It was alright, I saw a typo at the start. Of their kid? I think you mean of their kin...

Other than that, I'd say work harder on giving the reader some more info. I didn't really get some parts.

5165480
Of their kid?

Where did you see that ?

Light and Darkness are one and the same... neither good nor evil. They are merely paths that one takes. How you choose to tread them defines you for who you are.

Deep philosophy here bro... deep philosophy here.

5165663

Totally agreed here, but I have to counter with the fact of Luna being stripped of her darkness in the cartoon.

So to say she was stripped of her darkness, plus it was never brought out in the cartoon that Nightmare Moon was destroyed.

Oooo what do we have here? This seems interesting!!

As a person who walks a dark spiritual path, I approve of this story. I like the idea of a dark version of equestria without it being evil. I can't wait to see what happens next, so keep up the good work.

Also, DON'T FUCK UP.

5165809

(Saluting)

YES SIR!!!

Good story bro

5165712 Never said she was destroyed. Sombra may not be fully dead either. Chrysalis had good intentions but executed said actions poorly. Discord wanted to have fun (not going to blame him there) he just didn't stop. You get the gist of it right? Light within Dark and Vice Versa.

5165847

I won't call it good. Good is where a story doesn't just intrigue you, but also takes your breath with the surprises and twists.

So for now, I will believe that it is a story that interests you.

But I do appreciate the compliment.

Plus add bat ponies and the other seven or eight pony species as well. Food for thought.

5165883

Already ahead of you my friend, even have chrysalis and her changelings in the story. Along with Sombra , dark crystal ponies, and a few other things.

However I am intrigued.

I know alicorn, bat pony, unicorn, pegasus, earth pony, and changeling, but what are the other pony species???

Like Master Xehanort said "darkness cannot be destroid, it can only be channeled".

5165929

I think so as well, but if you read Togari, it talks about light being a path of evil as well. It can be used to mislead a person into death and destruction.

5165486 Near the top. In the second paragraph

5165901 I am glad that you asked and thank you for adding changelings to the pony list (others will argue it) but the others species are like the one similar to pegasi but have fins instead of wings, also have scales, and control the weather sort of (ocean weather sort of business). Those you know?

5166118

Aqua Ponies?

Hmm seema legit elements who know voilence and know action when needed

5166160 Not sure what they are called but hey there they are. And the others as well.

5166340

Okie Dokie.

5166387 There are other species of ponies but I kinda forgot them so it will take time to get their info and such.

5166469

That's ok.

Violent, killing, and manipulative? wow please don't forget the other balancing traits... ill admit we do have potential evil but do we use them 24-7 for life? society was made by trial and error might not be perfect but could be better in some place's but least were still trying...

Interesting dewscription I will give this a look or a fav, still the short description confused me a little

If you need any ideas for a story i have a few good ones

I have weird feeling like The Legend of Zelda A Link to the past moment.

Hey just letting you know, I love the idea that you have going here. Hope to read more soon.

5167166 Same, This is multi-universe

5166118 ...Sea Ponies? They're like, half fish and half Earth Pony.

5165712 Even better, they confirm she wasn't destroyed in the comics. Now, despite what people might say about their "dubious canon" I do believe that they're going to add Twilicorn to the rest of them, or so I hear.

5169298 Yeah having fins instead of wings, controlling weather (ocean weather and such), they might have webbed hooves or something of the like, may or may not eat fish, scales, can breathe air too (I think), and more... I think.

5169509 How they're shown the first ever time you see them, it's like a mermaid but with pony instead of human.

...which is reeeeeeally weird.

5169518 The ones I am talking about have four limbs... unless the tail fin thing is a limb then five.

Your character could be the Hero of Chaos? Nah. Hero of Darkness is more like it.

5175251

Hence it being an alternate universe. Because frankly the villains only seem to imprison of brainwash the ponies.

So to do that to a human is cliché, and The Stockholm Syndrome idea is completely idiotic.

However it never said anything about Nightmare Moon helping him, She only said about having interests in him, she never said her intentions.

For all we know, she could make him a slave or a weapon. But that isn't going to happen, for this is a look into there being a world that is the dark version of Equestria.

This is going to be a good read, keep them coming. xD
I'm going to be listening to this when I read them it fits.

5177293

Very true, but would it be blasphemy for The Mare in The Moon to have feelings???

Reason I ask is this story is to be a development of interest in the OC, a slow realization of him seeing that Nightmare Moon sees more.

As well as his skill in engineering, he can play a role that does not involve power.... but intelligence.

Magic is power, brawn for a pony.

However....Brain beats Brawn, in which will make him a dangerous foe without magic.

Now imagine if Nightmare Moon discovered this, imagine if she could mold his intelligence with magic... while slowly developing a relationship.

Would you believe that he is valuable...or priceless to her kingdom, but everything to her heart?

5177388

If you read the intro, my note says that the villains are slightly villainous and friendly. I never said they are completely evil, I only said that this is an alternate universe.

I'm not sure what is you're wanting, but it sounds to me that you're wanting some grimdark and gory story?

I just finished the flashback and I have no idea what happened. Here's the timeline as I understand it, maybe you can shed some light on the situation.
1) At the Gala Twilight casts a magic mirror spell that shows Derrick's entire life, the good and the bad.
2) Simultaneously, Celestia attacks him with a magic spell, for no adequately-explained reason. It only affects his shirt, which he was apparently holding in front of the spell?
3) Celestia is horrified and tries to apologize.
4) Derrick resists her apology, and I guess she can't comprehend why he resists her hugs, because the next thing that happens is
5) Celestia attacks him again.
6) And then apologizes again, apparently with perfect sincerity. What the fuck?!

I have no sense of what's going on, why it's going on, and especially why the timing is so fucked up here. Why would anypony think that casting a spell to reveal Derrick's innermost history is a good idea in front of the assembled crowd? Why on earth would Celestia attack him, feel remorseful, then attack him again, AND THEN APOLOGIZE AGAIN?! Bipolar much?

And then there's this:
"destroying the entire gathering until there was no more to destroy."
Did she just vaporize the entire crowd of assembled ponies? WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?!

EDIT: If he's immune to magic, how the hell did Twilight share his entire life story with everybody?

5187199
Immune to hostile magic
So any magic with the direct intent to harm would be nullified or weakened
The looking spell had no hostile intent just looking

i'm loving this, never seen this done in a story, when the darkness is neither good nor evil
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/144/2/4/mlp__darth_pinkie_pie___dark_side_party_by_darthfluttershy-d66gxz6.jpg

Let me put this in simple terms.encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQXcB-DHg-8xzcXZG3syI5eoo9-1ccVMwJGnWpVzYe0xPYkoQsS

this was most appatissing

5177569 This story is cool. But you forgot to give Fluttershy a line to ask Derrick to come back to them! Oh well! missed that opportuntity XD

You need to edit for grammar man, it's pretty atrocious.

<_<

>_>

I'm favouriting this already

Is this a sequel or somthing?

5202551 I want to make a team rocket joke sooo bad right now...

man it does look a whole lot better this time around...well done