I'm sorry to say it but your sentence flow is horrible! You should consider getting a proofreader.

6594196 Tried to but no one replied back. So I just said 'fuck it, I'll deal with it later.'

6594275 That is honestly a horrible idea. It's better to take longer to release a story and have it get a good revival than to rush it out and have 5 up-6 down on the first day.

clot and fillies would give their candy

See, this is a perfect example of why writers should reread their own work before they post it.

he didn't asked for detraction

Seriously?

there's are two hills
he didn't noticed another pony
a shadow that didn't belongs to him

Because grammar is hard.

Deciding to dismissed it.

This isn't even a complete sentence.

one of the clots or fillies screaming

...and now I'm beginning to wonder if you actually do know the difference between "colt" and "clot".

Twitching his ears in different direction.

Oh, look -- we have another sentence fragment here.

Hearing the humming upwards

Is English even your first language?

It was Fluttershy in her custom.

The word "custom" is not the same as the word "costume"; learn the difference.

6595542 I agree with ya dude, feels like a kindergartner on crack could do better than this

I'm guessing English isn't your first language?

6594275 I'm sorry but this is not worthy of a favorite and I'm really lenient when it comes to that

7987426 That fine, I know it's bad.