Chapter 1
"Hey Twilight a movie theater just opened up in Ponyville, we have to watch a movie!" Suggested the excited Pinkie Pie. Bouncing like a rubber ball alongside Twilight, who was at the park taking a stroll with Pinkie. "We need to gather the others right away."
"That's a great idea Pinkie, we should. I have always wanted to go watch a movie with everyone, ever since I read a book that had suggestions on what friends should do together." Said Twilight Sparkle.
"Alright I'll go round up Dashie and Fluttershy while you go get Appple Jack and Rarity."
"Pinkie what kind of mo-" Before Twilight finished what she was about to say, Pinkie stood on one hoof while bringing the other three legs to her right side and then in a flash, she dashed off with amazing speed. "vie do you want...to...watch...How does she do that? I should really perform experiments on her one day and see how she does all of those weird things."
Twilight then decides to first go to Sweet Apple Acres and invite Apple Jack. She then stands on one hoof and brings her three legs to one side of her body and then she thought to herself "Now what? I guess I should swing my limbs over while pushing off my hoof?" She did what she thought, but that only resulted with her limbs stretched out in front of her and her body in midair. A few feet off the ground and then THUD! Twilight fell to the ground and every pony in the park stared at her. She then got up with a forced smile trying to act like nothing happened at all and then walked away thinking "Well, that was embarrassing."
Later, she arrived at Sweet Apple Acres where she spots Apple Jack pulling two carts full of apples. The orange earth pony sees Twilight and starts walking towards her. "Howdy Twi, what brings you here to Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Me and Pinkie were going to the new movie theater that opened up and was inviting everyone to come watch a movie with us."
"Sorry sugar cube, I'm mighty busy with all of these apples trees that needs to be bucked."
"Oh okay I guess next time then." said Twilight with a disappointed look on her face.
Twilight then walked over to Rarity's shop, opened the door, and saw Rarity snipping some high quality looking fabric. Rarity looked quite busy with a disheveled mane and bags under her eyes. Twilight then interrupts. "Rarity? is everything okay here?"
"Oh Twilight, sorry I didn't notice you came in. You see I have been up all night trying to make this wonderful dress for Sapphire Shores. Anyways what did you come here for?" asked the white pony.
"I was about to ask if you wanted to go to the movies with me and Pinkie tonight, but it seems that you are awfully busy."
"Yes I am quite busy with this dress and I am awfully sorry. It needs to be perfect for a refined mare that came from Canterlot just to buy a dress from me. Then she will then tell every pony of my wonderful fashion sense and then every pony will all come buying dresses from me." Said proudly by the ambitious Rarity.
"Okay, I guess that just leaves me, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy then." she leaves with another disappointed look. As soon as Twilight left Rarity's shop, Pinkie suddenly shows up in front of Twilight. "Hi Twilight" Twilight flinched into a scared position with her two front hoofs covering her face. "Any luck getting Apple Jack or Rarity.?"
"Pinkie don't do that you really scared me. Anyways Apple Jack and Rarity are both busy and how about Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?"
"Well Dashie said that she would go with us except that she got asked to go up to Cloudsdale needing her help and Fluttershy couldn't go because Angel was sick and she had to take care of him.
"I guess that just leaves you and me."
"What about Spike?"
"Well I would bring him along, except that he's sick and he's sleeping soundly in his bed."
"So it's just the two of us. Lets go now and check the time when the movies are going to start."
The two ponies head over to the movie theater and they asked each other which movie should they watch. They looked at the movie posters that were up to and tried to watch the one that tried to catch their attention. The one that caught their attention was a poster they saw with a sleeping pony at the bottom of the poster and above was a dream cloud of the colt being bounded by ropes against a wall with darkness around and nothing could be seen, except for a knife covered in blood and being lifted up by magic hanging in front of the colt that looked ready to impale him. The title says A Terrifying Slumber
"That one!" the ponies shouted while pointing. They both bought a ticket and went to the theater number and sat down in time as the movie was about to begin.
The movie told a story of a young unicorn named Incubo that had the ability to enter other ponies dreams and turn it into a nightmare. The nightmare covered everything in darkness in the pony's dream and if the pony dies in the nightmare then they die in real life. Twilight was afraid and horrified that she had trouble keeping her eyes open while watching the movie. She was brave enough to let her ears hear everything though. She heard screams of terror and a maniacal laugh that followed along with it.
Then she heard a joyful laugh as if the movie was funny. She looked over to her side to see Pinkie Pie laughing her flank off. She was laughing so hard that her sides were hurting her and she was tearing up. Of course every pony glared at the pink pony and then let out a loud "SHHHHHH."
After the movie, they both walked out of the theater and it was already night time. Twilight asked Pinkie with a puzzled expression "How in Equestria did you find that movie funny? I had a hard time watching it trying to keep my eyes open."
"Well it wasn't scary at all, if you laugh at it. Remember it's like the time we were in the Everfree Forest. It's only scary if you believe it's scary. The more ridiculous the murder was the harder I laughed. I can probably do things worse then let the people around you become zombies."
"If you put it that way I guess it makes it a lot less scary."
After the ponies said their goodbyes Twilight went immediately to bed. She had a dream with her and Pinkie. They went to the movies again and were watching the same movie. Twilight was still scared, but heard Pinkie's laugh and then she remembered what Pinkie has told her. So Twilight started laughing. Then Twilight realized that she was the only one laughing and that the movie stopped playing.
She looked over to her side to look at Pinkie, but something was terribly wrong. Pinkie was staring at Twilight's face while Pinkie's eyes were black and her pupils were small and red. She had a serious look on her face and asked Twilight "What's so Funny?" Twilight jumped up out of her seat and slowly backed up into a wall where it was only her and the pink monster that wasn't Pinkie.
The pink monster walked closer to Twilight laughing. It sounded like if it was Pinkie but only if it was more demonic. Ropes then came out from the room and each grabbed a limb and stretched out Twilight, binding her limbs to the wall with her back against it. The pink monster then laughed more and then pulled a bloody knife from under a seat. The room suddenly turned pitch black where Twilight was still against a wall. The pink monster pointed the tip of the knife towards Twilight and lets it go. The monster disappears into the darkness and the knife was being controlled by magic. Twilight was so afraid, she couldn't even talk at all. She then thought that if she died here then that means she would die in real life. Sweat starting pouring from the purple unicorn trying to break free from the ropes. The knife then flew straight to Twilight and it was about to stab her, but fortunately she caught it using magic of her own.
As she sighed in relief, the pink monster jumped from out of the darkness grabbing a hold of the knife by the grip trying to force the knife into Twilight's chest. "Die! Die! Die!" were the only words from the demonic monster. Twilight then used her magic to grab the pink monster and push it away while keeping the knife in front of Twilight still being held by her magic. She used the knife to cut through the ropes and Twilight fell into the darkness. She screamed until she landed onto something hard and it was shrouded in darkness. She couldn't tell what she landed on, but she didn't want to move at all from the fear of falling.
Twilight then shouted "Who are you?"
A maniacal laugh was heard in front of Twilight and a light that pierced through the darkness lighting up one area approximately 7 yards away from Twilight and a black cloud swirled around the lighted spot and after the mini cloud subsided, out came a black unicorn that had a white full moon on her flank. Her mane was also black and her eyes were grey as if she was blind. "I am Incubo and I have gone from town to town terrorizing ponies in their dreams. Their fear and terror only makes me stronger. After I have had my fun with the ponies, I kill them in their dreams and move on to the next victim."
"What made you so sure that you will be able to get anything from me?" stated Twilight.
"You silly little pony, I came into this town and I witnessed you and your pink friend together at the movies looking at the movie based off of me. I went in the theater and kept my eyes on you two. Then I saw you cower in fear, I enjoyed watching you cower with your eyes closed. All of that fear inside of you, all of that power I can obtain. Then I made up my mind and I chose you as my first victim."
"You think you will be able to kill me so easily? This is my dream I control what happens here!" she then used her magic to conjure five of her friends, each equipped with their necklaces that had their cutiemarks on them. Twilight then made her crown appear on her head and then they combined their attack and shot a rainbow to destroy Incubo.
Incubo screamed while being hit by the colorful rainbow. Her body was gone, no traces of her were left. Then light lit the area making the darkness go away to reveal Twilight and her friends were standing in Ponyville as if the sun came up. Twilight was relieved that it was all over, she then turned to her friends who were staring at her with black eyes. Twilight said "No it can't be. It should be over."
Incubo laughed in the background and said "It may be your dream, but I can manipulate it as well. Goodbye Twilight see you in HELL!" Her friends suddenly pounced onto Twilight as she screamed and her best friends bit pieces of her flesh off. She couldn't do anything but scream and feel pain all over her body as if her friends became flesh eating zombies.
She was then completely covered in her own blood, with her organs in her friends hooves, just gnawing away at them as if it was food. Incubo showed herself in front of Twilight once more and Twilight then watched Incubo transform into Twilight herself. Covered in blood, the fake Twilight was walking towards her with a huge demonic grin. Twilight then let out one last scream and managed to sit up straight "AHHHHHHHHH" Spike then jumped out of his bed and asked "What happened? Is everything okay Twilight?"
Twilight ignored the question and examined herself. She was fully intact and happy to see herself in her bed with the sun shining brightly outside. The only problems were that her bed was soaked with her sweat from her nightmare and she had awoken Spike who was still sick.
She looked at Spike and said "Good morning Spike" with a forced smile, she tried to laugh, trying to hide her embarrassment.
"You wouldn't believe the dream I just had."
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- moguera · 148k words · 1,172 25 · 13k views
- CoAlFire · 38k words · 1,638 39 · 22k views
- TheMightyT · 47k words · 1,323 33 · 22k views
- AdrianVesper · 109k words · 344 4 · 3.6k views
- SilverEyedWolf · 28k words · 496 9 · 6k views
- Sage Quill · 72k words · 604 16 · 8.9k views
- anonpencil · 23k words · 488 12 · 6.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.074 seconds
Total duration
658 users online
813,169 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, thanks to the picture alone i won't be getting much sleep tonight!
385467 Agreed.
It's good, i like it. Reminds me, horror wise, of the story i wrote a while back. Personally i don't think that the use of current tense from a third pony point of view works very well, but to each is own. A couple of other things. In writing, never use a number. If you are going to say 7 yards ahead, spell it out, "seven yard ahead." overall it looks better and is how it should be done. But other than that it's all very good. You get my like.
Ahn...
Well, this had a good idea, but overall it was too short, non-descriptive, and had a number of grammatical errors. If it was longer, I could have given you some more constructive advice.
Awkward, too fast, and needs a lot of work. "Approximately 7 yards away" was probably the clunkiest thing I've read in a long time, especially when touching the horror genre. I know we're in Twilight's head but that was just cringe-inducing. Keep practicing, you'll get better!
I was expecting a "Nightmare on elm street" kind of story. All I got was a dull story and a bloody scary cover image
If this story is complete, what is the purpose of naming the first chapter "Chapter 1"? Just a question...
I found Spiderses more in-depth than this.
I can't. No. Ugh.
You need to improve your english, or if not? Use it in your writing.
The idea is okay, it just needs to be written a different way.
was an okay read, i did like it.
off topic: Fimfiction little slow on submitting stories recently or just me?
386193 Indeed it has been rather slow of late...
385869 The site does that automatically if you don't give the chapter a name.
Overall the story idea was... kind of interesting, if not just a re-spin of "Nightmare on Elm Street". The execution wasn't very good, though. The word choice was limited, basic descriptions were repeated over and over, I get the feeling you didn't spell-check this, and the progression of the story was clunky and rushed. Overall, it really needs work, especially if you want to improve on your skills as a writer. There's just no atmosphere, things happen randomly and quickly and feel forced into play, which is counterproductive to the environment that a dark story is trying to give.
That wasn't disturbing to me
. Infact, I liked it.
Nice. I kind of expected a Freddy Krueger type thing but it was OK.
386277
oh so not just me then
put my story in a couple hours ago and still nothing
386705 I've got nothing new since about five hours ago
The site is moving very slow, It has done this a couple of times but I have to say this.. It was too short I often have that issue myself when writing a story, also a thing I do for one chap stories is to put the stories title as the single chapters name.
It always works better that way. But do what I suggest you do is get a good editor and never let them go.. Mine makes my stories... fabulous 
Im the idea gal and he makes it palatable to where nobody dies of grammar error over dose.
Go to bed!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltvdl40lPX1qkpbq9.gif
Seriously, this was rather poorly done. Fix the grammar, pace it better, and be more descriptive. I noticed that quite a few sentences were rather clunky, namely when introducing Incubo. Very awkward sentence structure.
The cover art drew me in. I am disappoint.
385872
okay, now I know NOT to read it, then. The first one made me jump, and then laugh a few seconds later , the last one freaked me out.
s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1ir1i8vEV1rqnr6co1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAI6WLSGT7Y3ET7ADQ&Expires=1333242860&Signature=pJwyw8UG9FqaB719ws5Ssyf3qiE%3D
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387005cdn.electricpig.com.s3-external-3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/oh-god-why.jpg
387016
Que?
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387030
L?
387033
No.
Q.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387036
R
387039
polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=50534062
Oh its on now.
A
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387042
42
387045
blogs.discovermagazine.com/discoblog/files/2011/04/poker-face-300x266.jpg
okayface.com/okay-face.jpg
You win.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Can we get a bigger picture of the creepy picture that's used? :D
I knew my story was going to suck, but I wanted to try.
Thank you for the taking the time to read my story. Comments that were positive, thank you. And comments that were negative, thank you as well. Comments that were random and off topic..........yeah....I don't know how to respond to those.
I might make another story, it may take a long time until another one is made. I have learned my mistakes from your responses and with those mistakes pointed out, I will be able to write a better story.
387240
heres the picture