I write suspense and fantasy story. Also I would write an uplifting story as well.
Rainbow Dash7,265 stories ·4,146 members
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Rewriting My Little Pony: FiM118 stories ·190 members
Rainbow Dash competes for the Equestria Games representing Ponyville with Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps. However when one of Cloudsdale teammate falls in an accident, she been called to represent Cloudsdale in his place. Now her loyalty has been put to the test as she's torn between Cloudsdale and Ponyville.
Based on the Episode written by Corey Powell
(Note: it is the episode rewritten.)
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Nope. This is just a very, very bad rewrite of an episode. You have tense switches, spelling errors, and outright homonym abuse and misunderstandings all over the place.
This Is Terrible. I can't begin to list everything wrong with it or I'll be here all night.
This paragraph alone uses three tenses in two sentences. How on earth did this even make it past the moderating guidelines?
4312876
As you looked at it. Nope.
But I'll admit yes.
Sorry, if it offends you.
4312915
maybe I should find myself an editor or something.
Oops,
4312970
That's a good idea. Try the Writing Group or "Proofreaders Wanted" to see if anyone's willing to glance at it and help you out.
Although you might need a hook other than 'it's a re-write' that's a literal re-write from beginning to end to interest other readers.
4312983
More than just a re-write.
How do you propose to do that?
4313142
Well, you can include details from before or after the episode. Or follow one of the other ponies as she walks through the episode beside Rainbow Dash.
But fanfiction tells the stories *outside* and *around* episodes of the show. People have watched Rainbow Falls (and it's one of my favorite episodes) and may not find the blow-by-blow retelling all that interesting. You need to catch their attention with something else.
4313186
Oh, Are you saying that I should write it from a different pony's point of view?
You see, my choice for this fiction would be like an adaption/analyzing along with the 'what if' scenario.
But, I suppose this will do, for I had move on to another project.
4313220
Look at it this way: Many people who come to FimFiction have seen the episode (I'm finding more who haven't, oddly). They're looking for a new tack on it and the more they enjoy your own particular take on that experience.
Or go do your other project, if it's calling you. :D
4313230
Well, I'll suppose call this take my exercise on writing.
If you look at my other projects, I wouldn't be surprised if you find them, for lack for a better word, worse.
This is good. i'm loving this.
You know what...
I'm okay with this.
I mean okay, this is your 1st experience of rewriting an episode, fixing some problems, and few problems are still there (For Example; Spike didn't go with them.), but still, it's actually a pretty good decent rewrite fanfic, Not Amazing, but good.
5139825
Thank you very much.
5139869 You're Welcome.
Well I like how you wrote the wonderbolts here, it is great
5847305
Thank you. That is almost kind of the purpose for writing this.
Fluttershy is from Cloudsdale..
The biggest flaws weren't with the wonderbolts but rarity and applejack. The players have to practice in order to at least make a qualifying time but they were being distracted by them while they were practicing.