Twilight was sleeping peacefully, until a nightmare invaded her subtle slumber and has given her a terrifying night nopony should have ever been in.
Chapters (1)
InsaneBrony
Joined 25th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- moguera · 148k words · 1,172 25 · 13k views
- CoAlFire · 38k words · 1,638 39 · 22k views
- TheMightyT · 47k words · 1,323 33 · 22k views
- AdrianVesper · 109k words · 344 4 · 3.6k views
- SilverEyedWolf · 28k words · 496 9 · 6k views
- Sage Quill · 72k words · 604 16 · 8.9k views
- anonpencil · 23k words · 488 12 · 6.9k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.058 seconds
Total duration
802 users online
1,205,819 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, thanks to the picture alone i won't be getting much sleep tonight!
385467 Agreed.
It's good, i like it. Reminds me, horror wise, of the story i wrote a while back. Personally i don't think that the use of current tense from a third pony point of view works very well, but to each is own. A couple of other things. In writing, never use a number. If you are going to say 7 yards ahead, spell it out, "seven yard ahead." overall it looks better and is how it should be done. But other than that it's all very good. You get my like.
Ahn...
Well, this had a good idea, but overall it was too short, non-descriptive, and had a number of grammatical errors. If it was longer, I could have given you some more constructive advice.
Awkward, too fast, and needs a lot of work. "Approximately 7 yards away" was probably the clunkiest thing I've read in a long time, especially when touching the horror genre. I know we're in Twilight's head but that was just cringe-inducing. Keep practicing, you'll get better!
I was expecting a "Nightmare on elm street" kind of story. All I got was a dull story and a bloody scary cover image
If this story is complete, what is the purpose of naming the first chapter "Chapter 1"? Just a question...
I found Spiderses more in-depth than this.
I can't. No. Ugh.
You need to improve your english, or if not? Use it in your writing.
The idea is okay, it just needs to be written a different way.
was an okay read, i did like it.
off topic: Fimfiction little slow on submitting stories recently or just me?
386193 Indeed it has been rather slow of late...
385869 The site does that automatically if you don't give the chapter a name.
Overall the story idea was... kind of interesting, if not just a re-spin of "Nightmare on Elm Street". The execution wasn't very good, though. The word choice was limited, basic descriptions were repeated over and over, I get the feeling you didn't spell-check this, and the progression of the story was clunky and rushed. Overall, it really needs work, especially if you want to improve on your skills as a writer. There's just no atmosphere, things happen randomly and quickly and feel forced into play, which is counterproductive to the environment that a dark story is trying to give.
That wasn't disturbing to me
. Infact, I liked it.
Nice. I kind of expected a Freddy Krueger type thing but it was OK.
386277
oh so not just me then
put my story in a couple hours ago and still nothing
386705 I've got nothing new since about five hours ago
The site is moving very slow, It has done this a couple of times but I have to say this.. It was too short I often have that issue myself when writing a story, also a thing I do for one chap stories is to put the stories title as the single chapters name.
It always works better that way. But do what I suggest you do is get a good editor and never let them go.. Mine makes my stories... fabulous 
Im the idea gal and he makes it palatable to where nobody dies of grammar error over dose.
Go to bed!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltvdl40lPX1qkpbq9.gif
Seriously, this was rather poorly done. Fix the grammar, pace it better, and be more descriptive. I noticed that quite a few sentences were rather clunky, namely when introducing Incubo. Very awkward sentence structure.
The cover art drew me in. I am disappoint.
385872
okay, now I know NOT to read it, then. The first one made me jump, and then laugh a few seconds later , the last one freaked me out.
s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1ir1i8vEV1rqnr6co1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAI6WLSGT7Y3ET7ADQ&Expires=1333242860&Signature=pJwyw8UG9FqaB719ws5Ssyf3qiE%3D
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387005cdn.electricpig.com.s3-external-3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/oh-god-why.jpg
387016
Que?
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387030
L?
387033
No.
Q.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387036
R
387039
polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=50534062
Oh its on now.
A
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
387042
42
387045
blogs.discovermagazine.com/discoblog/files/2011/04/poker-face-300x266.jpg
okayface.com/okay-face.jpg
You win.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Can we get a bigger picture of the creepy picture that's used? :D
I knew my story was going to suck, but I wanted to try.
Thank you for the taking the time to read my story. Comments that were positive, thank you. And comments that were negative, thank you as well. Comments that were random and off topic..........yeah....I don't know how to respond to those.
I might make another story, it may take a long time until another one is made. I have learned my mistakes from your responses and with those mistakes pointed out, I will be able to write a better story.
387240
heres the picture