I've Got More Headaches Than He Has Arms!
“Alright, today we’re gonna go for it!”
“You sure about this Scootaloo?”
“Of course I’m sure! This goes beyond getting our Cutie Marks!”
“Although we’re still goin’ after those too, I reckon.”
“Yeah, but we’ve got bigger reasons to do this! We set this guy free, even if we didn’t mean it, and he beat up Celestia!”
“Ah still dunno ‘bout this. How’re we supposed ta catch ‘im if he can do that?”
“We’ll catch him because we have to! You said yourself AJ told you to take responsibility for your actions, and this is taking responsibility!”
“Well, ah guess when ya put it like that…”
“So we’re ready?”
“I guess.”
“No ‘I guess’, Sweetie Belle! You ready or not?!”
“Grr… Ok, I’m ready.”
“Then all together now.”
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MONSTER CATCHERS!”
…Why did I suddenly feel a chill?
I shook off the feeling as I followed Jack’s Compass through the woods. I wasn’t sure what they were called, but I know that his path leaded to Froggy Bottom Bog, so at least I knew what I was getting into. Considering I couldn’t eat the hydra, at least not without wasting a massive amount of meat, I’d probably be knocking him out unless we hopefully didn't meet.
It was the day for my weekly kill so I decided to get up bright and early, a little bit before sunrise, to head to the location of my next weapon and then get food later. Turns out to have been a good decision as the only way I knew how to get to the place ended up being though Ponyville. Derpy saw me, out on her mail route, but she just waved and I responded in kind. God that mare was adorable. Anyway, back on topic, hopefully my latest acquisition would be my axe so I could finally do my first transformation.
When I exited the woods and came into the bog proper I felt a slight chill. Over the years I began developing the ability to sense “killing intent”, as the martial arts world called it. This… was not quite like that. It wasn’t deadly, but it was certainly determined.
“Now!”
With that command a net fell on top of me. It was tiny and barely even fell to my elbows. I looked up and saw the CMC in the tree right above me, looking expectantly as if something was going to happen.
Well, may as well give them some sort of reaction. Let it never be said I’m not willing to indulge in a bit of acting. Or more like overacting.
I began coughing and gagging and collapsed to the ground, pulling at the net.
“Gah! A tiny net! My only… weakness! *cough* How did… you know? *Hack* Bleh.”
I lied there limp and silent. The three shocked fillies just stared.
“Oh Celesita, Ah think we killed ‘im!” Applebloom shouted. All three of them climbed down and the farmfilly began to poke me. “Um, mister Gilgamesh? You ok?”
I didn’t respond. I even held my breath to make it look like I was dead.
“Oh Celestia, what’ve we done!? I’m too young to go to prison!” Scootaloo shouted.
“And I’m too cute to!” Sweetie chimed in.
“This all your fault, Scootaloo!” the earth pony shouted.
“Me!?”
“Yeah you! If you hadn’t told us ta go and get ‘im none a this woulda happened!”
“Uh, girls?” Sweetie tried to interrupt.
“You should’ve known it would go wrong!”
“Girls?”
“Oh so now its mah fault!?”
“GIRLS!”
“What!?”
The unicorn filly pointed behind the two and they turned. I was standing up, giving them a look.
“Really?” I asked simply. “Really?”
I picked the net off my head and dropped it on top of them. In their panic they bumped into each other and actually managed to get tangled in it. Once they stopped struggling they looked to me in fear.
“Stay here,” I ordered before taking out Jack’s Compass again. The needle pointed directly into the bog waters itself.
Oh goody. I get to dredge the muck.
I started walking forward only for a portal to open right above the murky water.
Oh no, another one!?
“Get out of here!” I shouted back to the three ponies.
“Ugh! We can’t!” They cried. I turned to see them still struggling with the net.
“Oh, son of a-!”
My curse was cut short by something falling out of the portal and into the bog, splashing water everywhere. I twirled my naginata, forcing it away from me and clearing my view only to be met with nothing.
It must’ve submerged. This bog was big enough for a hydra after all. Oh crap, what is it? Necrophobe? Shinryu? Ome-?
“Uwee hee hee! Well what have we here? A whole new world to look for some pretty honeys!” came an annoying voice from the depths.
Oh no fucking way.
Eight purple tentacles suddenly burst from beneath the water’s surface.
“And if anything gets in my way, I’ll give them an octo-punch! After all,” it continued before a recognizable figure jumped out of the water and landed on dry land. “I’m an octopus!”
The creature was large and purple, its head about the size of a small car. Its red eyes seeming to smile indefinitely and its wide grin of sharp teeth only cemented the identity of the individual.
Of all the bastards in the multiverse, why did it have to be motherfucking Ultros!?
I didn’t hate Ultros, honest. In fact, I liked his character a lot, the only other character in the Final Fantasy universe that could be compared to Gilgamesh in a way. But you know those guys on T.V. or movies where you laugh at them and enjoy any time they’re on screen, but then you realize that if you actually met them they’d annoy the shit out of you? Yeah, that’s Ultros.
“Ugh! A muscle-head! I hate muscle-heads like you!” the octopus shouted upon seeing my muscular form. He then saw the three fillies behind me. “Oh, but who are these cuties?” he asked, causing them all to flinch.
“Dude, seriously? They’re not even out of elementary school. That’s messed up.”
“Oh, but they’re just so cute though! Even if they’re a bit young, I bet they’ve got some knockout sisters!”
“…Oh yeah, you gotta die. PENETRATING BEAM!”
The searing beam of fire shot from my eyes and forced him back into the bog. He jumped out a moment later, looking slightly cooked.
“GAH! SEAFOOD SOUP IS NOT ON THE MENU!” He shouted before squirting Ink Blast at me. I casually stepped aside and he responded by lunging at me, flailing his eight arms wildly. “I’M GONNA PULVERIZE YA, YA BIG MUSCLE-HEA-!”
I cut him off by deftly weaving between his arms and nailing him in the face with a punch, sending him rocketing skywards. I followed up by jumping above him and firing down with another Penetrating Beam, sending him into the muck once more. I landed near the waters edge and stood tall.
“Is that all, you sorry excuse for cala-?”
“GAAAAAAAAH!”
Ultros launched himself out of the water and I barely managed to dodge out of the way. I readied for another attack only to find him flailing around and screaming.
“OWIE! OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE OWIE! I CAN’T REACH IT! IT HURTS! GET IT OUT!”
I looked to see him trying to reach for his back and noticed lodged inside was-
Oh you’ve got to be freaking kidding me.
-my axe, wedged and stuck and causing blood to gush rather unpleasantly all over the place. I dashed forward and managed to grab onto the handle, lifting it and the cephalopod into the air.
“Huh?”
“Hold still,” I ordered before pulling back my right foot. “This will only hurt like a bitch.” I then punted the bastard in what I guess was as close to a butt as he had, dislodging my axe and sending him soaring over the horizon.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, YOU LOUSY MUSCLE-HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”
I saw him fly away so far I didn’t even see where he landed. As much as it amused me, another thought entered my mind.
Aw crap, he’s gonna be a massive pain in my ass isn’t he?
I looked at my axe and watched it dissolve into light. I could practically feel my first form unlocking.
Finally, some discernable progress.
I turned back to the three fillies who still seemed shocked by what occurred before realizing they were alone with me again.
“And now, for you three.”
The three foals hugged each other in fear as I approached…
“Any luck Rainbow Dash?”
“Sorry Twilight, nopony’s seen them all day.”
“Oh goodness, this is terrible! Of all the things that could happen this is the. Worst. POSSIBLE. THING! “ Rarity summoned her fainting couch and began to weep, Spike doing his best to comfort her.
Despite her flair for the dramatic Twilight had to agree, this was extremely bad. If Gilgamesh popping up at random times was any indication that meant that he was likely near Ponyville, which made things extremely dangerous. Not to mention all the other things that were around like the Ursas and the Hydras.
“Any idea what ta do, Twi?” Applejack asked.
“Oh! Maybe if I throw a ‘We’re So Glad To See You’re Back And Ok’ Party, they’ll come back and be ok!” Pinkie suggested.
Everypony just stared for moment before Twilight spoke.
“I suppose the last pony we haven’t talked to is Zecora. I just hope the three of them went to her to try and get their potion making cutie marks or something and are safe with her.”
“Excuse me?”
The seven friends all turned and gasped in shock. Standing right behind them was none other than the armored warrior himself.
Fluttershy squeaked and hid behind Rarity’s couch, as did Rarity and Spike, while Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow tensed for a fight.
Pinkie Pie just waved. “Hi, Gilgy!”
“Hey.”
“W-What’re you doing here, Gilgamesh!?” Twilight asked, trying to hide her fear.
The armored biped responded by holding up a small net. “Are these yours?
All of them turned to the net and gasped.
“Sweetie Belle!” Rarity screamed.
“Apple Bloom!” Applejack called.
“Scootaloo!” Rainbow shouted. “You let them go right now or I’ll-!”
“Here,” he answered simply and tossed them at her, causing her to fall out of the air as she caught them. All of the friends quickly worked to untangle the three fillies.
“Are you ok? What happened?”
“Uh, well, ya see…” the earth pony began.
“Uh, we got captured, and then-!” the pegasus began.
“AHEM!” All of them turned to the warrior who glared at the three fillies. “Really? You’re gonna lie right in front of me?” he scolded.
“’Lie?’ Apple Bloom, what’s he talkin’ about?” AJ asked with a disapproving look.
The three fillies lowered their heads with shame.
“Well, ya see, the truth is, we were tryin’ ta catch ‘im,” the younger farmfilly explained.
“You what!?” Twilight practically screamed.
“We just wanted to fix everything! It was our fault he got out!” Sweetie exclaimed.
“Your fault? Sweetie Belle, what are you talking about dear?” the older unicorn asked.
“They issued a challenge in front of me that it would take all six of you to beat me. I accepted,” the warrior explained.
The six mares and drake looked to him in shock before turning back to the fillies.
“We didn’t mean it! Honest!” Scootaloo pleaded.
“Forget how he got out, all that matters is that we’re gonna put him back in!” Rainbow shouted as she dashed forward, only for her face to meet with Giglamesh’s open palm with a loud smack.
“Yeah, sure you are,” he said sarcastically as the pegasus fell to the ground. “Look, I’ve had a rough morning dealing with a perverted octopus, so I’m just gonna go. Put some leashes on those three or something,” he said before turning to walk away.
“What makes you think we’re gonna let you go!?” Rainbow shouted as she took to the air again.
“Oh please,” he began, turning around. “As if you had even the slightest- Princess Celestia!?” he screamed pointing behind them.
All of them turned behind them, only to see nothing. They quickly turned back only to see a portal in the air close.
“Gragh! I can’t believe I fell for that!”
“Calm down, Dash. He’s right, we don’t even have the Elements on us. He woulda whooped us good.”
“But-!”
“She’s right Rainbow. We should just be happy the girls are safe,” Twilight interrupted.
The rainbow maned pegasus sighed and landed. “Yeah, I guess.” She then stopped for a moment before turning to her number one fan. “Wait, what was that about a perverted octopus?”
I exited the portal back into the Castle of the Pony Sisters.
“Hee hee! Ok time to test this out!”
I began to strike my pose only for some fog to inexplicably begin to roll in.
“What the hell? Where did-?”
I suddenly heard an air siren begin to blare, ending after about a minute.
“What the fuck? Since when do the ponies have-?”
The next sound made my blood run cold. It was an ear piercing metal scraping sound. I turned around to be confronted with-
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The suspense is killing me... I can hardly wait.
Welp.
What is it with everyone crossover-ing with Thousand Tortured Souls? I don't even know what's going on in that story!
Crap, not pyramid head.
This is simply HILARIOUS!
So the hammiest – and undeniably second most annoying* – boss ever, is going to fight Pyramid Head? Ooh, this'll be interesting.
*By that I mean FF12. He's only beat out by Zodiark. Which I want to see Gilgamesh fight, even though it'd be a curb-stomp fight in Zodiark's favour.
4445731 Glad you liked it! Fights are always something I feel a bit shaky about writing, especially when there's more than one combatant.
4446521 I'll say this right now, once this story gets into "Season 4" things are going to really go off the rails. I can't promise Tirek will show up, but if he does he will arrive and be defeated in a different way than the show.
4488129 Yeah, it had been on Hiatus for a while. He contacted me and I thought "why not, might be good for Gilgy to fight another Displaced."
*Da-da-da-DAAAAAAA*
You've acquired first transformation again! Now as long as you don't lose those weapons again you should be fine!
Good thing we've got something to test it out on. Maybe.
If i may?
He is fucked
Eternal warrior meet unstoppable terror
Did he seriously pull a fucking Cui on them?
4488150
oh jeez another Pyramid Head crossover
I originally typed a long and somewhat offensive post dissing SCP pretty heavily without really meaning to, but just for my sake of mind can you tell me this:
Will this crossover be more horribly, horribly broken invincible OC versus horribly broken invincible OC? Xante's Bifrost Ymir sticking out as an example of horribly broken stuff.
Yes.... YES.....!
4488222 WTF did i just watch?
Oh boy...ol' traingle face strikes again...
Here comes Silent Hill!
Very nice chapter!
4488380 Dunno. We're gonna wing it. Also, please don't do any flaming here, ok?I know this is the internet but I'd like us all to be civil.
Why is everyone. Doing a crossover with the pyramid head story. And why is apparently everyone a sinner and must die? Why can't there just be some normal interactions?
AWWWWWWWW SHIEEEET!
4489155
Yeah, that's kind of why I rewrote it so it wasn't blatant flaming. Xante is actually REALLY good, Bifrost Ymir is still ridiculous though (suicide level spell cast, then a heavily improved version is cast directly after and he's just exhausted =P)
4488507 Something that's japanese... that's the best explanation.
4488285 It took me a second to understand what you meant. Yeah, I guess he did.
4488507 That, my friend would be some of the work of Hyadain. Usually he's known for funny stuff like this:
But every so often puts out a more emotional song like this:
He even got to go pro after his work caught on.
They still don't notice his affable behaviour
A dream of bliss
passed from children and endings.
Soon will you lose your privilege,
and your bliss shall end in ignorance;
find your beloved Harmony within he.
Awaiting further releases.
Pyramid Head. Why is it always Pyramid Head? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4488285 "Pulling a Cui" is now what I'm going to start calling it when someone does that
the ultros battle is just the size for this
the ultimate GILGAMESH!!! theme
I bet Typhoon is going to be with Ultros next time Gilgamesh fights him. Oh and if Omega pops up what version are you going to use FF1/4AY/5/6/13-2 FF8, FF10, FF12, also what will Gilgy do if Necrophobe or Shinryu/Nova-dragon pop up? Oh god now I'm thinking what would he do if the Original Gilgamesh popped up.
OH-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
Gilgamesh vs. Pyramid Head
FIGHT
Oh i want that next chapter sooo BAD right now
also very nice chapter here keep goin!
4489179 gonna have to agree with you there...
4488259 Unstoppable force meet immoveable object
This...should be an interesting fight.
Unfortunately... no. I'm not looking forward to next chapter mainly because I've seen this been done once or twice (perhaps even more) with other LOHAV fics. Honestly, for me, it just feels like one giant detour that can't seem to grab my attention long enough for it to become interesting. So I'll probably just ignore the next chapter and instead wait for the next one after that.
Troll Knight v.s. Rape Monster w/a big ass sword
Who will win? Find out next time on... [generic reality tv show] starring Gilgamesh.
Ahhhhh, the suspense =D. But this was highly amusing ^^. Surprised to see Ultros, but I shouldn't be XD. I hope to see some more Final Fantasy characters popping up, like Yojimbo from Final Fantasy X, I don't care that he was a summon, he's like the opposite of Gilgamesh, super-disciplined and incredibly deadly ^^.
4488428 Damn, SCP. You're just crossing-over with everyone. My question, though, is thus: when are you gonna get confident enough to ask for a cross-over with, say, Uberdeathninja? Or Jimmy?
4499365 I fear Jimmy would be impossible... Death ninja on the other hand... He kinda made me spark the idea for doing another one, but with this guy.
fireden.net/4chan/images.4chan.org//vg/src/1371462666178.jpg
4489179
Pyramid Head's tale is a long and complicated one...
but if it's just normal interactions you're looking for
Try this
It's the feeling of impending cuteness.
Oh My.
4724805 That sounds about right.
4931352 Yeah, I should've seen that coming.
*dies laughing*
I need more Ultros!
“Oh so now it's mah fault!?”
"“GAH! SEAFOOD SOUP IS NOT ON THE MENU!” He shouted" = "“GAH! SEAFOOD SOUP IS NOT ON THE MENU!” he shouted"
"I landed near the water's edge and stood tall."
"“Are these yours?""
Ultros is hilarious!