Chapter 14: Dinner?
There are occasions in life in which you find yourself speechless. They are rare, unexpected, but they exist. And the situation I found myself in at that very moment was definitely one of those moments.
So we all stood there; me and Three Peg in shocked silence and with open mouths, Two Peg with a look on his face like he had just seen an angel descend from heaven... and princess Luna.
At first, she only stared at Two Peg with a confused, blank expression. Then, a slight raise of her eyebrow gave way to an expression of puzzlement, followed by her eyes widening slightly as she undoubtedly realized what the young pony before her had just said; at least if the slight blush appearing on her face was an indication.
"Oh... I... oh dear. Puhh..." she actually blew her cheeks out for a moment in an effort to calm herself, "Well... Uhm... thank you very much?" she blinked her eyes several times, struggling to find words. "I wasn't aware that," she tilted her head slightly, "That I was... hot?"
Two Peg only grinned like a fool and nodded. "Totally!"
"Uhuh..." Luna's brow traveled up further but the slight flush didn't leave her face, not even when she turned to me with a slightly dazed look. "I... I should probably go back upstairs and prepare the bedding for tonight," she was actually nodding while still asking, "I think that would be a good idea, wouldn't it?"
"I guess?" I replied with an unmoving face, lost somewhere between amusement and a complete loss for words.
"Yes, yes... good." Luna nodded again and started to turn back to the stairs, eyes coming to rest upon the still-grinning Two Peg. "Uhm... Goodbye?"
"Bye!" Two Peg beamed and waved even though she was only standing a few feet away.
Luna continued to stare at him for another moment, brows knitting as she obviously tried her best to figure him out. Finally, she simply let her shoulders sag with a sigh, shook her head and headed back upstairs.
Seems I'm not the only one who gets overwhelmed at times. Who would have guessed?
I just pray she didn't hear what Two Peg said next. Because the moment she had walked up the stairs and disappeared from view he said, and I still cannot believe it myself even as I am writing it down, he said: "That is the hottest flank I have ever seen in my life!" he turned to me, "Who is she?!"
Luckily, Three Peg took this as an opportunity to smack his brother over the back of his head and I'll be truthful; he beat me to it.
"Hey!" Two Peg exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head, "What was that for?!"
"Are you insane?! Do you even know who that was just now?" Three Peg shouted at him.
"The most beautiful mare I have ever seen in my life?" his brother answered, still rubbing the back of his head.
"That was princess Luna herself! You can't just call someone like that hot in her face!"
"Well, she didn't seem to mind!"
"That doesn't make it right!"
"She's still hot though!"
"Are you even listening to yourself?! That's the bloody princess!"
I continued to watch the two brothers squabble, still not quite sure what to make of the situation. At least until something finally dawned on Three Peg.
"Wait!" he suddenly interrupted the fight with his brother and turned to me with big eyes. "Hold on! Did she just say 'prepare the bedding'?! Really?!"
"Please don't come to wrong conclusions," I groaned and buried my face in my hands.
"You're sleeping with the princess?!" Two Peg's mouth fell open and as I looked up I think he was about ready to cry, "That's so unfai-"
"I am not sleeping with anyone!" I interrupted him with a shout of agony. "Listen! She is a guest! Okay?! She's staying here for a while, and she'll be living under the same roof as I am. Nothing more! It's no big deal!" Yeah, living with an alicorn suddenly isn't that much of a deal... who was I even trying to kid at this point?
"No big deal?!" Three Peg stared at me, "Princess Luna herself is staying, no, sleeping at your place! How is that not a big deal?!"
"It's complicated, alright?!" I let my head drop into my hands again. "So please, in the name of all that is holy: Keep this quiet, will you?"
"Keep it quiet?" Three Peg gave me a frown, "Woody, this is Shoretrot! Ain't no place smaller than this!"
"I know! I know!" I sighed as I heard the unofficial slogan of Shoretrot, "But at least give me some time to come to terms with it! This is difficult for me too!"
"Can I come and see her again?"
I looked up at Two Peg with an expressionless face. "What?!"
Two Peg grinned at me with a face that beamed ignorance. "If she's going to stay here then I want to come and see her every day! I am going to date her!"
For a moment, I simply stared at Two Peg; trying to find words to express my exhaustion at him. At some point, I simply started to make wild hand gestures while alternating between looking at him and his brother. Finally: "Is he serious?! Really?!"
"Serious about what?" all three of us turned at those words. Silver Blossom had returned to the store and was looking at us from the door with a curious face. Though when we all turned to look at her, she flinched a little and suddenly seemed unsure of herself.
Three Peg looked her up and down in confusion and turned back to me, tilting his head in wonder. "Since when do you have a daughter?"
"She's not my daughter," I replied with a sigh as Silver Blossom flushed a bright red, "Silver Blossom, this is Two Peg and Three Peg. Peg brothers, this is Silver Blossom."
Silver Blossom raised her hand and waved at them with a nervous smile. "Hi."
"She's also going to stay here for a while," I continued with a tired voice.
"Uhm... okay," Three Peg raised an eyebrow while Two Peg still wore his dreamy expression, "are there any other guests we should know about?"
"Well..." I cringed a bit, but was cut short by the door to the kitchen opening and Rarity poking her head outside.
"Woodchuck?" she asked me with a kind smile, "You wouldn't happen to have some oregano?"
I rubbed my face with a small groan while Three Peg stared at her with surprise. "Second shelf above the sink, Rarity."
"Thank you!" she smiled at me again before finally spotting the others, "Oh, hello! Are you friends of Woodchuck?"
"Uhh... I guess?" Three Peg replied with a dumbfounded expression.
"That's nice!" Rarity beamed a smile at him and turned to Silver Blossom. "Did you tell the others that we're having dinner here?"
Silver Blossom nodded happily. "Dash and Applejack are coming over straight after they finished their work for today. Twilight still wants to prepare something but she'll come too."
I felt a small shiver run down my back. Undoubtedly Twilight Sparkle was preparing to question me on everything I knew about Silver Blossom and our race. I could only imagine the 'fun' that awaited me.
"Splendid!" Rarity continued. "Could you help me in the kitchen a bit? We could spend some quality girl time together!"
The frown that appeared on Silver Blossom's face at the words 'girl time' would forever stay in my memory. And if my day had been even slightly less troublesome, I would have had a hard time not to smirk at it. Right then and there though? What can I say? It had been a troublesome day.
"I... I guess I could?" Silver Blossom mumbled in reply and started to head to the kitchen.
Rarity smiled and ushered her through, beaming us a smile before she closed the door. "Bye!"
After the door had closed, we all just stood there for a moment. Me trying to keep track of my thoughts, Three Peg looking as dumbfounded as before, and Two Peg still with that dreamy grin on his face.
"So... let me get this straight," Three Peg finally spoke while rubbing his brow in confusion. "Not only is princess Luna herself staying at your house as your guest, but there's also another bearotaur and four other mares coming over for dinner I have never seen or heard of before?!" he gave me a blank expression. "What the buck is going on?!"
I let out another groan and sunk down onto the small stool I kept behind my counter. "If only I knew, Three Peg. If only I knew..." I sighed, "I think I'm starting to lose my mind."
"Uhuh," Three Peg mumbled before tilting his head again as he spotted the result of my morning shave, "what happened to your face?"
I'm not going to bore you with the exact conversation that followed from here on. Three Peg was curious who all the ponies were and why they were staying over at my place and I was reluctant to tell him because, just as he said it himself; it doesn't get any smaller than Shoretrot. And above all things I didn't want any rumors to spread like a wildfire throughout the little town. At least not any more than those probably already spreading from mouth to mouth.
And Two Peg? He simply stood there the entire time; dreamy expression imprinted into his face and continuing to rant about how princess Luna was the most beautiful, or in his words 'hot' mare he had ever seen.
At some point, I simply shoved two bottles of cider into their hooves and sent them home trying to hint at them to keep at least some quiet about the whole thing. I had decided that the whole situation was already running out of control enough as it was. No reason to fuel the flames any more. Not that it would have been possible at this point, but I liked to imagine that my efforts mattered.
The rest of the day went surprisingly quiet. A few customers showed up, bought a few things, made some idle chat with me, remarked or asked about the band aid on my face or the recent events; the stuff I'd usually expect.
Luna herself remained upstairs for quiet some time, but just as I was about to head up there and see what she was doing she came down again; a lot calmer than before and simply heading into the kitchen with a smile telling me she was going to help prepare dinner. She didn't even give me a chance to ask what she had done up there the entire time.
So the day continued. Me sitting behind my counter, serving my customers and starting to feel that old sensation of calm overcome me again. What was new though, but definitely welcome was the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen. It actually made me smile. And for a brief moment, I actually thought to myself that I could get used to it again. Not being alone, having someone to keep you company, being a part of other peoples', or in this case ponies' lives... It was nice.
At least until time for dinner actually came and the first of the other guests arrived.
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I hope they'll be called on how much they're ruining his life right now. All the things he said to Celestia about how when the Princesses and Element Bearers get involved things go wrong are all coming to pass. Celestia and Luna are especially at fault. They just forced themselves into his life without even a "may I?" Jerks.
Gosh. you just live off of cliffhangers, don't you?
was Luna.... "having fun" up there???
i hope we will get a little bit of discord later on
I'm surprised neither Three-Peg or Woodchuck smacked Two-Peg upside his head. Date one of the princesses, honestly. Boy thinks he can just date her because he said so and because she's 'hot'.
4224539 And so if you ever appear in equestria one way or another stay away from them. if you dont then at least never get involved with their shenanigans
Wait...
Luna made herself a new bathroom.
Luna went upstairs to "work" while Chuck minded the shop.
Luna went back upstairs to "prepare the bedding." For a very long time.
Chuck's going to have to ask for access to his "old" bedroom isn't he?
4224592
Look closely, it actually happened
be a dick to twilight, don't answer anything!
call them out on everything.
4224613
"Congratulations, Woodchuck! I've found and destroyed every one of your harmful cutting edges! Your neck shall remain safe on my watch!"
"Did you really have to bubble-wrap the picture frames and doorknobs?"
"Well, you seem very accident-prone."
So... at what point does some ancient evil, or a slightly deranged magic-wielding pony, pop up during dinner and start monologing about taking over this or destroying that?
I'm betting 20 bits that he doesn't sleep the night unmolested without Twilight trying to serendipitously sneak a midnight skin and hair sample from him while he's on the couch (all the bedrooms are occupied by guestponies donchaknow).
Brilliant as always!
...Hold on, I have to find a way to bring this story to release yet another chapter.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130101082611/powerlisting/images/6/69/Cole_Macgrath.jpg
Will this be enough?
CLEAR!
4224539
This. So much this!!
4224559 If she was, do we REALLY want to know?
>insert gif of Rainbow wiggling her eyebrows suggestively
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"Luna... Where is my bed?"
"Is mine not suitable? It is certainly not as grand as mine at the palace, but I am certain that it will accommodate."
"You... You're completely innocent aren't you?"
Shit's getting on now
hooray! my Day of Boredom has come to an end! aaannnddd, there it is again
If I were one of the Peg brothers, I'd say this to Woodchuck:
"This herd you got... I don't know whether I should be jealous or happy for not being you."
It's his house, thus his property. He can legally tell them to pack up and shove off.
I believe that the townsfolk would be on his side, Princess' orders or no.
*reads authors note*
Yes! Faster slave, work harder!
*cracks whip*
Ah, the innocence of youth.
Love it.
i'm wondering, how come he hibernates? i mean, it has nothing to do with human biology. Or is it an effect of equestria like in 'human' (Danny J)? where by it's nature as a universe rigged on tv-causality, pointing things out, even (or especially) offhandedly are "taken as world-building" thus becoming part of reality. e.g. some of second's powers. Is either that or humans are unknowing reality warpers
4224539
This comment.
And he was right all allong: introductions by trespassing, using conexions to avoid the legal system, harassment, getting kidnapped by changelings then the "agreement" between him and celestia. I'm surprised he is even allowing them to stay.
OMC, Woodchuck has gone down the same path as many anime men have gone before, the unwanted harem.
I just hope it doesn't end for him like it did for Seina.
4224550 FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON LETS READ DIARY OF A STORE CLERK!
... If you didn't read that in an HCBailly voice, theres something wrong with you.
Poor Woodchuck is doomed to forever be a fish out of water.
For our amusement.
We are truly evil gods.
(Kinda like the gods of Ragnarok from that one Sylvester McCoy Doctor Who episode... Does that mean the Doctor's gonna show up and blow us up for tormenting creatures from fictional worlds?)
this is getting very interesting
good story
I still feel these chapters would benefit from longer versions. More... potential for different smaller plots maybe? Something like that, I guess its more focused than a story with longer chapters though. I just wish there was more.
Don't leave me here. I need the next one.
Part of her title, needs to be 'Princess Luna'
Heh... sounds like I've been turned into a pony, by the name of Two Peg.
4224757 Yes.
I can't wait to see what the final forms of what the rumour will be.
It'll start of from the pegs, and soon it will go full purple monkey dishwasher.
HE'S BACK.
4224833 If something like this doesn't happen, I'm calling shenanigans.
I've said it before, I'll say it again(and probably not for the last time) Poor Woodchuck.
I wonder if his hibernating has anything to do with calling hmself a bearataur. Maybe if he went with apeatur or something then hibernating wouldn't be an issue.
Poor guy just want some Peace, quiet and space for himself.
He should have known this day was coming. Being one of the few humans in that world by default meant everything would turn upside down on his head.
I can't wait for the ponies to get their comeuppance here. They're being so selfish and pushy that it's making me hate Silver Blossom as the object of their pushiness. Like an ugly sweater gift that your grandma makes you wear. This is one of my favorite ongoing stories right now, but man, let Woodchuck catch a break.
He lives! Loving this story, looking forward to more! :D
4224704
"I must get some samples, for science!"
"Oh, uh, hehe, I was just, er, checking to see if you were okay!" 
"Uh... Twilight... what are you doing?"
"Well, I was just fine until you woke me up by climbing all over me..."
"Hehe, sorry. OkaythenWoodchuckgoodnight!"
*poink*
"OUCH! Motherf-"
4231017
I hope that wasn't a nasal hair, yanking those are frickin painful and your eyes water with sorta-tears.
Though, it's almost too adorkable picturing Twilight with a little petri dish, acting all ninja-like with a scraper to get some skin flakes, a floating pair of tweezers at the ready with a small sample baggie too. Would need to have her tounge sticking out the side just a touch, ears flicking up and down at the slightest noise while glancing from her work to the sleeping giant of a man.
...and then Pinkie silently rises up behind her...
4224539
Gonna have to agree with this. They've basically commandeered his entire livelyhood without giving a single care as to his own thoughts on the matter. And if they say he just let them do so, it could easily be countered with the fact that Celestia and Luna being royalty gives him no choice in the matter. If he said no, they could just do so anyway and legally make his life hell by the fact that they are royalty and the highest authority in the land. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he just packed up and left one day.
4224539
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4232687
But then again, he did actually accept in the end. He was going to refuse to hell and back and never stop saying no, until he learned of Silver Blossom's existence. Now, while he could still kick them all out of his life, it would mean condemning SB to never learning about her own heritage and identity, and he just can't bring himself to be such a dick to an innocent little girl he just met.
And yes, while they could still ask of him that he writes a 'guide to humans' and send it to them or something (or any other way for Silver Blossom to learn about her species without invading his life), you try to come up with a way to say "Yeah we're the only two specimens of our race around, and I'd be happy to teach you all about it, but I just don't want anything to do with you or any of your friends so can you all please just go away?" to a young girl's face without sounding like a spineless asshole.
The man's got a conscience, you know... It might be digging him an early grave, but it's still there.
4232687
I think you guys take this comedy a liiiitle too seriously.
No
manbearotaur is an island...otaur. It's true that the ponies have blown into Chuck's life like a hurricane, and we're seeing the awkward first few days as they trample all over his bachelor lifestyle. They're overbearing and tactless. But Chuck hasn't even reached for his broom once since they showed up. He might be scared of the trouble that follows them, but maybe he doesn't mind the company as much as he lets on.4234031
Yeah, well I got one too. I tell it to shove it.
Just FYI.
Brought here by one of my fellow prohuman companions. I am interested in the story, and the summary is enough to intrigue the browsing rewder into putting the story on the Read Later list.
Hey! Your story contains a Tweedledee and Tweedledum! Huzzah!! I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Keep up the good work!
As always, entertaing, but i have a recomendation, make the chapters longer, even if we have to wait more time, i would prefer longer chapters.
Yup, it's the Weasley brothers.
4252794 you mean tweedledum and tweedledumber