Grip of Nature

by hielispace

Ponyville's Conversation

The two sisters spent a long time just staring into space. Huntress had enough time to make a cup of tea for Candace before they finally snapped out of it.

“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” the younger sister said.

“Oh, hey you're not brain dead!” Discord remarked as he handed them as he made a map of Equestria into existence on the floor.

”You two should probably pick names. Even if they are your old ones,” Huntress said as she sipped her tea.

“Right, I’ll be Dawn,” The older one said.

“I’ll be Dusk,” the younger one added.

“A little boring if you ask me,” Discord said as he hovered over them.

“Everything is boring to you,” Cadance said with a hint of annoyance.

”I think we should get back to the business,” Huntress said as she sat down next the map.

“Right,” Dawn said shaking her head. “I assume we are going to finish off Ponyville before we move.”

“Yes, that is the plan,” Candace said.

”The problem is that I can only convert so many ponies at a time,” Huntress said with a sigh.

“How many a day?” Dusk asked.

”About 5 at maximum. Why?” Huntress replied.

“What we could do is give your friends the ability to convert via their bite,” Dusk said as she thought out her plan.

“Why their bite, that is very slow and boring. How about I give each one a differencing method of conversion,” Discord proposed.

“What do you have in mind?” Candace asked.

“How about I give Predator and Graul the ability to convert by just having someone look at them. Hunger and Devour could convert by touch. Pack might be able to use her howl to convert,” Discord rattled off.

”Okay then,”Huntress said as the rest of them silently agreed. Discord cracked a huge smile as he casts his spell. spell.”Everyone get in here!” She yelled out as her subjects came rushing in.

”Howl, Longing and Chew. Get out,” She commanded. After they were gone. she continued. ”You all now have the power to convert others. Use it on ponyville.”

“Course,” they all said as they left on their mission.

---

Zecora got up from her slumber and began to brew some potions. She saw something move quickly outside her door. She darted for the back of her hut. trying to get away from whatever was trying to get in. She sighed with relief as the figure moved away from her door. She got up and continued to work on her potions. After she finished brewing potions she went and made her self food. She grabbed some fruits from her pantry, but she was still hungry. In fact, she felt a little sick after eating that. She sniffed. Something smelt really good! she followed the scent. Her tall mane shrinking as she continued her search. her coat changed color to a pale yellow as she found the source of the smell. It was a deer wandering around outside. She gasped. Why does this smell like this. It smells like bliss. She gave in as sharp teeth grew in her mouth as she jumped at the deer and devoured it. Afterwards, she felt much better and went to sleep. Right in the middle of the forest.

She awoke to the sound of wind brushing into her hut. She got up and licked the blood from her teeth as she went back inside. Not realising she just ate a deer. She started to brew some more. But here newly grown in claws and paws kept getting in the way. She resorted to using her new tail to grab potions. The stripes on her fur disappeared. She stopped brewing potions at the sound of something coming closer. Her new feline body reacted and she crawled toward the motion. As a leopard arose from the shadows. She lost whatever zebra that was still inside of her to the lion that replaced it.

”You need to come with me,” Graul demanded.

”Of course, ma’m,” the lion Tracker replied as they left for the palace.

Author's Note:

Dam video games. Making me write less fanfiction.

Comments

[bluefur]

animal city

[Muhanoid]

While the idea is sound and chapters are... Average, the overall is just "meh".
As whole, story feels rushed and not complete. More like key points for a story that are usually written before the story is made.
Last moment edit: I LIKED the story. But would be happy to see it improved. This is reason for critics.

The rest is "Spoilers".

I like the idea of harmony, or in this case, order having more influence than chaos which made the world unbalanced.
However, I find it odd that weather would be controlled by chaos (would happen by itself). While it's closer to our world, I don't find it appealing as controlled weather was one of features of Equestria.

As a note, the chaos might be a bigger factor in other counties besides Equestria, for example, for griffins, dragons, zebras or Saddle Arabians. Which, in turn, somewhat balances out Equestria's high levels of "order".

And chaos doesn't come in one form of "unpredictable" or "unexpected". For example, we can somewhat control weather. Does this mean that in real life there is more order? Absolutely not, but there is more of control. Because changing weather in one place has consequences in other.

The reasoning for Twilight's acceptance of permanent change seems... off? It isn't explored.
For all intents and purposes, she is a scientist. Her strong point is logic and analysis. In the first chapter it seems like she gave up without trying to find a loophole or even trying to overcome the obstacles in normal way.

Next point.
Twilight kills... Uh, what's her name? Ah, right. Genesis.
The character made for a single chapter? While it works in many cases, it doesn't seem right here somehow.
Twilight Sparkle, as well as Elements of Harmony, are a big figures in the series as well as important ones in that universe. Stealing them from the world would require a bit ... more?
They battled Tirek for goodness sake!

But back to Genesis. Why did she know that she needs to take down Sparkle? Why did she do it? Was her reasoning same as Twilight's?
But still... Why?
There seems to be no indication that this question will be or was answered from her perspective.

Dark tag implied in next reasoning.
While we know that "killing" implies complete destruction of a person and physical death... I consider that mental death is as much bad as physical (which includes mental).
For example. Fluttershy gets converted and has no will of her own, nor her choices that would be based on her personal experiences, wishes, desires. Her body tells her to do the bidding of her master and sustain herself. Rest isn't shown.
If other elements mentality has changed (Rarity), how do they react to it? Why would they react or not? Are they now just a puppets for a puppeteer?
There are many a ways to kill a character. This is one of them.

However... Do they want anything? Their real self. Not just "obey master", but what would Fluttershy want? Why would she?
Rarity always a fashionista. Why would she accept the change? Mind control has happened, okay. But isn't her core fighting back? Is she completely suppressed? Is she even herself anymore?
What about personal will? Wouldn't they fight back?

However, if not take for a fact that elements were converted, story wise... What sense does it make?
Elements become replaceable by any other pony in their lack of effect on world. Unless lack of effect is what's supposed to happen.

This also raises a question. Why wouldn't Sweetie Belle be converted to something like Ursa Minor, but really small one? That's not a general bear and with magic she could make some... Unexpected things to happen.

Next point that comes to mind is that ponies disappear noticeably. Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie. Each one is a key point in their own location. Not that Ponyville citizens were really bright, but three of six would cause a discomfort when gone missing.
Not a single ill pet?
No problems at the farm?
Weather team just forgets about fastest flier?
Cupcakes and pink randomness appearing from nowhere?

Although explainable by "total city wide mind control", it doesn't seem right somehow.

Sorry for jumping from topic to topic, but...
Pinkie isn't chaotic? Just give her a horn and don't explain a thing and it will be "fun-fun-fun!". Or wings.
Keeping her a pony and giving her shapeshifting abilities (for example) would keep town on alert status all the time. Expecting the unexpected.

Discord's powers are vast and not always controlled, nor act as expected. Merely infusing every pony with a bit of chaos could do the trick. Chaos would spread from Ponyville and onwards even with no need for mind control. And each pony would understand chaos in t heir own way. Like "Dao".

Decreasing amount of order may be done... In many violent and non-violent ways.

Last point.
Gore.
EW! Seriously? Not that I don't like gore, but ... Was there a real reason for it? Did they feel remorse or happiness? I know it's the latter, but only for one instance and one moment of time. But what happened afterwards? Mind control is a good tool. But it needs to be explored (referring to earlier point of ramblings).

Go to derpiboru.org and search for this:
banner, blood, fluttershy, grimdark
or this: blood, cake, photo, unicorn
eye scream, nightmare fuel, derpy
eye scream, nightmare fuel
artist:aisu-isme
fluttertree, grotesque

This is strictly NSFW and won't show unless you are logged in. Warning for anyone besides author that is reading this: unless you like to see dead things, don't look. I mean really like, not just "for lulz".

Look at Fallout Equestria. The gore just happens because ... Well, events lead up to it. I know I'm comparing to a very good and popular story, but the concept of any event is that it has a reason, unless it's completely random.

Hopefully this was helpful.

On another note you can say "This is Cupcakes and I do what I want".

1.bp.blogspot.com/-KeKx7dojtMg/UJcb5eVBIoI/AAAAAAAAASI/SvlElgvfB1o/s320/23942172.jpeg

[Muhanoid]

If you accept suggestions, plz make Time Turner (Doctor Who looking pony) become a clockwork pony. It would be fitting, don't you think?
Like this one. http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-172

[DiscordFan]

CANCELLED!!!??!! You monster...

[hielispace]

5555705 This version of the story is cancelled, I am making a rewrite that will go further. it will be similar but not exactly the same.

[DiscordFan]

5557366

Oh, okay!

[hielispace]

5557537 Your be happy to know that the first chapter of the rewrite should be finished by Tuesday.

[Wellwater]

5739203 You should probably fix the "Canceled" notice then. It really isn't, since you're updating in place.

I'm about to start reading this for the first time but I guess I'll restrict myself to the rewritten portions.

[hielispace]

5752528 Fixed

[hielispace]

5762166 Thank you, and I agree with your name

[Ocean Man]

Was kind of hoping for something different. I've always wanted a story like i'm about to explain but never found one and thought this might be close to what i was wanting . Like Eris being Discords lover who hasn't seen each other sense before the time of the Alicorn sister's because she was severely injured. Modern day now she takes Twilight and gives her the power of herself turning Twilight into the second Embodiment of Chaos while giving her some memories of her past life. Then having Discord find out that Twilight is now pretty much Eris and His reaction, Along with everyone else's.

But yeah i thought that this story might be along the lines of that and at first two chapter i thought it was gonna be really close. But as the story continued on it just went in a complete opposite direction of how it was going in the beginning. There's also how rushed and random stuff happening, Such as Huntress suddenly being Twilight and there being no clue or hint of it, How OC all the character's are and then how Genesis is completely out of the story after the 3 or 4 chapter.

I think the story was alright not the greatest i have read and at the same time not the worst. Don't think it deserves as many dislikes it has. But oh well. I'll give this a like

[thedarkalicorn]

when can we expect the next chapter?

[Sunshine656]

Is it abandoned?

[Aether Spark]

This story had a decent start but became came nonsensical and kind of random towards the end.

Like where is Spike in all this? Does twilight plan to erase the baby dragon she raised and make him another pet?

Twilight just unhesitatingly erased her friends and replaced them with animals to keep as pets??

No hesitation whatsoever from the princesses to become animals change names and forcibly convert ponyville pop to animals??? And they implied they we're going to do it elsewhere as well why would they force this on other ponies? Their essentially robbing them of free will. their reason isn't even sound how can there be too much harmony? Isn't that their goal? How are the princesses going to explain this to Canterlot??

In the end this story became less about Twilight and more about random animal tfs and they all got out of character in the end.

And genisis is... Where?

Discord betrayed fluttershy again? And basically killed her?

no offense but this needs a rewrite in story and plot.

[Tranquility_Soul]

#draconequus now exists! please help it grow by tagging your fiction with #draconequus!