- Member Since 23rd Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 5th, 2018
Cow
A young artist trying make name for himself.http://chadthurman.deviantart.com/
Cow
Joined 23rd Apr, 2012 ·
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What, either this is a troll fic, or the author is from a forgin Country, Was this taken srlsy?
I'm not good in grammar, this first time I'm trying to write serious story down. But, lucky recently I got some Nazi grammars to help me out.
seems very similar to what i'm doing. but i just read the description so im gonna actually read it now.
ok i couldn't even get through the first five paragraphs. its interesting that you started out the story with the main character immediately meeting the main six i have never seen that done before. anyways i would suggest revoking submission, going over it with some proof readers then resubmit it so you don't get a tidal wave of comments telling you that ur bad or some nonsense like that. I also had trouble doing the first couple chapters when i started my story: The young universe jumper. If this offended u in any way i am sorry but i was just trying to give advice (i'm not very good at that lol) I hope ur story does well!
-RD
1430227
No this doesn't offended me, in fact I'm grateful to get these feedback. Most my life I never got any feedback, so getting these criticism give me confidence to continue to write.
I'll give it a D+
I love the Pendragon series, and I see that this story is similar, so I'll hang on for the ride. You just really need to re-read what you wrote and get your editors to pay closer attention. I applaud you for your attempt though.
1431663
And thanks to my editor and Nazi grammar friend, chapter 4 should be lot better than other 3.
Thanks for the feedback
Sooooo... It's a tragedy, dark, and a comedy?
*Sings* One of these things is not like the other. One of these things does not belong! *Singing over*
1498142
It is going get dark later in the story and same for tragedy as well.
This is tough to read in a lot of ways. The single biggest issue in readability is, I think, the constant tense switching. Unless a character is speaking in the present tense, you want all verbs in your story to be either present or past (and I strongly recommend past; present tense just would not work for a story like this).
I had a lot of issues with the plot itself as well, but they boil down to taste and would require a very long comment. Instead I'll just say that you have a few good ideas, marred by some unfortunate cliches and poor execution. Your editors and grammar nazis would do well to be a lot harsher toward you, and I don't say that maliciously. I simply mean that tearing this thing down to the foundations then building it back up is what I believe will help you most as a writer. Good luck!
1504021
Thanks for the comment, There a high chances that, once I finish The Traveler I going to rewrite chapters 1-2. Hoping that, by then my grammar and my writing will improve greatly.
I have a feeling that traveler had the princess make that law
On another note my alternate self is called the Traveler
1672079
There is reason for laws :3
1673403 i mean he did that so there would not be a pare of boxes
(paradox)