• Member Since 5th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 30th, 2015

NeonShadow


Rainbow Dash is best pony. TwiDash is best ship. Food is best. Ponies are life. Nuf said.

T

This is just a bunch of random crap I threw together. Twilight deflates, Pinkie is a firework,
Fluttershy explodes, twice, a chicken tap dances in mid air....... Well, just read the story.
It will not make any sense. Just warning you.
This is complete unless another random thought comes to my mind.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 92 )

I suggest you to get a proofreader from here: The Proofreader Group. They work for free and can make your stories clean. :twilightsmile:

About the story.... it's... random... definitely! This is the most random story I've ever read on this site. Since this was the goal, I can definitely say that you accomplished it. Good job! :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Regidar deleted May 7th, 2014

4353930
Thanks! I thought everybody was gonna hate it.

4354003 Okay, dude... really? Did you NOT read the description? And in her story she asked for CONSTRUCTIVE critism... you don't pay attention much, do you? She said it was not going to make any sense. I found it funny, as did others, so seriously... back off, you're not needed here.

What-- I-- ahh--
(please stand by)
Bueno, eso fue tan desordenado que me borró todo lo que sé del inglés.

4354003
I honestly don't care if you like it or not. I'm not gonna let other people bring me down just cause they hate what I write.

Cute! A couple mistakes here and there (some of the names like Pinkie and Scootaloo need to be capitalized), but nothing to major! Seriously, that was the funniest random story ever! You really put the tag 'random' to use there! Good story for a first one! I can't wait to see what comes forth from that weird little brain of yours! :pinkiehappy:
-Derpy 2:derpytongue2:

4354050 Good for you! I liked this chapter, but I noticed that it needs to be edited......

4354059
Thanks! I think I might add more chapters if my mind thinks of some more random stuff.:derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp1:

4354070 Was there a lot of grammatical error?

4354090 In the first no, in the second, yeah

4354066
No, en serio. No tengo idea de lo que me dices. Esta historia me dejĂł fuera de onda.
Este...
No, really. I no have got idea from what you say me. This story let me out of wave.

4354107 I'll look through it again.

This is the most random thing I have ever read.........:rainbowhuh: I love it!:heart::raritystarry:

4354200 Thanks! I thought everybody was gonna hate this.

Looks like this fun story is doing ok. Cool! :pinkiehappy:

4354294 Yeah! Thanks for proofreading!:twilightsmile:

And I thought I was random!

4354059

I'm kinda guilty. I proofread it while doing something else. It was a single run look over. I'm just glad most viewers realize this is a surreal slapstick comedy anyway.

:pinkiehappy:

uh......(gets scared) too random....

no comment other than if your goal was too make readers go "WTF!?" you succeeded with me.

4354036 aw, boo hoo
go white knight somewhere else, you enbalist


4354050 I don't hate what you write, I hate this story for being dreck and taking down people who write GOOD comedy and use the random tag resposibly

4355630
Like I said, I don't care what you think and I'm not looking for an argument. If you don't like this story, dislike it and leave.

4355630
And watch what you say. Silver Melodies is my older brother and he's just trying to help me.

4355797 wow I'm so fucking scared
this is the internet
what is he gonna do, fly all the way out to where I live and beat me up?


4355788 I'm not trying to argue
I left an opinion, which you deleted (bad choice), and you were unable to deal with the fact that some people might find stories like this to be dull and uninspired

4355630 You wanna troll wherever you want? I'll 'white knight' wherever I want, okay? And my god man... you just don't make sense! She used the random tag how it's supposed to be used. The story is random, random as fuck! You left no opinion, you degraded the story. You left a derogatory comment, which you like to call an opinion... oh yeah, all trolls think like that. I almost forgot.

And damn man, I would totally fly out there and beat you senseless, but hey. I can't. But that's not what she meant. She's not threatening, she just doesn't want to see her older brother trash talked. You can't respect that? You fail at life.

4355842 I told her the reason why I disliked it is because she used the random tag to forgo any attempt at being coherent—which is stupid. The stories that I use the random tag on (which are many) still hold a story that's discernible, and the comedy is enhanced by this. Just going "HERP DERP LOL LOOK I CAN PUT STUPID THINGS TOGETHER LOOK IT DON'T MAKE THE SENSE HAHAHAH LAUGH AT ME" is not a type of "comedy" I want to see. Do you know what a satyr play is? It's the type of "theater" that accompanied greek tragedies for comic relief. They were just a random string of stupid slapstick acts that were meant to pander to the lowest common denominator. This is what that story is. It lowers the value of non-sequitor comedy, which is the "evolved" form of random.

And I certainly fail at life, I with the reputable fanfiction career. I'm not the one losing my shit over an internet opinion.

4355842 You know, that's not the only way the "Random" tag can be used. Just saying.

4355897
Random: without definite aim, direction, rule, or method

1
a : lacking a definite plan, purpose, or pattern
b : made, done, or chosen at random

As defined by the Webster dictionary. Yes, there are a few more ways to define random, but the way she used it... your making it sound like because she used it in a way you dislike, it's bad. She used it how it can be used. Simple as that. It's not like she's taking the comedy tag and saying that comedy can mean something not funny... comedy is comedy. Random is random.

And since when did I lose my shit? I've been calm through this whole thing. I haven't raged or called names, I said you fail at life. That's it. I'm staring to see this conversation has no meaning at all... because you're brain doesn't have the mental capacity to understand what basic words mean.

4355919 Well yeah, I know that. I'm not saying random means crazy shit no one could every see coming. But the way she used the tag doesn't go against how the tag is meant to be used, like this guy is saying.

4355897
Look, you said in this comment that this is not the kind of comedy that YOU like. Other people still like this story. And you say you left an opinion? You said my story sucked!
And here 4355810 I wasn't trying to threaten you. But I do feel bad for you cause you can't respect other people.

I have a question. Are you familiar with Invader Zim?

4356131 Yes. In my opinion, it sucks. That's not a fact.

I wasn't trying to threaten you

And I accept that. I read that wrong, that's my own fault.

I have been exceptionally aggressive, and I'd like to work on correcting that; I can offer some points and tips on how to work non-sequitor comedy correctly.


4355970 *you're

because you're brain doesn't have the mental capacity to understand what basic words mean.

*your
also, nice going there, pally. I can't comprehend basic words, and yet you with the various BASIC grammatical errors can.

The point here I'm making is that her random was obviously meant to make people laugh. In the context of this site (check the site writing guide under "tags" if you don't believe me) random is comedy taken a step forward into weird. I do it often—most of my stories have a random tag. When I do it, though, I take care to make sure the story is still engaging and has a self-aware pattern to the "random", and is not just a messy conglomerate of senseless events. you can make REALLY good stories out of "random". This is not one of them.

I don't dislike either of you as people, I don't know you. I don't even dislike you as writers. My opinion is that this ONE story is terrible. Others think otherwise. Good for them. I usually attempt to give tips and things, and I was posting from my phone and couldn't really write along review with great ease. I'm willing to cool off a bit on the hostilities and offer tips in both technical and metaphysical writing boundaries for Neon.

4356241 *clap clap clap* at first I hated your guts. But now I see that you've handled this situation in a polite manner. Thanks for clearing things up :eeyup:

4356347 no problem m80
you gotta swallow your pride sometime

I will be honest here. I don't like it. I don't hate it. It's quite a unique story. Completely random from start to finish. I don't even think you need a proofreader because it adds on to the 'random' factor a little bit. Now I just gotta read chapter 2.

Second chapter: old wrinkly sack of prunes :rainbowlaugh:
Liked!

4356241 You do know the difference between not knowing the definition of a word and saying someone is misusing a word when she's using it correctly, and just misspelling a word, right? Apparently not...

I see you and Neon are cooling off, so good... that's good. But you were being a dick, and I was calling you out on it, yet you were trying to defend why you were attacking my sister's story... can't you see why I would defend her?

4356776

You do know the difference between not knowing the definition of a word and saying someone is misusing a word when she's using it correctly, and just misspelling a word, right? Apparently not...

1. you misspelled/misused both instances of "your" and "you're"
2. I never claimed she misused a word, I claimed that she's not doing anything to better the use of the random tag. she's pandering to the lowest common denominator. "Strive for excellency in all things."
even the stupid, "random" ones.

But you were being a dick

I was. I admitted to that.

yet you were trying to defend why you were attacking my sister's story

because I don't just browse the front page, looking for fics to attack. At least, not anymore. I always have purpose for my "attacks". This purpose was because I decreased the already low value of fics with the random tag, had little visible effort into it, and felt like a reject smosh idea. I'm sorry, just because she's your sister doesn't mean she's absolved from writing crap on occasion. I haven't read her other stuff. Perhaps it's literary gold! I couldn't say. Just this one, particularly story is one I dislike, for reasons said.

My offer still stands. I'm more than happy to give her tips on how to write "better" because better is subjective in humor random works.

I hate pulling this card, and I'm going to do it against my better judgment. I didn't make it into the top 50 by chance. Yeah, a lot of my followers are here for reasons I don't like, and many of them are here because they deem my stories to be of good quality. I may have a thing or two that might be worth learning. I have a high percentage of comedy stories. I take comedy acting classes. I live and breathe satire because it makes the world bearable for me. I CAN be beneficial.

I promise to keep the jerkassery to a minimum from here on out.

4356842 I've been writing a lot of sotry things with the word "you're" in it... so my bad for misspelling the word.

I notice you pointed out all the things I said to you... save the good things, like how it's good you offered to help her, and how I was just trying to explain my actions...

I personally don't care what you take or do or write. You're good at comedy? Fine. That's great. If my sister wants your help, great, let her go for it. I'm glad to see you realized you approached wrong and I hope you do prove to be a valuable mentor/teacher/advice giver or whatever.

I was defending her because she is my sister. I never said it absolves her for 'writing crap' or whatever. But if you expect me to sit by while you attack my sister's story (you aren't now, but you did), then you must think I'm a terrible brother.

This made me giggle once or twice, but for the most part it wasn't very funny. A for effort, though. You obviously enjoyed writing it, and that's what matters.

Protip: randomness is not inherently funny. There needs to be some form of coherency, or else it won't be very amusing to anyone over the age of twelve. I would suggest writing a story, then adding the random humor in afterward so that there's a real plot instead of just a series of unconnected gags.

4356903

I notice you pointed out all the things I said to you... save the good things, like how it's good you offered to help her, and how I was just trying to explain my actions...

The good things don't need to be rebutted or discussed, because that'd just be dumb. Why argue over a compliment? Why disprove praise?

Anyway, I'm glad we reached a point where the antagonization is minimal. I'll leave you two be unless either of you want my help.

4355630 SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!THEY'RE BOTH MY FRIENDS SO PLEASE STOP TROLLING THEM!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

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