• Member Since 28th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 8th, 2022


I'm a random girl who loves ponies while looking for something to do with her life.


Rarity finally realizes that she has the same feelings for Spike... But it's too late...

Spike seems to have moved on, while Rarity is stuck impressing him and trying to get him to have feelings for her once again. What Rarity doesn't know is Spike still loves her, but he's getting sick and tired of the way she treats him, even though he's a teenager now. Will this be a roller coaster ride for both of our lovelies, or will it end horribly?

Got inspired by the episode Simple Ways... Don't ask... o3o

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 153 )

it was a'ight.
the grammar was pretty good. there were a few times when i went to correct you, but realized thagt you, for example, chose an awkward word so that you could imput an alliteration.
looking forwards to more

Rarity has guilt.
It's super effective!!

Could use a bit of a touch up but a pretty good start.

not bad so far :yay: lik darkie (sorry if that urks ya, DARKPHANTOM13 :twilightsheepish:) said needs a lil tune-up but, otherwise i'll be waitin for t next update :pinkiehappy:

Take advantage of the indentation button at the top of the editing page, and if your really want to clear up some of the wall of text feeling, add an extra enter between paragraphs.

So far, looks pretty interesting, I look forward to seeing how it advances.

The concept is good and I like where this could head, but the wall of text here makes it pretty hard to read. Add a space in between paragraphs and lines of dialogue. Not to mention that it does feel rushed.

I'll still keep an eye on it though.

Keep going , I like where its going.

I have to say you drew in my attention, I can't wait to see where this is going. It's always a win for me when Spikes stops being everyone's whipping boy.:moustache:

Ugh, way too fast, dude, not very subtle, doesn't sound believable, the whole Rarity realizing feelings for Spike thing...

I will end in a horrible death! :pinkiecrazy:

3935905 Nice "R"-er I mean rocket.

I want to know what happens next time. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

well... well made, do hope to see and read more :moustache:

This has potential but i feel like it needs to be longer and drawn out a bit more with characterization. This seems to be moving about twice as fast as it should be. I like it and am interested in where this is going.

:pinkiegasp:THIS IS SO COOL!!!!!!!
Me and my army supports this story:pinkiesmile:

its interesting, sadly i cant offer tips of my own to improve because im just a novice writer, so im just going to keep reading and see where it goes :pinkiehappy:

The biggest problem I have at the moment is this: Pick a tense and STAY IN THAT TENSE. It's incredibly annoying when, even within the same sentence, the narrative switches from past to present or the reverse. The next thing that bothers me is spacing. you need spaces between each line of dialogue.

One Above All, tense is soooo hard for me, and I imagine it's the same for some people.

Spikey-poo? Spikey-poo!?Spikey-poo!!??
Who the fuck is Spikey-goddamn-poo?

Na but in all serious this is a fantastic first chapter and I can't wait for moar!:twilightsmile:

You need to continue with this. If you get enough words or chapters into the story it could and would be very good.

3947041 :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: HahaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahzhahHahaahahahahahaah RoFLMAO

It was a good chapter. Too short for my tastes but that is okay. It is adorable really. Spike has to remind himself that he "doesn't" like rarity anymore. It's like giving up my first crush. Difficult, denial, if I had to guess this will end with Rarity and Spike being together. Honestly I want a slice of life moment in this fic.

Pretty decent start, but you might want to try and stick with one verb tense: half of the words you're using are present-tense, while the other are past.

Great start, felt really short tho. I look forward to more.

*Reads description*
Spike in this story is a she?

Im hooked! Cant wait for more!

as long as this remains anthro and not ugh.. human:pinkiesick: then it will be good

Comment posted by Dawnrex15 deleted Feb 20th, 2014

In the line

He wanted to be treated more than a best friend by Rarity.

It would probably sound better as

He wanted to be treated as more than a best friend by Rarity.

And Spikey-Wikey, not spikey-poo

Just little things but the small details add up. Other than that I really enjoyed the story and can't wait for new chapters and stuffs

Great work, can't wait to see more! :pinkiehappy:

3947041 Your profile pic makes it look like you really are yelling that, and you're pissed.

Good start. Just have, Spike, being hard to get, and less playing hard to get will go along way to the future of this story.

Less inner thought from, Spike, is also a good way to do that. Keeps the reader guessing about Spike's true feelings.

Less is more from, Spike, is really what I'm saying.:moustache::duck:

Part of me thinks that she deserved it, the other part is like "NO! YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS! COMFORT HER, BE TOGETHER!":raritydespair:

I honestly see no fathomable reason for Spike to act like this. He himself admits that he does have feelings for her, only trying to suppress them because he thought that she doesn't return them. Now he finds out that she does, and he lies to her, denying the feelings he dreamt of being returned for so long? What the hell? Why would he possibly do this?

I've learned that if I state any kind of opinion in this matter, I'm gonna loose, so here's my expression for the comments section.


4303884 I thought this too, but I think it's because he's still sick of her treating him as a kid. Even though she wasn't at that point.

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