Colin McRae Equestria Rally

by JustDing

Mitsubishi Lancer Evo Vii Rally Car, Crystal Empire, Component Testing (Tyres)

"Discord!" Celestia said in rage.

"Yeah, that's my name." the dragonequus said with a friendly wave. "Hi there, princess!"

Celestia's horn crackled with enough energy to send Discord to Tartarus, then back because he forgot his sunglasses and a snack and some instant tea powder.

"You will face your punishment, you... animal!" she hissed through her teeth and was about to unleash the energy at the dragonequus.

"Wow, wow, Princess! It's not my fault! It was your student who opened a incomplete interdimensional portal for inphysical materiel, not me!" Discord said quickly as he held his mismatiching claws/paws up.

As Celestia heard that, she instantly ceased her magic and looked into his yellow eyes. "Twilight opened... what again?"

Discord breathed in and out to calm himself. He was just greeting the princess of the sun, but she tried to attack just at the plain sight of him.

"Princess, I assure you I'm as deep in the mess as you. I want to get out of here, too. But at first, please listen to me." Discord said calmly. "I'm going to tell you everything, but under following conditions."

"I'm all ears."

"Okay. At first, take your crown and regalia off. And also shorten your mane and tail. We are taking a ride..." Discord said with a smugful smile.

Celestia was appalled at that, but before she could respond, Discord snapped with his talons... and the whole scenery changed in a instant.

Instead of a plain white abyss, they were standing in some kind of rocky environment. Large mountains surrounded them and the temperature was chilling. Dust hung in the air and it made Celestia coughing a little.

"Where are we?" Celestia asked confused. She did not know this part of Equestria at all.

"We are in a country called Greece, princess."

"Greece? Of all in my years of life, I've never heard this country before."

Discord laughed. "Yeah, because this is not Equestria. We are on a planet called Earth... where the humans are coming from."

Her eyes widened as she looked around again. It did not look different at all...

Discord snapped again and one of those feared vehicles spawned onto a nearby pea gravel path. While Celestia was still looking around, he cleared his throat to gain her attention. As she turned to him, he stepped into the vehicle and waved with a claw to her to get in as well.

She hesitated, but she then stepped in, too. After she sat down onto the seat, she shifted around with her body until she found a position which was comfortable for her, despite the fact that the seat was made for bipedals.

Her long horn bothered her, as it was forcing her to twist her head to the side which was rather unhealthy for her neck. And her ludicrously long mane and tail filled almost the whole inside of the car. It looked like a gigantic fluffy multicolored piece of candy cotton was placed on the passenger side.

Discord sighed. "Please, just do what I said. It's for your own good."

Celestia glared at him. She was unwilling to change her appearance for this awkward situation. But what else she was supposed to do? She sighed annoyed, then with a quick flash of magic, her royal regalia, her crown, her wings and her horn disappeared. At the same time, her long mane and tail were also decreasing in length, until they were just around the right size for her body. Then she put on the seatbelt, too. Safety comes always first.

"Happy?" she asked. Now without her horn, she didn't need to tilt her head anymore, but she could only perform basic telekinesis. In order to use her full extend of magic once again, she had to re-summon her horn.

"Why? It was only for your own good." Discord said.

Celestia snorted and rolled her eyes. "Now I can finally have some answers. My first and obvious question is what are these vehicles and why are they racing around in Equestria?"

Discord's response came quick. "Well, these things are called 'Cars' and they are performing a competition called 'Rally Driving'. In this competition, the drivers are driving a course as quickly as they can."

Well, that question has been solved rather easily for Celestia. But there are many other questions which she wanted to ask...

Before she could ask, Discord summoned a key up. He put it in some kind of lock and turned it around. Then the engine came to life as it let out a roar. Celestia winced a little and held herself at the seatbelt as the car started to move.

Discord looked to her and laughed. "Don't worry, I practised well enough. I know what I'm doing. Besides, we are only driving 30 kilometres per hour currently."

"Still too fast..." Celestia thought. Discord gripped the steering wheel with paws/claws, while he controlled the gear shift with his tail.

"Okay... next question," Celestia said after she gulped. "Why there are two drivers in each vehicle?"

"Driver and Co-Driver are working together. Rallying is not just about driving like a lunatic. It's about trusting each other. The driver trusts the co-driver's pacenotes and the co-driver trusts the driver that he keeps the car under control at high-speeds." Discord explained.

This surprised Celestia. She was thinking that the humans were just driving for scaring her little ponies, but she did not thought that there is so much behind that facadé...

"Okay... uuuuhm... you said something about a portal. Care to explain more?" Celestia asked, not taking her eyes from the road ahead of the car.

"Of course. Well, like I said before, Twilight is fully responsible for all this. She was the one who opened a incomplete interdimensional portal for inphysical materiel. Incomplete, because the cars have limited interaction abilities here in Equestria, for example they can't damage a house or something like that. And mainly, we don't have a direct access to the portal." Discord said without looking up to her.

"Inphysical materiel... does that mean that the cars weren't present at all?" she asked confused. "Why we can't just close the portal?"

"The cars were halfway present... it is much more complicated. Let's just leave it at that. And I would not recommend to search for the portal in order to close it. Or do you want to end on a round piece of plastic as ones and nills?" he said in a warning tone.

Celestia did not understand what Discord was intending, but he sounded serious.

As she wanted to ask what he meant with plastic, Discord looked at the instrumental panel... and smirked. "... we are too slow. Let's speed things up."

Suddenly Celestia was pushed into her seat as the car accelerated quickly to a much greater speed. The solar princess could not help herself but to hold on onto the seatbelt with her forehooves while she was screaming silently for herself. And all those shakes and bumps were not helping her much either.

---

Crystal Empire - Component Testing

Crystal Tyres (for dry surfaces)

Mitsubishi Lancer Evo Vii Rally Car

A new mixture for tyres has been invented to guarantee maximum control on dry crystal surfaces. A successfully passed test is needed in order to unlock them for later stages.

-=(0)=-

Shining Armor was happy with his life. It has been a few weeks since Queen Chrysalis' banishment and King Sombra's defeat and everything seemed to be peaceful now, especially in the Crystal Empire because all ponies are literally beaming with happiness. It could not have gone better.

The door opened and his wife Mi Amore Cadenza came trotting into the office room and Shining gave her a heartwarming smile.

"How are you today and what are our subjects up to, honey?" Shining asked.

"Fine, like always. Our subjects are doing good after the Sombra incident and recovering. The Crystal Heart also gives them new hope in their very souls." she said with a smile.

"That's good to hear..." Shining said and they rubbed their snouts together in a cute display.

This touching moment was interrupted as a loud and rapid knocking came from the door, before a Crystal Guard stepped into the room. "Prince Shining and Princess Cadance, we have a emergency situation in our hooves!"

Shining and Cadance looked at the guard like he had grown a second head. But then they snapped out of their thoughts and Shining stepped forward. He was not a captain anymore, but he always kept his way of thinking for the safety of ponykind.

"What is it, private?"

The guard pointed a hoof to the direction of the entrance of the city. "There is some kind of metallic chariot and there are two hairless apes in it. They seem to plan something..."

Shining and Cadance looked at each other. Hairless Apes? A new breed of monkeys sitting in a chariot? They had to look after it.

With a nod, they crossed their horns. A flash of pink and blue magic erupted from the tips of their horns and they were quickly engulfed in it. And with another flash, they were gone...

"Well, great." the guard said huffing. "It took a while to get here, upstairs and all, and then they teleported themselves to the entrance within an instance."

Notice, the guard was a earthpony.

---

*PING!*

Shining and Cadance let go of each other and rubbed their eyes once. Even with closed eyelids, the bright flash can still be disorienting.

"Your highnesses, over here!" somepony yelled. They turned to the voice.

Flash Sentry and his colleagues were currently guarding the vehicle. The tried to open the doors to order the apes to get out of there, but the doors kept closed. Knocking did not help to get the creatures attention, and trying to break the windows only ended up with a broken spear.

"We tried everything, even pushing the chariot didn't help. We don't think they pose a threat, but we need to be careful, majesty." Flash said with a stoic expression.

"Those are the hairless apes?" Shining asked as he trotted up to the vehicle.

Cadance gave a short laugh. "Oh Shiny, those creatures are called humans."

"Hyoomans?" Shining turned to his wife. Cadance nodded and said "Humans are a long forgotten and mysterious race. Ponykind had only a very few encounters with them, but I think that they mean no harm."

Shining looked back at the humans inside the vehicle and held up a hoof, before he knocked at the window of the human to the right.

He completely ignored Shining's knocking.

"Everything we tried to make them even look at us failed. They don't give us the slightest of interest, my prince. I think they are acting rude." Flash said as he gave the human a disapproving look.

Shining wanted to respond, but a roar cut him off. All ponies, even Shining, jumped away from the vehicle in shock and Cadance's horn flared up with magic in instinct. However, Shining positioned himself in front of his wife and conjured up a stun spell if the humans turned out to be a threat. They could see that the vehicle was slightly vibrating and a unlovely smell came from the tube under the vehicle.

Five!

All ponies looked around in seek for the source of the voice.

Four!

"It comes from the humans!" Cadance pointed out.

Three!

Shining gritted his theeth. The humans were seeming to plan something diabolical...

Two!

Some guards positioned themselves in front of it and pointed their spears at the radiator.

One!

Time seemed to slow down. What would come next? Attack?

Go!

The vehicle gave a otherwhordly howl as it's wheels screeched loudly. All guards fled in terror and the only left were Shining, Cadance and of course Flash Sentry, who was too shocked to move. The vehicle jumped forward and onto the main road of the city...

Twenty five left, opens into hundred straight, then caution two left, don't cut.

"What in Tartarus is this about?!" Shining asked slightly scared.

"I don't know, but..." Cadance tried to say something, but then her ears caught the screams of terror of many ponies. Her ponies, her subjects.

If something Cadance despised the most, it was when someone was causing terror under innocent ponies. Either when it were Changelings trying to invade or humans driving in a loud chariot of Tartarus.

"Shining, go, mobilize the guards! I will take care of my subjects!" Cadance ordered. Shining nodded and went off with Flash Sentry...

Then, with a few powerful flaps of her wings, she took off into the air...

The vehicle was driving at top speed through the main road. Every single pony instantly bolted out of its way, shouting in fear. Foals were grabbed, newspaper were dropped, as everypony galloped inside stores or their houses as the horrorfying vehicle drove past them.

Then the vehicle made a slight yerk to the left, then to the right and again to the left before it slided screeching into a alleyway without losing speed.

Even Cadance was surprised. The streets of the city consisted of flat crystal. While it looked majestic and was easy to clean, it had only one very obvious downside: It was slippery. And even more when it was raining. Of course, some chariots and carts had now wheels with rubber, and some stores even sell now horseshoes made of rubber, but the risk of slipping was still present.

And those humans with their chariot drove with more than one-hundred kilometres per hour and did not have any troubles to keep it under control onto the crystal surface.

But the pony's minds were on stake, because the vehicles single presence could bring back remories of Sombra's times in some elderly ponies...

With determination written all over her face, Cadance landed on top of the driving vehicle and...

... that was pretty much everything she could do. She did not know that she would come that far.

Sixty six left tightens in turn two left.

Cadance blinked. What did it mean?

Then she looked on the road ahead. A slight bend came and the vehicle drove right into it. She had to shift her weight to the left due of the momentuum forces. A lot of ponies gave the princess of love odd looks. It did not happen every day that they could see a alicorn standing on top of a scary chariot.

But then the road narrowed and went sharper and Cadance felt her hooves losing grip, so she took off once more into the air...

Thirty four right into left junction, don't cut.

Her eyes widened as she looked up to the tower, where the crystal heart was located. The humans were going to drive right to the tower, propably to steal it or something else!

Before she could even think of a plan, the vehicle drifted screeching into a alleyway which led directly to the clearing to the tower. And Shining was still mobilizing the guards. So there was only one last option...

Taking more effort into her flapping, she zipped forwards, over the racing vehicle and landed down in front of the podium with the crystal heart. Charging a powerful spell into her horn, she aimed it at the upcoming vehicle.

The vehicle shot out sideways from the alleyway. The forewheels steered against the it's drift and then it accelerated towards the tower...

Cadance let the magic loose and the beam shot forwards. It was just a powerful stun spell and she hoped that it would knock the humans and their chariot out. But to her utter shock, the magic bounced off harmlessly against the body and dissipated into nothingness. The vehicle aimed straight for her and Cadance was too shocked to move.

One hundred straight into finish.

The vehicle took a last screeching turn, before it made a more screeching halt just right in front of Cadance and made contact with her snout with it's side.

Cadance fainted in shock.

At that moment, the vehicle disappeared into thin air and Shining came out from another alleyway with at least ten guards, all of them were ready to fight. The ex-captain spotted his wife snoring peacefully on the ground and he shook his head.

"That's typical. I must take care of everything while she holds her beauty nap..."

-=(0)=-

TEST PASSED

NEW TYRES HAVE BEEN UNLOCKED

---

"DISCOOOOORD!" Celestia yelled as the car drove over a light jump. She stayed quiet for most of the time, but the jump was the last straw for her. The God of Chaos only laughed and resumed his driving, but this time he slowed down.

"Stop this madness in an instant!" Celestia ordered firmly. Disord looked at her briefly and noticed the slight green tint in her white face. Sighing in dismay, he slowed down to a stop and Celestia tried to undo the seatbelt. But the belt held firmly and soon she stopped trying.

Discord sighed and pushed the button down where the seatbelt was connected to some kind of lock. With a *click!*, the seatbelt undid itself and let Celestia go. She opened the door and rushed out.

She did not vomit up her stomach, she just needed some fresh air.

Discord walked up next to her. "How do you feel?"

"Better. The jump was too much." she replied and breathed in and out. Soon enough, she felt well once again.

"So how we can get out of here?" Celestia asked as she looked up to Discord.

Discord frowned. This confused Celestia, because she never saw him frowning ever before.

"What is it? We can return to home, can't we?"

"I'm afraid to say, but we are trapped for all eternity here..."

Celestia's eyed widened in shock. But before she could think of anything, Discord spoke up once more... and those words shocked Celestia to her very core.

"Unless you participate to some rallies."

Celestia's eyes grew to the size of frying pans. It was only methaphorical, but her emotions and thoughts were in a conflict. Of course she was glad to hear that there was a way to get back home... but she did not have the slightest hint of a idea how a rally works.

For her, it was just driving in a noisy dirty metallic chariot like a maniac.

"No. NO! No no no! Nein! I can't do that! I don't know how to drive this thing nor I want to! By my mother, no!" Celestia said appalled as she took a step backwards. She felt like she was thrown right into the middle of some random fiction.

"I was expecting this kind of reaction of yours." Discord said "But just think of the upsides. You can experience human technology first-hoof without the help of your beloved student and feel high speeds without flying. And mainly, you can finally do something else than ruling. Just think of it."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. He was right. Of course it sounded weird that a pony princess would drive a foreign powerful vehicle, but that would led to new findings of otherworldly top-notch technology. And the only experience of high speed was from flying with her wings.

And to her own dismay, curiosity worked its way up to her mind. She has always been a princess, a ruler of a country, most of her lifetime. So why not letting go of that task for a moment and trying something new? This was her only chance, to show herself she was capable of more than being a princess, and it was also the ticket to get out of this strange place.

Grumbling with her voice, she hung her head. "Mrmrrrmr... hmph, okay."

Discord rubbed his paws and claws together and smiled in glee. "Oooh, this is gonna be good."

"What did you say?"

He cleared his throat like he was a expert of a specific topic. "However, there is still a little problem... you need someone who knows how to drive. Of course you can't know how to drive nor to control a rally car. Your task will be providing the driver with advanced knowledge of the road ahead, thus making you to a co-driver."

Celestia nodded. "Understood..."

Discord smiled, then he snapped and a college block appeared in his claws. He then handed it over to her "Here. The pacenotes are already written down."

She took it with her hooves and opened it. Almost all pages were filled with arrows, lines, "L"s and "R"s, numbers and exclamation marks. At first, frustration took over her mind, but then she remembered what Pinkie Pie had said...

"An occurrence in metres, bend and which gear, warning, jump..." she mumbled. And it was pretty easy to understand... she got it. The only thing that might be buggering was how to tell them in the right time, but she would develop a feeling for that.

"What else?" she asked. Discord snapped again and two helmets with built-in headsets appeared in his magical grasp.

"The cockpit of a rally car can be noisy. You will need them. It will also protect that thick head of yours." he smirked.

"Don't push your luck..." she warned with a stern expression. He tried to hold back his laughter as he handed her helmet over. Without hesitation, she wore it on. It fit like it was built for her and the insides were softly padded. It did not give her a awkward feeling.

"Well, then let's get started." Celestia said and went to the car. But Discord did not move from his place.

"What is it? Are we driving or not?" she asked.

But Discord only laughed. "Oh, Celestia, maybe you didn't realize, but I'm still too unexperienced with rally cars. I won't drive with you. By the way, this car isn't built and safe enough for a rally."

This confused her even more. "But who should I drive with?"

Discord smirked, then he snapped with his claw. "Drive with HER!"

Just as he snapped, a portal appeared. It's inner walls were totally black, but Celestia noticed a wave of green symbols which decorated the inner side. Just then, a black creature fell out of the vortex and landed on the ground with a "Umph!". The portal then disappeared again and left no trace of its existence.

Celestia's eyes widened in shock as she made out the creature's features...

Gnarled horn, crown-like antenna, insectoid wings, green double-iris eyes and cheese-like hooves...

Author's Note:

I think it's very obvious who might it be... how she would react?

Vote: What car should appear in the next chapter? (Note: Only the cars which are in Colin McRrae Rally 04 or Colin McRrae Rally 2005!)

Comments

[A lost anonymous]

oooooooooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaaah.......... bout time the equestrians get a good hook with rally racing

[JohnIsOffline]

I think it's very obvious who might it be... how she would react?

dunno, do I look like I'm good at logging in?
static1.fjcdn.com/comments/Dunno+do+i+look+like+i+m+good+at+logging+in+_a4b0f5b51857a215db83fcf62cbfd9a7.jpg

[Lord Legion]

Wow this is getting really good. Of course it would have been Twilight screwing up a spell that causes these events ha!

"No. NO! No no no! Nein! I can't do that!

Lol didn't know Celestia knew German. That's cool.

So you mentioned to vote for a type of car in the next chapter. From Colin Mcrae Rally 2005, I liked that Shogun Montero Rally Raid. I liked that Lancia Delta Integrale, but once Rally Raid tier vehicles show up, I tend to go for those.

[Diatosta]

A car for the next chapter? I would say Ford Transit Citröen 2CV the MG Metro 6R4
I mean, just look at this beauty :P
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b9/MG_Metro_6R4_001.JPG

[Blaster M]

What is this I dont even

[luksor22]

Nice story, good job...👍

[Coranth]

... and then Chrysalis and Celestia actually start to bond over Rally Racing! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[-Brutus]

I would love to see what Chrissy and Tia will do on this stage!

[Starkiler]

continue with this story please it's really cool I really loved this story please 👍 :)