The Adventures of Gary Stu

by SonOfTheNorthe

Gary Stu and the Prisoner of Shatstone Hall.

Gary Stu was sitting in his room, on a cold, rainy day. He was a 20 year old male, with short, dark brown hair, a ripped body, and an undying love for My Little Pony, physics and algebra homework, and having feelings. Gary decided it was pony time, so he went to his computer, went to Youtube and looked up his favorite episode. However, as soon as he clicked the link, his sphincter had a tingly feeling and started to clench. He promptly paused the video, got off his leather seat, and went to take a poop.

"HRRRGGG! HHRRAAAHH!! UUNNGG!!!", he shouted with incredible fury and passion, as he tried to expel his anus of the brown waste. Outside, he heard a the sound of thunder. He thought nothing of it, as thunderbolts and lightning weren't very frightening. But what Gary didn't expect was for a lightning bolt to burst though the clouds, split into two, and hit both him and his computer at the exact same time, while a nuclear physicist somewhere exploded his home laboratory and died a painful and lonely death.

A flash of light struck Gary straight into his chiseled face, and he felt a floating sensation. The series of events shocked him so much he dropped his entire load of feces at once. He saw that he was floating in midair, above a quaint little town. His pile of creamy butt nuggets fell atop the head a happy pink pony.

"Oh my goodness it's raining chocolate! Yummy!" Pinkie Pie dug deep into her mane pulled out the fecal matter in her hair. She scarfed it down, only to realize the true identity of the substance. Pinkie ran away in tears, leaving behind a trail of vomit. Gary was still mysteriously hovering in midair in his crapping position when he attracted the attention of a cyan pegasus, and then he started to fall. Rainbow Dash caught him with a swift swoop.. Gary quickly pulled his pants up and, looking around, he recognized his surroundings.

"OH MUH GAWD, I'M IN EQUESTRIA!!!"
"But how do you know about Equestria?", Dash replied.
"Uhh... I've heard stories about your land.", he decided to lie. Either Dash bought it, or she didn't give a hoot.
"Hmm.... come with me, Twilight would love to find out about you. We've never seen whatever you are in Equestria before. Say, you don't look very surprised, just popping up in the middle of really far away from your home."
"Yeah, well, stranger stuff has happened to me. One time, I fell asleep shirtless in the middle of the field, and when I woke up, an enormous legion of bunnies were licking the sweat off of my body. And my home wasn't really that great anyways. I'm called a human, by the way."
"I'm Rainbow Dash, the fastest and coolest pony you'll ever see! But you know..." Rainbow dash got an odd look on her face. "You're pretty cool too..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so, they trotted over to Twilight's house. Dash flew through the window, and began to tell Twilight about the strange creature she found.
"Yeah, so, I was minding my own business, when suddenly, this weird thing appears in the sky, and then it talks to me, and then I came over here to tell you about it. It says it's called a "whoo-miin" or whatever. He's standing outside door."

Gary was standing at the door when suddenly, the handle glowed purple and the door swung open. "Come on in!", Twilight yelled. Gary stepped into the quaint little library, when Twilight started bombarding him with questions.

"What are you? Where did you come from? What's your culture like? Why aren't you freaking out over being in some strange land? What are your internal organs like? Can you use magic? How much science do you know? How big is your-"
"I think you're talking him to death, Twi.", Dash interrupted.
"Uh... hehe. Might have gotten a little carried away..."
Gary spoke up. "I can tell you all later." The conversation was interrupted by a deep gurgle coming from Gary's abdomen. "Umm, I'm a little hungry. Got anything to eat?"
"Oh, let's go to Applejack's place! She's got the best apples in all of Equestria!", Twilight spoke enthusiastically. Rainbow Dash enthusiastically agreed, filled with thoughts of cider. Sweet, sweet, cider....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight, Dash, and Gary soon ended up at Sweet Apple Acres. There were apple trees everywhere, as would be expected of an apple orchard. There was a field of corn too, but Gary didn't eat corn. He hated when he would poop and all the came out was slightly brown kernels of corn. So the three of them walked up to Applejack.
"Hey Applejack, we got a new visitor in town!"
Applejack turned around and looked up with a shocked expression at the strange creature her eyes gazed upon.
"WOAH NELLY! Wha' is that thing? It don't bite, do it?"
"Relax Applejack", Twilight comforted. "He's nice. He doesn't know how he got here, he's hungry, and I assume he needs a place to stay. Isn't that right Gary?" He nodded in confirmation, and then exchanged introductions with Applejack. Twilight continued with "Could you get us some food and then let Gary stay at your place until we find out how to get him back home?"
"Well, uh, sure ah could let him stay in the barn, but he's gonna have to work to stay here. Ah might even pay him. How's that sound?"
"I'll do it!"
"Well then, yall can start by bucking some apples. Just kick the trees an gather them up in baskets. Ya can do it later. Go enjoy Ponyville. Say Twi, has Fluttershy seen him yet? Ah think she might be interested in the ..uh...monkey thing..."
"Nope, he hasn't."
"Ah well, lemme go get some food for yall!"
Applejack soon returned with apple pie, apple fritters, apple sauce, apple juice and a chimmiapplechanga, invented by Pinkie. Rainbow Dash asked Applejack "Hey AJ, can I get some of your special cider?"
"Nah, if Pinkie's anything like Pinkie today, she's probably going to throw our new visitor a party. Ah'll bring a few barrels, ya can have some then. Besides, remember that one time ya drank too much? That poor colt is probably scarred for life!"
"HEY! He was cute and he looked lonely! Now stop talking about that!"
"Fine. Ahm surprised yer not in jail..."
And so, after munching on their lunch in awkward silence, they headed over to Fluttershy's place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The quartet arrived at Fluttershy's cottage. At arrival, Applejack announced her departure. "Ah got some stuff to do at the farm. See yall later!"
Twilight approached the door and knocked. A few hoofclops later and a squeak of the door, Fluttershy peaked her head out.
"Oh, hello Twilight, do you need anyth-OH MY GOD IT'S SO CUTEEEE!" Fluttershy sped through her door and tackle-hugged Gary. "Oh, you're just a cute little monkey! Yes you are! Yes you are!" She then proceeded to pet his head and ruffle his hair.
"Umm...hi there?"
*squeak!* "Goodness, it talks!"
"Yeah. I kinda do. I'm a sentient creature after all."
"Well...Um..." *POMF* "BYE!"
And then Fluttershy dashed back into her home.
(Well, that was odd) Gary thought to himself.
And so, the trio went to Rarity's place.

(Congratulations, you're the new Gary Stu)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"GOODNESS, YOU LOOK ATROCIOUS!" shouted Rarity.
"It's not that bad", you repliy.
"Not that bad? It's worse! You must have a makeover and a new outfit! I insist!" Rarity argues.
"Well..Uhh..." You stammer, as the white pony beings to forcefully strip you and take your measurements.
"Hmmm, I see. Such odd proportions...", she mumbles. You catch her glancing at your "shpungshtucker" every now and then, and she levitates measuring tape all around your body, taking mental notes.
And so, she rushes off to her workroom, locks the door, and you put your clothes back on and just sit there bored for a few hours.

"TA DA!!" she bursts, nearly flinging her door off it's hinges. She reveals a stylish tuxedo and dress pants, and she magically attaches it to you. She pulls up a mirror, and shows you the results of her efforts. You are simply dazzled by with outfit she has created. It reminds you of James Bond and other badass tuxedo-wielding men.
"Thank you very much, Rarity."
"Oh, don't mention it! After all, I can't have a fashion disaster like that wandering all around town, now can I?"
"I suppose not..."
"Of you go then! Let your beauty shine all across Equestria!"
Twilight and Rainbow are thoroughly impressed by your outfit. Twilight teleports the three of you over to her library to avoid detection from the other ponies who might be freaked out from Gary.

*POOF*
You arrive in Twilight's library.
"Twilight, can you get the lights? It's kinda dark in here."
"Sure."
A little bit of magic later, the library is illuminated.
"HOWDY!"
"GAAHHH!", you scream, falling on your ass as a pink pony hovers upside-down over your head.
"Whoopsieses! Did I scare you? That happens a lot!", Pinkie says, as she puts on her biggest grin. You're afraid her face will split in half if it gets any wider.
"Hi! You're that one dude that pooped on my head! But I know it was an accident, so I forgive you! Now that I think about it, it kinda tasted like cinnamon and nutmeg... can I have more? I bet I can make some REALLY delicious cupcakes with it! I wonder what kind of cupcakes I could make with your other bodily fluids! Did you know that once I hit my head really really really hard on a door, and I was bleeding syrup! I bleed syrup, can you believe it? So now, every night, I cut myself and I drink my syrup, it's sooooo delicious, sometimes I even make pancakes with it! Then I snort cocaine to make the pain go away! Doesn't that sound like so much fun? Oh my gosh, speaking of fun, I came here to tell you go to Sugarcube Corner ASAPAPAP! It's gonna be really really fan! YAY!"

You blink, but when you open your eyes, the pink party pony is gone.
You hesitantly decide to go to Sugarcube Corner, despite a nagging feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You arrive at the doors of Sugarcube Corner, and brace yourself for the monstrosities contained within. With a deep breath, you slowly open the doors, looking into total darkness.

"SURPRISE!!!!"
A bunch of lights flicker on, bass starts pumping and many ponies jump from their hiding places.
"Umm... thank you Pinkie", you say, not sure how to react.
"No, not you, Gary! My sister just got here!", Pinkie replies.
You look behind you to see a pegasus that looks exactly like Pinkie, if she were white and gold.
"PINKIE! I've missed you soo much!"
The sisters hug each other, and you can feel the fabric of the universe ripple as their bodies collide.
"I'm sorry Gary, surprise to you too! Hope you have a happy party! Ohhh, go try the punch! It's super special!"

You head over to the punch bowl to give it a try. You pour yourself a cup, but as you lift it up to your mouth, you smell a very distinct smell. A very smelly smell that smells... alcoholic. Taking a careful sip, you gag as the beverage slides down your throat. "Damn, that stuff is strong!", you exclaim. Pinkie pops up out of nowhere, as she is apt to do. "Berry Punch helped me make it! She says it's eighty percent! Isn't it dedelicious?" You nod your head and explore the rest of the party, taking a cup of the punch along with you. You chit chat with other random ponies, taking sips every now and then, getting quite buzzed. You aren't the only one either, many of the ponies have some of the stuff too. You see a grey, derp-eyed pegasus shaking her booty while standing in a cake, her plot jiggling like jello.

"Whew, it's getting hot in here...for more reasons than one"
And it is. With a hundred plus ponies all in the same house, a lot of body heat is being released. Also, drunk ponies waving their plots around. You take off your shirt, soaked in sweat, revealing your large, muscular pecks and abs, and your perfectly tones arms. Your sweat glistens in the strobe lights and disco balls, making your flesh sparkle like an explosion of diamonds and glitter. All of a sudden, you catch the gaze of every single filly, colt, mare, and stallion in a ten mile radius. You watch as they all droll, lust pouring from their eyes. Everypony slowly descends upon you, surrounding you. Suddenly, you feel something poking your ass.

Oh shit, is that Big Mac?

"Eeyup"

Comments

[Alphaetus_Prime]

One view. Three dislikes. How the hell does that work? Reading this just to spite the ones who disliked it without even reading it.

[nonameguy0010]

I'm going to guess that the dislikes are due to the Edward picture. That picture doomed this story to fail, no matter how good it is. lol

[abandoned2123]

I just... what?
I need a hug...

i50.photobucket.com/albums/f346/Lestats_Angel88/Doctor%20Who%20Gifs/cry.gif

[Alphaetus_Prime]

Wait, this is a trollfic, right? Please let this be a trollfic.

[the_panic]

Haha I see what you're doing here. And thank you. I am getting so tired of all of these stories that are like "LOL I'M A BRONY BUT I'M SAD SO I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF/MAGICALLY GO TO PONYVILLE WITH NO REAL PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION"

[Drizzle]

Well looking at the tags, the title, the description and the cover pic.... you've done well

[Distrance]

ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133224937652.gif
Pure poetry to my eyes.

[ek91]

Why did you use that picture?
I think you just shot your self in the foot with that one.

[KamiyaItsuno]

images.sodahead.com/polls/000975451/ohyeah_answer_1_xlarge.jpeg

[SosukeRyou]

deviantart.com/download/260362592/fuck_this_shit_by_bohema_design-d4b0h28.jpg

[Iateacrayon]

That picture deserves my dislike on principle alone

[Jeff Belinger]

563974
i believe it was the point! a bad fic just so people can rage on it. a stress relief for people with stress.

563981
im sure it is. something can't be so horrid unless its planned

[Armada]

Oh god. it's so bad. But I know you did it on purpose,
Do I vote it up cause you did what you were trying to do? or do I vote it down because it's so bad?

[Alphaetus_Prime]

564049 You're on a website for fanfiction written by mostly adult, mostly male fans of a television series aimed at preteen girls. Screw principles, we have ponies.
564074 I beg to differ. There was one poet who became famous for writing hilarious poems. The problem? He was trying to write deeply moving tragedies. I don't remember who it was, though.

[Iateacrayon]

564078

And yet, one of them still put that picture up Screw logic, we have ponies.

[Drizzle]

564078
Where is the like button for this comment?

564049
Seriously? Disliking a fic because of the picture? The entire fic was written, it seems, as a joke. If anything the picture is an insult to vampfairy that shall not be named and worth a laugh.

[Öthnæar]

Yay for fics that don't take themselves seriously!

[aaaa_aaaa]

Terrible. Just terrible.

Favorited.

[ek91]

Ok I just read it and...

dl.dropbox.com/u/61806890/G.I.F./Err.gif

[Cackothree]

This fic is disgusting, crude, and overall pointless.

Thumbs up and faved.

[Paladin Redflare]

Pictures cause thumb downs at times, Like right now.

[All American]

This story...
imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/me_giving_a_fuck3.jpg
A good fuck that is...

[SonOfTheNorthe]

Okay, so, I'm thinking I should probably change the picture to Jacob....

[Menoshe]

Uh...

[Drizzle]

564359 Yeah not sure that'd help too much Thanks for the story by the way. It gave me a good laugh at the end of a long day

[Hungrybear]

564352
pyro got a case of the mudbutt.

[IncoherentOrange]

Dafuq did I just read? Am I still alive?

[SonOfTheNorthe]

Hey guys, I know this was supposed to be a huge joke, but I would have liked it to be a well written joke. Please tell me how I can improve it with constructive criticism.

[Insanity_Pony]

I'm sorry I cant read this.

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/291/186/adc.gif

[StarSorio]

Ha nice! Love the jookes here I've read a lott of gary...mary sue fics, and i loled at this,

< cider..sweet cider..sweet cider, Yeah sweet cider! *cue electric piano*
And how would it not be complete without everyones favorite yellow pony getting a wingboner over our Oc the instant they see us?
< Say that by me again, i buckin dare ya.

Umm,...next part
: that thasted good though! can i have some other body fluids
<can't tell if sexual inuind, or cupcakes.
: Sometimes i cut myself for sweet srurp!
< ...the lader.

< trixie is utter disusted by how unrealistic and stupid this thing this.
< and for that i congraulate you, you hitt the nail right on the head

[Koolman505]

seems to me like someone's trollin'

[Kyle C]

what did i just read??? I really thought that was one of the most funny AND random stories i have ever read!I am probably going to break the fabric of time when i say this, but please continue making the story. And i also know that Gary Stu is actually Edward...am i right?

like i said, please continue

[Kablex]

Why did you use a sad excuse for a vampire as the cover art?

[Pleaseworkforonce]

564894 just get rid of the cover picture just go without one you will do better

[PonyManne215]

This made me laugh! Mission accomplished!

[RohanSpartan]

Picture of Edward?
makems.com/graphic/fuck-this-shit.jpg

[derFisch]

...Now, why can't other fic writers actually put this much work into their grammar and such? Seriously.

This story was awful. Thumbs up~

[Cadencebutterfly]

The sad part is that everybody's getting on your for your choice in pictures when it chosen for a reason.

[MintyRest]

Actually I was more put off about the first two paragraphs being so focused on scatological humor.
Interesting concept, but a bit too random for my tastes.

[Jar of Dirt]

To everyone simply disliking for the picture...
edge.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/139128/81493523.jpg

This is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Here, have a Clarkson. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
gifs.gifbin.com/072011/1311246606_top_gear__jeremy_clarkson_thumbup.gif

[SonOfTheNorthe]

565403

I shall continue this story, if only for you. Maybe. It took me more than a month to write this. (More like an hour, but I was rarely in the mood to write.)

And no, Gary is not Edward. I just used Edward for the picture because he was the most annoying Gary Stu I could think of.

[William of Orange]

Holy shit, WTF was that?
troll.me/images/hungover-spiderman/what-is-this-faggotry-thumb.jpg

[YourPrivateNightmare]

Wow...this was probably the weirdest fanfic I've ever read, but damn that shit is funny. I really lol'd at the end.
A lot of people would consider this to be disturbing, but who says that fanfics always have to be normal?

[Azure Feather]

encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR-eGc5IcBHpBo2Nm7WMkHo8PgGuTxU-EeTivX6KJvjfPaExxDtgw
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

[Azure Feather]

wait it was 6 weeks ago... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_gasp.png
oh well dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png