This originally started as a project for my English class and ended up turning into a fanfic about my friends OC and Octavia Melody
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 11th, 2021
Silent Guardian
Brony house artist as well as a gamer and a digital artist. Also it may seem that vinyl is my favorite pony but that is false. Twi is best pony especially now that shes an alicorn!
Silent Guardian
Joined 3rd Sep, 2014 ·
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If you dislike the story tell me why and I can try to fix it in future stories
First of all, don't late any hateful comments get to you.
Writing is an art, and anyone can become good at it. I'm definitely seeing some improvement from your earlier works.
Mainly what's wrong with this story is the pacing and length.
Understandably, you might not want to write a long story, for a variety of reasons, but I feel it would have been better if the events had been more fleshed out and descriptive.
This is all opinion of course, but please take it into consideration.
Best of wishes.
5284187 thanks for the advice and I couldn't make it longer I had a limit for this since it was for a class project. My next few stories I will try and pace them better though
Have you heard of the phrase "show, don't tell"? Well, judging from this fic, it's a pretty safe bet to say that you haven't.
In the first paragraph, you tell us that our hero is a shy. introverted person. Don't do that. That's lazy writing. You need to show us that he's shy. When someone tries to talk to him, have him shy away. Don't tell us that he gets along well with Octavia- show us that they get along well through dialogue.
5471598 Thank you for the advice I will put it into consideration if I decide to write another story