I don't know what I'm doing 90% of the time. Really bad at updating things I've said I'm going to update.
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Queen Chrysalis's Changeling Swarm2,758 stories ·3,961 members
Running, it's all Chrysalis has ever done since she was born. Running from her emotions, from her heritage, from Celestia, and now she's on the run again, but this time is different. Twilight Sparkle doesn't give up as easily as Celestia did...
Chrylight in future chapters.
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there's NO way i'm not reading this
Oh ho ho!! Now THIS is an interesting take on the origins of the Changelings! I remember Flutter Valley and the flutterponies from my childhood, back when I watched G1 My Little Pony. Nice little gen-crossing tie-in, there!
There are a few grammatical errors here and there, mostly just moments where your phrasing seems just a smidge awkward, but I enjoyed this first chapter enough that they didn't really matter to me. This story is going in my favorites, and YOU, missy, are getting a watch! 
Now, I'm not necessarily one way or the other on Chrysalis/Twilight, but your writing style is pretty fun, and your plot concept is interesting.
3533206 So you are reading it? Double negatives for the win!
3533215 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I never actually watched 1st or 2nd gen, but I've picked up a few things from other authors. I've only watched the parts of gen 3 I can find on YouTube (if only there was more!) And gen 4. I actually wish I was a girl sometimes, but sadly I'm not. So yeah, I'm not exactly a missy... Lol... (I'm weird, I know).
3533286 I'm adopting you in my mind as Queen Chrysalis, hence the "missy."
That's really awesome, and even if you've not watched any of it, I give you kudos regardless! 
(My apologies, as I should have explained that. I'm in the habit of assigning people nicknames in my head, and your icon sealed that matter for me before I could think more on the matter.)And hey, for someone who's not watched any of the previous gens, that's not a bad thing!3533323 That makes much more sense now, I'm sure we've all done that before. I would watch more if I could find more, but alas I cannot, so I am forced to learn from other authors.
Ooo~ I like this. No... I love it!
3533363
Again, my apologies for the confusion.
That's how I've learned about the FIM comic series.
Well, if you get a chance to watch any of Gen 1, I WILL recommend the pilot "movie," which is called "Escape From Castle Midnight." It was probably the best thing from the original series, and worth a watch. Gen 2... I personally think that you're not missing a lot as far as that is concerned, but that's just my personal opinion. I personally feel like Gen 2 had terrible writing. But hey, nothing wrong learning from others, either!
And once again, I look forward to more of your story here!
3533404 I'ts alright, no harm done. I'll be sure to look it up in my spare time, thanks for telling me about it! My update schedule is sporadic at best, but I do have an idea of where I want this to go so you shouldn't have to wait more then a week for me to update, maybe more, maybe less.
3533400 I'm glad you enjoyed it!
A little fast for my taste but I will follow and see where this goes.
3533495 Yeah, I'm not good with writing slow paced fanfics, which is why I prefer to write oneshots. If you hate fast paced then you'll despise the next chapter, it's like two months after this one. Time skips for the win!
enjoying this so far, looks really promising, can't wait for more!
3533975 I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've begun writing the 2nd chapter, can't say for sure when I'll finish it however.
defiantly keeping an eye on this one nice work.
3534666 Thank you! I'll do my best to not disappoint you on the next chapter. :D
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Mh... while it could come from your own imagination, the origins of your changlings are almost a one to one copy of "Miorror's Image" (minus the Discord part). Which is probably fine if you told the author.
Bats nesting on Chyrsalis? Unless Chyrsalis transform into some kind of cave or at least a stone, that's just not possible, if you consider equestrian nature at least slightly similar to our own.
The Everfree Forest is in the middle of Equestria if we are to belive the official maps. One could have used it as a border in the beginnings of pony fanfiction, but today it just seems lazy or uninformed.
1000 words are thin. While a prologue could be just that thin, for a good story your chapters should at least be thrice as thick (and I don't mean thrice more scenes, but more descriptions).
grammar and spelling seems fine.
not a bad attempt.
but well, read some of the big and popular fics and take them as examples how your fic should look like.
3540151 YES! You're amazing!
3540657
Naaah, I'm nerd. My horse is amazing, not me
3540668make more please
Bookmarked. Can't wait for more, if it comes
3543089 I'm currently editing the second chapter, it should be up in a little while.
3543093
Can't wait
3543100 Be warned, there is a two month time skip for bizarre reasons I'm still not quite sure of...lol
3543104
Won't be a problem. I enjoy filling the gaps myself
I'm just going to assume that there will soon be a flash back to the past two months to explain all that away, because otherwise having last chapter's build up and then this basically unconected chapter really doesn't
work at allmake much sense. The events of this chapter make it seem, at least wothout good explination, like the last chapter is toatally irrevalent, or even contradictory.I don't quite get it yet, but I'm optimistic for this story!
3543581 Yes there will be flashbacks, though when they will be I cannot say.
Interesting
The lack of length still bothers me but I willpower on, only if to see the future ChryLight
3543606 Well, I hope the events of the first chapter are quickly re-addressed, because that train of events had some wonderful potential, but then it just skips right over what rightfully should have been the main introduction of the story.
I'm not saying that this action is bad necissarily, but a time skip so early on doesn't allow readers to firmly build an understanding of what's going on. (read: "what the blazing tartarus hapened in the darn cave? Why does it appear that the EoH have been chasing chrysalis for two months? Why didn't Twilight ask Chrysalis this question back then?)
Of course, if the next chapter addresses the first chapter's unexplained events, then this rant is (somewhat) unnecessary. Otherwise... Well, it's your story so do what you want, but from a critique standpoint, it is just in bad form to have unaddressed timeskips so early on.
3543719 I actually had to force myself to stop writing so I could post the chapter today instead of god knows when... I'll try to make the next chapter much longer for you but no promises. :D
3543731 I've actually been debating whether or not I want to delete the first chapter and just continue on from chapter 2. I feel like chapter 1 isn't anywhere near as interesting as chapter 2, but eh, people seemed to like chapter 1 so I've kept it up there for now.
3543614 Are you positive about that?
I don't know what to say about this chapter. It feels like when just saw the final minute of a fight without being allowed to see the prior nine rounds. It also feels like there is more to Chrysalis' current situation other than Twilight's curiosity.
3543941 Yeah... I'm not sure why I had the two month time skip but eh, too late now. I can tell you right now that nothing important happened over those two months other then Chrysalis running and Twilight chasing (mostly). Whatever do you mean? I'm not sure I completely understand the second part of your review.
3543941 I forgot to tell you eariler but I went back and checked and I do have about a third of the 2nd chapter for Leave me alone will you? written, so it might not be as long as you'd think before I get off my ass and update that. :D
3543904 So the first chapter is actually no longer actually a part of this story?
...
That's a huge let down.
There have been so many "just misunderstood" and "we had to" changeling stories already, I thought this was going to be different, as that first chapter led us to believe. It had so much potential, whereas the second chapter is almost an exact copy of the beginnings of at least two other stories I've already read on the site. The whole "Chrysalis is found/ comes for aid --> she reluctantly explains the invasion was done to support a starving hive--> she stays in equestria to regain strength and learn the magic of friendship --> shipping" is already the general plot to: (at least) Queen No More, Fall of a Monarch, Even Changelings Wear Masks, and depending on interpretation Exchanging Perspectives. It's even been mixed up a bit by shipping with Cadence a bunch of times, Luna (the title of which I can't remember),Shining Armor and Cadence, and even your own Celestia.
I was hooked by the first chapter because it was not that already overdone plot.
My optimism wanes... I think the first chapter's story had a lot more potential...
3544129 I never actually said that the first chapter was no longer part of the story, I said I thought about it. You've brought up many valid points, only one problem... This was originally intended to be a Chrylight story (and still is), how else would I have made that possible if Chrysalis wasn't captured? I'm at a loss as to how else I would have done that... Oh, you went and read Transformations? Yeah, it did have overused plot elements in it didn't it?
What exactly did the first chapter lead you to believe? It might help me if I know what you see in the first chapter besides the fact that its diffrent from other stories.
3543969 What I mean by the second part is that for two months Twilight basically hunted Chrysalis down to find out why Canterlot was invaded? Also, it looks like Chrysalis is in a room instead of jail. Why? Chrysalis did almost take over Equestria after all.
3545061 Twilight is acting on her own, she never told Celestia about Chrysalis.
Edit: Twilight loves information, Chrysalis has information Twilight doesn't have... Do the math.
I truly think that this is a good story keep going
3543731 I'm making chapter 2 into an alternate story line thing just for you. The new story line will hopefully be better.
3545379 I will, I'll just be making a lot of changes to make it not have overused plot elements.
3545420
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I look forward to it.
I know you're sick of the questions but, Is Twilight alone with Chrysalis or are her friends with her?
3563380 Not really. I tried to take out all the details that mentioned Twilight's friends. Yes they're alone.
3563836 If Twilight is alone, you really need to fix this line:
3564575 Thanks for telling me, it should be fixed now.
I love the revised second chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next!
3567103 YAY!
I'm in the midst of writing it now.