Death. It happens, and it happens without warning.
Even so, she didn't expect was a letter that states that four of her friends were dead from a terrible storm.
She now travels back to Ponyville to give her last regards to her friends, as well as to hear the story behind it all.
____
Inspired by a piece of music by DongleKumquat.
Image by SweetScribblez of Deviant art.
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Very good so far. Just don't mess it up :)
so sad... cant wait for more!!!!
love the depiction of life as a wonderbolt... havent heard it recently.
but... too sad...
poor flutters cant handle that kinda heartbreak...
Not bad. The only criticism I'll make is that the deaths seemed a little abrupt. Obviously that was what you were going for, but to me felt kinda forced.
Even though Pinkie is dead, I love this story, it's well written, and it's actually my vision of if Dash joined the wonderbolts
504246
I'll try my best not to mess up, I do hope it's going in the right direction.
504309
Reading through it countless times and trying to think of something else to add to it, yes, it feels forced, but, it is what it is, and, besides, I find it much more satisfying to off all (Or most) of a group of characters at one time in one day than pick off individual characters over a period of days/weeks/months/years/decades.
I'm not sure what I could do to fix its forced abruptness, so I just left it at that.
That was pretty good. Kinda sad, but good. I have no idea why this story has 4 thumbs down. Can't wait for the update. Keep up the good work.
I like the way this is going so far....Hopefully there will be an update for this!
I love the way Deep Thought talks. It sounds like one of those philosopher dudes.
532478 me too and i like how the last line builds up suspense
I'm really liking this so far....But, I'm being tortured knowing that I have to wait for the next chapter....
Hm, just who is Rainbow Dash going to visit first?
549109 i don't know and quite frankly i don't care. Heads up! You've been faved
The Apple family's probably closest to Fluttershy's place, since they're both near the Everfree Forest.
549470
At first, reading through this comment's beginning made me wonder why you were reading the story.
Then, I read the rest of it, which, while I appreciate the favorite, I am wondering if your comment has a deeper meaning to it...
550369
That is true, but I always thought of Fluttershy's cottage and the Apple family living on opposite sides of the town.
559196 it means your story, you pick the sequence as long as i get another quality chapter, who dash visits first is not important. Soooooo....next chapter comming soon?
559241
Ah, I see what you mean, then.
The next chapter is coming along well, although it might take awhile, perhaps a week or so at best? I'm getting lazy on this, sorry.
BTW, Interesting twist you added, Rarity and Vinyl being sisters.
Please keep writing and adding more chapters.
Please, go one.
Toolkit
"she finally found in a dusty (Cloudy?) corner"
Make sure that you look for all of your pre reader's comments before posting. It can be pretty disruptive when someone else "barges" into the story. No offense to the pre reader.
You could easily do a control + F and search for "(", as that seems to be the format that yours is using, to quickly find his/her feedback and fix it.
Now onto Big Mac: I find that Mac tries to sound out his words. When writing remember that he talks very slow and deep. Try to steer towards small and relatively easy words. I also notice that in the show, Mac has less of an accent than AJ. For example, personally, instead of "eets been 'ard, Miss Dash" I might have put it as "been real hard, Miss Dash". There's not necessarily a need to always exaggerate the accent.
And most importantly, Big Mac should have very short lines. He doesn't talk much, so any dialogue should be pretty short and to the point.
I hope that I've helped!
This is depressing... Why do i like such sad stories! Poor rarity and pinkie
Wow. Sweetie Belle must be traumatized pretty bad.
Keep up the good work bro.
608897
Well, I'm not sure about it ending strong, but I'll try!
609132
Hm, haven't always noticed those little notes in the story, I kinda just assumed I wrote them in the first place.
I'll keep in mind about Big Mac, as well, thanks! I'll probably edit his lines after I'm through with the next chapter.
609973
I'll do what I can!
This is the first chapter I cried, mostly because Pinkie, RD, and Rarity are my favorite ponies, and when I heard Gummy probably died too, i felt even worse D:
I ended it at a cliffhanger because I'm evil like that.
how is it rainbows fault?
627248
It's not, Spike is just going through a very difficult time, and combining that with him being little more than a baby and the other problems that came with the storm, he blames Rainbow Dash, who was formerly part of the weather patrol (In this story), and irrationally blames her.
Yay. I like anger. Anger is good. It makes everything better.
627248>>627569 he probably blames her as she worked as a weather pony and since she was so good at her job that nothing like the storm happened when she was there. And then she left to join the wonderbolts. The result? Spike believed twilight died trying to stop a storm that was only a problem because rd wasn't there to stop it
haha that last line was funny
I understand were Spike's anger was coming from. He's still young, and all that raw emotion was bottled inside, and it finally just erupted. Applejack... how did the world come to this?
... Truthfully, i find owlowiscious a tad unnerving. Poor twi i guess the fact that she did indeed cast a spell was relevant? Did it result in aj's death or did it end the storm?
Pretty good. One major spelling mistake I found was that you spelled "signaling" wrong in one of the paragraphs near the end of the chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter!
669523
Since it won't be addressed properly in the story, I'll just say that, yes, it did have a part in ending the storm, although, not in a very big way.
671326
Oh, thanks to you for finding that!
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/132778627369.gif?1328029851
This story makes me want to cry, but I just can't do it. Not yet.
I have to amit kind of a rush chapter but i would love to see where this goes and I wonder how will Rainbow's friendship with Fluttershy change with the knowledge that Fluttershy is the only one of her friends that didn't die?
612053gummy why gummy whyyyyyyyy the feels THE FELLS MAN THE FELLES WHYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think this is the best story ever
!