TheObserver1231
Joined 1st Mar, 2012 ·
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Again, I'm not a part the group. I just read a few of the stories and thought "Why not?"
Please comment, rate and subscribe. Wait, shit this isn't Youtube, forget the last part.
Ughh, this would be funny if it didn't show up within 20 minutes of an actual PonyFall fic.
Must...Restrain....Bloodlust.
This doesn't make me happy Observer... Not one bit.
PROTIP: If you aren't going to be part of the group, don't use their name.
I like this, but you should get permission from the group.
396265>>396416>>396421
Yeah, I know guys.
sorry, I just thought why not, the seemed like understanding blokes.
If I knew how to change the title I would.
Is that the main reason why there were so many dislikes?
I know it's kind of cheap, but I'm sorry
I didn't think they would care to reply or consider a request, and someone else was going to do else was already supposed to do a Twilight one, I couldn't help my self.
now I feel horrible about this.
Stop trying to leach off other peoples popularity. If you want to contribute to the project, then talk to it's members.
just delete it. go to chat, Join ponyfall channel
We will assign you somethin... maybe discorded twilight clone
396500 I'm not trying to leach off anyone, I didn't actually know about the group until I looked into it more, I never even expected anyone would care to read once the read the disclaimer in the 'short description'.
Besides, now I know they're mad at me and would refuse me anyway
396494
You can change the title in "Edit Story"
396504 really?
But I kinda...sorta...poured a bit of my heart into it.
It's the first thing I've written I generally really wanted to do, and wanted to keep up adding to.
I'm not the best writer if you've seen my other stories. This I actually felt proud of.
some people are liking this at least.
I'm nervous about making a fool of myself for such a group. It's something that I feel comfortable with and I don't want to ruin all on my own.
I'd feel horrible.
396517 thanks
Why does everything I make have people dislike it?
Am I really that bad and make such bad mistakes?
396511 Dude, stop being a drama queen. How do you know that they'll turn you away over this? I highly doubt that they would. Just ask them, and I'm sure they'd be willing to assign you a character. And if you insist on keeping this story up than just remove Ponyfall from the title, because that would still confuse people.
EDIT: Disregard, didn't post this fast enough. But still do remove Ponyfall from the title as Twilight has already been assigned to Morning_Frost.
Delete it. Or change the name. Whichever comes first
You can have a spot on the colab if you delete it.
396579 alright you know what bollocks to it!
I genuinely enjoyed making this and I want to make more of it.
If you guys quit bitching over I'll change up the title.
If you still have problems with it, comment and dislike away.
I DON"T GIVE A FUCK!
396504> How would I even find the chat? I'm kinda lost on the site right now.
...Go alllllllll The way down to the bottom of the screen
it will be there
now delete your fic >.>
396612 Jesus Christ, calm your fucking tits. If this is how you react to criticism, than maybe you shouldn't be on the team, or writing stories at all for that matter.
Besides just changing the name you should definitely do more proofreading before you post something, nobody’s perfect but this had way to many missing words and other spelling errors
396634
{sigh}
I've dealt with the criticism for my mistakes and had my balls busted over them for too long.
your point is valid. But a stand must be taken. being assertive doesn't always work but I've had enough.
FEUER FREI comments
396654 It did? I've been wanting to find an editor but everyone one I've asked was either busy or thought I was too amateur, I guess that's obvious now.
This is still my trial by fire from the website and I'll endure it.
I'll look it over after I'm done with further swamping of comments
so many dislikes, so little time.
I guess writing just isn't my thing.
You know what? I'm gonna say something that's going to completely blow your mind...
...This isn't that bad.
I'm serious. Given some of the crap I've read on this site, this really isn't that bad. It suffers from a couple character issues, a sense that Twi is acting a little complacent, it's a little too fast paced and doesn't spend much time stopping to build a sense of environment or atmosphere around what's going on... but for what it is I've seen a lot worse.
In fact, if you ask me, you shouldn't delete it. Nor should you give up on yourself and say 'writing isn't your thing.' You're just a little inexperienced, which can change with time and a little formal tuition.
No, the only REAL mistake you made was giving it the ponyfall logo. That's it. And if you ask me, you're being unfairly targeted for that.
Should you have used the ponyfall logo? No. Should ignorance of the way of things justify your mistake? No. On the other hand, I don't think it warrants what basically amounts to a cruxifiction of your story.
Here's my suggestion: Keep your story up. Change the title so that it in no way references Ponyfall. Go back into the story and change some of the conditions of the story, including the references to Majestic Royalty and the pink sky. Make the conditions of Twilight's arrival something different. Do these few things and you will have no real problem here.
Then, once that's all said and done, take it in your own direction. Go crazy with it. Taking inspiration from the group is not a problem as long as you don't blatantly copy it, which you won't be doing if you fix those few things.
Honestly, this isn't actually all that bad once you get right down to it. For a novice work it's actually pretty okay.
396873 feel like being an editor for me?
The key concept for how it happened I found worked, and I thought it would work if people heard about the crazy stuff that happened last year, which is what really pushed me to go with it.
I might change it and make it like that day with the changing colored skies so it's like a bunch of colors.
I want to keep the reference for comedic effect though
"Ponies out of nowhere would be fuckin' rad" and then one shows up but I don't realize it, I thought would be pretty good.
396796 The assholes who disliked this don't realize the
hard work that you've put into this. Don't give up! Get up!
Who cares if a couple of jerks don't like it? Write the story for the
people that do. I'm writing a story that has 5 trackers and 1 commenter.
What did I do? I wrote 5 goddamn chapters and counting.
Now go put inspired by in your title, stop moping, and
goddamn be PROUD OF YOUR HARD WORK!
396939
You know, I'd be happy to be an editor for you , but at the moment, I'm nearing the end of my senior year of college, and the next few months are going to be ca-razy. However, if you're still writing this story around oh... June... contact me.
For now, though, let me leave you with some advice. Sometimes, for the sake of letting your story work and keeping it in the realm of legality, you're going to have to sacrifice some elements you really like. Don't take this as something to get discouraged about, and instead, use it as a chance to make something even bigger, better, and more bombastic than you had originally.
If you can't use the ponyfall logo or the pink, cotton candy sky, rack your brain a little until you find something even more awesome to take its place.
396960
thanks.
396990 trust me I will be, I have a little too much free time and my summer will be very much open.
Thanks for the support, Funnily enough, most of the people I asked for help with said the same thing and it discouraged me a little too much.
can you at least do me a favor and check on me from time to time with this, maybe give a quick heads up and put me back on the right track?
I know it seems like a little much, but I could use as much help as I can for now.
I'm kinda being third reiched over here
396990 that's exactly it. Use the opportunity to create something new
and not confined to the ponyfall series's logic. Once you have a story, there's a world
of opportunities. Not just ponies transported to earth, but the worlds colliding, a man turned into a pony,
or even pinkie's 4th wall breaking madness.
397034 I did make an insert of me getting shipped over to equestria for some significant reasons. It's called To my surprise, if your interested. It ties a little bit with this but stuff gets a little fuzzy in the second part. I haven't had much reason to go back to it for a bit. I'm stewing over some ideas.
Hm. I had a read. Could it be improved? Yeah, it needs a bit of polish
However. While the start was a bit rough (Most of the ponyfall stories suffer from this), and the story's got a premise that's pretty terrible... it's not actually too bad. It's got potential. For one, the protagonist doesn't make me want to choke something, and you don't write like a retard.
So. To business, a few things you could look into.
>Punctuation use - at the end of spoken dialogue, you'll want to use a comma instead of a full-stop if there's anything following the dialogue.
"Well, color me envious," Carpenter bemoaned.
Note how I've used a comma instead of a full stop, like you have here:
"Gerald McCormack, I envy you." I said standing up and stretching.
>Proof read - you're missing a few words, which do kind of destroy the sentences affected. (The Early morning sun risen on the horizon. <- Is there supposed to be the word "had" somewhere in there?)
Overall, it is a fairly awkward start, but it might just take off, who knows?
Also, on the topic of how your story's received such a negative response from the Ponyfall group... I say, [apples] 'em. You write your story about what you want, however you like. That guy telling you to delete this, or change things? Nadgers to him. He isn't the boss of you. You are. Don't dance to his tune, dance to your own.
Keep this story. Don't delete it. Write it how you want.
397079 HOLY SHIT
, someone supports me.
I'm currently doing some work. I might have just gained something of an editor, but only slightly.
If you could help me with a little editing and or proof reading I would be grateful and give do credit.
Funnily enough I intended it to be "The Early morning sun risen on the horizon"
(awkward squee.)
I'll change it.
Honestly, I'm not the best writer. Hence why it's kind of shite, but eh whatever, I'll fix stuff later.
I'll buff stuff out a bit and do a little more fixing tomorrow. (9:00 am, eastern standard, or whatever the heck it is in Michigan.)
thanks for the pointers.
397061
It needs some work but in general it is very good.
This may sound a bit cheap, but if you want to check for spelling errors and such, just copy'n paste your work onto Mirosoft Word and it shoul help you spot on errors easily.
397155 I got spell check on this up and running, It's really the grammar and me being a ponce is the problem.
396265>>396416>>396421>>396500>>396517>>396654>>396990>>397079>>397155
There, I've done a quick fix and changed up stuff. Still have a problem with it, don't care.
for all you supporters out there, this wasn't directed toward you, your liking is appreciated.
Just throwing it out there.
FEUER FREI! (Don't know what it means, look it up.)
good night.
397220
Alright, I've gone ahead and reread this. It seems to follow about the same beats, but yeah, I can see where you changed some stuff around. It's an improvement. If I were you I'd change things up just a titch more, and probably change the title, but that's not something I can force you to do.
Whatever you do though, keep at it. It still needs some polish and a little bit of character work, but other than that, this isn't really all that bad. I've read stories from the actual ponyfall group that were less believable and less polished than this, so don't let them get too down on you.
And I would be glad to check up on this story every so often.
I like it just remove Ponyfall from the title and put it as Out of Place are something other then that I like the story keep up the good work and don't stop writing just cuz people dislike your work.
"For Every Hater There a Love and Every Lover a Hater~"
398388 I know, It was late for.
I said I'd do a buff of all the minor stuff and some things, but I'd get a lot more done today.
Honestly, the only character I wish I could do better is Twilight, I'm kind of winging it at the moment.
I'll look a little more into stuff when I have time, 'cause my portrayal of her, Isn't the best.
I think I've just about got down;
A: Myself
B: The Cholo I'm friends with
C: The white guy across the street who cares only about cars and gets ass, (snaps fingers) like that
398538
Look, don't take our comments to harshly. I overreacted because it was unexpected and it was near the time when an actual PonyFall came out.
And besides, I'm half insane.
If you're having trouble getting a certain character right, try watching an epsiode that features said pony then write their part.
Just a friendly tip.
401190 way ahead of you, but that'll wait a minute.
stick around.
well I guess if you were here when it had the original title was up that this was a sort of tribute to the colab, though since Draequine freaked out and made an asshat that was ruined.
If you have any thoughts or valid points about the story I'd love to here it.
Haters, talk shit like there's no tomorrow
cause
almostdumb.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/i-will-tolerate-and-love-the-shit-out-of-you.jpg
Haters can wait. This is great.
Hey that rhymed. But not THIS time.
Damnit.
401302 HA
401320 BLARGH
Hey guys quick word, I've finally reached positive on the ratings and I know a lot of you are liking this enough to track and favorite it, could you guys give some rating so I don't have a lot of dislikes as well.
It would get this out there better and bring in more supporters
Nice, Justin. You are prepared.
403072 IKR
Dusty the royal Janitor and somewhat of Silver Tie will be give off some output for editing and problems,
I said I would give credit.
Remember that thing I was talking about in Ch 2, time?
this is what I was talking about.
Justin is really prepared for anything, isn't he?
Chases, stuff, and now getting into rehab.
Quite the friend you have there.