Opening
Humans Ain’t So Bad
“Hm? What’s this one?”
Fallout Equestria: Rules of Engagement
Once upon a time, on the not-so-magical planet Earth. There was a US Marine who signed up to defend his country. He was assigned to a fire team, the fire team assigned to a squad and the squad assigned to a platoon. Together they defended the area surrounding a Forward Operating Base in Afghanistan from insurgents. If only it were that simple.
When lone Marine is transported to Equestria he finds a post-apocalyptic wasteland. With no orders, no resupply and seemingly no hope of return, he sets out to find what brought him here, and why.
Strong Language Warning: He swears like a Marine.
Disclaimer: I'm not a Marine
Cover art by Crosshairs
“Hmmm… Not exactly the HiE I’ve been looking for when it comes to Fallout: Equestria, but I’ll give it a shot.”
Once upon a time, on the not-so-magical-and-actually-quite-fucked-up planet of Earth-
“Oh are you fucking kidding me? God damn it man! That’s like the fifth one I’ve found today, what the hell!”
This had him starting on a long tirade of swears, curses, and oaths about the stupidity of humans that refuse to see the good qualities as well as the bad. He even went so far as to list off examples of said qualities to the empty room.
Living by himself with not much to do after working on base all day beyond late nights online kind of left him with only his voice, or a YouTube music playlist to fill the silence. Oh don’t pity him, he has great friends within his squadron, but he liked living an isolated lifestyle. Besides, talking to himself sometimes led to some amazing brainstorms. Speaking of which…
“-I guess Dad was right on that front, ‘One “Aw shit” wipes out a whole lot of “Atta boys”’. I mean seriously! I love “humans are evil” stories when done well, but with so many of them flooding my sites and so few “Fluttershy yay Humans”, it just pisses me off! Why doesn’t someone write something to get these idiots to use their heads before writing their own species off… wait a second…”
Getting up from his desk, he walked over to a drawer he kept some extra notebooks and packages of pens. Getting out one of each, he started writing down ideas as he paced around the room and muttered to himself.
They were a couple of quirks of his. He always wrote out his ideas on paper first after a frustrating incident in Middle School where he accidentally left his thumb-drive in a computer class and returned to find it stolen. That cost him a story he had been working on but never published it because he always felt it wasn’t ready yet.
Five years later and looking back at what bits he remembered of it, he was glad it never got out… But he still learned from that accident.
The pacing was actually something fun for him to do as he brainstormed. It was good exercise, and it just always seemed to help. But it definitely wasn’t as weird as the number of plot bunnies he got when riding his parent’s lawn mower on the weekends.
“It doesn’t have to be an entirely plot based story. Probably shouldn’t be anyways. Yeah! It could be like a talk show interview or a questionair thing with the readers leaving reviews asking about things like human actions, music, religion, war-…”
He paused in stride and thought over that last one.
“War… Better keep that one for the last chapter. Too many positives to go with the negatives, and if done correctly, can be the perfect cinch pin to wrap it all up and leave the readers really thinking. Alright, got the design down, now who to use as the ‘show host’?”
Before he could start brainstorming again, he heard something that he should not have been hearing. Looking back at his laptop, which had blacked its screen out due to being idle for a while, was cheerfully playing “Equestria Gurls” from its speakers.
He didn’t have youtube up when this started.
Walking over to his desk with a cautious gait, he set down the notebook and slowly got back into his chair.
A glance behind him to insure nothing spooky, dangerous, or both like the Slenderman is going to creep up on him, he rolled his finger over the touchpad, waking up the machine.
First thing he noticed, a Word Document had opened up over the Internet Explorer window.
Second thing, a letter had been typed out on the document.
Third thing, it was addressed to him.
Another glance over his shoulder. Nope, no Slendy, but he could imagine Spot, his old stuffed triceratops he had as a kid waving a paw at him in greeting (Imagination, love it). With nothing there, he turned back to read.
Jake
“Yeah, that isn’t my name, but you’ve already got my attention,” he said, pausing to make the comment.
Yes I know it isn’t your real name, shut up.
“…Okay, I know it didn’t change as I was talking cause I didn’t blink… creepy.”
With that out of the way, I chose you and your universe to… ‘host’ the story that you were planning, and that I’m writing. Congratulations! (And I’d agree with you on the creepy part if it wasn’t so much fun screwing with your head like I am)
“Dick.”
Yes I am, and you are too, because you’d do the same thing.
“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”
Anyways, you won’t be alone in this venture. I’ve procured you a co-host for this venture. See if you can guess.
The page refused to scroll further down after that.
“Hmph. That’s me alright. Okay, so who would I do for something like this? Rainbow Dash is too hard headed to really sit still for something like this, and there’s also the fact that she really only lets herself be on the ground about 10 percent of the time which opens up the possibility of a plot driven storyline that is unneeded, so all that leaves her out. Fluttershy is too soft at heart for some of the possible topics of discussion so she’s out. Rarity and Applejack have no real disqualifying features that I’ve noticed since the last episode I’ve seen which was Nightmare Night, but neither do they have any engaging aspects to work with for something like this. I’d cross them off the list, which would leave Twilight and Pinkie.”
Pausing, he gave some serious thought over it.
“Twilight’s critical thinking skills would be a useful tool for getting an in-depth look at the explanation, but to keep her in character, I’d have to do a long explanation on my thoughts of the multiverse theory, which I don’t think I could do without sounding boring, so I’d cross her off as the co-host, but I’d leave her option open for an appearance later on so we’ve got some good beef for the readers to chew on before moving into that boring explanation. That leaves Pinkie whose bubbly personality would be good for comedic relief. Her ease of accepting new things would leave out a need for explanation and allow me to get right into the thick of things after reviwers start asking questions. There might be some problems that could crop up later on, but it could be taken care of when they do. Pinkie Pie is coming to my house to be the co-host.”
He let that last sentence sink into his mind.
“PINKIE PIE IS COMING TO MY HOUSE!?!”
Yup, have fun!
Sgtnolisten
“God damn it.”
For a few moments, he sat there slumped in exasperation. He knew this was no joke. He had all the evidence, and all other possibilities have been knocked out of the list leaving only one thing that could only be truth, no matter how strange.
He was now host to his own fanfiction idea.
And his co-host was going to be Pinkie Pie.
Something caused him to sit up into a stiff posture after he thought that. He felt a presence in the room that hadn’t been there before. Felt eyes bore into the back of his head. Felt the faint wisp of a soft breath as it drifted past his neck.
Slowly, he turned around. The Spartan walls of the room slowly gave way to a pink form as it krept into his vision while he stared straight ahead. Some of that pink gave way to white which gave way to blue, before all of it registered as a pink pony’s face directly in front of his own.
Silence… for about four seconds.
“…HI!!! I’m Pinkie Pie! And I’m here to help you break the 4th wall today!”
He could only groan and slump in defeat.
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hehe
Sounds good, keep going. I too have noticed the amount of human hate that goes around these fictions.
You have caught my attention. Let's see what else you have...
Well, this could be interesting. I'll put this on my track list just to see what arguments you'll put forth in humanity's defense, and watch as the Conversion Bureau crowd inevitably shows up to froth at the mouth and rage in self-loathing.
In all seriousness though humanity is p. terrible by any reasonable standard. If I were a pony I'd be really racist against humans.
Lol
You do make a point, though. It is a bit tiresome to read "WA! WA! ALL HUMANS ARE BIG MEANIES" all the time. Do people really have so low faith in us?
Oh well. Potatoes gonna potate.
447701
One of the negatives is that one of our vice presidents can't spell potato.
447698
All living beings have their share of good and bad guys. Generalizing everyone in a single category is pretty ignorant, in my opinion: Just because there are a few rotten apples doesn't mean we should throw away the entire basket.
447698 I totaly agree with you. We aren't exactly a likeable species as a whole, for a number of reasons: World War One, World War Two and The Holocaust are a pretty good example of reasons for another race to distrust humanity.
"it is well within our power to destroy our civilization and perhaps our species as well. If we capitulate to superstition or greed or stupidity we could plunge our world into a time of darkness deeper than the time between the collapse of classical civilization and the Italian Renaissance. But we are also capable of using our compassion and our intelligence, our technology and our wealth to make an abundant and meaningful life for every inhabitant of this planet." -Carl Sagan
447722
Check your history books again to see a simple fact of history.
For every horrifying act, there are heroes fighting against it.
My grandfather, rest his departed soul, was among he troops that finally took out Auschwitz during WW2, I've got family that risked their lives, and a few that GAVE their lives trying to stop the death and destruction of that horrible war.
I'll not deign to dragging out the Nazi scum for this debate, but let's face it.
If humanity was HALF as evil as you'd presume, they'd still be in power, rather than a battered and fractured splinter sect struggling to survive the aftermath.
There are heroes in the world.
Far more than you think.
447809 Yes, I suppose you're right. Heroes do exist in this world. It's a pity there's so few of them.
447824
Like I said.
More than you realize.
Lol you must be new to humanity.
447722
>discussion of humanity on FiMFiction
>GUYS DID YOU HEAR ABOUT WORLD WAR TWO
I happen to live in a small town that seems to me, in many ways, a lot like Ponyville. It seems funny to say that FiM is paradise while the fairly similar place where I live is some kind of hell. I'm sure my town isn't a typical representation of Earth, but who's to say that Ponyville is typical of the FiM world?
If you want to really delve into the whole HEEP (Humans are Evil / Earth is a Pit) meme, then the Conversion Bureau universe is a good place to do it. It started out as a total HEEP (and there's still a lot of it going around), but but some stories since then have turned that around and balanced it out. Instead of a lone HiE you've got entire worlds colliding, which means you can explore every possible aspect of how they relate.
447710 Man, I don't know about you, but if I take a bite out of an apple and there's a big ol' worm in it I'm not eating any more apples from that basket (I'm racist against worms too)
This is hilarious, it has hardly been two hours since this story was posted and already everyone is ripping each others throats out, and the author hasn't even expanded on his premise yet! Oh interwebz, you never cease to amuse me.
This oughta be good. Tracked. Pinkie Pie + 4th wall breakage = awesome!
I have a feeling Chatoyanche and the other Conversion Bureau fans will be here soon to rip the story apart and start philosophical debates.
But seriously, Humanity encompasses all parts of the moral spectrum from heroes to villians. And in most places, there seem to be more heroes than villains.
On a side note, I'm not sure why the Conversion Bureau universe attracts so many misanthropes and self loathers. Or why there seem to be so many "Humans are Bastards" type stories.
But humanity has fingers.
I couldn't follow that. Could you use colors or something and explain what they are in parentheses or something? Because it sounds like everyone else likes it.
Dang.
Now I feel guilty for even thinking about starting a Conversion Bureau-based story.
Humanity has a place in moderation.
Take the good and the bad and learn from everything.
There are shades of gray that the topic's rarely taken before in the fan fiction community.
447732 ...I don't even know you and I want to kiss you for that one mate.
447809 Ahhh... a fellow human supporter, but one that can't see the good in evil as well.
I don't like the Nazis or Hitler any more than you do, but you don't realize that despite the Horror of the Holocaust (which I think is there only real crime beyond starting the war, which could also be turned into beneficial light, as everything else seems to just be regular war time crimes) they were beneficial to Germany, in the fact that they led their country out of their Great Depression. Not to mention the amount of faith they put back into everyone's lives...
447986 ...Wait, is that supposed to be on the good side or bad?
447868 We should make a checklist of things that normally happen on fimfiction whenever humans are involved
> WW2 mentioned *check*
> Global Warming/Pollution *not check*
> Chatoyance *not check*
448153 I've seen the word Chatoyance above in another review, but when I looked it up, I only get something about Tiger's Eye. What is it?
448167 He/she's an author on this site of some Conversion Bureau fics. He/she usually gets involved in these sorts of discussions.
448102 Oh no, no no no. Go ahead go ahead! If you think it'd be a worthwhile read do it. I'd LOVE to see it for myself!
If you check which groups I'm in you'd notice that I'm a member for the Conversion Bureau group. It just shows another fine example of humanity, about when we face the toughest situation, and how we deal with it as a whole. Sure, they may paint humans in a negative light, but the ones I've read and loved also give great examples of good characteristics. "Last Man Standing" comes to mind.
448003 What do you mean? I can't really understand what you're asking for.
448148 It is a good thing.
448176 So what should I expect from her? A ripping into the story and the very idea of humans being good? Or a calm explination of her views, good or bad?
448209 He/she seems to be a pretty nice person overall, maybe a bit inconsiderate at times, but far from flaming.
447868
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpxzhvCLVz1qheo08o1_400.jpg
This poster accurately depicts my feelings towards you at this time.
Good day to you sir!
Favoritracked for impending epic flamewar
448277 Whoa, a little harsh dude. Tone it down a little.
448330 Oh great, now you've done it. You jinxed it!
448253 Oh!... Another me then!
448349 That's not harsh. Try this one:
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://img2.moonbuggy.org/imgstore/i-will-stab-you.jpg&sa=X&ei=-mSIT5WAB-Sq0QWCwqm6CQ&ved=0CAoQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNF4C70X_LSpQCJcRR-YceoRw84d_g
Oh, and by the way, I'm just getting started.
Yay!
A story involving Humanity were we aren't portrayed as completely violent and selfish!
Just for that you get a moustache.
Seriously, what is with the hard-on that people have for writing that.
Interesting choice of co-host, and some sound logic to back it up.
I tried to work out who the co-host was too before I scrolled any further, I came up with Rarity.
Pinkie got knocked out in the second round with one of the reasons being that there might be a problem with going off on tangents and derailing the topic.
I have to admit, this story, however small it currently is, is inspiring. In fact, hearing all this makes me want to retry elements from an old fanfic of mine, which was basically three humans in Equestria; an idealist who thinks humanity is good, a cynic who'd love to rip humanity a new one, and a moderator who felt that humanity, even with all its wars, disagreements, and general chaos, does have redeeming qualities and deserves a shot at redemption. The story followed the cynic, incidentally.
448438 Interesting
... You'll tell me when it's up. Right?
448383 YAY MOOSTASH!!!
How'd you come up with Rarity? Explain your thought process, cause as I said, I couldn't think of any significant reasons why she could be able to hold the position. You might be able to point out something I missed.
448364 Can't see it. But I still ask that you tone it down a little. Or maybe let the conversation between the two of you to drag on a little longer before going for the heavy punch.
It's a lot more amusing that way.
448167
448209
If you want a good insight into the thought process of Chatoyance and her CB cronies, then I suggest you read the discussion thread in this story: The Conversion Bereau: What Would Really Happen. I give you fair warning to bring a barf-bag if you don't have a strong stomach, because the misanthropy in her beliefs (which she does, I'll give her, express in an articulate and "calm" manner) is so strong that even I, who am no human apologist and indeed harbor a disdain for the conduct of the majority of our species, am induced to such blood-boiling levels of disgust that I have to leave my computer lest I commit some awful act of vandalism or self mutilation. Just typing this short paragraph has raised my blood pressure to uncomfortable levels, so I'll leave it at that.
448555 Jolly good show, my friend! Shall we continue this discussion over tea and biscuits?
Sorry, but damn man, you've got such an articulate online voice I just can't help but love it!
And loving something for me usually comes with a mild bit of ribbing.
Thanks for the link, and the warning. When I finish up my work outside, I'll be sure to check it myself.
...I just realized, you said she multiple times...
excuse me one second, I need to go edit a previous post.
448555 Damn, never saw that before, but damn. I especially love how she manages to completely trivialize Minkalkra's own problems in life.
448193 I mean I couldn't tell who and what were talking. I didn't understand what was happening.
448749 Things in between quotes "example" is what is being spoken. Just like in any other story that is worth it's salt.
The text that was like this was to show what was being read online. I used the style of text that I did to help people differentiate between that and the letter he was reading.
The text that was like this was what the letter was saying as he was reading it. The letter was written out in a way that knew he was going to pause at those times and make those specific comments. It'd be like receiving a letter in the mail that explained in detail about things in a conversation you were just having.
448555
Wow. She seems to rely too much on her own utopic head-canon for arguments. And my jaw dropped at seeing how someone could hate Humanity so much. If I didn't know any better, it seems that she wants Humanity to go extinct.
448781 Thank you for taking the time to reply, I understand now.
448349
Yeah, the amount of time it must have taken to Google Image Search that... shocking!
448555
The one thing I don't get about the Conversion Bureau... Their idea is that human nature is completely beyond redemption, pretty much, so we have to put science into ourselves to turn into marshmallow ponies. How are those evil humans going to become any better just because they have hooves?
I'm just not sure how a person like Chatoyance starts watching a fun, lighthearted cartoon like My Little Pony in the first place.
448875>>448794>>448649>>448555
Hey, is it just me? Or is anyone else reminded of Sofia Lamb from Bioshock 2 with how Chatoyance is stabing and tearing out the worst parts of humanity in her comments *cough*sermons*cough* and leaving the rest to die from bleedout?
Well that was...interesting. I don't really have any feel for your character or what you're trying to achieve here. Assuming this is going to be some sort of listing of all the positive ways that humans/humanity can be portrayed then there are plenty of good qualities about people. Inevitably though I don't think it's about lack of knowledge on authors parts but the context from where they write and what they experience.
You are more likely to see values that the ponies reflect (ideal/utopian) in smaller groups of well adjusted individuals. Humanity as a whole has...a pretty ugly history. A very LONG ugly history, so it makes sense why they would fit as good villains or representing negative aspects, especially when compared to ponies(not a defense, just an explanation). There's more to it though than just human history/nature vs. pony history/nature (what little we know about it at least).
You also have to look at the authors in general. Did you see the crap that came out of ponyfall from them? A lot of bronies are dealing with some serious issues, and so as an escape mechanism more things are going to come up focusing on the negative than the positive. Sometimes people's stories are no more than an outlet for what they deal with on a day to day basis. HiE stories for this reason have an incredibly high proportion of self-inserts and the inevitable Gary Stu/Mary Sues.
Then just take a look at Humans vs. Ponies. Comparing the two on a simple level really does show us to be horrible monsters at a simple glance because canon ponies are incredibly idealized. They have a benevolent, immortal, magical, philosopher king/dictator that runs their society and has for at minimum a thousand years. They are cheating pretty damn hard in the scheme of things
. This means that if you want to hold up humans and ponies and compare in any sort of fair and honest light you're going to have to actually put a bit of effort into your story, something only a small segment of authors are willing to do in the first place. You've got to be willing to step away from the basic canon and go deeper into the issues at hand; and I think that asks a lot of the writers (rightfully or not).
So I think there are some very good reasons why humans are shown for being a pretty awful lot of creatures. I have no clue if what you're doing will be effective at all. This type of problem, if it is or not, may be suited to a more serious discussion (that said I hope this works, I really do).
Edit: Holy hell that was more than I intended to say. Well you've at least got me thinking about it
448875
I'd actually love to hear more about your thoughts on portraying humans fairly using MLP a backdrop since...you know...crazy popular story with humans and ponies.
I have to say I've never read a CB story that I ever could finish, they're usually so shallow and skip over the real issues at hand that I either have to put it down or worry about my eyes rolling so hard they rocket out of my skull. I mean you can have an amazingly good story with why a person would want to give up their humanity and become a pony. A whole host of positive and negative reasons for doing so and there is so much you could explore within just that framework; but they just skip over it and go "Humanity screwed, everyone let's PONY!" It's...such a waste.
Without darkness, there is no light
Without War, there is no peace
Without chaos, there is no order
Without Evil, there is no good
Without turmoil, there is no tranquility
Without contrast, there is no meaning
This is how I deal with people who cant accept that bad things happen. And without those bad things, the good becomes meaningless.
448938
I'd go more, but I'd probably run out of room