Good is good and bad is bad. But what if the Equestria that lives in harmony is not so good as it is made out, what if bad is good elsewhere and good in Equestria is...not so good?
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
639 users online
887,896 hits today, 1,892,089 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I was wondering when they were going to show up. On a side note, if they do get into a relationship, derrick and Eclipse that is, I hope they set some grounds rules before they start dating. Otherwise history repeat itself.
Those few words being what made everyone laugh while Black Sun held onto me.
"Mental Process failing, comprehension gone...shutting...down."
HAHAHAHAHA OH YOU CRACK ME UP HAHAHAHAHA
Good luck on the next one - shadow out
Oh, Derrick, you should have expected Sombra to be, though I did not expect Chrysalis... I am curious to see were this will head in the next chapter.
I love this story man. Keep on going with it. i can't wait to see what will happen next chapter XD
You have both Black Apple and Black Streak being the dark element of Deception. It makes perfect sense for Applejack's counterpart to be deception, but I think the dark counterpart to Rainbow Dash's element of Loyalty wouldn't simply be more deception. Might I suggest collusion? It's loyalty undermined and twisted for conspiratorial purposes. You don't have to change it if you don't want to, though; it's just a suggestion. The others fit really well, but it kinda just tripped me up to see two of the dark element bearers have the same element, leaving me a little confused on how they're different.
5229221
Did I mess that up?
I'll have to fix that.
Thank you for informing me about it. And you are correct, Collusion is a much more fitting version to the counterpart of Loyalty. That being your idea, I'll make sure to note it on the next chapter.
5233686
Just remember, you gotta get passed....Sunny Town.....MWA, HA, HA, HAAA
What are the odds that you read the book Black Hole Sun? That just what the name reminds me of. Though it does seem a little odd for a pony name. I would have used Void somewhere in her name instead of your choice. But hey, its your awesome story.
Keep up the good work!
5233750 Sunny town to me is a a normal day in my head :D.
5208815
From the Author's Notes to the webcomic Leftover Soup:
5242923
Are you implying or criticizing as to how I should portray the complexity of Derrick's initial choice of fight or flight when confronting the more complicated ponies, Red Death for example?
5243331 Nothing that specific. It was just a reminder that taking a main character too far in either direction (weepy all the time or having no emotional depth) can make it difficult for readers to enjoy the story, and that you want to strike a balance between the two.
When one of your readers complains about your main character "crying all the time", you may have gone too far in that direction, and there are more solutions than going too far the other direction and just making him "hardass".
Again, you really want to find a nice balance between the two.
5244035
I feel insulted, but choice on which side is a quickened mistake that is never drawn out.
Which is why I will imply my motive by giving you advice.....
He is afraid but showing some fight in the beginning. Okay that is better because it develops the character and makes him better understood as a character.
If I were to make him a wimp or a hardass now, it would flaw the story so greatly because he is Gary-Stu or Mary-Stu, or whatever it is called.
Seriously my friend, I do this not to make it draw him out as the common pity pit, but to make it a process that makes the story longer and more interesting.
It's an emotional growth and adjustment, so as to make him slowly become one with the dark.
Does that make sense?
5244054 Great story, I really like it, just one little thing, has anyone notice both black apple and black streak are the element of DECEPTION?
I LOVE THIS OMG PLEASE KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!
Whelp... There's another story you've got me interested in...
You know what that means right? Now I have to
stalkfollow you!Really liking the story btw, hope you keep 'em comin!
Lol, that last line.
Stalking level up! 10>50.
5246328
And only one can be telling truth.
... or so one would think.
apple and streak are both the element of deception?
1.
Manticores.
2. You referred to both Black Apple and Black Streak as the Element of Deception.
Aside from that, love it.
Edit: since when is Insanity the opposite of Laughter? Insanity can lead to manic laughing, which IS still laughing, so in what way are they opposite (via element)? Depression would be Laughters actual opposite if you think about it, but I don't really care, just wonderered why you chose Insanity. I'm a bit of nose.
5244054 hi
So in Equestria, the ponies look friendly but are actually bad, whilst in Nebula the ponies look bad but are actually friendly?
6035865 and dont forget that in nebula ponies eat meat, so is a win/win situation
6035865 Your close.
this is a great story, need more of it
I like this version better
6035865 A bit knife-to-the-spleen friendly but yes, they're all cool people overall.
It could do with a little proofreading -- there are spelling, grammar and perspective errors peppered through several sections of the last three chapters -- but it's definitely a vast improvement over the old. I don't mean just the language, either. The characters are more "human", so to speak. Their personalities more organic, their thoughts and actions more believable. The pacing of events and character development is certainly better. I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with the story this time.
The image at the beginning of Chapter I is broken.
He was a trophy for them, they want their trophy back.
and*
She*
pushing her form in the slightest.*
Verb tense needs to match (preventing / pushing)
See first general guideline. This may seem confusing at first, but the prevention is occurring in the same time frame as the pushing would, if not for the prevention.
would drive*
the verb "drive" should be in the conditional tense: a pony being "near the edge of insanity" is conditional to having "many bad encounters." -- see this for reference
taking*
btw I read the original, and I'm liking the rewrite more so far, keep up the good work!
Fuckin' kidnappin', though, innit. I mean, if it had been me, I would have walked away from the place thirty minutes later while it burned to ash.
But, on a slightly different subject...
WUT