• Member Since 5th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 30th, 2015

NeonShadow


Rainbow Dash is best pony. TwiDash is best ship. Food is best. Ponies are life. Nuf said.

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Love, it is a funny word. It can mean many things and for a certain pegasus, it mean confusion.

At a sleepover with all her friends, a simple game of truth or dare has left Rainbow Dash questioning where her heart truly lies.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 14 )

It's a really nice start, but you should slow down and also try worming out a few of the grammatical issues. Nice story though!

How far do you plan on taking this story?

I know it's a story about Rainbow Dash, but you need to pace your writing.

5062514
Could you give me some suggestions?

5062530
There is a rapid back and forth between the mane 6. They show up and are already through talking about colts and well into truth and dare in less than 1300 ish words. That is discounting the amount of scene set up time that is going into the chapter. There are limited reactions to some of the stuff being said. Rarity saying that she is not a virgin. Rainbow over reacting and they just let it go. No pony pestering Twilight into divulging her crush. It feels like rapid fire dialogue. I worry about that a lot in my writing, and I just want to be helpful. Not trying to offend you.

Some of the stuff is funny like Applejack's dare. (:facehoof: I have a fancy degree and I still like potty humor.)

5062581
Well thanks! I'll try to use that in the future and maybe in this chapter!

wow, seems interesting! will read soon

One question. Since It's already been hinted that this is Twidash, I'm thinking Pinkie's dare is going to steer away from that? Or am I just mistaken?:rainbowhuh:

5063188
I guess you'll havta wait!

Gotta agree with Dolly. If you want to know where your downvotes are likely coming from, I'd say it's grammatical issues. You really, really, really need to reread this and correct a lot of these small failings. Autocorrect will do some things, but there's a ton that's still screwed up here.

Her mane, the way she talked… the way her main flowed effortlessly between her wings.

I mean, you use mane twice in one sentence here and only use the correct spelling 50% of the time.

5068762
Well I got it edited by a friend and proofread by another.

5069564
5068762 Don't worry dude, I got that covered. I just finished editing the first chapter today, so when it's reuploaded, the first chapter should have all the grammar errors fixed.

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