Inspired by Rorschach in Equestria. Applejack is the only pony in Equestria Rorschach will call his friend and that's just fine by the cowpony. Follows the episodic series as well as original interludes!
Chapters (2)
PinkieFloyd
Joined 6th Mar, 2012 ·
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- Ex-Nihilos · 41k words · 36 6 · 1.8k views
- Ex-Nihilos · 1.6k words · 71 3 · 1.9k views
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Fuck this, I'm going to the moon.
Well at least you tried trust me i failed too my first fic here was called Watchponies check it out if you want to see how bad i did lol.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/126/314/3cd8a33a.png?1306264975
Hey now people, at least give the story a chance before thumbing it down.
Love the picture mate, I think I'd like it if you keep this up.... if that's okay with you
(Also you should have told me you were doing a spin-off! I would have totally supported this sooner!)
Also my criticism would be to cut back some on the use of parentheses. They sort of interrupt the flow of the story where commas would do just nicely.
Yikes, when I saw those ratings I assumed this must be some sort of deliberate mockery or something. I got here following a link directly into the chapter, so I just started reading without seeing the synopsis first or even knowing what the story was. So as I was reading, I kept wondering when I was going to get to the part that was such a travesty. By the end of the chapter, I was surprised that it ended up being entirely sincere, a serious attempt to write an unlikely scenario.
So yeah, I'm not entirely sure why this received such an overwhelmingly harshly negative response. I can only assume that most of those down votes were from people who were so bothered by the idea of shipping Rorschach with a pony that they'd give it a negative rating no matter how well it was written. Admittedly, it is pretty hard to imagine Rorschach in a story with a romance tag, but this story seems meant as an optimistic best-case scenario of Rorschach if he were to let go of much of his anger after experiencing a sort of redemption.
I suppose the main problem is that you said nothing to establish what changed in him, why he was willing to set aside his rage. If you want people to go along with a rather far-fetched premise, you need to justify it well. You pretty much just dove into this one as though it picks right up from Ex-Nihilos's story, with no introduction or anything for people who haven't read that, and yet it also feels like you skipped a lot of details between the stories, so people who did read the other story would feel a bit jarred too by the sudden shift. I assume in this story probably a year or so has passed since the events of the original Rorschach in Equestria, so how did the ponies manage to get through to him enough to make him finally feel some amount of peace with the world? With that critical motivation lacking, I guess he seems too far removed from the Rorschach we expect for most people to give it a chance.
341247 T_T Thank you so much for not just being another mean person on the internet. This is one of the nicest, more detailed, comments I've ever recieved in all my years of writting. *ahem* Anyway, on to answer your questions!
About the romance tag, I never intended for this to be a shipping fic. I guess I use to term "Romance" too lightly when it comes to taagging my stories. I've always thought of romance as an intense loving relationship between two people (or ponies) and only intended for this to be a close friendship relationship between the two characters. I've removed it since I realize now that's probably what cause most people's trepidation.
As for establishing what changed him, I wanted to make that clearer the further the story developed. I have always had a problem with keeping plot lines in order and making a story realistic (my first fanfcitions were Anime Yaoi fics which are never structured or the slightest bit realistic for Primus sake) but I'm trying my darndest with this one. I'm more of a Watchmen/Rorschach fan than an MLP fan so I know what a brutal and cold man Rorschach is but I also know that for all his harshness and hate he is inately good and want to see the good in others too, it's just clouded. This wasn't meant to be a continuation or future fic of the Rorschach in Equestria fan fiction either. It's just my own take on the situation inspired by the relationship the other fiction started to develop between Applejack and Rorschach.
Eh heh... there's probably more but I feel like I've taken too much of your time already. ^^; Thanks again for being critical while still being kind and honest.
339283 I noticed while reading over the next chapter that I do tend to use parentheses quite a bit. I'll try to cut down on them in the future. Thank you for the nice comment and critique!
345780
Ah, yeah, I definitely think friendshipping should go over better. Now if only those people who down-voted so quickly knew that was your real intent with that romance tag, maybe some would give it another chance. I'm certainly open to watching to see where you take this story.
I...enjoyed this fic, and I can't even really tell you why. I found it...just so unconvincing, but maybe that's why it's also so charming? To take a concept like this and run with it anyway...It just makes it seem kind of epic that you're willing to go to such lengths to make it happen, I guess. It also kind of says "SCREW LOGIC! WARM FUZZIES!" and I can definitely support that...'tis gutsy, and strangely refreshing.
Now that I know we're talking about friendshipping, I'm not concerned about where this might go anymore, so I'd really, really like to see it continued...
Also, new title is 20% catchier.
I approve. 
My critique as to the writing would be:
). I mean, just look at how you opened this fic--"Rorschach knew all of Applejack's friends. He didn't particularly like most of them - he tolerated them more often times than not - and he certainly did not consider them a close friend. They were friendly acquaintances at best but even though Rorschach had expressed that he found them annoying..." You don't need that many words to get across the point that he tolerates them but doesn't truly consider them friends...
1. This has its fair share of grammar errors
2. You tend to kind of go on about things and make almost the same point several different ways (that's something I do all the time, sadly
3. This is much more a matter of opinion, so take it with a grain of salt, but I think it hurts this story to be quite so candid and detailed about everyone's exact emotions and reasoning all the time. Some things can be easily inferred from the context and it feels a bit patronizing and over-analytical to have them explained to me anyway. Like, at the end there, when Rorshach gives AJ that look, if it had just said "don't push it" I would have thought, "Poor Rorshach. Oh, Applejack, you mean well, but you really aren't making this easy for him." But since you added "this is hard enough for me as it is" I felt kind of put off, like, oh, I'm being told how I should feel now. That immediately shuts me down, because I'd be in a heap of trouble if I listened to everyone that did that, and it just kinda jars me out of the story, too. (This is even worse: And that actually meant something to Walter because it meant she remembered their long ago conversation about how it had hurt him when everypony was calling him a monster. --I doubt this otherwise fine sentence has ever heard of subtlety.) So in short, I think it would improve things to just let the characters' actions/dialogue speak for themselves just a bit more. Not too much, when the whole emotional conflict is seemingly the central point here...You of course may disagree, and whether or not you take that advice I will still read and enjoy the next chapter.
So please do make the next chapter?
P.S. "I really like yer mane!" made me laugh and squee at the same time.
365197 This comment made my lifetime! Thank you for taking time to review my story (even if it is only the first chapter)! The whoel first part of your comment made me smile, giggle, and it's the first time anyones ever described my lack of logic as "gutsy". Now, onto answering things!
1. Hah! Tell me about it, brother. I only have wordpad to write with and my brain isn't the most reliable spell checker or anything checker really. I try to revise things with the Word program at school but I don't always have enough time to make sure EVERYTHING is kosher. I promise the coming chapters will be... better.
2. I'm sorry! I truely am. I do most of my wriiting under the influence of forces beyond me and therefore usually tend to write too much. I've encountered this problem before and I'm working hard to correct it. Hopefully the next chapter wont be so wordy.
3. Again, I appologize. I don't mean to belittle my audience or make them feel like I'm spoon feeding them everything. It's just the way my writting comes out. Given my (writting) background, I haven't had much practice in writting with humility. Thank you for pointing it out. I'm still trying to work on evolving my style.
Thank you again for the fantastic review! I promise I will not abandon this project. Real Life has been a real writting deturant (and my Laptop crashed of ALL THE TIMES!) but I promise I will type this baby out even if my fingers bleed! Especially if my fingers bleed...
448428 Wow. Well, it makes my day that I made your lifetime.
And yeah, with the lack of response/updates I was a little worried you'd given up on this/left the site or whatever, so I'm really glad to hear it's due to RL/technical issues (though that stinks in its own way, sorry you have to deal with that 
).
Ah, I see. Lack of a spell/grammar checker would make a difficult task even more so. If the problem is purely you don't have/don't want to pay for Word you could try the Open Office suite. (Open Office Writer is basically a freeware equivalent of Word...) Or, I hear Google Docs does spell checking, though I've never used it myself...
Sure is nice to see that you take criticism so well.
And honestly, there's no need to be so apologetic about it; your desire to improve is more than enough. Both things are more a balance thing, rather than there being a concrete right and wrong way to do it...If you state everything as pointedly as possible, then you end up leaving out details and telling rather than showing; if you under-explain character motivation lots of stuff will flat out not make any sense. Point is, it's the kind of thing you expect to require tweaking, and very few people are going to instinctively hit the sweet spot (and of course it's all very debatable exactly where that is! 
) right out of the box...they're gonna tend one way or the other. And now hopefully you can begin the journey to a happy medium.
Ah, so you just write it as you think it. That makes a lot of sense with how this came out...and that has both its good and bad side. It might help just to re-read it one extra time, paying attention to where the story actually ends up going, so you can cut out redundancies that don't help you get there...
And on a side note, shortly after my original comment I actually read through Watchmen for the first time (y'know, it was always on my to-read list, but it would've been procrastinated till the twelfth of never if not for you and Ex-Nihilos making me want the proper backstory for your fics--and I'm really, really glad that I did, I think that's going to be sitting pretty as my fav graphic novel for a long time to come), and with the new insight into Rorschach's character, I no longer consider this scenario to be nearly as unlikely/illogical as I did...though it's still pretty out there, of course.
Yikes, this comment is a monster...let's just post this before it gets any more out of hand...
Love it
. I have a hard time writing, yet I look at your fic and it just seemed to explode into life upon the page. Love the shipping (so heartwarming that you could even picture this pair) and it made my heart melt how many people hated it. Keep trying, cause you got talent.
Mother always said, "no matter what you do- someone else could've done it better than you."
Mother always was right... Anyway, love the new chapter, can't wait for the next one!
Literally. Cannot wait. Spurs me to finish up that bloody chapter I've been working on for months.
I am surprised on how much I like this story. Please keep it up!
Well, glad to see you didn't fall off the face of the earth. I must say, this is a nice little project you have going here.
1429635 Daaaaw, Nihilos, you're so nice.
But there's no way this could ever be better than your series. Yours just blows my mind with how awesome it is. Still, thank you. I'll try to not make it another half a year or so until I post the next chapter. I've already got all kinds of ideas buzzing around. Especially for a Discorded Rorschach.
Thanks again!
Okay, why the buck does this have so many dislikes?
Well, I haven't read Rorschach in Equestria yet, but I really like this story. Keep up the great work
2976967
I agree, who the hell disliked this