyderp1::rainbowderp::twilightblush:.... ya were done here

There are three morals to this story.
1. Gentleness wins over strength.:moustache:
2. Featherweight is BEST PONY!!!:derpytongue2:
3. Righty tighty lefty loosy:rainbowwild:

4340378 I seriously thought that's what Featherweight was going to do.

That ending... Although, couldn't Tia have just destroyed the glass jar with her horn or something. Maybe drop it on the floor? Eh, perhaps I'm just overthinking things you're not supposed to think too hard over.:twilightsheepish:

Login or register to comment