I FEEL SO BETRAYED!
“Hay, that guy can throw far,” the cyan pegasus mumbled. By the time she caught the bag with the Elements it had nearly fallen into the Everfree Forest. “Thank Celestia I got it before it fell in, would’ve been such a pain to find it. Now we can go and kick his a-!”
Rainbow was cut off and nearly knocked out of the air by a massive shockwave emanating from Canterlot. After she recovered she flew high above the city and gazed down below.
“Whoa…”
Below her she saw fiery explosions and buildings being leveled left and right, dust and debris surging in every direction.
“What the hay is going on down there?”
I parried another furious swing from Celestia’s zweihander before kicking her in the chest, sending her sliding backwards. Even through my mighty Genji Armor I felt the heat radiating off her body. As she slid back she hurled her warhammer at me. I barely managed to dodge it and saw the building behind me practically explode from the force.
I forgot Celestia was this world’s version of Thor.
I rocketed forward and dodged a beam of sunfire before stabbing at her. She raised a bubble shield just in time, but already I noticed cracks. I planted my feet and began spinning my naginata like a helicopter blade, pummeling the shield with both ends of the weapon. I saw her strain under the attack as her barrier began to crack. Before it did she grasped her sword in her hooves, dropping her levitation spell, and stood on her hind legs, dispelling her barrier before it broke to swing at me. I ducked under the first blow before sidestepping the vertical cut that came next, the heat radiating off the blade enough to glass the ground where it struck. I responded by grabbing her horn, ignoring the burning sensation in my hand, before hurling her aside into another building.
I let out a laugh. “Hahaha! This is truly nostalgic, is it not Celestia? Me kicking your royal flank all over the place? No offense meant though, it’s all in good fun.”
She screamed in rage as the building erupted in a fiery inferno before she rocketed towards me and swung her blade. I blocked the attack with my naginata, yet the force was powerful enough to send me tumbling. If my weapon wasn’t completely indestructible it surely would’ve broken.
“Dayum girl!” I exclaimed as I got up.
She responded by charging forward and swinging her blade down, which I blocked with my weapon, causing them both to lock. Celestia used her magic to control the blade, freeing her forelegs to slam into my chest and send me sliding backwards. She charged forwards again, ready for another attack, when I countered by planting my naginata into the ground, using it as support as her face collided with my double-drop kick. She flapped her wings to recover and readied her blade as I dashed towards her. After an initial locking of weapons that sent loose a massive shockwave we began that most time honored of martial arts movie clichés, the deadly dance, stepping around each other as we traded blows.
“Hey Tia, after this is done, wanna go for some tea?” I asked.
“What!?”
“Come on, I know you like it too. Personally I’m a fan of Zebafrican red tea.”
We locked weapons again.
“IS THIS A GAME TO YOU!?”
“Tia, what’s with all this hostility? You know I fight for fun. Besides, just because we’ve faced each other on the battlefield a few times doesn’t mean we can’t be cordial with each other. I’d like to think over our many battles you and your sister have formed a connection with me, a friendly rivalry if you will. Like competitors.”
Her fiery aura flared as she pushed back against me, sending me backwards by several yards.
“WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, YOU WARMONGERING BARBARIAN! I WILL STOP YOU HERE IN ANY WAY I MUST! YOU WILL NOT PLUNGE EQUUS INTO WAR AGAIN!”
“Wait, what? Where the hell is this coming-?”
My speech was cut off as I felt something racing towards me from behind. I turned and swung my Naginata as hard as I could, producing a massive surge of wind that managed to halt Celestia’s warhammer a mere yard from my head, enveloped in her aura. It was as I felt the intense heat at my back that I realized I had created the perfect opening for her. I turned my head only to see her horn, flaring with power inches from my face.
“Clever girl.”
A massive burst of fire magic exploded in my face, sending me bouncing across the street for a good mile before smashing though five buildings, stopping inside the sixth.
Thank goodness everyone was evacuated. Uh, I mean, every pony.
I groaned as I rose, popping my shoulders and neck as I did.
“Alright, screw it. You wanna play rough? We’ll play rough.”
I cast Protect, Shell, and Haste on myself before launching into the air. I could see the solar diarch as I fell back to the ground, standing in the middle of a crater and her aura smaller than before, and switched my grip on my weapon to hold it like a baseball bat.
“FLY AWAY!” I shouted as I hit the ground, swinging my weapon as hard as I could, unleashing a massive hurricane like wind that blew away her aura and sent her tumbling backwards. Not wanting to give her a chance, I leapt again landing a few feet in front of her as she attempted to stand. I extended my hand towards her face.
“MISSILE!”
A missile as long as my arm and as wide as my chest instantly materialized in front of me. She only had time for her eyes to widen in shock before it exploded in her face, sending her tumbling backwards again. Before she was even done bouncing I threw my weapon into the air.
“ROCKET PUNCH!”
I threw out two punches, causing giant boxing gloves to appear out of thin air and shoot forward, both hitting their mark and sending her tumbling yet again, disappearing after they hit her. I caught my naginata as it fell back to me, just as she began to push herself to her hooves.
“PENETRATING BEAM!”
I fired a large red laser from my eyes, which struck her in the chest causing her to scream in pain. As a testament to her will and power, she didn’t fall. I gripped my weapon tightly.
“WIND SLASH!”
I swung my blade and produced a flurry of razor like winds, cutting the Princess along her armor and drawing blood from her legs, wings and other exposed body parts. Though she didn’t fall, she did stumble backwards. I dashed forward, grabbing her by the neck before jumping as high as I could into the air. As we reached the apex of my jump I wrapped my arms around her midsection, restraining her wings, and began to spin as we fell back to earth.
“FORWARD LOTUS!”
By the time we struck the ground we were spinning so fast it was hard to tell that we were even two separate entities. Upon contact a massive boom rang out through Canterlot as debris and dirt were flung everywhere. I stood as the dust cleared to see the Solar Princess lying at my feet. Her fiery aura and shining eyes were gone, and her mane and tail had returned to their original color. I raised my naginata, prepared to stab her in the throat.
“Better get up, Tia. I’ve got you dead to rights right now,” I said jokingly. To my surprise, she coughed up blood in response.
“Uh, seriously, you’re gonna wanna move or this is over.”
Her eyes slowly opened and she groaned as she attempted to rise to her hooves, only collapse back to the ground before she could even fully raise her head.
“Tia?’ I asked, concerned. She responded with a glare, one that was defiant yet resigned to the fact that she could do nothing to stop me. My eyes widened in shock when I realized what had happened. I was so shocked that I didn’t even notice the six mares approaching me.
“I… I already won?”
Twilight was racing towards the crater that had just formed, her mind going in full overdrive panic mode. She ran through the events that had led up to this point in an attempt to help her get a grip on the situation.
After retreating Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie got to the roof of a hotel to observe the fight. Rainbow Dash had arrived with the Elements not long afterwards, but they all agreed to stay out of the fight to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. All six of the mares were shocked at the magical power Celestia wielded and the ferocity that she fought with, but equally as shocking was how Giglamesh had managed to match her blow for blow with nothing but physical attacks. I took them quite a while to get accustomed to the idea that she was fighting so fervently to protect them, and all of Equus by extension. It looked like the Princess had finally gotten the upper hoof only for Gilgamesh to bounce back and annihilate her.
Once she saw him jump into the sky her hooves began to move without even thinking. She had to help somehow, even if it was only the tiniest amount. She didn’t even realize her friends were following her until Rainbow Dash placed the tiara on her forehead. When they made it to the crater they were horrified to see Gilgamesh standing over the badly wounded Princess, ready to strike the finishing blow.
“GET AWAY FROM HER!” Twilight shouted.
Oddly enough, it seemed the warrior didn’t hear her.
“I… I already won?” he asked out loud.
The tension in the air hung until, to everypony’s surprise and confusion, Gilgamesh dropped his weapon and kneeled down, grabbing Celestia by the shoulders and pulling her up to look at him.
“What happened!?” he asked. “What happened to you, Celestia!? You should be stronger than this! You should be able to go toe to toe with my first transformation, not being crushed by my base form! You’re weak! Did you get an injury I didn’t know about!? Did you slack off on your training!?”
Twilight could barely process what she was hearing. He was upset that he won? No, he was upset because he expected more of fight out of her.
“Oh no. I know what it was. I tried to warn you, Celestia! I tried to warn you, but you didn’t listen, did you!? It was the cake! You’ve been eating too much cake! I thought you looked different, but I thought it was just with age! I mean, as near immortal as you are, it wouldn’t be beyond reason to think you did some growing over one thousand years, but the truth is you’ve been packing on the pounds, haven’t you!?”
Celestia looked to the warrior with confusion, while the other mares’ jaws hung open in shock.
“Do not worry, Celestia, I will cure you of this confectionary curse.” he proclaimed, hugging the princess and stroking her mane gently, only adding to her confusion. “I swear I will return you to your former glory. I will not rest until I have exhausted all possible methods to rid you of you of this plague upon your glorious majesty.”
He turned to face the other mares. “Pink one!” he shouted, pointing to Pinkie and causing them all to flinch with the force of his voice. “I command thee impart the princess with thy advanced metabolism so she may rid herself of this terrible weight gain!”
Pinkie was too shocked to respond. As far as Twilight was concerned, that was a sign of the End of All Things.
“Um… I don’t think I can do that,” she answered.
“ALL HOPE IS LOST!” he shouted, throwing his head back and his arms in the air dramatically, causing the Princess to fall to the ground. He quickly grabbed her again and began to cradle her in his arms. “I WEEP FOR THEE, MY GREAT RIVAL, AND THE LOSS OF THY FORMER GLORY! I SHALL BEAR THE BURDEN OF THY SHAME! TAKE COMFORT IN MY MASCULINE ARMS!” He then began to hug the Princess tightly. So tight, in fact that she started gasping for breath and flailing to try and escape his grip. “TAKE COMFORT IN THEM I SAY!”
“UNHOOF OUR SISTER, VILE FIEND!”
Like a blue missile Princess Luna slammed into the ground just outside the crater, her eyes glowing white with power, the stars in her spectral mane and tail shining brightly as the blue had turned to pitch black. Both her gladii drawn and held by levitation while she stood on her hind legs, holding her halberd in her hooves.
“Fair Priness Luna!” Gilgamesh replied, releasing Celestia to once again hit the ground. “Doth thou also suffer the curse of cakes!?”
“ENOUGH OF THY NONSENSE! STEP AWAY FROM OUR SISTER SO WE MAY SMITE THEE!”
The warrior’s eyes hardened in response.
“Very well. I did seek a battle with you as well,” he proclaimed. He grabbed his weapon before leaping out of the crater and over Luna to land several yards behind her. As Luna turned to face him Twilight and the others quickly yet carefully carried Celestia out of the crater. Gilgamesh stood but did not turn to face his opponent.
“You were always the more eager of the two to battle, and your dedication to proper combat etiquette has always been admirable.” He planted his naginata into the ground, hard enough so that it stood upright on its own, before turning around. “Though I doubt you could possibly pose me a challenge, I will honor you with my first transformation.”
Twilight’s blood ran cold. He was going to transform, to become even stronger, after he had already defeated Celestia.
He extended one arm, crossing it in front of him while the other one was tucked at his side. He then moved the extended arm in a circular motion towards the other side before tucking it at his side and extending the other arm across, assuming a mirror image of the pose he started with, while shouting “HENSHIN!”
Everypony tensed and waited for what came next… and waited… and waited…
“Um, give me second. I swear this never happens,” he insisted before going through the motions again… and again… and again….
Luna began to chuckle before letting out a confident laugh. Though she kept her weapons at the ready, her more intimidating magical displays disappeared.
“We had nearly forgotten about the steps that had been taken during your imprisonment!”
“’Steps?’”
“Indeed. Doth thou not remember how we drained thy power upon thy imprisonment? We sought a way to weaken thou lest ye return, and drained thy power which took the form of the weapons you wielded in thy other forms, which we had scattered across the lands! Doth thy remember now?”
The warrior just blinked a few times in response. “Um… wow. I, like, totally forgot about that.”
Twilight’s fear had changed to mind numbing disbelief. One thought reigning in her mind.
How did this idiot beat Celestia!?
“It would seem that when we took thy weapons we took thy transformations as well! Prepare for thy defeat, barbarian!”
“FOOL!” Gilgamesh shouted, pulling his weapon out of the ground and taking an offensive stance. “ARE YOU SO DELUDED TO THINK YOU CAN TRULY BEAT ME!? EVEN WITHOUT MY FULL POWER, YOUR SISTER LIES BEATEN! DO YOU TRULY THINK YOU COULD BEST ME WHEN SHE COULD NOT!?”
Wind began to swirl around his body, and Luna in response put up her own magical displays. In addition, a dark mist began to emanate from her hooves and the sky began to darken with storm clouds as thunder crackled.
“PREPARE, PRINCESS LUNA, FOR WITH THIS NEXT MOVE I END THIS BOUT!”
And with that he charged forwards, Luna steeling herself to retaliate. Mere hooves from her he swung his blade, which seemed to cut a hole in the air itself, before dashing inside. The hole closed behind him and he was gone.
Everypony stood still, attempting to comprehend what just happened. Twilight was one of the first to recover.
He just ran away.
Luna looked absolutely gobsmacked, all of her magical displays gone as she held her stance. A few moments later however, her eyes shined with power while the sky darkened once again. Twilight could see her gritting her teeth, and could only gulp in response.
I exited the portal in front of the Castle of the Pony Sisters.
“Suckers.”
Seemingly in response, I heard a massive scream of anger from Canterlot. From this distance the Royal Canterlot Voice didn’t seem quite so bad.
So. No transformations, huh? I suppose if I can find all my weapons I can regain my transformations. But with my three extra forms that means I have to recover… Twenty-five weapons. Good crap, I hope some of them are grouped together. I might need some help.
I pondered how to go about this when the obvious answer hit me.
But will any of them actually be willing to give me help? I mean, my reason is a bit selfish. “Hey can you help me recover my power so I can go on adventures and fight things for my own amusement?” Not exactly the best pitch there. Maybe if I provided my own services… and a little something to sweeten the deal.
I focused my energy, my essence, into my hand. A light shone and soon in their place was a pair of gloves, identical to the gauntlets I was now wearing.
Not sure if the Toad immunity will help anyone much, but the immunity to Paralyze should be nice.
I cut open a large rift with my naginata before imbuing extra power into the gauntlets. I raised them up towards The Rift before declaring my intent.
“I am the warrior, the master of weapons, the seeker of battle and adventure. To those who would require my strength to defeat thy foes, to crush opposing forces, put on these Genji Gloves and call out my name with the intent to summon me. If ye be without true malice in thy hearts, know that the mighty Gilgamesh will come to thy aid!”
And with that I hurled the gauntlets into the Rift, feeling my energy split before seeking out others of my kind. I then willed The Rift to close itself.
I wonder if anyone will answer.
Right then I felt my stomach growl.
Guess I need to refuel.
I looked towards the Everfree Forest and licked my lips.
I’m feeling like manticore tonight.
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It's nice!
Damit you beat me too it, oh well i had too many ideas anyway and now i can read it instead of making one, yay
I'm sorry, but when I picture Gilgamesh traveling between dimensions, I picture him grinning before he stops half way and doing the breast stroke to get the rest of the way there.
This clip, I feel, summarizes Luna's feelings about Gilgamesh's escape.
(Go to 0:40)
4233226 And now I need to look up this song.
4233519 4237945 Maybe when he travels to one of the other worlds. Also, you my friend, have a great understanding of the character.
4237282 Well, if you still want to be involved, maybe you could give me some ideas?
4237223 … I don't get it. What's with the tiny letters? Oh, is it because Fluttershy is your avatar?
4238059 Yup, that's about right. And by far one of my favorite gags from the show.
4238210 I'm proud to admit it is because I'm a humongous Final Fantasy Fanatic. Good series of games is Good excluding XI, XII, XIII, XIII-2, LR:XIII, and XIV. Seriously, even the Dissidia games were better than them, and it technically isn't even canon for the series as a whole aside from Gilgamesh's appearance being canon for his character and the Warrior of Light as well.
And now they shall fight like stallions! And mares. And mares who look like stallions.
This is HILARIOUS!
Muwah ha ha....
Glorious...
4241119 Glad you like it! Hope you continue reading!
… welp, time to add another story to my "Read Later" folder.
4238210 maybe?
[excitement intensifies]
4238269 Just thought I'd let you know I just faved Son of Invention. Not don reading, but I'm liking what I see.
4242014 Keep reading, more awesome and hilarity is to come.
This is quite good, Gilgamesh is is as hammy as a southern fair and BBQ, as he should be. The only problem I see is that you never really describe Gilgamesh, is he the Final Fantasy 12 version, or FF5, is he in one of Doudecium outfits, or could he be the one from FF9? This can also go with his weapon descriptions, after all, anyone acting like Gilgamesh is probably going to wax poetic about weapons (THIS IS FAR FROM THE STRONGEST OF SWORDS! *throws weapon away*).
I will say I am liking that you aren't doing the annoying thing that other like this keep doing and constantly switching back and forth 1XXX years in every chapter. Really, if we get to see flashbacks, I would prefer it to be Gilgamesh telling the story (which should be full of hammy exaggerations and declarations).
So in short, keep it up, loving it so far, lol'ing, favs and thumbs up all around.
This story is hilarious and addicting. Really enjoyable story, his reaction to Celestia's defeat was priceless. CURSE YOU CAKE! An epic quest to recover his lost weapons, great premise for the story. I wonder which weapons he'll need to recover? Excalibur/Excalipoor? The Fake/Real Buster Sword? Tidus's Brotherhood? Sephiroth's Masamune? Well I look forward to seeing what happens in any case.
4242009 Sweet.
The fact that these Humans Acting Villainous stories continue to exist makes me want to commit genocide.
4243186 Ok then. Thank you for that. So glad you could contribute something constructive.
4243315
You're welcome!
4243369
I will admit this amuses me slightly.
4243186
Well aren't you a ray of sunshine.
Interesting!
This chapter made my day. Good Job.
This fic is full of Win!
And some spelling and grammar errors.
4244973 If you could point some of them out to me I'd appreciate it. And thanks for the compliments!
4243186
The fact that you're still complaining about it makes ME want to commit genocide.
4245092
“I command the impart the princess" should be “I command thee impart the princess"
I thought I saw more than that, but I can't seem to find them now.
4245186 I'll go back and give them all a look before putting out the next chapter.
4245140
4243186
Both valid reasons.
Me? I'd do it just for my own amusement.
4246058
My autism likes you.
I'm loving this. So now as far as I can tell we got gila as CG, headless as good and true neutral, sunshine boy as lawful good, and that evil dude as LE. Who am I missing? Anyone?
4246573 Which evil dude are you talking about?
As for some other mentions, we've got:
Invention who steals only when he needs to, goes out of his way not to kill anypony, but seems to have been accidentally responsible for a lot of deaths in the past.
Ghost Rider who has no problems about killing evildoers and has some beef with Celestia.
Typhon who despite being imprisoned in stone for over 1000 years and having Princess Celestia kill somepony very special to him (albeit unintentionally) does not seek revenge against her.
And finally Xande who despite starting out evil got sick of it by the time Celestia and Luna imprisoned him, protected his slaves from Sobra who forced them to harvest crystals for him, and when he heard that Sombra was dead immediately released them, and seems to be turning good if for no other reason than being evil sucks. Also, Gilgamesh is going to be meeting him soon.
I suppose that's one way to earn your comedy tag.
4247501
… Yeah, think Im gonna delete that.
During the invasion of Canterlot:
Chrysalis: Nothing can stop me now!
*Distant Battle Cry*
Chrysalis: What is that noise?
Cocooned Celestia: Oh No.
Twilight: Oh No.
*Wall Explodes*
Gilgamesh: OH YEAH!
Chrysalis: What in Tartarus...
Gilgamesh: NO ONE BUT ME GETS TO DEFEAT CELESTIA!
Chrysalis: What?
Gilgamesh: NOW TASTE MY BLADE FOUL BUG...PONY...THING!
Chrysalis: .....
Gilgamesh: *charges* FOR PONY!
Alternate:
Gilgamesh: I'm tired of these motherbucking changelings in this motherbucking city!!
4246848 On no, Gilgamesh and Xande meeting. Only madness and FABULOUS-ness can come of this. I approve of this so so much.
4248507 Oh believe me, I have plans for that scene.
4246848
Are we going to have to read Xande's story to understand this or can we go in blind?
4248707 Well, for one thing, it's going to show up on his story, not mine, but it will cause a permanent change in Gilgy.
Second, if you like my story, you'll like his, I can assure you. Just a mild example, when he gets out and is expecting Sombra to come expecting he tribute of crystals he has to tidy the place up. One thing he does is make ice statues of Ragyo Kiryuin and Gendo Ikara labelled with "World's Best Mom/Dad (NOT)" under them. And that's one of the more minor things.
4246848 I was talking about nocturne who showed up in headless more recently. And then I found the costumed folder of humans acting evil, I was just way off on the number of stories people have written. And it was like 2 am when I wrote that. Which is why my comment seems unfinished/half-assed (to me at least).
On one hand, this is kinda hilarious. (The cake part slew me.)
On the other, I don't really get this guy's characterisation at all. He's apparently a human MLP fan (who also knows his Final Fantasy) who is essentially roleplaying as Gilgamesh in a strangely dedicated way. He's clearly aware that he's doing it - he doesn't seem to believe he's actually Gilgamesh - and unlike the protagonists in some similar fics, he doesn't appear to have a strong motivation for antagonizing the ponies. Even if all he's interested in is epic fighting and acting hammy, this seems like a very strange kind of behavior.
Just something you might want to think about.
No idea what he is from but I love it!
4251294
…
EDUCATE YOURSELF.
4251584 Thanks :D
Already gusta this one...continue good sir!
4250259 4250589 It was mostly something I picked up from some of the other LoHAV/LoHAH fics out there, and I just sort of adopted it. But yeah, it really isn't my style. I'm gonna change it. As for his motivations, some of his backstory will be explained in the next chapter, so hopefully it'll clarify some things. I appreciate the critique.