What if Pinkie became a proffesional detective? Only one way to find out.
Author's Notes
Cover art by Whatsapokemon.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 22nd Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 9th, 2018
Random Gamer
I'm a gamer that loves to play and understand how games work. I (still) refuse to get an editor, even after four years on the site, so you could say I'm a bit stubborn. And sometimes funny.
Random Gamer
Joined 22nd Nov, 2012 ·
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Sequels1
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Random Gamer · 16k words · 11 0 · 870 views
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Your review as promised.
Grammar score: 7 out of 10
Smaller errors: 8
Larger mistakes: 1
Overall: Good, but you have some more technical errors as well as some missed punctuation.
First of all, "sight" means vision, not "sigh", which means to exhale in a depressed manner.
Second, you had multiple examples of this:
in your story. That is an example of "Telling" not "Showing". "Showing" is a bit hard to describe but easy to give an example of.
So, here's your sentence of "Telling":
Here is an example of "Showing":
See what I did there?
Instead of telling you how he felt, I described how he felt.
Third, quotes inside of quotes don't look like this:
They look like this:
Lastly, your short description has a misspelled word:
*professional
Plot:
What plot?
I still liked it though.
Pacing:
Altogether, not bad. I want more though. You could flesh out the dialogue a bit more. But the main problem was I didn't know where this was taking place. If you throw in some details that actually tell me where I am then you will get some much needed word count.
Overall:
I did enjoy it and wouldn't mind a second chapter.
In just the above sample, there are four grammar errors and one spelling error. Get an editor.
4972615 Whoa. Did not expect a comment on a story after such a long time. It practically didn't change since November of last year, hence why I'm so suprised. Thanks for notifying me of the errors, I'll go fix them as soon as possible.