Don't read. It's my worst story with many mistakes, of that I'm sure. Turn around now and never come back. If you do enter this story, then be warned. Your eyes will melt and you'll be blind for the rest of your days. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Twilight found a transportation spell in a book while she was cleaning her libary.
Little did she know that her spell would fail and now she, her friends and Spike are trapped on Earth.
but they don't need to worry because they are in the good hands of Jack, the human.
My editor: MrWhatnow (thank you MrWhatnow.)
Note: please point me to some grammar mistakes I made because English isn't my native language, Dutch is.
Also would you be so kind enough to see if I didn't make some mistaks with the comma's. Thanks.
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg
looks promising
"Nou, ik vond een transport spreuk die zou kunnen transporteren ik een van mijn vrienden, maar ik was een beetje te laat om te beseffen dat je in de lucht." Twilight antwoordde: "Twilight, je slim bent maar soms word je ook een idioot." Rainbow zei, terwijl plooien in het haar Twilight's. " coma hier nodig en hier
"Well, I found a transport spell that could transport me from my friends but I was a bit too late to realize that you are in the air." Twilight replied: "Twilight, you're smart but sometimes you're also an idiot." Rainbow said, while the folds in her Twilight's. "Coma needed here and here
door de manier waarop zou u de voorkeur geeft mij het schrijven in het Nederlands of Engels
by the way would you prefer that I write in Dutch or English?
“ I’m sorry Rainbow but manipulating clouds to build just work here.” I said with sorrow. Just work here?
"Het spijt me Rainbow, maar het manipuleren van wolken op te bouwen gewoon hier werken." Zei ik met verdriet.Gewoon hier werken?
Very good can't wait for the next one
Zeer goede kan niet wachten tot de volgende
I like the idea but the dialogue is frustrating me. I know you're it's your first story and you're trying
but you might want to consider getting an editor or pre-reader if you don't already have one.
But overall I like it. Keep practicing and getting better
I read the first chapter, but it didn't really catch my interest. However, you said that English isn't your native language. Compared to some of the people I know (who happen to only speak English), it would appear that you have spoken it your entire life.
Good read and i like the plot of it, but Twi seems a bit of charictar. I was surprised by the "awesome" coming from Twi, or if it's RD than why is she reading a magic book?
thats all the dutch i know/care for.
Besides that i like it.
Strobewaffles
628686
I agree with this person the quotes are nice but not completly fitting
A prereader may help.
628463 thanks for noticing the coma's and the mistake I made, I will fix that. I think you should speak in English because Google Translate sucks
628686 Thanks for the tips, I will also pay extra attention to the dialogues.
629012 I changed the awesome to very good ( to make it more Twilight) and it is Twilight who is reading the magic book, Rainbow is sleeping on the clouds
629035 I have another question, if you don't mind.
What do you mean with the quotes are not fitting?
630547 You know what? I think that may be my bad, sorry. I keep forgeting that English is not your native language. It is probably just the translation coming out a little formal.
Definite like man, very good story and I didn't see many grammatical errors
Can I get a time estimate on the next chapter?
633259 i'm halfway through the next chapter and then i'm going to send it to my editor to check for mistakes.
so I think 3 days at most, however 2 days is also likely.
634632 Ok thanks!
Cartoon ponies build a small town in less than a day. And you didn't include appropriate montage music?
But seriously, I like this fic so far.
643049 lol
, but I didn't want describe the whole building process, so I rushed it a bit.
Like the new chapter man, but it's a teensie bit cheesy. Still like it though!
BTW first on this page!
Good chapter
648547 I'm glad you liked it, the next chapter is done and I have send it to my editor.
I like the song you recommended, it really adds a "flashback" feel to the dialogue.
Made me
649246 I know, I think it is one of the most saddest songs I have ever heard.
Nice so far man. Just one thing, when I was reading the flashback, I kind of felt like the moment passed too fast. Other than that, I enjoy this series. Keep up the good work.
650416 I know, but i had to debate with myself. The story needs to be about humans and ponies and not just about humans, so I rushed it a bit over there. I appreciate your advice, next time I write something emotional, I will make it longer.
D'awwwwww
Yes. The last scene was so heartwarming!
I would ask that Jack be turned into a pony to help balance things out, you know with rarity saying "you need to find a girlfriend of your own kind.”, but everyone else seems satisfied with him being a human so i'm okay with it
sehr gut can't wait for the next one
678655 Why the sehr gut?
I'm Dutch not Deutsch
678667 that was one of the languages I know of 3 (German, Italian, and English) I use google translate to talk in dutch (hence my previous comments)
628463
You're correcting the author.
The funny part?
"Well, I found a transport spell that could transport me from my friends but I was a bit too late to realize that you are in the air." Twilight replied: "Twilight, you're smart but sometimes you're also an idiot." Rainbow said, while the folds in her Twilight's. "Coma needed here and here
Folds in Twilight's what? And why does Twilight belong to Rainbow?
I CORRECT YOUR CORRECTION OF THE AUTHOR!
Hm... Expected reaction?
"AAAAH!" Yelled the group of ponies (and one dragon.).
"AAAAH! Jack shouted in response.
"AAAH!"
"AAAAH!
"AAAhh..?"
"Aaah..?
The group stared uncomfortably at each other. Suddenly, Jack spoke.
"Aaaah?"
"Aaaah." Twilight responded, in a suprisingly calm tone of voice.
Before anypony could react, Jack was out cold and his head connected with the floor.
678968 Dafuq
678681 ah yes, I'm sorry, but German is a language that I didn't study. I can understand some basic words but nothing more. I did understand the sehr gut.
Awww very sweet
681663 thanks.
685808 thanks, I do need to say that my editor does a great job at finding grammatical errors.
665621 Whoops, I forgot to reply to you.
You will see what will happen later, but I'm going to tell you this: Jack stays human, because I already have an ending for the story.
690433 We shall see... muhahaha
But i think I will do 2 endings.
I say 2 endings
threadbombing.com/data/media/22/Chuck_Norris_Approves.gif
690627 anything for you, Chuck Norris
D'awwwwwwwwwwww
690887 You really seem to enjoying this story very much.... I like it
690893 I am really enjoying it. A sense a very ominous twist coming in
Yay happy ending!
722329 Stay tuned for the sequel.
I don't know why I started to read this story. But I don't regret doing so. Good luck with the sequel.
722396 thanks.
I realy love the two ending !! I can wait for other sequel!