Rainbow in the Stars of darkness

What point is there in peace when everypony that you cared about's freedom has been taken away and made into slaves?-Rainbow Sparkle/Empress Darklight

Officially engaged, Rainbow and Twilight decide to create a filly from magic, which they named Rainbow Sparkle. to their surprise, she resembles both the two, but is an Alicorn. to make things worse, a group of cults known as The shadow of slavery, whom are the followers of sombra, have plans for the filly. what are their plans? Are they planning something bad? Will Rainbow Sparkle be able to defeat her dark side? Or will she fall victim to it and make all of Equestria slaves?

Chapters (2)

A Rainbow with a star · 1st Jan 2014 · 2,396 words
2,396
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Greetings and first day of School · 3rd Jan 2014 · 3,614 words
3,614
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Comments ( 13 )

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dream1990

dream1990 #1 · Jan 1st, 2014 · · · A Rainbow with a star ·

i liked the teaser

joeyjumper94

joeyjumper94 #2 · Jan 1st, 2014 · · · A Rainbow with a star ·

my apologies. Anyway I will like to talk to you and Rainbow about Rainbow Flares death. I'm not mad and pressing charges.

The first letter of the first word in a sentence is always capitalized.
you forgot an an apostrophe.
replace "and" with "or"

can we go upstairs?'

The first letter of the first word in a sentence is always capitalized.
You put an apostrophe where there was supposed to be a quotation mark.

MaskedPony

MaskedPony #3 · Jan 2nd, 2014 · · · A Rainbow with a star ·

3713832 Any more grammar or punctuation errors?

joeyjumper94

joeyjumper94 #4 · Jan 3rd, 2014 · · · A Rainbow with a star ·

3720582

Twilight was pacing in front, waiting for the love of her life to come.

would make more sense than

In front was a pacing back in forth Unicorn whom happened to be Twilight waiting for her love of her life to come.

the first thing Twilight did was give a dna sample of her horn, sample of her coat, and a feather, while Rainbow gave a sample of her mane and tail and put it into a bowl.

The first thing Twilight did was give a DNA sample, a sample of her horn, sample of her coat, and a feather, while Rainbow gave a sample of her mane and tail and put it into a bowel.

"You, and Rainbow our my mothers?"

are

"uh oh.... I don't have a name."

capitalization error.

there's some more... maybe.

MaskedPony

MaskedPony #5 · Jan 3rd, 2014 · · · A Rainbow with a star ·

3723059 Thank you

joeyjumper94

joeyjumper94 #6 · Jan 3rd, 2014 · · · Greetings and first day of School ·

The next day, Celestias sun was high in the horizon and the three ponies that were sleeping in Twilights bed began to wake up. Twilight and Rainbow Dash noticed that their filly was sleeping peacefully, despite the condition she was found in when she was found in the basement Rainbow began to wake up the filly and the three ponies headed downstairs.

You forgot an apostrophe. There is some that should be in between "basement" and "Rainbow"

As the proceeded to have their breakfast, Twilight noticed Rainbow Sparkle was trying to pic up her spoon with her hoof.

Pick

"Oh. Spike can you take Rainstorms bowel to the sink?"

bowl

joeyjumper94

joeyjumper94 #7 · Jan 4th, 2014 · · · Greetings and first day of School ·

Rainbow then gave Twilight a quick peck on the cheek and Nuzzled her again. Rainbow too, couldn't resist their sweet filly the manage to create in the ritual.

they managed

joeyjumper94

joeyjumper94 #8 · Jan 4th, 2014 · · · Greetings and first day of School ·

"We will go there last. A friend of ours works their.

there.

Warner Lop

Warner Lop #9 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · · Greetings and first day of School ·

Referring to the author's note in chapter 2, I took the liberty of recreating rainbow sparkle the best I can according to the descriptions of her in chapter 1.

MaskedPony