Johnny is an avarage 24 year old male he enjoys mlp, but is a closet brony. suddenly while working one day, he starts to fall backwards on his chair, as if the chairs back was missing. suddenly he falls of his chair into nothing, instead of the hard office floor, instead he keeps faling as the chair fades from view, until he sees a beautiful blue sky above him. he starts to get up, but something feels wrong on his left arm, he looks down, at a small screen and keyboard, the screen simply reads "LUA(): ".
Chapters (6)
Then get one.
If you wrote a program that is too broken and buggy to run, would you want to distribute it? Of course not. So why would you publish a story of English prose that is filled with spelling and grammar errors?
The story is great and the concept seems interesting I hope you continue with this fanfic I'm exited to read more
5291594 thank you for the link, editor, will likely be found within a few weeks, maybe even days.
5291634 the plan is to keep it going as long as i possibly can, maybe doing some logic breaking, to keep it going at some point, but so far, im still a good 10 chapters away from being even remotely close to a point, i consider the end, or a breaking point in the story, so dont worry, it will continue for a LONG time.
I like the concept, too. It reminds me of 'Hack 'n Slash'.
There, too you had to hack the world using lua.
Anyway, in regards to your writing style, I would recommend to pace it a little slower.
It seems very rushed.
Also I would try focussing more at one character at a time and not to try to squeeze them all in even if only indirect (f.i. The fashion question).
All in all I like the concept. It could certainly become a pretty interesting story, though I don't really know what to make of the fact that he already knows everything about MLP. The implications could - and surely will - get quite bothersome.
hey... i know that scripting anywhere... thats lua, is it not?
NEVER apologize for your story man. What do you mean you have no editor? Can you not edit your own story? Also, you should not have to preface your story with an authors note about your writing style.
Beyond that, and I hate to say it, but this isn't even a story. I was pretty excited about the concept. I usually toss aside any Human in Equestria fics, but as hobbyist coder I was excited for something new.
is it like gmod
Don't think I've ever heard Twilight ask to take notes.
5291883 i will try to keep that in mind, as i continue along the story.
5291885 that it is.
5291892 by no editor, i mean its just as i write it, not read before hand, to find possible spelling errors or gramatical errors. also im sorry for you not seeing it as a story, but it will hopefully get better over time.
5292518 not quite, but gmod weapons and other things, are also made in LUA. so in a way it's similar, but not quite.
5294000 thats because everyone(as far as i have read) see Twilight as a mare who does not ask to take notes, but i prefer to make her this way, also due to how i want her to be in the story, a little more "may i" instead of just "im going to", and i have not seen her like this in many stories, i think i saw one, where she was like this, and i loved it.
I would have used pocket dimension
5347131 wow, why did i not think of that, thanks.
I suppose there's always Spellcheck...
5415228 true, and if i dont have an editor in the end of january, i will just publish them, unedited. and people will have to live with the spelling errors.
No kidding,,,why other pony talking like...different personality talk?
expectedly AJ.
P.S: before that...READ A FUCKING COMIC BOOK MLP FOR BETTER STORY!
Wow. And I thought this story was dead. Nice to see that you finally decided to continue it.
Although your pacing dampens the enjoyability a little bit. It feels quite rushed and I have to agree with 5583099 the characters seem a little bit superficial. It wouldn't hurt spending more time on them even though it would delay showing Johnny's abilities further.
Aside from that I'm glad that I can now expect new chapters of this story as I find the concept to be quite intriguing.
5583265 well i told everyone, if i had no editor by the end of january, i would post them anyway. but im still searching for an editor, and im working on the pacing, but its hard for me, since in my mind, the pacing is fine, but i will try to slow it down.
5583099 i know the characters are a bit flat, compared to the show, and the accent's are mostly gone, but its because i have so hard, writing Applejack with the accent. so just writing what she says, and telling peoiple to imagine her voice, the imagination, will make it sound like Applejack(i hope).
all in all, i keep taking in what people say, and slowly i will improve, and i hope to keep this story running for a very long time, as the concept seems alien, as far as i have been able to tell. so i want to keep it going until i either run dry of ideas, or too many people dislike it.
on another note, the next chapter is currently being rewritten a bit, to slow down the pacing a bit, so it might not be out until the end of next week, but im striving to get a chapter out at least once every two weeks if possible. if not, i will say im sorry, and get more chapters done in the background, so my buffer gets bigger, if my buffer exceeds 10 chapters, i will post 2 chapters, everytime, or maybe set it to a chapter a week. not quite sure yet.
Honest review of this; the first chapter was really well paced but need some touch ups, second chapter seemed to progressed WAAAAYYYYYYYYY to fast to be realistic. These are just a few quirks I found with it, but its a start. Keep goin' mate.
5894766 i am currently reworking the pacing, but its a bit difficult, as i had about 10 chapters done, with the sam epacing, so im currently at almost 20 chapters, and i have yet to edit chapter 6. so it will take some time, but the pacing is being fixed.
Is Shart actually a last name?
6001843 im not sure, i just decided that was going to be his name. but in hindsight, it's not really a great name.
I thought I had seen the depths of cringe-worthiness that this fandom could offer.
I was wrong.
6457276 don't you think that's just a bit too far? i know it's horrible, but i am working on making it better, but due to writers block, work, school, and life in general, it's taking forever to complete the rewrite. at the very least, tell me what you don't like. something constructive, something i can work with in any way.
7027709 yeah, i'm not sure what i was thinking, and it seems i just stopped mid sentence, so i would not have to explain why they are immortal, when -1 HP would not make something else immortal..
Whoops... No raise...
Awww man
10874428
sad that the story is cancelled?
10876135
Not a lot of stories about scripts and cheats in here so yea