Chaptr 1
Hi, my name is Star Shadow Thunder. I have a dark black coat and a red and yellow mane. Mu cutie mark is a blue shield with a crescent moon shape on it, with lightning behind it. It means I am meant to rule and protect. I am an alicorn, but nopony knows why. I was born as a pegasus. But when I was like ten years old I started to grow a horn.
My parents hated me because of it, so they beat me with sticks because they were jealous of me, because I was an alicorn now when they were just boring earth ponies. All earth ponies are really stupid. They don't know anything about how cool it is to be an alicorn. I like pegasi, they are really cool, and unicorns are ok too.
When I learned to use my magic, I killed the three of my parents in their sleep and I got my cutie mark from it. When the Royal Guard came asking me what happened, I told them that I was being beaten and hurt, so I killed my parents. They agreed that my parents deserved it, so I got off free.
So then I left to find out who I wanted to be in life. I went to Canterlot and met the princess. She made friends with me as soon as I arrived and I spent a long time living with her. I always saw the princess' little student walking around the castle. She always would blush and look away when I looked at her. I always loved her but she was kind of a bitch to other ponies.
Now she is an alicorn, I want to do something I have wanted to do for a long time.
"Twilight," I say as I walk up to her.
"Yes?" she says.
"Will you marry me?" I ask.
"Yeah," she says and jumps into the air flapping her wings. She falls on her face and we kiss.
The next day she will took me to her place in Ponyville. It's a big tree filled with books. There's a dragon in there when I get there!
I guess that he wants to kill Twilight, so I fire up my magic and shoot it in the head.
It explodes everywhere, and it is dead then.
"Oh my God, you killed Spike," says Twilight.
"It was going to kill you," I said.
"No, it was my pet dragon," she says.
"Oh" I said. "Don't worry, I can bring it back to life."
I make my magic come from my horn using magic, and I pick up the pieces of dragon from the ground. I say something in an old language that only I know how to speak, and then the dragon is back.
"Thank you for saving me," It said.
"No bother," I said back.
Twilight hugs me and we kiss again.
Then we go to her room to do things under the covers.
We are out in Ponyville the next day, and we go to the apple farm. A pony comes out. She is orange and kind of sexy, but then I see that she is an earth pony.
I shoot her with my dark thunder magic and she is dead then.
"You killed Aplejack," says Rainbow Dash.
"She was an earth pony," I said, "So I killed her."
"It's alright. She was a bitch anyway," says Rarity.
"I agree," said Fluttershy.
Then Pinkie Pie appears, saying 'forever' and I kill her too, because she is an earth pony.
Everyone cheers for me, and I am happy.
Suddenly, Twilight's dragon shows up, and he pukes out a scroll. I pick it up and read it.
Dear Star Shadow
We have been captured by Sombra and Discord and Chrysalis. They are really strong, but we know you are stronger, even stronger than Twilight and us, so we need you to come save us.
From Princess Luna and Celestia
"Oh no!" said Twilight.
"It will be ok, because I am here, and I am indestructible," I said.
"Well, let's go on down and get the princesses y'all," said Applejack.
We all get ready to go when Twilight stops me.
"I'm pregnant," she says.
"That's amazing!" I said.
"I hope it doesn't die when we kill Discord," she says, scared.
"It won't," I say. Then I pick her up and fly away with her on my back.
I am flying for an hour, when I see that there are changelings flying around. I shoot one with my magic and it explodes. The others all turn into me and start shooting magic at me. Fortunately, their magic is really weak, so it doesn't do anything to me.
I gather all my magic using my horn and magic, and shoot out a wave of magic that gets rid of all the changeling magic that the changelings are using to make their changeling magic disguise.
But then I see that Twilight was a changeling the whole time. I see a pair of changelings flying away with Twilight, and they threaten to kill her in their changeling language, which I understand because languages is my special talent.
I teleport over to Twilight and punch the changelings. My hooves are hard like diamond, so I break their shells. They start crying and fly away.
"You're all just a bunch of meanies," I called after them.
"You saved me," said Twilight.
"I know," I said, and we kiss passionately.
A changeling comes at me. I hit it with a back hoof and its head falls off and it is is dead then.
"You are so strong and sexy," says Twilight.
"I know I am really awesome," I say, stroking her mane.
We land on a cloud and do the dirty.
Then while we are doing it, Rainbow Dash comes down and says, "That looks fun! Can I join in?"
Twilight says 'no' but I say 'yes'.
So Rainbow joins us for a threesome.
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What the fuck is wrong with his forelegs and hindlegs?
*Sees title*
*Quietly shimmies away*
By the way, his body looks broken...just a bit
dat pic cannot be unintentional @_@
I'm calling dibs on the Rage Review
Nope.
I read the first few words and quickly noped out of here.
Please tell me this story was supposed to be crap?
bbsimg.ngfiles.com/19/22736000/ngbbs4dba52795799c.jpg
Not going to waste time on a blatantly obvious troll.
s.mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-1963398-1-mlfw1237_Twilight_Sparkle_nope_nope_nope.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5074-1338042230311528.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdinf8SpzB1qksov3.gif
Yes, three nope gifs are necessary for the nope that is happening right now.
Brilliantly awful. Thank you for adding to the already growing pile of junk. At least we know you're not serious!
Brilliantly awful. Thank you for adding to the already growing pile of junk. At least we know you're not serious!
4068450 4068477 4068454 4068437 4068446>>4068520 4068548
all of you people are beeng mean to me. i tried really hard and your not even giving me tips on how to do better. your just calling me a 'troll' and i dont even now what tat is.
Wait...
Is this actually not a troll fic?
This IS actually your first story...
Wow
Wow... I left this story for two seconds to check something out. I come back and it already has even more dislikes.
Please for the love of God fix that retarded pony's legs. I can't look at it without fucking laughing and I feel bad for doing so.
4068557
lol
4068586
The cover art is a dead giveaway, but you're free to play innocent all you want.
I can't decide which hind leg is more fucked up
4068586
>kills Spike and brings him back
>nobody cares
>kills Applejack and Rainbow Dash says it's okay because she was a bitch anyway
Uh huh totally not trolling.
4068586
I apologize right now before you even say anything to me. I'm sincerely sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.
The reason they're calling you a troll is because of how overdone your OC is. I haven't gotten to pass the first paragraph because it's been done so many times before. I'm not trying to be mean either. It's just a fact. I do apologize for my comments though.
Troll: One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument
4068586 Either take it down or delete it. I won't mention everything that has to be fixed because I would be here all day. Just...remove this abomination. Then again, I guess we need shit like this to appreciate the half decent stuff.
I turned away for two seconds. All I have to say now is who the fuck liked this?
Considering I run a group all about OCs and have seen some DAMN bad OCs come through along with very obvious Mary Sues, congratulations, you are the first that made me actually want to tear my eyes away from what I was reading.
>DAT COVER ART.
24.media.tumblr.com/3da083db852e9bdb60ad98d5aae1715b/tumblr_my8bbzUsrx1smhyxpo1_400.gif
Oh, well that bodes well doesn't it?
Why is spell check so foreign to people? It's practically built right in to basically every browser now.
I actually read this and my fourth comment will be the final one I put on this story.
You just fucking took out two of the main characters of MLP: FiM within 10 seconds of reading.
They didn't even do anything! Just "she was an earth pony so I killed her." Everyone else couldn't be any fuckin' happier! "She was a bitch anyway"
...
Really?
Oh, and Spike blew up too. But got put back together in a few seconds. Twilight, who is essentially his mother/sister, gave an absolute amount of 0 fucks when her adopted son/brother just fucking exploded.
I'm done. I'll have to agree that you're a troll.
4068599 ill fix the fucking image if it will make you stop acussing me of being a 'troll'
For fuck sake, are there no original trolls anymore? All people like you do is copy the same type of shit over and over again.
Ok... This story...
Wait... Let me take my rage on a chimera...
Ok I'm back...
Let's do this.
Oh a disclaimer if you decide to talk back. I am here to help not hurt but if you dont see it that way then I will hurt... One and only warning...
First of all the grammar and spelling errors are way too high...
You said you booted your first editor. Well you might of needed him... Like now.
The way this story was written was atrocious and just made me uncomfortable all the way.
Your OC just goes out there to kill and marry twilight.. What?
This message is bad in itself but really ... These characters are way too OOC for their own good.
Your OC was conceptually flawed by a long shot here.
He's bland and violent ... For real.
And also using pony creator doesn't cut it here. This wasn't a great idea because people on this site check out these things with disgust.
The concept has been done millions of times already and the OC too...
This story was bad... I don't usually say this but my advise is to completely redo all of this madness I see before me and do it for your own good.
This site is for well done stories not a story to wish fulfill your personal fantasy. And in fact this is why this site is so critical of stories in the first place... Because of stories like this...
I will not down vote here because I don't want to.
You sir have to really see your own work and judge it and quickly decide what route you have to take here.
Anyways brohoof and hopefully this story will get fixed ..
Oh and to add.. I don't think you're a troll... I can tell that you really meant to write this...
Dis fic gave me diabeetus.
4068700 That's because you are a troll.
These comments are really funny
And you just know there'll be that one like because the person feels bad for this dude.
This story is too ogrebearing.
4068700
Shouldn't have needed fixing because anyone sensible wouldn't have put that up anyway, no cover art would be better.
4068593 No, it's a troll fic.
4068703 knowing today's kids... I can see him not being a troll... More like a psychotic like person who writes to self fulfill a sexual fantasy... Kids these days...
4068738 knowing today's kids... I can see him not being a troll... More like a psychotic like person who writes to self fulfill a sexual fantasy... Kids these days... Like I said to berry punch...
4068741 I would really hope not... then again if he is legit, he's probably a CoD kid. But I am betting on this being a terrible trollfic.
4068742 This.
4068599 its gone now. are you happy? i have a really sucky com puter and it made the pic weird. it wasnt mi fault.
4068755 Damn kiddies on fimfiction
4068586 Black and red alicorn OC! You already get a downvote! This is taboo on Fimfiction. Just no.
4068732
Dude, I feel bad. I can't tell whether this guy is a troll or not. If it's a harmless little 8 year old then I believe I'm going to Hell. I'm kind of hard pressed to believe he's a troll due to the fact that SPIKE FUCKING EXPLODED!!
What in the ever-living fuck was going on in the author's head?
Even if someone feels bad, a story like this should be condemned and cast to the unholy fires of Hell for all eternity.
No one on this planet should like this story. At least, thumbs up wise. If they like it then that's their prerogative.
who would like dis?
4068772 have you read my review... even though it was half drunk written because i am half drunk ... just read it plz....
4068772 Damn, you are a really fucking terrible troll.
4068772 Your computer has nothing to do with how you see the image, you know that right?
4068778 yes a taboo if you post a pic...
4068755 By the way I like your avatar
4068763 i usually dont ... i have seen the internet and enough in psychology to see where this is going
4068764 This fic broke my spirit