Who I am...

The changeling queen wore a troubled expression. She knew at some point her most faithful subject would begin to fall prey to that one twisted and cruel piece of fate called mortality. In spite of what many thought, her swarm was not connected by a hive mind with all her drones subservient to her without a will of their own making them all together worthless. No her hive was more like pony society than nearly any other race aside from the ponies themselves.

Because of that there came a time when any young changeling would begin to question his or her station and stop playing with her. A changeling queen could live indefinitely... unless killed and even now like any other time in history there was a young larva growing somewhere waiting for its chance to assassinate her so it could take her place. Her subjects on the other hoof had much more finite lives and they all eventually left her to enjoy the company of other changelings or... or they died.

Doppel had been her most faithful protégé, in spite of years of verbal abuse, cruel jokes, and unnecessarily dangerous tasks she stood by Chrysalis’ side. Then even when the smaller changeling had found other friends to spend her down time with, she still had time for the jaded queen.

Still there was no time for such thoughts as there was a sun to be raised for her swarm. Chrysalis chuckled at her thoughts on the pony-like idea of their queen pulling their sun up from the horizon in the mornings and pushing it back down in the evening. They really were such silly creatures. Were it not for their unending stores of love she would not let her swarm have anything to do with them.

She stepped softly onto her balcony and looked out onto her hive. It was one league from the roof of the great cavern to the cave floor and almost a perfect circle with a ten league diameter. The hive was a miracle of changeling ingenuity spotted in places with massive columns that supported the cavern roof. Her royal chambers and throne room were in one such pillar while others contained barracks for her soldiers, food storage areas, and incubation chambers for the many eggs that would hatch into her little changelings. Then as she looked above to the chamber’s ceiling she saw the dull green glow of Vearmyn, the Hive Sun... the changeling star... their all important source of light and life.

Vearmyn was a material made when a changeling, dead or otherwise was thrown into the Recyclers. The Recyclers were massive biological machines that separated the changeling exoskeleton from the gooey insides. The chitin was crushed and mixed with water into a thick paste that was used to reinforce the main columns or repair tunnel walls. The internal changeling slime was processed into a thick green sludge that would be scooped up and attached to the cave ceiling. This slurry of inside parts had the strange property that allowed it to convert raw love energy from the queen into light. It was a special kind of light that nurtured the fields on the cave floor and produced the unique food that a changeling needed to survive.

The ‘sun itself was a rather large circular clump of Vearmyn that provided a goodly amount of light but was also attached to other smaller bodies of Vearmyn around the hive which provided light in areas where the pillars would cast great shadows.

Chrysalis’s wings began to buzz and carried her up only a few meters before she focused her magic and began to pour the love she had most recently collected into the ‘sun’ above. When she was finished she landed softly in the brightened light of the stars and the leylines that connected them. Soon her court would be open to petitioners but she had plans that morning before she allowed herself to listen to the changeling nobility’s squabbles.

The queen moved through the shadows of her centralized pillar until she reached the medical area. Many sick and injured changelings filled cots that lined the walls of the room. It was something new that she felt willing to spend resources having her broken and ailing subjects repaired. The queen thought back to how it all started one month ago.

Her most faithful subject... her best loved infiltrator had been injured in a small cavern collapse. Normally the injured and dead would be recycled immediately, but this was different... this was her Doppelpopolis.

Chrysalis knelt at the bedside beside her vassal and quietly looked over her sleeping form as she spoke, “Good morning my little changeling. How have you been feeling? I’ve been alright; it is very hard to run a hive when your best infiltrator is bedridden. Oh did the nurses tell you the news? Of course they didn’t, I asked them to let me tell you. Here it is, we are happy to inform the wonderful changeling Doppel that she is very nearly recovered and will be ready to return to work soon. Isn’t that wonderful?”

A warm smile adorned the queen’s face until she noticed a mirror across the room. In its reflection, in the changeling queen’s place was the radiant image of Princess Celestia. The princess of the sun sighed as her sister knelt beside her.

Luna’s expression was grim as she spoke, “It is time to awaken dear sister. Our beloved subjects need their sun.”

Celestia wore a lonely smile at those words and calmly replied, “Thank you Luna, what would I do without you?”

The elder alicorn seemed to shimmer and fade away from the dreamscape before Luna spoke her answer to the nothingness that followed, “Thou wouldst likely sleep and hide in thy dreams forever.”

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Celestia wore a troubled expression. Deep down she knew all her little ponies would eventually succumb to their mortality, but... but for the most part she did not know these ponies personally. She knew of them all and was saddened when any passed on to the next world, but the pain was so much more real to her when a pony she knew died. Advisors, her personal assistants, cooks and bakers in the royal kitchen, her guards, the groundskeepers... Close friends, Cadence and Shining Armor only being the most recent of those.

The brilliant rainbow maned alicorn thought back on all the pranks she had played, all the games and tricks she had concocted to ease the passage of eternity and despite their initial enthusiasm for simply playing with their princess, her little ponies eventually grew weary of her childishness. Luna was her only constant, the only pony who stayed with her and put up with her antics over the centuries... aside from a very dark millennia of course.

Even more than her silly games, Celestia loved teaching. She would happily instruct other ponies on anything from magic, to life lessons, to baking cakes, and everything in between. Her most faithful student through the eons had been Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle who endured her foolish pranks. Twilight Sparkle who would sit through the most boring lectures on the properties of mud with a smile on her face. Twilight Sparkle who had faced fearsome dangers that would have sent even her bravest royal guards running... Twilight Sparkle who had never once abandoned her or ridiculed her for her foalishness.

At the thought of her student, Celestia whispered to the air around her wishing that Twilight were with her so she could reply. “Oh Twilight... who am I? I just don’t know anymore.” Perhaps she could ask again when Twilight was in the same room.

With a heavy sigh, the snow white princess stood from her bed and moved to her balcony. After watching the moon fall below the horizon she focused her magic and pulled her sun into the sky. With closed eyes she appreciated its warmth before her sister’s voice brought her back to the real world, “Good morning Tia.”

“Good morning Luna... If I might ask, why was I a changeling in my dream last night?”

Luna let herself remain quiet as if pondering the answer though she already knew the truth. Still when she did speak her reply came with an air of authority on the matters of dreams, “We cannot say for certain, but if we must hazard a guess it may have something to do with the changeling magic thou hast been using. We did warn you when you first started that it might cause such problems.”

“I see, thank you Luna.” Celestia then turned to reenter her room and start her day in earnest when Luna spoke once more.

“Shall we have your assistant postpone thy open court for today?”

“Yes Luna, I think I will need some time this morning to take care of a few things.” Celestia frowned before walking out through her door into the corridor beyond. She navigated the hallways with a practiced ease with her younger sister following close behind. The elder princess sighed again when she reached the medical wing.

Still she smiled to each of the doctors, nurses, and patients as she passed them until she was stopped just outside a private room, “Please wait princess, you should probably be prepared for what awaits on the other side.” A young nurse spoke softly to the royal alicorn standing before her.

“I have visited her before, I have no fear of what she will look like.”

“I know Princess, but, well we wanted to tell you sooner, but your sister commanded us to let you sleep and raise the sun first.”

Celestia stopped. No no no no no no, this could not be the end. The injury had been so minor. Just a lightly cracked rib. For all her god like power, Celestia became like a foal, absolutely refusing to believe something that would harm her.

Luna spoke quickly trying to convince her elder sister of the truth of the matter, “Tia, thou must to understand, she was one hundred eighty years old. She lived well until the end but she was already long past her natural life span. Phoenix tears and changeling magic could only sustain her for so long before she simply could no longer go on. This has been a long time coming and thou hast only been selfishly postponing it. Go inside, say thy goodbyes and let her meet her friends in the next world. Also she did manage to leave a letter for you before she passed, so perhaps that will put your mind at ease.”

Finally nodding Celestia entered the room and was met by the sight of an open window filled with an unblinking dragon’s eye full of sadness. Heavy dragon tears dripped slowly to the ground below the number one assistant’s fully grown form.

Without saying a word the princess’s eyes spoke volumes and Spike merely nodded as he moved on to give Celestia some time alone. With the dragon gone Celestia began “I’m too old Twilight, I’ve grown too old and too sentimental because of it. I have wept for every pony I’ve seen pass from this world, but it pains me to know that those eons of tears will be a drop in an ocean compared to the tears I cry for you. I’m so sorry Twilight, I should not have been so self-centered that I would keep you from seeing your friends again for so long. I don’t even know if I want you to forgive me for this. I suppose you will; it’s just the kind of pony you are.” A momentary pause reminded Celestia of a question she had been meaning to ask Twilight for years, “Twilight who am I? What have I become after all these centuries? Am I truly a princess who can be loved or am I just another tyrant unwilling to release the throne?”

After what seemed like centuries of silence the immortal alicorn found a scroll on the bedside table. She knelt down beside the now still Twilight Sparkle and opened the scroll to begin reading.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Princess Celestia,
Stop crying. Please don’t try and say you weren’t... I know you too well for that.
Don’t cry for me, don’t be sad for me, I’ve lived a good life. Even at the end when you were just trying to keep me around as long as possible. I know how hard it is letting go; I’m sure I don’t have your amount of experience. Seeing as I’ve only lost five irreplaceable friends and you’ve lost more than I could count even with my overly long life span.
I don’t blame you either, if I thought I could have kept any one of my friends with me throughout all my years I would have done it in a heartbeat.
I miss them all Princess. I miss them so much and as much as I know I’ll miss you and Spike and Princess Luna, I just can’t stop thinking about my promise to them. As each of them passed I told them that we would all meet again. So I’m sure Pinkie has a big welcome to the afterlife party planned for me when I get there.
I’m not a fool by the way. I don’t know why you never asked me, but here is my answer. You are Princess Celestia. That might not seem like a proper answer but I’ll explain. You are who you are, whatever it means to be you is entirely up to you.
When I was a filly I used to dream of being you, but as I grew and finally began to make friends I realized that I was Twilight and I should never try to be anything or anypony I am not. So I climbed to the top of a mountain and shouted it for the whole world to hear, “I am Twilight Sparkle.” If you ever forget, I want you to do the same thing... just so you can remind yourself. I mean, don’t say that you’re me; you should say that you are you...
Anyway it has been written that death is merely the next great adventure... I’m too old for adventuring here anymore and I don’t have my friends to join me either. Still I guess one more escapade into the unknown will be good for these tired old bones.
Your Forever Faithful and Adoring Student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. I won’t make any promises, but if I can manage it I’ll try to send you a letter.
P.P.S. Please don’t tell Luna that I called her Princess Luna. She always hated it when I did that.
P.P.P.S. I love you Princess Celestia. Please never again forget who you are.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Without a moment’s hesitation the alicorn princess of the sun stood tall and proud shouting out with the royal Canterlot voice she had not used in thousands of years, “I AM PRINCESS CELESTIA!”

Celestia’s tears had not ceased and simply joined her student’s that had already dried on the parchment. Still she couldn’t help but feel pride in her student’s bravery and sense of adventure but just as she was about to stand and rejoin her sister she was startled by the sudden appearance of a small gout of green flame and a falling scroll.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight Sparkle couldn’t help but smile, all her friends stood waiting for her, looking as if they had never aged a day after the moment she had first met them. Tears of joy flowed from her eyes as she greeted them, “Hello girls, I’m sorry I’m late.”

“That’s fine, but if we don’t hurry the party will get cold.”

“You’re right on time Darling.”

“Don’t mention it sugar cube. Ah’m just happy ah’ll get to introduce y’all to mah folks finally.”

“I’m actually happy; I thought you’d be here in ten seconds flat without me to keep you out of trouble.”

“Oh Twilight it’s so wonderful to see you again, it doesn’t matter how long it took, I’m just glad that you’re okay... or um, dead I guess, but um... sorry...”

Author's Note:

I thought of so many ways to finish this it’s kind of crazy, I thought of throwing a monkey wrench in the gears and unexpectedly switching Twilight with another of the mane six... I was horribly tempted to make this a comedy... I’m glad that I endured and finished it the way I wanted when I started.

I cried... I have cried when reading stories before but never writing them. So I guess that says something...

Thank y’all for reading.

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