I'll Be There, Octavia

by delfin

Vinyl's Note To Octavia

“Dear Octavia,
You don’t know me. And you never will because I would’ve made your life hell. I just want you to know that you’re the greatest pony I’ve ever met, and I want you to spread on your gift of making anyone happy to the rest of Eqestria. I want you to live your life Octavia, live it as proud and free as you can. I love you Octavia, just remember that. Your forever friend and lover,
Vinyl Scratch.”

Author's Note:

Well, hope you enjoyed it! Sorry If it's a little short, it's my first time doing a fanfic..
Also, yes I know it's unexpected, I just didn't want it to be to cliche that's all.
Please give it a like if you enjoyed!
- InsertBronyUsernameHere

Comments

[ZippySqrl]

Well that was unexpected. very unusual story, but nice concept!

[Dorkking]

Okay, let's see what I can say.

Your sentences are very short and the things Vinyl does seem to be forced. The reader was barely able to get a grasp of who the character is (a lot of authors like to change how these characters are since they don't have an actual cannon personality). How long have the dreams been going on for Vinyl? Did it just randomly occur or has she been having them for months, years, etc. Your grammar and spelling are fine, but you really missed out on an opportunity to describe the way Vinyl and Octavia feel. The reader gets a general gist of that, but just barely. The dream could have been expanded on, like Vinyl remembering what's going on and questioning more about what is occurring and why.
The part where Vinyl goes into time itself is extremely random and just plain confusing. There really is no rhyme or reason for such to happen, and I only knew she went back in time because I reread the story because I felt I missed something. You sprang that onto the reader without them really noticing, thus making the last 3 chapters very confusing, thus making it hard to read. I'm curious to why Vinyl felt she needed to go to such drastic measures when everything could have been fixed with a hug and apology.
I guess all I can really say is that you had a pretty neat idea, but the way you went about it was all wrong. Make sure that when you write, really go over everything and try to add more, even if it's a short story. I also suggest getting a pre-reader and even an editor just to help you out if you plan on writing more stories. But like I said, you had a good idea.

[delfin]

3530961
Thanks for the honest opinion, It is my first fanfic so luckily I'll do better next time

[Dorkking]

3530969 If you ever want help man, let me know. I wouldn't mind seeing some other ideas from ya. I really hate writing bad reviews to any one on here.

[Poke-shpee]

[delfin]

3562372
Always love to hear feed back, thank you!

[Limedog]

Well, this was... surprising, to say the least.

Overall, this was a fine story, but I'm not quite sure why you felt it was necessary to end the story with Vinyl's death, but... you're the author, not me. Still, that felt like it pretty much came out of nowhere.

At least I know I won't be forgetting this story any time soon.

[Volodja]

the story is very good i liked it

[delfin]

3612672
Thanks!

[Volodja]

3613826 no problem brah...........hey, just a simple question, you got any moar good storys, im geting kinda bored and youre stories lift me up on a rainy day (true story)

[delfin]

3625735
Yeah, I'm thinking up a bunch of new ideas for some new stories.

[Volodja]

3626217 thanks for writing back ,and as always al be waiting *saluts*.

[monkeydanceparty]

alright.i have to say not one of the best stories but its fine. it was very confusing when vinyl went into time itself. the sentences were very short as well. but overall its an okay story

[delfin]

3907456 Yeah, this was my first story so it's kinda trash

[monkeydanceparty]

not bad for a first story