"Oh, Spikey! How can I ever repay you?" Rarity squealed, pinching Spike's cheeks.
Spike sighed and gently pushed Rarity's hand away. "It's fine, Rare,” he said in a mellow voice, ”I do what I can."
Rarity paused. She raised an eyebrow and put a hand on her chin. "Are you alright, Spikey-Wikey?"
Spike was taken aback by Rarity’s question. "Yeah… I'm fine… Uh…" Spike paused for a moment. "Got anything else you need me to do?"
Rarity snapped out of her thoughts. "Oh, but of course! Could you hang up some of my laundry out in the back? I forgot to do it this morning and I don't want to waste Celestia's bright sun today." Rarity said, a crooked smile on her face.
"Yeah, sure!" Spike said, taking a glance outside.
"If you need me, I'll be in my inspirational room." Rarity said, making her way there now.
Spike opens the door to the backyard. "You mean your bedroom…" he mumbled under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing…" Spike said, and closed the door.
Rarity hummed in thought as she made her way to her room. "Something suspicious about that boy today…" Rarity said to herself.
The fashionista laid down on her bed as she levitated some supplies: some papers, a pencil and a board to draw on. She took hold of the pencil in her hand and began to draw some designs. Her first one involved a lot of dull spikes, not to mention a lot of green and purple here and there.
"Where's this coming from, Rarity?" she thought to herself, then went on to the next one.
One after the other, green, lime, violet everywhere. "These are Spikey's colors. Why am I thinking about Spike?" Rarity's thoughts were playing with her again, aren't they? She gave out a long sigh, and stopped sketching.
"Perhaps a bath could wash these antics away..." she said.
Rarity tossed her glasses aside while rolling off of the bed. She casually undressed herself and slid on her favorite pink fluffy robe; the sensations of the robe brushing against her own fur sent a small shiver down her spine.She then looked into her dressers for a change of clothes, picking a long red tank top with a pleat attached on the middle of the neckline. Her bottoms were white skinny jeans that were also high waisted. Tying her violet hair into a simple and quick ponytail, she set the clothes on her bed and finally entered the washroom, starting the bath. After setting the perfect temperature, she opened the cabinet over the bath to pick out her favorite bubble bath. Her usual was vanilla, but lavender was perfect for today. She poured a cup and a half into the bath and it started to form bubbles.
Turning off the tap, she undid her robe, letting it drop to the floor and then slowly sets herself into the bath. Rarity gave out a relaxing sigh, lowering herself into the water until muzzle level.
Well, this is useless... It's not helping at all... She looked around, eyes half-lidded as if she was fatigued.
Might as well enjoy a good bath...
Downstairs, Spike enters the boutique while humming a little tune. He looked at the clock, reading that it was almost evening. Ascending the stairs to Rarity's room, he thought about making a little move while he's up there. But he forgot that he wasn't interested in her anymore. Clearly that was wrong, but he was getting tired of all the nicknames and being treated like the baby dragon he was a few years ago. Especially if it's coming from the mare of her dreams. With others, he'll cope with it... But... He wanted to be treated as more than a best friend by Rarity.
He finally reached Rarity's door, and heard humming inside the washroom next to her bedroom. He knew he shouldn't disturb her while in the washroom, but she needs to be aware of Spike leaving for today. Spike hesitated, but knocked on the door anyway, stopping the humming from inside.
"Yes?" Rarity said in an angelic voice. Spike swallowed.
"Uh... I'm going home now, Rare... It's late and I think Twilight has something to do early in the morning tomorrow that she needs help with."
"Oh, of course!" Spike heard splashing from inside and after a few seconds, the door opened to reveal something that Spike wasn't prepared to see at all. There, right in front of him... Was a tall alabaster creature, water droplets sliding down into her cleavage; the fur was ruffled, but not a lot. Her violet hair wasn't perfectly styled, but it was still breathtaking, the way they fall perfectly on her shoulders. A towel surrounded her, hugging tightly at her chest, making her bosoms more bulbous than they actually are. The fabric that embraced her was too short, revealing her long, luminous legs while a peeking cutie mark can be seen. A scent of lavender also lingered.
"Are you alright, Spikey?" Rarity snapped the teen back to reality.
"Huh...? Oh! Y-yeah... F-fine!" Spike stuttered, causing Rarity to giggle.
"Wonderful! I do apologize for meeting you in such a state"
"I-it's fine..." Spike hesitated to say. Rarity looked over his shoulder and pointed to her bed.
"Would you mind getting my change of clothes? I don't want to drip all over my carpet..." Rarity said as Spike immediately made his way there. Rarity giggled once again, her cheeks slightly burning. She had to admit, coming out of the washroom looking like this in front of a teenager who has had a crush on her ever since the beginning of time? What was she thinking?
"Got 'em!" Spike said, handing the neatly folded outfit to the alabaster beauty in front of him.
"Thank you! Please excuse me for one moment." Rarity said while closing the door slowly.
"You'll take longer than a moment, Rare..." Spike thought, which was rude of him, but can't help that it really was true. He made his way to Rarity's bed, sitting on the edge and running his hands on the covers. They were soft, red and silky feeling covers, which felt absolutely amazing to touch. No wonder Rarity has no trouble sleeping after a long day. Spike realized the place his in, causing his face to turn crimson. He decided to sit on the floor, now running his fingers through the carpet.
"I see the carpet intrigues you as well..."
Spike practically jumped up, looking behind him. He saw something unexpected of the fashionista.
Her perfectly styled mane was now untouched, natural loose curls falling perfectly on her shoulders but still looking stunning. Her simple clothes made her look like she didn't do much but still had a breathtaking result. The top hugged her chest so perfectly, not revealing a lot but was still alluring. The bottom made her look taller than she already was, those lustrous legs looking impeccable. She didn't wear anything on her feet, revealing her perfectly pedicured violet toe nails.
"J-just waiting for ya... You know... The usual." Spike managed to get out, as Rarity approaches him and sits down next to him. Spike was sure his face was burning, and the whole "I don't like her anymore!" situation is starting to prove that it's false.
"Well, it's been a wonderful day and I do appreciate your help today, Spikey-Wikey..." Rarity said, a calming atmosphere surrounding the two.
"I do what I can..." Spike said, his palms sweating. He looked down as silence overtook both of them.
Rarity was the first to break the silence, saying, "I bet Twilight will be worried sick if you aren't home at this time of the evening."
"Yeah..." Spike said, standing up.
The tailor stands up as well, and faces the teenage dragon. She then gave Spike a long and meaningful hug.
"Damn it! How am I going to decide that I don't love her anymore?! Now she gets all affectionate on me?! Celestia damn it, Rarity! But I know that not loving her is a lie! I'm just going to have to make her believe my obsession is done and gone." Spike thought throughout the whole hug.
"Have a good night, Spike," she said after releasing their embrace. "I hope you have a wonderful rest of the evening."
Spike gave out a heavy sigh, making his way to the door. He raised a hand and waved goodbye to Rarity, not looking back.
"See ya soon..." He mumbled, making Rarity tilt her head to the side in confusion.
"That'll show her that I don't love her anymore!
Spike lowered his head, his eyes tightly closed as if to hold back tears.
"But I still do..."
it was a'ight.
the grammar was pretty good. there were a few times when i went to correct you, but realized thagt you, for example, chose an awkward word so that you could imput an alliteration.
looking forwards to more
Rarity has guilt.
It's super effective!!
Could use a bit of a touch up but a pretty good start.
interesting...
i like.
moar!
not bad so far lik darkie (sorry if that urks ya, DARKPHANTOM13 ) said needs a lil tune-up but, otherwise i'll be waitin for t next update
Take advantage of the indentation button at the top of the editing page, and if your really want to clear up some of the wall of text feeling, add an extra enter between paragraphs.
So far, looks pretty interesting, I look forward to seeing how it advances.
The concept is good and I like where this could head, but the wall of text here makes it pretty hard to read. Add a space in between paragraphs and lines of dialogue. Not to mention that it does feel rushed.
I'll still keep an eye on it though.
3933054
STOP STEALING MY BIT!!!
Keep going , I like where its going.
MOAR!
Well, looks like more reading to do...
I have to say you drew in my attention, I can't wait to see where this is going. It's always a win for me when Spikes stops being everyone's whipping boy.
Ugh, way too fast, dude, not very subtle, doesn't sound believable, the whole Rarity realizing feelings for Spike thing...
yay
Please continue.
I will end in a horrible death!
3935905 Nice "R"-er I mean rocket.
Me gusta... more?
I want to know what happens next time.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/314/266/788.jpg
well... well made, do hope to see and read more
This has potential but i feel like it needs to be longer and drawn out a bit more with characterization. This seems to be moving about twice as fast as it should be. I like it and am interested in where this is going.
THIS IS SO COOL!!!!!!!
Me and my army supports this story
its interesting, sadly i cant offer tips of my own to improve because im just a novice writer, so im just going to keep reading and see where it goes
The biggest problem I have at the moment is this: Pick a tense and STAY IN THAT TENSE. It's incredibly annoying when, even within the same sentence, the narrative switches from past to present or the reverse. The next thing that bothers me is spacing. you need spaces between each line of dialogue.
3944769
One Above All, tense is soooo hard for me, and I imagine it's the same for some people.
Nope.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m44v95k9Y11qjhgo6o1_250.gif
Spikey-poo? Spikey-poo!?Spikey-poo!!??
Who the fuck is Spikey-goddamn-poo?
Na but in all serious this is a fantastic first chapter and I can't wait for moar!
You need to continue with this. If you get enough words or chapters into the story it could and would be very good.
3947041 HahaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahzhahHahaahahahahahaah RoFLMAO
It was a good chapter. Too short for my tastes but that is okay. It is adorable really. Spike has to remind himself that he "doesn't" like rarity anymore. It's like giving up my first crush. Difficult, denial, if I had to guess this will end with Rarity and Spike being together. Honestly I want a slice of life moment in this fic.
Pretty decent start, but you might want to try and stick with one verb tense: half of the words you're using are present-tense, while the other are past.
Great start, felt really short tho. I look forward to more.
Great start. Looking forward to more
*Reads description*
Spike in this story is a she?
Im hooked! Cant wait for more!
as long as this remains anthro and not ugh.. human then it will be good
In the line
It would probably sound better as
And Spikey-Wikey, not spikey-poo
Just little things but the small details add up. Other than that I really enjoyed the story and can't wait for new chapters and stuffs
Great work, can't wait to see more!
3947041 Your profile pic makes it look like you really are yelling that, and you're pissed.
Good start. Just have, Spike, being hard to get, and less playing hard to get will go along way to the future of this story.
Less inner thought from, Spike, is also a good way to do that. Keeps the reader guessing about Spike's true feelings.
Less is more from, Spike, is really what I'm saying.
*pokes*
is it dead?
4255236 I don't know I'm scared. I hope not.
Well...you've hooked me, good sir. Not...quite what I was expecting but I'm still in the clutches of your web for the time being.
This is nothing like which you made it seem. Shove this same constant crap back up your chocolate starfish.
Damn man.
3934172 Oh I wait for the day when that actually happens... This is why despite being okay with it in the beginning, I don't ship Sparity anymore. She outright uses him for free labour at times. E.g. "Rarity Takes Manehatten". She bats her eyelashes at him to make him pack up her luggage, and doesn't feel like there's anything wrong with it. Neither do the rest of the mane six for that matter.
As for the chapter, Rarity acting like that without context feels odd. Oh well. I'll keep reading to see where it goes.