The Nano-percent: A Conversion Bureau that Never Was

by TundraStanza

Mountain of Zeus

You are your own worst enemy.

~Marcus Tullius Cicero

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

~Sun-tzu

Chapter 3: Mountain of Zeus

I'm not entirely sure what happened. One minute, I was walking down a moonlit hallway next to a Pegasus in armor. The next, I was alone walking down a pitch black open space on a path made of pure white light. I was absolutely terrified at the sudden change in scenery.

I am thou and thou art I.

An unfamiliar voice rang through my head and all around me. A splitting headache forced my hands to grab my temples. What was going on? I didn't know but it hurt.

From the see of thy soul I rise.

As the headache subsided, an unfamiliar blue light that was shaped like a card appeared in my hand. I felt an something replacing my fear.

Confidence. I felt nothing but overwhelming confidence. A new word danced around my head before I slowly shouted it aloud.

"Per...so...NA!" With that I crushed the card and it erupted into blue flames that didn't burn.

A strange presence appeared and stood above me. It resembled a white alicorn with a vermillion mane and bright blue eyes.

I am Soleanna goddess of creation.

I blacked out.

---

I was dreaming. But which parts... were the dream?

I vaguely remembered a conversation with Princess Luna. There was a matter of some power that only I had and that one of her old foes had somehow revitalized itself and an imposter of her mother. I still couldn't wrap my head around it.

I never asked for "neutral" magic, whatever that was. It wasn't my choice to remain a human. Frankly, I wasn't too happy about having been dragged into a destiny that was a personal problem of the Princesses. Sure, I wanted to serve them but not by being their weapon or super soldier.

I suppose it could be worse, I thought, I could be stranded on a deserted island or suffering from nuclear radiation poisoning. My mind loved to play with worst-case scenarios. It gave me a bit of a realistic approach to life's problems even though some people dismissed my attitude as pessimistic.

It had been a long weekend and I was furiously fatigued. I didn't want to confront "Discord". Was it too much to ask for a simple life with simple problems and simple solutions? Apparently, karma thought it was and decided to trip me with a tree root.

"Oof," I grunted upon impact with the ground. This just wasn't my day. On the bright side, my glasses stayed intact. On the down side was everything else. Did I mention the numerous, destructive creatures that tried to eat, maim, or kill me in the Everfree?

Oh great, I thought, Now I'm starting to narrate with my inner thoughts, ugh.

Cockatrices sucked. Hydras sucked. Timber wolves (pun turned literal) sucked. Sure I had an all-powerful alternate me called a Persona to fight them but that didn't make encounters any more pleasant.

"How much farther do I have to go?" I sighed out of exasperation, "What more do you want from me?" I was missing my organized, straightforward life back on Earth more and more. I liked being anonymous and behind the scenes. I didn't want to be special and I certainly did not want to start a battle that several ponies struggled in for centuries. Why was I doing this?

I missed Barry's immature jokes that I laughed at anyway. I missed Hawk's optimistic counseling whenever I felt depressed. Heck, I even missed the conversations in the background by other pre-converts that I didn't know. I should never have crossed that barrier. I should have left well-enough alone.

---

How did it come to this? I'll never know for sure. One second, I was taking another turn on the beaten path. The next, I was confronting the targets Princess Luna had given to me.

"Persona! There!" a shout from my lungs called forth Soleanna. She tangled with the draconequus while its alicorn companion charged at me. I was kind of surprised that the alicorn would rely on physical attacks rather than range and magic, but whatever. I wasn't without another defense.

"Agi!" I shouted aiming my hand in her direction. A blast of fire appeared from seemingly nowhere as she was blasted off her hooves.

"No!" shouted the draconequus. But he needn't have worried. She was up and charging again almost instantly. I decided to switch up my battle strategy a bit. If fire wasn't working, then I'd use...

"Mabufu!" I commanded. Ice crystals encased both of the enemies from the neck down. At that point, I called off Soleanna out of both fatigue and lack of a killer's motive. I didn't want them dead. I just wanted some answers... and some rest.

---

It was a really long conversation before I decided it was safe to dispel the freeze.

"So wait, let me get this straight," I stated, "You're actually a couple of victims from a P.E.R. grenade and you somehow turned into an alicorn and a... chimera... thing."

"Yes," they answered.

"And you're not some imposters trying to stir up destruction?"

"Where on Earth did you get such a ridiculous idea?" the chimera asked.

"Well... it kind of came from the mouth of Princess Luna."

"Ugh, how many times do I have to tell them?" groaned the red-head alicorn, "I'm not their mother."

"So... uh... sorry about attacking you spontaneously."

"Oh, no worries. Spontaneous attacks have followed me for the past couple of days now," the chimera waved his lion's paw in a dismissive manner.

"Let's start over," I said, "My name's Erica, but my friends call me Yukkiko."

"I'm Lauren," said the alicorn.

"I'm Craig. Pleasure to meet you," he said shaking my right hand with his eagle claw (thankfully not with the talons).

"Pleasure's all mine," I replied.

"So what's your story?" queried Lauren, "I didn't think any humans could enter Equestria without being ponified."

I sighed before giving them a recap of the past week. I told them about how I was hoping for a simple Earth pony life and my disappointment when I found out I was "immune" to the serum. Lauren was fascinated when I described how I'd found out that I wasn't immune. Rather, I was affected differently. The serum had "worked" magically, but not physically. Craig held a thoughtful pose when I talked about my entranced vision of my Persona. That led the conversation back to my trek through the woods and my encounter with my new acquaintances. I didn't feel like going into detail about the battle we were just in.

That left Lauren wondering, "How exactly did Princess Luna know about this?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I just assumed the Princesses were omnipotent and all-knowing or something."

"If that were true, Celestia would know for a fact that I'm not her mother."

"Then I really don't have clue," I raised my hands and dropped them again in defeat.

---

I wasn't too excited to go back and tell Princess Luna that I'd basically failed a mission assigned by her. One, I didn't want to know what the Princesses did when angered. Two, the idea of trekking back through the entire tree line again was exhausting in itself, let alone the actual walking. Luckily, Craig removed my second stress easily by teleporting all three of us back to Canterlot. What I didn't expect to see upon arrival was the sight of both Princesses.

"Mother, please," begged the larger and elder, "You're being manipulated by him. Why can't you see that?"

"That is not our mother, Celestia," curtly stated the younger, "We try to tell thee, but thou still shall not listen."

"Quiet!" Celestia shouted. The next thing that happened startled every pony and me. The sun had bitch slapped the moon.

Thump-thump.
I could only hear my heartbeat as time seemed to slow down. A sudden surge of emotion overwhelmed my mind. I acted on instinct rather than reason.
Thump-thump.

"Soleanna!" I shouted crushing the blue card in my hand to flames. The blue-glazed eyes and vermillion-maned alicorn Persona floated above and in front of Celestia.

"M-mother? But...how?" she whispered.

That's all I remember from that day. I think it was a Tuesday.

---

A/N: What was I thinking? I'm good at starting stuff but not so much on giving it a good climax and conclusion. *sigh*
Well, what's done is done. Persona 4 is property of Atlus. My Little Pony: Friendship is magic is property of Hasbro Studio. Please support the official release.
I'm sorry for basically shooting myself in the foot and ruining the good TCB name in the process.

Comments

[SkyStream]

I c which TCB you used.....

but god.... Persona 4.... another author's work (who keeps using Lauren Faust in his stories and I can't remember the exact TCB it came from thoogh I know the particular author also wrote "The Animation Bureau")

Tuesdays.....

yeah you shot the Conversion Bureau stories in the foot.... fortunately..... you didn't name the story like all standard TCBs

[TundraStanza]

I look back at this a month later and think,
What the deuce was I thinking?

[Insane]

Solaris,Again But Was He or She Erase From Time And Space When Sonic 2006 Happen

[TundraStanza]

1132677
I've considered changing the title of this particular work to "This is Why I Don't Write TCB".

[nighters]

????