• Member Since 10th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 20th, 2019

Raichu


I’m a feminist woman looking to write stories on a male dominated site. It’s an uphill battle but a satisfying one, only as long as I succeed.

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A short walk in the Ever Free Forest brings Princess Celestia to meet a very special guest.

No, this story is not in the same universe as my other story World's End, in fact, it's a side mini story. It is in no way related to my other story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Despite all the improperly spaced words this was a pretty good story. It teaches you monsters are not truly monsters and can be gentle at times. Though there are a couple things you could fix to help the reader read this easier. Fisrt space your conversation's out like this:

“So you live here?” She asked. I nodded.

“Yep.”

“What about Timberwolves?” Apple Bloom asked.

That way the reader knows this is a conversation and not a jumbled mess and at the start don't use periods for everything use comma's or try transition words out they help a bunch. All in all this was a good read and I probably will go check out your other stories after this so yeah. Have a nice day.

Sincerely: Ernest

“They’re dead. But ah live with mah sister on mah farm!” Apple Bloom said happily.

O... kay. A little disturbing there.
Otherwise, a very nice story besides missing commas and stuff.

The ending was a little unsatisfactory. Maybe you could have ended with a letter from Emerald?

Otherwise, great story. I really liked it.

I thought pony dragons were called Kirins. Not a flaw just something im not sure about.

5315307 In Chinese mythology, there is a legend of a creature called a Longma and it is part dragon, part horse. I thought it was pretty cool. I'm not so sure what Kirins are though.

5316028 huh, I didn't know either. Seems to be a little more integrated than a satyr.

>>Star Pearl Kirin are, in essence, similar to an eastern dragon. Not as long and draconic, but still considered a dragonoid or drake species regardless. I don't think they can fly either. Although I think they're powerful in spiritual magic.

6155390 Longma, Kirin, it's all the same to me. It can be whichever one you want.

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