Scootaloos Scooter Mark

by Lemoncupquakes

Scooter

Scootering was always one of Scootaloos favorite things to do, so she was sure this was her special talent.

She kicked for speed, did a 360, a side skate, and jumped of her scooter, over a tree, and landed back on her scooter safely.

"Did I get anything?"

"Hey, um, squirt, you might want to see for yourself"

She looked at her flank and there she saw her cutie mark.

It was a scooter with flames blowing behind it

"YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!"

"Woah, calm down, but now you can join that club of theirs"

"............. I will think about it"

"Still, first try. Impressive"

Comments

[Soft Shell]

The chapters....
They are so short....
I know how to fix it!
*Opens the story and writes Changelings and Muffins,
A few thousand times per chapter*
Perfection!

[That1Brony3]

Good story, too short, too fast

[Lemoncupquakes]

[Peachy Moon]

3403983 Do you sleep?

[Soft Shell]

3404081
Sleep?
Whats that.....,
and can i eat it?

[Lemoncupquakes]

3404119

LOL

[Mix-Tape Mare]

Sorry, love, but these aren't stories, these are Twitter posts. You're not giving your reader any sense of time or place; we don't know where they are half the time, or what anything looks like. At best, this is an outline for a story.

Slow down, and aim for two or three thousand words per chapter, with descriptive details -- not two hundred.

[Lemoncupquakes]

I'll work on it plus I came to this website in the first pale to improve my writing so I could be better in my writing class

[Soft Shell]

3404145
You, i like.
*Turns his head to the nearest pony and points at you*
This kids got spunk.

[lmagine]

Ahem.

JustImage initiates Review Mode:

This needs work. The details are lacking, the grammar is off in many places, the story was predictable, where in the world are they in some parts, Twilight parts are not needed, dialogue is very dull, the CMC won't just leave Scootaloo in the dust, Babs Seed the actor makes no sense without explanation and more depth, the pacing was way off, and their talents are over-used. Why didn't you do something a bit more original for their talents, than the obvious route?

This story needs alot of work.

[Mix-Tape Mare]

3404156
Well, then, the first step towards improving your writing, is to read others' stories to see how it's done. Let me steer you towards a few examples of what you should be aspiring towards:

A Taste of the Good Life, by Eakin

Adorkable Love, by Einhander

Letting Your Mane Down, by TheBandBrony

Light the Sky on Fire, by EquesTRON

On The Application Of Time And Motion Efficiency Studies To Initial Relationship Formation, by Estee

On Your Cutie Mark..., by Scantrel

Quizzical, by JMac

Triple Strength, by Cirrus Tail

[Lemoncupquakes]

[Lemoncupquakes]

>> JustImagine

Wow. Impressive I'm a bit confused, but I'll work on it