LOVE MY LITTLE PONY!! Im def a brony :D
When spike finally goes into hibernation he is woken after 100 years to learn his friends have moved on, but not without showing him they love him, he goes on a quest for each friends piece of the puzzle to save himself and Equestria!
http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=PZZNDiU9ljw listen to this while you read.
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I can see that you felt that way but that's just the epilogue.
Okay this wasn't actually that bad, but it definitely needs some work. For one thing you need to actually format your work. For another you need to reword some stuff so it isn't so vague. Some of the events seemed a little abrupt and random. And the ending was vague too. Did he die or go back in time? Or was it all a dream?
It's all right, but like I said it needs work. Keep at it.
hmm.. good story.. i think that spike went back to the past anyway.. but seriously need formatting the paragraph..
This letter right here. Manly tears have been shed.
Thank you for all the feedback everyone! I really appreciate it! Any suggestions on what I should do next would be appreciated!
You need to write a hell of a lot longer chapters, for one. You have eight chapters and you're not even three thousand words. Either consolidate them or put more effort into writing something extensive. Your longest part is just over 500 words; a lot of people could write synopses that long. My stories average about three to five thousand words - eight thousand is my longest, fourteen thousand if you consider both parts - and I'm still inferior to some writers.
In sort, write longer.
Well this is my first one, I appreciate the feedback though
you know you could combine the paragraphs also theres a indent button that should make it easyier for peaple to read
I did indent though...
wait the last chapter said 75 views now it says 81
Pretty good chapter! My only advice is to clean up your paragraphs a bit (i.e. when someone is talking it's better if you start their dialogue on the next line).
Oh! And --->
forgot somepony in mane 6
383770 Thank you that is what I was looking for! I wanted someone to give me an example!
383801
No prob! Maybe you can use that technique in your next Story
383808 I'm planning on it! I just wish my brain would think of some good stories! haha
this is sad if it can break my hard cold heart
387558 Awh thanks bro haha it means a lot!
I don't understand; Princess Celestia has been alive and of mare's age for thousands of years, how is she suddenly old?
Good story, only one little thing; Spike was never at the Ruins where they first found the elements, remember? He was asleep at the library.
Regardless, interesting premise, it's just a little rough around the edges.
389047 Yeah I know but Celestia told Spike to go to the ruins and well meh haha it was my first story I finished it in one day xD
so what exactly happened at the end? did he die or go back in time?
390106 sounds like his friends came back for him
what a happy ending made me tear up again
390106 He went back in the past :)
yea this chapter kinda..ehhhhhhh
wait a minute, even if aj and mac are dead, what happen to the apple family that the business and farm died? I kinda find it hard to believe neither AJ, AB, or even big mac didnt have a single child that could or would want to continue to run the business.
You could have defined a few things a lot more, thats what I think anyways.
this really pulled at my heart stings I think im going to cry
Twilight sparkle not sparkles. This story I getting sad...