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Rules1,754 words

Rules

Humans ain’t so bad 2

It had been three days since that letter had appeared on “Jake’s” laptop, and with it, the knowledge that he would be the host for a fanfic that he came up with, at the same time his co-author/boss/AU self came up with. Three days filled with getting Pinkie settled in with necessary utilities (toothbrush, comb, stuff like that), him researching how to successfully live off of a vegetarian diet for while she was there, and getting groceries for the both of them (which surprisingly lacked the amount of sugary sweets that he was expecting from her wish list).

He wasn’t giving up the meat flavored ramen though…

Today though, he dedicated to finding out how his brother-from-the-same-yet-different-mother boss rationally explained how Pinkie Pie got from her verse to his when he got back from work.

DON’T PANIC PEOPLE!!! Sarge HAS in fact looked it up! The Words “rational” and “Pinkie Pie” CAN be used in the same sentence without the word “not” somewhere in between the two.

Said explanation was happening at that very moment in fact.

“I was walking (note: hopping) down the road to see if any of my friends needed any help for the day when I got a ‘needed for a fanfic’ combo: flappy left ear, achy back right hoof, twitchy tail, and squinty eyes. I was soooooooooooo happy that the last one was grinny smile and not shivery spine, cause that meant it was comedy and not dark!” She seemed to turn and look at a random wall in the room with a glare before continuing. “Which I am most disappointed at how many you all are making about us. Hmpf!” She ended by crossing her hooves and turning her head away with nose in the air.

Jake wanted to speak up in defense for some of them. In fact why shouldn’t he- oh no, wait, that withering glare Pinkie just gave him after thinking that might have made him reconsider on that front.

“Well, then I heard I was needed, and then I was here!” She finished with a smile.

Wait. No portals of light or inescapable pulling through a dark tunnel of infinite abyss?

“That’s it?”

“What, did you expect jumping universes involved portals of light or being pulled through a dark tunnel of infinite abyss? Puh-leez, interesting and cool as that may be, that’s only in the movies.”

“Well, it does make sense…”

“Of course it does, I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“And that doesn’t. Which, oddly enough, makes perfect sense… My head hurts.”

The music from “Avast Octavia’s Plot” started playing from Jake’s laptop, drawing their attention to the supposed to be off machine.

“Is that supposed to happen?” Pinkie asked as they both stared at the object.

“Nope, but this has happened before. Must be Boss’s way to draw attention to a message.” He went over and sat down in front of the desk before messing with the touch-pad to wake it up. Sure enough, the screen brightened to show Word on the screen and Google Chrome open in his task bar.

The message was a short couple of sentences, and it confused the hell out of him.

Check out how the fic is doing.

Jake understood that part, but the stuff after it seemed almost as random as lightning strikes, only because nothing can be as random as Pinkie Pie.

“And that’s a fact!” She suddenly shouted.

A little over 48 hours. One to what looks like a Japanese website. No. Check for yourself.

“That’s a little… weird? Eh, nothing I can’t handle.” Shrugging those last lines off, he minimized the word document, to see, lo and behold, a story with his Angry Marine frown Avatar next to a story. Details started piling up after that.

“Wooow, 48 positive to 2 negative thumbs, 76 favorites, and 77 reviews in 2 days? Cool!”

“Wait, what do you mean 2 days?”

“‘A little over 48 hours’, duh!”

“…How did I miss that?... Well, following that line of thinking, my next question would have been ‘did anyone give reference for this?”

“’One to what looks like a Japanese website.’ What are Japanese?”

“An ethnic group that have an amazing history and are the weirdest people in some things (… Hentai -_-‘). So after that, I’d ask ‘did anyone ask a question?’”

“’No’.”

“No? What do you mean no?”

“’Check for yourself.’”

He did so. Scrolling down to read the reviews and comments, systematically reading through them, they made comments along the way.

“Th4t Dark c0rner seems to be a person of few words, though I wonder if that ‘hehe’ was a good laugh or bad.”

“Oh it was a good one.”

“How can you tell?”

“Hellooooo, Element of Laughter?”

“D’oh!”

Further down.

“A good conversation.”

“Thank you Bloodpool and JJ Malcolm!” She waved happily.

“Whoops, missed hyourei in the middle of it there. Let’s see what he has to say…”

"it is well within our power to destroy our civilization and perhaps our species as well. If we capitulate to superstition or greed or stupidity we could plunge our world into a time of darkness deeper than the time between the collapse of classical civilization and the Italian Renaissance. But we are also capable of using our compassion and our intelligence, our technology and our wealth to make an abundant and meaningful life for every inhabitant of this planet." -Carl Sagan

“…I want to kiss hyourei for that one.”

“Woah there lover-boy, leave romance for the real life.”

Further down.

“Wow, a little harsh against Jason don’t you think, Bloodpool? Oh, wait, Boss has already taken care of that.”

“Still something a Meanie Grumpypants would do,” Pinkie pouted. Seriously, don’t get Pinkie pouting, that’s a view that’s hard to take! See?

Further down.

“Wow, such an articulate online voice.”

“No kidding! There’s no way Rarity wouldn’t love such a classy colt like Baul!”

“The correct term is guy, Pinkie.”

“Colt.”

“Guy.”

“Colt.”

“Guy.”

“Colt.”

“Guy.”

“Colt.”

“Guy.”

“Colt.”

“I say its guy, and that’s final!”

“Very well Pinkie. You win.”

“…Hey wait a minute!”

He smirked as he said, “Moving on. I’ll need to check that link later.

They kept going further and further down, to the bottom of the list. Good or bad, all of them made him happy, especially the discussions going on, but he frowned when none of them had what he’d been looking for. Seemed that they all had missed the subtle clue about how this was going to be written.

The word document opened itself on his screen once more but with new text.

Which is the reason why this chapter will be about explaining the “rules” of this story.

Missed subtle hints, do it directly.

“Hey Pinkie, could you teach me how to break the 4th wall?”

And what’s more direct than Pinkie’s style?

“Oh breaking it is easy. Just turn to a random direction and start talking. Trust me, they’ll know *wink*. It’s getting through it that’s the hard part. Why this one time, in band camp I-.”

By this time Jake had pulled out a remote and clicked the mute button at her direction. She’s still moving and talking, but no sound is being made, and she doesn’t even notice the change.

“Oh sweet! That actually worked!” His grin turned hesitant as he looked at a wall to the side. “Well, this is going to be awkward…”

He cleared his throat before starting.

“This story is meant to be a ‘you question, I answer’ kind of thing, but by trying to make it entertaining to read and easy to follow. I prefer that you keep your questions specific and easy to understand. Don’t be broad and ask something like ‘What are your thoughts on religion?’ I will have to reply to something like that with ‘Which religion and what about it?’ IF I reply at all.

“There are hardly any restrictions on what you may ask. The only restriction is that you don’t ask about wars that have happened in the past century or about the entire idea of war in general. Me and the Boss will leave those kinds of questions for the last few chapters, and either him or me will announce when we will be taking them.

“When I say specifics, I mean add names, dates, and titles when applicable. If you ask something about the Pope, I need to know who you are asking my views on, and I will answer as best I can if I know much about them. If dates and things like that can’t be applied for the topic, then something that can be used to focus my discussion needs to be used. Like if you asked “Do you think the Crusades were a waste of time?” I can work with that.

“I will be arbitrary in which questions I will answer. No real need to explain that.

“In short, this is a literary version of a tumblr blog without the pictures that they enjoy using. I am not a good artist TT.TT”

The music from the pmv “Avast Octavia’s Plot” played again. Word was opened once again.

For the people who are reading this story from other websites like Equestria Daily, or Fanfiction.net, while your reviews will be greatly appreciated and loved, I will only be taking questions asked from FIMFiction. I can’t keep up with multiple fronts like that. I’m sorry if this disappoints anyone.

“Boss has spoken. And with all of that said, I bid all of you a good day. I will see you next chapter post.” He clicked the mute button once more in Pinkie’s direction, who was still going on.

“-And that’s how Equestria was made! Any questions?”

“…Pinkie Pie, you are so random. Ah well. Come on and pull up a seat. I want to show you some of the biggest parties-“ Pinkie suddenly appeared right next to him on a chair and with the biggest grin you will ever see in the history of all time. “humans throw. Damn girl, you really are a party animal.”

“Does that even deserve a retort?” She asked humorously.

“No, I guess it doesn’t. Now then, first up is one that I learned about from a favorite movie of mine, called Carnival…”

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