No battle plan survives contact with the enemy. These words are completely true in the case of three marines who are teleported into the land of fallout equestria and tasked with restoring peace to the savage wastes.
Chapters (1)
Razzie-razzington
Joined 17th Sep, 2014 ·
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Wow. That was so funny.
But seriously, that was no good. It appeared to wander aimlessly for 1k words, and then "Hey, fallout equestria. With anthros!"
I don't care about these characters, and what happens to them, you know? There's nothing to them.
A Fallout Equestria story with an "Everyone" rating? Consider me very skeptical, but I've always foolishly liked HiE fics too much for it to stop me from reading anything from the front cover, so fine, I'll give it a go.
Well, I finished the short chapter. It's written well, but executed terribly. It was all WAY too convinient, kinda many other HiE. Having all three characters suddenly obtain Pip-Bucks doesn't speak fluently as a plot device, neither does the cryptic message that's there because... It's there. Unless a little more was fleshed about those specific topics, then there may be some forgiveness.
As for the characters... Well, they just don't have a personality that'll put interest into me on how they'll deal with being suddenly tossed into a apocolytpic wasteland. Really, if it's one of those stories where "it starts out bad, but it gets better later on!", then this would be another mistake. The point of stories are to draw readers in by the first chapter instead of just boring readers to death.
I may not be my right to criticize when the story probably wasn't meant to be made with proper formalities but was made for fun. It's good and all for you, but it's in my nature to speak out what needs to be done. So sorry for this formal comment, but I hoped you understand.
Sorry, but im not feeling the bond a small group of marines should have.
All in all, I'll follow along, if only to see where you go with this concept.
Wait it has an everyone rating? I need to change that quickly.
Also i planed to re write the first chapter but i didn't do it but i guess i could if you guys want me to.
The moment I saw that Nathan was new, I knew he'd get fucked up.media.giphy.com/media/At4TXRvb9PHmE/giphy.gif
5116890 What is that gif from, i love it.
5107994 No need to apologize, I know chapter one is kinda, lame and i am currently re writing it so that only Cole gets the pip-buck and i am also adding some character to well the characters.
5120055
Just look up, "you're dead gif" and it should say in the related bar. I used bing by the way.
5120421 thanks, that was one of he funniest gif's i've seen in a while.
This... Amuses me... Very much... Kinda of like... The real Slim Shady...
Sorry to say it, but this is filled with military inaccuracies and a rushed section of plot that gives no personality to the characters.
Starting is the first step to improving though, so keep at it. Reading a Tom Clancy novel might give you some ideas on firefight execution.
Be honest... you read my story didn't you
5426834 By the way, when are you going to update that?
Well not bad, but I felt that the combat was a bit rushed, Nathan's introduction was wholly unnecessary and their luck with scavenging is a bit ridiculous. I mean, who the hell packs a silencer(or more accurately a suppressor) for a Search & Destroy mission, let alone a sniper rifle when you'll be fighting in a tiny village. Definitely not the worst thing I've read and its got some potential so Tracking from me.
Nice story looking forward to the next chapter.
Hey... You gonna update your story or what?
F this is dead feel free to prove me wrong