• Member Since 18th May, 2012
  • offline last seen September 1st

Dream Searcher


Don't read. It's my worst story with many mistakes, of that I'm sure. Turn around now and never come back. If you do enter this story, then be warned. Your eyes will melt and you'll be blind for the rest of your days. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Twilight found a transportation spell in a book while she was cleaning her libary.
Little did she know that her spell would fail and now she, her friends and Spike are trapped on Earth.
but they don't need to worry because they are in the good hands of Jack, the human.

My editor: MrWhatnow (thank you MrWhatnow.)

Note: please point me to some grammar mistakes I made because English isn't my native language, Dutch is.
Also would you be so kind enough to see if I didn't make some mistaks with the comma's. Thanks.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 112 )

"Nou, ik vond een transport spreuk die zou kunnen transporteren ik een van mijn vrienden, maar ik was een beetje te laat om te beseffen dat je in de lucht." Twilight antwoordde: "Twilight, je slim bent maar soms word je ook een idioot." Rainbow zei, terwijl plooien in het haar Twilight's. " coma hier nodig en hier
"Well, I found a transport spell that could transport me from my friends but I was a bit too late to realize that you are in the air." Twilight replied: "Twilight, you're smart but sometimes you're also an idiot." Rainbow said, while the folds in her Twilight's. "Coma needed here and here

door de manier waarop zou u de voorkeur geeft mij het ​​schrijven in het Nederlands of Engels
by the way would you prefer that I write in Dutch or English?

“ I’m sorry Rainbow but manipulating clouds to build just work here.” I said with sorrow. Just work here?
"Het spijt me Rainbow, maar het manipuleren van wolken op te bouwen gewoon hier werken." Zei ik met verdriet.Gewoon hier werken?

Very good can't wait for the next one:pinkiehappy:
Zeer goede kan niet wachten tot de volgende:pinkiehappy:

I like the idea but the dialogue is frustrating me. I know you're it's your first story and you're trying
but you might want to consider getting an editor or pre-reader if you don't already have one.
But overall I like it. Keep practicing and getting better

I read the first chapter, but it didn't really catch my interest. However, you said that English isn't your native language. Compared to some of the people I know (who happen to only speak English), it would appear that you have spoken it your entire life.

Good read and i like the plot of it, but Twi seems a bit of charictar. I was surprised by the "awesome" coming from Twi, or if it's RD than why is she reading a magic book?:rainbowhuh:
Besides that i like it.
Strobewaffles:pinkiecrazy:thats all the dutch i know/care for.

I agree with this person the quotes are nice but not completly fitting
A prereader may help.

628463 thanks for noticing the coma's and the mistake I made, I will fix that. I think you should speak in English because Google Translate sucks :rainbowlaugh:

628686 Thanks for the tips, I will also pay extra attention to the dialogues.

629012 I changed the awesome to very good ( to make it more Twilight) and it is Twilight who is reading the magic book, Rainbow is sleeping on the clouds

629035 I have another question, if you don't mind.
What do you mean with the quotes are not fitting?

630547 You know what? I think that may be my bad, sorry. I keep forgeting that English is not your native language. It is probably just the translation coming out a little formal.

Definite like man, very good story and I didn't see many grammatical errors

Can I get a time estimate on the next chapter?

633259 i'm halfway through the next chapter and then i'm going to send it to my editor to check for mistakes.
so I think 3 days at most, however 2 days is also likely.

Cartoon ponies build a small town in less than a day. And you didn't include appropriate montage music? :derpytongue2:

But seriously, I like this fic so far. :yay:

643049 lol:rainbowlaugh: , but I didn't want describe the whole building process, so I rushed it a bit.

Like the new chapter man, but it's a teensie bit cheesy. Still like it though!
BTW first on this page!

648547 I'm glad you liked it, the next chapter is done and I have send it to my editor.

I like the song you recommended, it really adds a "flashback" feel to the dialogue.
Made me :fluttercry:

649246 I know, I think it is one of the most saddest songs I have ever heard.

Nice so far man. Just one thing, when I was reading the flashback, I kind of felt like the moment passed too fast. Other than that, I enjoy this series. Keep up the good work. :pinkiesmile:

650416 I know, but i had to debate with myself. The story needs to be about humans and ponies and not just about humans, so I rushed it a bit over there. I appreciate your advice, next time I write something emotional, I will make it longer.

I dare you to send them back now! I DARE YOU!:twilightangry2:

Yes. The last scene was so heartwarming!

I would ask that Jack be turned into a pony to help balance things out, you know with rarity saying "you need to find a girlfriend of your own kind.”, but everyone else seems satisfied with him being a human so i'm okay with it:rainbowkiss:

sehr gut can't wait for the next one:pinkiehappy:

678667 that was one of the languages I know of 3 (German, Italian, and English) I use google translate to talk in dutch (hence my previous comments)


You're correcting the author.
The funny part?

"Well, I found a transport spell that could transport me from my friends but I was a bit too late to realize that you are in the air." Twilight replied: "Twilight, you're smart but sometimes you're also an idiot." Rainbow said, while the folds in her Twilight's. "Coma needed here and here

Folds in Twilight's what? And why does Twilight belong to Rainbow?


Hm... Expected reaction?

"AAAAH!" Yelled the group of ponies (and one dragon.).

"AAAAH! Jack shouted in response.





The group stared uncomfortably at each other. Suddenly, Jack spoke.


"Aaaah." Twilight responded, in a suprisingly calm tone of voice.

Before anypony could react, Jack was out cold and his head connected with the floor.

678681 ah yes, I'm sorry, but German is a language that I didn't study. I can understand some basic words but nothing more. I did understand the sehr gut.:raritywink:

I really enjoy the story so far. I think it is well written and I don't find many grammar errors.
Have a moustach!:moustache:

685808 thanks, I do need to say that my editor does a great job at finding grammatical errors.

665621 Whoops, I forgot to reply to you.:twilightblush:
You will see what will happen later, but I'm going to tell you this: Jack stays human, because I already have an ending for the story.

Please make a happy ending.:fluttercry:

690433 We shall see... muhahaha :trixieshiftleft:
But i think I will do 2 endings. :raritywink:

690627 anything for you, Chuck Norris :rainbowlaugh:

690887 You really seem to enjoying this story very much.... I like it:pinkiehappy:

690893 I am really enjoying it. A sense a very ominous twist coming in

Login or register to comment